My Healing Journal: From Once Broken to I AM

By Raquel Mckenzie

We are all unique, and no person’s healing journey will be the same as another. As you heal, you will find the blueprint for your own journey.

My healing Journal from Once Broken to I Am is not to give anyone a specific way to heal.

It is to show you how my healing experiences were unique. A unique experience that takes me on a journey of finding myself.



The one that brings victory home to self is you and only you.



Despite your adversities, the online bullying, the slanders, gossip, and lies. Despite where you started in life you can be victorious.



Spiritual warfare is real and it's time we talk about it.



“If I can do it with all my hardships since birth, you can do it too.”

This book is filled with poetry, inspirational stories and a notebook.



This book talks about:

•Healing through child abuse, domestic violence spiritual warfare, miscarriage , other sensitive topics and what society called mental illness.



This books talks about:



• Mental health therapist



• Energy therapy



• Self-awareness



• Self-love



• following your intuition



• Embarcing your uniqueness




• The importance of the spiritual self



• The beauty of finding your authentic self. And be unapologetically about it. Embrace your uniqueness, the self that bring victory home in all areas of life.



• You can be unbreakable, unshakable, and unstoppable.



The notebook provides:



A vision board of ideas on how to start healing
Self-awareness
Self-love and accountability

• Language: English
• Publisher: 991 South West Infinity
• Release date: Aug 4, 2023
• ISBN: 9781662939808

Book preview

Chapter One

AUTHENTICITY

The most influential person is the most genuine. The core task of healing is to become the accurate, authentic version of yourself. Authenticity is not about perfection. It is about owning who you are wholeheartedly without guilt and shame. Achieving an authentic self means becoming the core of who you are and demonstrating this unapologetically while honoring and respecting others in the process. You will set healthy boundaries and stay grounded while remaining compassionate and loving, without fearing being taken advantage of. You will no longer give a damn about what others think of you. Sadly, most of us, like myself, connect with people and the environment at a time when we have no boundaries. Take off the public mask that is covering the authentic you. It is crucial on your spiritual path to be courageous and embrace who you are without the fear of losing people and places. A closed door indicates that your old self is dying and your true core of self is rising. Let your words be followed by decisive action; own who you are and demonstrate it. Burn down every bridge, if you must, and use those ashes to pave your path.

MY UNHEALED VERSION

My public mask was impatient, controlling, manipulative, a perfectionist, a people pleaser, naive, and a pushover.

WHY?

I struggled with fears, ADHD, procrastination, insecurities, anxiety, depression, Phobia disorder, Selective mutism, worthlessness, and a need for validation from others. My anxiety was so bad that it caused panic attacks and depersonalization, often triggered by a traumatized nervous system. You will never find peace living under a mask. Your soul will be in continuous mourning. I was always overthinking, nervous, impatient, and worrying about the worst, and I was never consistent when it came to myself. I had no boundaries, and I had a lazy spirit. These were all rooted in childhood traumas I did not know I could have healed.

MY HEALED VERSION

Without my mask, I am free-spirited, compassionate, empathic and resilient. I am also rebellious and outspoken—especially when greatly underestimated. I enjoy emerging from my bubble to correct misunderstandings about me based on my kind nature. The world might say being rebellious is not a good thing. But I am rebellious, and I own it unapologetically. Ignorance has no boundaries, and neither does silence; let that sink in.

BEING NAIVE

Being naive and playing naive are two different energy sources.

My naivety was a cry for help. As an empathic person, I did everything I could not to inflict or let anyone feel the pain I had endured. I wanted everyone around me to feel safe. Instead, I attracted people who were broken, like myself. People who inflicted more pain and suffering on me because I had no boundaries. I believed that if I could heal everyone around me, I could redeem myself from feeling worthless and would finally receive the love and support I so deeply craved from my family.

UNDERSTAND THIS!

Being naive is not cute, nor is it a good thing. It is a cry for help. Being naive makes it easy for others to manipulate you. You will attract the wrong people into your life until you start valuing yourself and setting healthy boundaries. Being naive will only traumatize you more; it will be the most potent reason for your demise. Being overly nice in the hope that others will change and treat you better allows others to demolish your entire being. It is not your job to save anyone, and it is not anyone else’s job to save you or make you happy. This was my biggest learning experience. The unhealed traumas I was carrying, and which I was masking by being naive, were attracting destructive people into my life. I was stuck in a childlike mindset, at the age of my biggest childhood betrayal, and this perpetuated a continuing cycle of betrayal until I healed and moved on from that version of myself.

PLAYING NAIVE

Playing naive and acting like you have no clue what others are doing so they can reveal who they are is a wise decision. But I’ve learned not to entertain such energy. I have learned to use my discernment decisively and remove myself from that experience sooner rather than later.

NO!

Learn how to say no and be unapologetic about it. Be decisive; if you do not want to explain, don’t. No is a complete sentence. You owe no one an explanation, nor do you have to negotiate your boundaries. You are not selfish. You are choosing what makes you comfortable, and that is one of the most important vitamins for your soul. Start nourishing your soul, not other people.

OUR DARKNESS

Our darkness cannot be destroyed, nor can our light. We need the darkness to find the light. We cannot hate, resent, resist, or abandon our darkness because it is a part of who we are. We must embrace it, understand it, and become self-aware, then heal with compassion. We must learn how to balance our darkness with our light. If you are abandoning or disowning your darkness, you are abandoning a part of yourself.

MY DARKNESS

I was abandoning my darkness, which meant I was abandoning myself. Which meant people would come into my life and abandon me. I was one of the most sadistic people when hurt. I knew how to use my words in a subtle but vicious way to hurt, destroy, and manipulate. I had to learn how to transmute that sadistic nature into compassion. I had to step out of my feelings and view things logically. I had to understand that my negative emotions were real, but they were not reality. The feelings I was carrying around were from unhealed traumas I was addicted to. I had to embrace my darkness and heal, so I would no longer be intransigent. The old version of myself had to go, and I programmed my mind to believe this. I did not like who I was or how I handled situations, which led me to explore a more compassionate resolution. One that was in alignment with my soul.

SEPARATION IS AN ILLUSION

We are three in one; our mind, heart, and spirit must be in alignment. Once they’re aligned, we can and will activate our power. Our power is the core of who we are. It is our soul. There can be no separation within us. If there is, our life will be in total disarray. We are not a religion, we are not our job, and we are not society. We are on an individual journey heading toward the same destination called SELF. Within us is our blueprint called uniqueness. Find it, embrace it, and do not be ashamed of it. The illusion of separation must be healed from within.

HEALING

When you start healing, no matter where you are or who you are around, you will no longer change to please others. You would rather lose those people and places because your peace of mind is too important. You will no longer make yourself uncomfortable for anyone. Those who were used to taking you for granted will have no choice but to acknowledge your growth. Your growth will make them either move out of your way or remove you from their lives.

Some people will try to make you feel guilty for choosing growth over toxic behavior. It is okay to outgrow people. Protecting your emotional, spiritual, and mental health takes courage and self-love. Spiritual growth is about purifying your soul, unlearning toxic behavior, and becoming authentic. The loss I experienced on this journey was worth it because gaining peace of mind has been my most significant accomplishment.

WHERE I AM NOW

I am the happiest I have ever been. For the past two and a half years, I have not experienced my former panic attacks, depersonalization, anxiety, or depression. I am now coming out of my procrastination. Seeking validation from others no longer drives my life. Regardless of the consequences, I act based on what my soul requires not on what others demand of me. I make firm decisions that free my soul, and I trust my choices; whatever comes must come, and whatever goes was meant to go. I will never return to that fear-based, locked mindset. I am good enough; I am worthy of limitless abundance. Once you get a taste of the Divine light, Holy Spirit, spiritual orgasm, or whatever you choose to call it, there is no going back.

Did I know the authentic version of myself? Yes, but I was hiding it because of fear. This makes the consequences of my actions harder because I knew better but I allowed fear to take over. Regardless of where you started in life or what mistakes you’ve made, you need to decide who you are and wholeheartedly accept that. Take daily action and demonstrate who you are; that will be your most significant accomplishment.

I am not that ordinary person any longer; I am extraordinary. What others believe can only happen for them in ten years will happen for me in less. I will not allow myself to be in any category of limited belief. My mind can no longer be caged, and every unreasonable belief has no choice but to exit my life. I am the true definition of do not fit in, and I love it. I will never hide my true self ever again. We live in a world where embracing your uniqueness activates bullies. We need to stand up against that. I take a stand against such behavior by embracing my uniqueness, which is my greatness. I will no longer hide or dumb down my authenticity to fit in.

I have now entered a stage in life of speedy restoration. I will not accept anything else. Tell your fears, your insecurities, and your negative, locked mindset to get out of your life. Put on your armor and go to war, if you must. But do not allow those restraints to control your life. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression at fourteen years old. After I embraced and demonstrated my true self wholeheartedly and trusted in the unknown, my panic attacks, depersonalization, anxiety, and depression broke up with me. I did not wait around for them to come back, either. They no longer have access to my life; I set them free without judgment and unconditional love.

There were a few occasions during public speaking when performance anxiety tried to gain access to my life. Those are the days I relied on my rebellious energy. I know my spiritual purpose, and fear can no longer hold me back. Whatever path the Divine sets me on will be cleared of obstacles by him once I trust the process.

I am now growing into the true core of myself, and I therefore know what I deserve. What must come in my life must come without any question. These opportunities are rightfully mine, and there can be no doubt, no what if, and no waiting.

Wearing a mask is becoming a thing of the past for me. God (the Divine, the universe, the creator, or whichever name you choose to use) does not and will not give us a watered-down version of anything. Nor will he accept that from us. Everything in life is about balance, and that balance starts from within.

Your mask will not save you; it is the intention behind the mask you wear that determines your reward.

SO, I ASK…

Who are you when the world is watching, and how do you feel?

Who are you when no one is watching, and how do you feel?

What are the intentions behind the things you do?

EXAMPLE

Even if you say the most powerful words to the masses, it is the energy behind your words, not the words themselves, that will influence either unity or division. You can go to church seven days a week and feed the homeless in the street, but it is the energy driving your actions that will be returned to you; that is the reward you reap.

ACCOUNTABILITY

Everything is on me. It is on me if I am not happy. If I stay stuck in a repeated toxic cycle, it is on me. I have the free will to change direction. I must hold myself accountable for my actions and for what I allow, and I must make the decisions to change. I have to deal with myself daily, and I must therefore be the best version of myself. Stepping out of my comfort zone made me highly uncomfortable. I wish I’d known earlier in life that it was normal—expected, even—to feel uncomfortable. Knowing this would have erased most of my overthinking and fears. I knew I would not find success in my comfort zone, so I had to step out into the uncomfortable unknown. I had to focus on the goal and not the obstacles. I had to keep my tunnel vision on the finish line, believing without a doubt that no matter what the challenges were, I would win. I could only achieve this by doing