Pink is the New Black; When an Old Hurt becomes a New Healing

By Phillip Hawkins

Life is uncertain, but time and change remain our constant companions. Time measures each step we take only to have our footsteps covered by the winds of change as we move from one new experience to another. Learning is a journey that will always take us into the unknown, a place of uncertainty where the light of what we already know is a distant memory. We can feel unsure, lost and alone, but this where we must come, in order to learn and be healed.
Fear guards the door that stands before us; knowledge and understanding are the guardians of the keep wherein lies all that is, and all that can be, but we must first find the courage to challenge our fears, unlock the door and face the unknown that waits within. In doing so we are able to break free of our ignorance and fear and experience the healing of the past that only knowledge and understanding of our true self can bring.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BadgerDesign
• Release date: Apr 8, 2016
• ISBN: 9781311019691

Phillip Hawkins

A little of my background: A skilled tutor and trainer with significant experience gained developing, delivering and managing training programmes for a wide range of organizations, and groups with complex training/educational/social needs. An effective manager of personnel and resources, with strong negotiating and interpersonal skills, organised and flexible in approach to work ensuring action taken to respond to changing circumstances. Excellent analytical and presentation skills with the ability to define and support the aims and needs of the individual and the organization, experienced at working under own initiative or as part of a team. Support Worker: Secure Psychiatric Unit Support worker in a private 26 bed female only rehabilitation psychiatric hospital. Working alongside medical personnel providing patients with around the clock care that includes supported interventions, one to one and two to one line of sight/arms length observations. Assisting the NIC with the administration of medication and controlled drugs. General duties: maintaining security within the unit and supporting patients whilst out in the community. Specialist Tutor: Learning Curve To advise in the setting up the role of in-house specialist tutor. The role would involve working with on-line learners who have learning disabilities and complex needs. To provide information and guidance to trainers and assessors, in addition to the teaching resources to help the learners complete their on-line qualification in an agreed timescale. Support Worker/Compliance Auditor Dimensions Initially working in a residential setting with adults who have Autism/Learning difficulties who live independently but because of their educational, social and emotional needs can exhibit challenging behavior that requires a high level of support, guidance and mentoring. Seconded to auditors role as part of a national compliance audit team with responsibility for 28 services in the Tyne/Tees region, ensuring the level of service provided within those services meets CQC and Dimensions standards of care and support. Trainer/ Tutor: TEAM Wearside As an employability tutor delivering NCFE/City and Guilds employability programmes to students/clients with complex needs. Programme content included H&S, equality and diversity, personal development and Safeguarding for Entry level/Level 1 & 2. Seconded to Castlegreen Special Educational and Social Needs Community School as part of their existing centre of excellence, liaising with SFL and Apprenticeship teams within TEAM Wearside and external agencies working towards achievement for the learners including further qualifications, whilst assisting them to gain self confidence, work experience, access to FE or employment and independent living status. Tutor: Bishop Auckland College Developing training programmes for accreditation by the Open College Network (T.R.O.C.N.) delivering courses / programmes on Personal Safety, Aggression Management, and Assertiveness as part of the college curriculum and also to the private sector. Working with Foundation Learning E2E, and groups with learning and social difficulties, basic skills, numeracy and literacy based portfolio building and Skills for Life and NCFE employability programmes. Tutor: New College Durham Part of the Summer School team; delivering Reiki/personal development training to the high risk and vulnerable inmates with educational and social needs at Frankland Maximum Security Prison. Tutor: Education in the Community Developing Reiki training programmes to accreditation standards (T.R.O.C.N.). Developing and delivering Personal Development and Skills for Life courses as part of the A.C.L. Education in the Community Programme. Care Worker: Agency work Working in a wide range of care environments, care homes, nursing homes, EMI units, hospitals/hospice, and in the clients own homes. Duties included personal care, cooking and cleaning, supervising social days out, client health and safety, administering medication and liaising with nursing/medial personnel. Lecturer University of Sunderland Training Connexions personal advisers; responsible for delivering and presenting Connexion’s Programme, preparing training courses, assessing students.

Book preview

Chapter 1 - When An Old Hurt Becomes A New Healing

Introduction

The path of personal and spiritual development is never straight forward and based on my own experience it’s a path full of pot holes and pit falls. Delays and detours are in abundance sufficient to test the patience of any would be saint. I’m neither saint nor sinner, perfect or imperfect; I am simply a work in progress as I struggle to get to know the stranger that lives my life. In the process I hope to become a better person, not better than anyone else, simply a better person than I was yesterday, hopefully watched over by a universe that is guiding my faltering steps.

The title of this book ‘When an old hurt becomes a new healing’ reflects a personal need and desire to heal the past. I am a survivor of childhood abuse and neglect, this particular spectre cast a long shadow over my life. There are no visible scars to see but the psychological scars I carry run very deep and are testament to a harsh painful childhood and the suffering inflicted by those who should have loved and cared for me. Healing is neither magical nor miraculous it’s a process made possible through the power of knowledge and understanding. A process that raises our awareness, at the same time bringing a deeper understanding, of who we are, the events and circumstances that helped create the person we have become without the need for blame or self recrimination.

As strange as it may seem the healing brought about by the writing of this book has helped me to acknowledge a debt of gratitude to the person responsible for the damaged caused in my childhood and formative years. That person was my mother. I have long since forgiven her for what happened but as yet I can’t in all honesty say that I love her which is in itself evidence that I still have a way to go on this particular leg of my journey. I was only able to forgive when I began to replace my anger and hatred with knowledge and understanding. Putting blame and judgement to one side I forced myself to detach from the emotions I was feeling and asked the question ‘If I am this person who and what made me this way’. 

I began to educate myself as to what happened and why, and the more I learnt the more compassion I felt for the person who had caused so much trauma in my life. I gained both understanding and perspective that enabled me to see her in a completely different light. Her childhood was far worse than anything I had experienced, she suffered the effects of an extremely