Murture: (Awaken Your New Creature of Well-Being to Mature Through Holy Nurture)

By Susan Frink Anderson

Are you in a rut spiritually and emotionally? Do you feel a part of you has become lost, hidden, or imprisoned behind a façade you present to the world? Has addiction or trauma left you feeling broken? As a former teacher and therapist, Anderson understands those feelings and has developed Murture—a system to help you reconnect with your true self, with your inner spirit, and with God.

Through specific case studies and personal experience, Anderson presents the steps you need to take to feel whole again; in this book, she outlines what you can start doing today to reunite your life with God’s image of you. Developing a real connection with your true self will lead you onto a path where STEPS will be directed in balance with awakening to your full identity that leads you to fulfill your destiny:

• Living life at a higher level of consciousness with love that is given freely and unconditionally
• Healing all the wounds left from the past
• Developing a confident inner nature with no need to compare, prove, or defend yourself to anyone
• Listening to others without judging, and speaking the truth lovingly
• Evolving spiritually to recognize the unconditional love God offers
• Finding purpose and meaning in life from a new creature perspective

By opening this book, you are saying that you are ready to stop sleepwalking through life; you are willing to dig deeply into your insecurities and leave them behind. God made you for more than you are currently achieving. Embrace Murture and find the truth of what God desires and has planned for you.

Susan Frink Anderson, M.A. in Educational Psychology and M.A. in Counseling, is a licensed psychotherapist in private practice. She has trained extensively in healing relational trauma to help others find their true self as God sees them. She is passionate about setting the captives free from false beliefs that block the truth of their spiritual identity and obstruct their ability to see and feel unconditional love from Divine Source of Light and Power.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Susan Frink Anderson
• Release date: Aug 26, 2018
• ISBN: 9780463530993

Susan Frink Anderson

Counselor, Educator, Author, Speaker. Wife for over 50 years to my best friend. Mother for 39 years to two amazing sons and now two amazing daughters in the women they married. Grandmother to two lovely girls and one boy. Friend and helper to many....support and loving encourager to all. I love people and enjoy seeing them be the best they can be. I am a strong believer in God and His Amazing Power of love given freely to all humans when they accept it. God’s love directs and inspires me through a spiritual and relational connection that is personal and guides my speaking and writing.

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Endorsements

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All I can say is Wow! Murture is like pouring the healing balm of Gilead upon your heart, mind and soul! Susan Anderson’s authenticity and love for Christ reaches to the depths of your soul to inspire and encourage you to deal with the hurts, habits and hang-ups of your past or present and offer hope for today and future. Murture is where truth meets reality. Susan gives practical, valuable life applications that motivate you to pursue your own God-given destiny and provides the tools to keep you tuned up! This book will transform your heart by learning how to live a promise filled life. I love living from Swine to Divine and so will you!

Sheila Rhodes

CEO of JesusGlitter

www.jesusglitter.com

My marriage, my family, and my relationship to God have gone through deep transformation under the counsel of Susan Anderson. It is a beautiful thing to see the ideology out of which her influence flows. This book is a soul-download of wisdom and perspective!

Laura Register, In Restoration, Colorado Springs

When you live with Murture, you are balanced and aligned within God’s laws…He sees you finished. Therefore, it is His job to reconnect all the wiring and your job to believe, receive, and conceive of your restoration."

Murture is an incredible concept and book that focuses on truly seeking what God desires and wants – which is complete restoration to wholeness as He has intended. Susan Anderson is a gifted therapist and writer who does not shy away from the difficult path of becoming one’s authentic self. She not only facilitates the healing process, but she has done the hard work in her own life and knows first hand the joy of being awakened to the whole person that God desires for all.

Susan takes the reader through the process of recognizing the masked self, understanding why there is so much pretending in life and fear of the true authentic self, how to develop and awaken into wholeness and understand one’s true identity with God. She uses an insightful spirit-led and spirit-filled approach that should one truly do the work she requests through journaling and self-reflection, it is impossible to emerge from reading this book as the same person.

Angie Witt, N.C.C., LPC, wife, and Mom to two amazing boys

Dedication

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Author’s Note

The case studies that I have used in this book are composites of real stories from real people. Names have been changed to keep anonymity and protect the privacy of confidentiality. Each story is given and shared generously by those who offered permission to disclose them for the sole purpose of helping others. My personal sharing and input has been given with the same resolve. I am humbled by the benefit of being the carrier of all these powerful stories and dedicate them to honor their experiences. They are the heroes who dared to choose new life.

Behind the stories written in this book are the stories told by famous authors in the field such as John Bradshaw, Pia Mellody, Tian Dayton, Bessel VanderKolk who are longtime pioneers in understanding trauma and how to help those impacted by it. I am indebted to reading all of their books and the research they have done. I also owe a debt of gratitude to Doug Weiss, who taught me so much about addictions and allowed me to be part of a clinical team dedicated to digging deeper into helping those caught up in those issues find recovery.

Finally, I dedicate this book to my husband who has always been a huge support to me since I met him in high school, aiding me personally and professionally. Our family includes our two sons, their fabulous wives and our amazing grandchildren. This circle of love has been and continues to be my best human resource of maturity and teaching wholeness from the way they give and receive unconditional love (to me and each other).

For further information or resources, contact Susan Frink Anderson on the Web at www.muture.com or at www.lifehouserestoration.com

LIVING BEYOND OR TRANCE-ENDING LIVING

Preface

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Whose who do you think you are ? Whose kid are you really? Who owns you and with whom do you identify or belong to? Are you feeling alone, misunderstood, or under the influence of pleasing others or needing their stamp of approval? Are you a loner, avoiding intimacy with others, and/or lacking a real connection with anyone? Are you so busy with activities or social engagements that you rarely spend time alone with you ? Is your identity secure ? Has it been stolen, lost, or robbed? Are you kidding others? Does your inner little kid come out to shock you and embarrass you at times?

When someone asks you a question about who you are, how do you respond? Of course, you may be thinking that it depends on their emphasis or who is asking the question. My contention is that every adult human is responsible to know who they are and where they came from no matter who is asking or what the circumstances are at the time. When you are confident in who you are, it changes how you think and keeps you mindful and more in balance of yourself. Then, other things are more stable around you. Centered thinking is responsive, not reactive, while still being spontaneous and moderate.

When you are unsure, uncertain, or confused about who you are, there are unlimited ways those uncertainties get filled in for you (often with chaos or things that do not help). For example, if your identity is dependent on a role you have (mother, teacher, business owner, good friend, etc.), that will be your focus and determine how others perceive you. Typically, you will format yourself to those roles first and condition yourself to operating mostly within those systems. If your identity is confused or constructed on other’s ideas about you based on your behavior, such as nice person, jerk, loser, intellectual, and so forth that will be the main focus.

Again, you will conform yourself to the expectations others have of you. Your thinking will reinforce those thoughts. When there is insecurity in who you are inside yourself, the external world will always fill in all those holes with opinions, ideas, judgments, labels, and all kinds of conditions that are internalized and believed over time. When your identity is founded on what others think or what you have been told about yourself, you create a mask from those adaptations. Like any mask, if you wear it all the time, people will only know you by the façade you present, so they will treat you as you appear. This mask is actually a false self and is full of conscious and unconscious thoughts that mix up, mess up, and drive your true self underground. When we repress or suppress our true feelings, they are put in lockdown in our subconscious. The false self is then the one presented while covering and built on top of the vaulted, buried true self.

The true self is always there waiting to be awakened and made fully known, but many people hide from the true self living in favor of what others say about them or how others experience them. It seems easier and safer to go along in order to get along than to try to be real, exposing oneself to vulnerability and all other kinds of not so good feelings. Being accepted is a strong need for all humans. People do not want it to be known that they feel rejected, or fear being left out, not recognized, embarrassed, guilty, or judged. So, they hide behind their mask.

Words of warning: if you are not interested in knowing you as you were created to be and to live, do not read this book. If you are afraid that finding the real you in the midst of all the mess is too daunting a task for you, put the book down and step away from it right now. This book is not for sissies or for those who are lazy, preferring to keep living their unconscious, false life. It is not for those who are fearful of taking off the mask or are unwilling to go down into the mine of their inner being with the purpose of digging down to uncover their true self. However, here are words of hope: if you would love to live in a real and authentic way that feels free and is not based on the conditions of what others think, this book is for you. This book gives you permission to unlock the vaults where you have hidden parts tucked away, parts that might even have stinky shame associated with them, parts that were violated long ago, or parts that still suffer from painful memories. All of these parts have something to say: the truth. These parts are buried and hidden from love, and they are all part of your true self. They all need nurture and invitations to the party that celebrates who you really are when exposed to the light. Yes, I am encouraging you to be vulnerable enough to invest in a journey into the center of you—shedding off old layers that are heavily laden with fear, shame, judgments, and other negative energy.

Words of encouragement: if you willingly enter into the internal journal that is you, you will find a story that is life giving both to you and to others. All your pain can be counted as joy and released to help others on the path. Pathology and dysfunctional thinking will be eliminated, and you will feel healthier, wealthier, and well in all ways. This true self in you has great news for your spirit! Here it is: "You are amazingly filled with inherent worth and value. There is a Creator who made you that way and loves who you really are unconditionally and eternally. You are a ‘Pearl of Great Price’ at your core, having seeds of greatness contained in that core. Removing the layers of lies and false beliefs will expose you to the truth, and the truth will set you free to live a new life under the influence of a Parent of real love who will bring your spirit to life and awaken you to new thoughts about yourself and others. You will discover as you uncover that you need to do nothing to earn this love and that it cannot leave or abandon you once you see, feel, and begin to sense His presence in ways you never could have imagined! All your fears will subside and the guilt will be lifted so that you can stay in the light and share its abundance with others."

You may have heard this great news before since it comes from a messenger of love called Christ. You may have heard it from others who speak of love that is universal and believe there is a God who is all-loving, all-caring, and who wants to be known to you personally. I had heard those messages

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before, as well. For me, unfortunately, I heard the messages from the personality of humans, instead of personally from the real Author of the truth and love. I heard the message of duality from Christians that I could get saved if I believed in Jesus while I also heard that Jesus had an angry dad who was ready to punish and was mad at those who did not obey His commands. From the other religions and new age beliefs, I heard all sorts of mixed messages, human doctrines, and theories about God, as well. I knew a lot about God and who humans said God was and how they interpreted Scripture or Holy writings. There was a lot of information to sort through. I was trying to figure out what it all meant so I could understand God, human behavior, and me. After all, I had a job as a therapist that required that. Honestly, the more books I read (and I have read hundreds or more) and the more courses I took, the more I understood and believed, but somehow I still needed more information. As hard as I believed, the knowledge never cut through the surface to become deep, internalized, relational, and connected.

I tried harder and worked harder at making it happen. What I did not know well enough was that it had nothing to do with my performance or behavior, but had everything to do with who I am and whose child I really am. I began to search for significance in God and find significance through that spiritual avenue. I got up early every morning, and journaled enough to write a hundred of my own books. That helped, but I still felt empty in the relationship. I had all the knowledge but lacked full intimate connection. I even knew the words—the words that were intimately given from Christ Himself—along with the promises of that connection. He came to show the way we could live if we were born again in the Spirit of His identity.

It was so confusing! I was still thinking of it in terms of doing something more: walking out a new kind of life or dying to my self—all those familiar Christian mantras. Christians have a way of talking that sounds like they know what they are talking about but it is often just parroting others. It sounds good, but

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doesn’t feel real much of the time. I am not belittling Christians because I have worked in churches, and I am confident the people all want what I wanted. They do their best to seek, find purpose, evangelize others, and spread the word. However, I rarely noticed the difference in their personal lives that measured up to the words of the life Christ promised to believers.

That is the problem with most humans. The focus is most often on their do more than their who. Sometimes, it may even sound right to say that God has a purpose for you. You begin to strive to find that purpose and let it drive you. I tried that and ended up busier than ever but still lacking what I was seeking. I looked the part and even had a fruitful counseling ministry, but I knew something was still missing. There is nothing that will exhaust a person like being a

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human on a mission to serve God with purpose first while carrying an insecure identity tucked away inside their own being. Unfortunately, it hurts the individual who is doing it and those they are trying to help. Meanwhile, the mission is often lost.

The next part of my seeking journey led me to some broken folks who needed real help. By broken people, I mean addicts. They were using the church I was in at the time to meet for their 12-step meetings, but most would not come to church on Sunday. They were shame-filled and guilt-filled and could not live life more than one day at a time. Looking back, I now see that when you seek you will find. The ironic part was that I needed these people more than they needed my help as a facilitator. They were broken and they knew how broken they were. I knew I was broken, but unlike them, I did not know how broken down I was—after all, I had never had an addiction (or, so I thought). Soon, I began to understand who God really is and who I am to Him. I was a broken human just like them.

I knew I was no better than any other human in God’s eyes. What was missing, however, is that I had never had to go way into my cellar-dweller parts to dig up the bottom of the barrel residue (deposits of stinkin’ generational thinkin’). Previously, I had only a thin layer of understanding of my life as a Christian. I was under the influence of a false belief that I could build my life on top of a toxic waste dump. I believed I could leave the past behind and create a life different from the violence and insanity of the past that I had inherited from my family of origin. I guess I knew that we get that stuff passed down in our spiritual genetic markers, but I was in denial of what that actually meant and how to clear it out! Yikes, talk about foolish little kid! My head knowledge clouded and dimmed my lamp so that I was truly hiding my light under a bushel (mountain) of trash.

I had to learn new vocabulary words like recovery, sobriety, surrender, insanity, sponsor, and all the 12 steps. I had heard of AA, NA, and all the other 12-step meeting types but had never explored what that all means. I didn’t think I had a need to understand all that. After all, I wasn’t an addict (or so I thought). I now know

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we are all addicted to something—person, place, or thing. The difference was that these folks had to admit their lives were out of control and that they needed to live in sobriety, meaning to be serious, awake, moderate, clear-headed, and thinking about sobriety in terms of emotionally sober and not hooked into any other person, place, or thing. Wow, it was blowing my mind. No wonder Jesus hung out with those same people for discipling and healing because they were aware of their need to surrender and had teachable spirits. They did not have it all together and they knew it. They were

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not in denial! Being awake to life and the seriousness of living is what this book is all about. It is about living in the present, being mindful of self and others, being a sensitive being who is deeply interested in all humans and connecting to them at deeper levels.

As a therapist, I used to think of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) as something that soldiers had upon returning from war, something survivors of major traumatic events like rape had, or any complex trauma/loss that is awful to a person and causes great suffering. Having worked with many survivors of all kinds of abuse (emotional, spiritual, mental, physical, psychological, sexual, etc.), I can see that all humans have PTSD. We have to have PTSD just through having been stressed over and over (just through the process of living on this planet), and only feeling loved under others’ conditions. Perhaps you think I am simplifying since you are used to comparing one person’s trauma and loss to another’s. I do not see it that way.

I see we all are given a story as a kid. No one gets to choose who his or her birth parents will be. Once a kid is born on earth, the process of changing them to conform begins. Training, conditioning, shaping, and molding that infant to the environment has to affect their nature, and no nurture from an imperfect human will be exactly what that kid needs. That kid will also be exposed to other humans over and over that force conformity to fit into the group. Are you kidding? How can that not be traumatic to that precious spirit inside? How can that not change authenticity of that being?

I now know so much more through further training and reading about complex trauma that behaviors the untrained human would call addictions or compulsions are actually unhealthy coping mechanisms—medications that all of us use to manage anxiety and depression. Most emotional unwellness, that needs healing, arises out of the up-and-down swings of those two dis-eases. In other words, when you are not feeling in balance or at ease within yourself, you are either in a state of heightened anxiety or lowered, depressed feelings. When kids are growing up, they are often chronically stressed

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and anxious and form unhealthy coping skills to manage these feelings. Living under the influence of these over time creates adaptations that hide the real hurts. A child does not know how to express what they are feeling and will layer over hurts with these adaptive masks. Those masks turn into false selves that cross into living out of a fake or less-than-real self over time. Those adaptations are reinforced and strengthened over time. All humans have adopted some form of adaptation and are often confused about their true identity. Some have no idea of who they are! It is just part of our human condition.

The wounds of the kid and his or her adaptations, that is, the changes made in reaction and response to stimulus after stimulus, alters true feelings and hijacks or affects brain development over and over, forcing the brain to make sense out of nonsense time and time again. The wounded and adapted child grows up physically looking functional (depending on who is doing the looking), but there is only One who really knows all that has happened to change true identity. There are many adult children who look like grownups, but when triggered will react much like a PTSD victim. This energy blocks spiritual growth and needs taming and nurturing. Murture is

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the answer: merging with a divine Being who loves all humans unconditionally and sheds that love onto all. This promise of love is given to any one of us who has the interest in waking up to receiving it will be able to do through seeking. The promise is also given that through seeking divine and unconditional love, you will be changed and able to love self and others.

If you are interested in waking up out of your trance and ending the sleep walking way of life, you will be amazed at what you begin to see, how you begin to form new thoughts, and how willing you become to go deeper into your interior. That interior is really decorated with amazing treasures, a bounty full of abundance. I am only just beginning to scratch the surface of what I am finding, and it is solid and golden. It is alchemy, for sure. Read this book if you dare, and if you care about how to be a being who is becoming alive to yourself and others, a person you like and enjoy and have a close relationship—yes, a person you actually love. It is quite wonderful to love your true self because