Foundations of Forgiveness: A Trauma Healing Journal and Guide

By Gary Marinin

Your one stop for understanding what forgiveness is and isn't and how to work on your traumas. There are so many misconceptions out there that lead to people dismissing forgiveness as a tool, but it doesn't condone someone's behavior, it doesn't have to lead to reconciliation and there can still be anger present, just not malice. Going through t

• Language: English
• Publisher: Gary Marinin
• Release date: Jun 5, 2023
• ISBN: 9781737840732

Gary Marinin

Gary is an English teacher and digital nomad from Worcester, MA. He's a jack of all trades having a B.S. in sociology, performing years of voulnteer work with African refugees and disabled people, spending eight years in the army, and trying out various careers, like bartending, bookkeeping and social media management before getting back into teaching. Being a digital nomad allows him to travel and work on projects that he's passionate about. His online students from around the world usually have interesting cultural questions, which sometimes lead to fun projects, like "Know Your Shit". If you'd like to get in touch, drop him a line...https://www.linkedin.com/in/gary-marinin-b701663b/

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Introduction

All of us are self-made, but only the successful admit it.

- Earl Nightingale

CONGRATULATIONS on taking accountability for your feelings and happiness by deciding to put the work in to be the best version of you! I know you’ve experienced pain, it’s something we all have, in our own way. The deeper that pain or the greater the adversity you’ve faced, the more of an opportunity for growth you’ll get from forgiveness. The following will present you with many ideas and challenge you to grow through reflection, to be open-minded about your outlook on life and to make changes to give you inner peace. It does come at a cost! You’ll have to be vulnerable, at least with yourself, if you truly desire peace, happiness or both. Since we can’t change the past, let’s make the best of it.

Working on traumas is difficult because we have to get comfortable being uncomfortable by confronting our past, learning to let go of things and being brutally honest with ourselves. That confrontation and vulnerability is not only internal, but can come from trying to get closure, reconciling a relationship or setting new boundaries. Sometimes things won’t go the way you planned either because you’ll get gaslighted, people will distance themselves because they don’t like a stronger you or other situations you couldn’t plan for. This journey will be a test of your fortitude because it can be a lonely one too. Regardless of the outcome and lack of praise you’ll receive on your way, I’m proud of you for taking the first step.

Forgiveness is for you and you alone and the inner peace that comes with this way of life is your main benefit. While no one is going to come along and fix your problems or truly knows how you feel or how your traumas affected you, a side effect of this work will benefit everyone you interact with. As you learn to let go of debts you perceive you’re owed, which will likely never be collected anyways, it’s going to be uncomfortable at first. But, you will find your comfort zone by sticking with this.

It’s not uncommon to ignore pain or pretend trauma doesn’t exist because of our defense mechanisms. Many people carry the idea that blocking out memories to the best of their ability and not reliving experiences makes them eventually go away, but the reality is that not sharing is worse for you than the trauma itself¹. Traumas will have subconsciously affected their entire lives. Confronting those experiences allow you to take control and reprogram your subconscious. Our defense mechanisms tell us to do what we think is good for us and will make us happiest, so we have to reprogram our thinking through reflection to what’s actually good for us.

Life is hard enough to get through because Injustices and traumas are inescapable as part of the human experience, but they present us with opportunities to grow, learn and evolve if we choose to make something out of them! Holding on keeps us stuck or stagnant, similar to what the monkey trap studies have shown. Monkeys can be trapped with peanuts or bananas that are put in boxes with holes big enough for their hand to fit through, but too small for them to bring a fist with the object back through. They refuse to let go and become trapped, the same way many people are with traumas or injustices. People tend to think about and relive certain experiences on a frequent basis with the mindset, if only… or I should’ve, which keeps them stuck in the past. If you find a way let go, like the monkeys, you can be free to move on to other endeavors.

To achieve freedom, we must give ourselves permission to grow, be happy and let go of debts. We have to accept where we and others are at, not where we feel we or they should be. It can’t be stressed enough, Be Kind to Yourself because no one is perfect.

What does it mean to truly be free?

It’s honestly believing everything that happens is to help us.

It’s no longer bearing the pain of resentment.

It’s getting past the challenge of watching your offender move on with their life while you live with the consequences.

It’s being accepting of yourself.

I wish that we could all just have a happy life, but that’s not a guarantee that can ever be made. The only guarantee that can be made is that forgiveness can turn pain into peace or, at worst, slight discomfort. The way to achieve this guarantee is to find the purpose of your pain. What you’ll learn ahead is how to reflect on your injustices, learn and make peace with them, understand how they’ve influenced your life and the lives of those around you, and how to use the tools in the exercises later to create inner peace. Embrace and develop a growth mindset over the course of this book and you will shed the resentments you carry because of the opportunities your traumas present. You don’t have to deal with suffering, you just have to learn to see the signals you can learn from. It’s easy to think about how life could be different, which is why we don’t usually spend the time thinking about the beauty in how life has gone. Gratitude plays a large role!

The ultimate opportunity in working on forgiveness comes down to our desire to have purpose and meaning in life. Make no mistake about it, everyone wants to feel like they provide value and that their life has meaning. I say, feel like, because everyone’s reality is different, so if you feel that way, it’s your truth. Value and meaning come in many forms depending on perspective, I just want you to be happy.

It’s of my opinion