Crushing Invisible Barriers: Onset of a Glorious Marital Destiny

By Dee Kyalo

This book has been called an eye-opener!

What you do not know may be hurting you, and just because you cannot see it, it doesnt mean that it is absent. Gravity cannot be seen, but its effects cannot be argued with. Many times people think that their inability to keep a relationship or get a spouse lies in the visible reasons; while that might be true to some extent, the main reasons are invisible to the physical eye. Discover the secret to overcoming those invisible barriers that hinder and delay many individuals in their pursuit of long-lasting relationships that are intended to culminate into successful marriage.

This groundbreaking book includes testimonies of people who have experienced these unseen limitations and have overcome them using the Word of God. Find out how you can exercise your faith by taking authority in the spiritual realm to enforce your liberty in the physical world.

Knowing what God has promised is one thing, but knowing the steps to take to lay hold of those promises is another. The author outlines basic strategies to engage in battle and conquer the enemy of your marital destiny.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Dec 5, 2013
• ISBN: 9781490817699

Dee Kyalo

Dee Kyalo-Mwanzia ministers liberty in Christ through her writing and other platforms. She is the author of Crushing Invisible Barriers and Looking Up. Her passion is to see Christians liberated, growing and experiencing God's promises. She is also a writer with FaithWriters and contributing author, editor and reviewer of several books. She serves on the Board of Directors of Organization for Health, Education and Research Services (OHERS), working with communities in Kenya to improve their quality of life and standard of living. Dee and her husband have been in church leadership for more than a decade, and are the founders of Life NOW Global Mission.

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Copyright © 2013 Dee Kyalo.

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Unless otherwise indicated, all scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

Scripture quotations marked (KJV) are taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

ISBN: 978-1-4908-1768-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-1767-5 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-1769-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013921424

WestBow Press rev. date: 12/12/2013

I dedicate this book to all my single brothers and sisters aspiring to get married someday – and the people who love and mentor them.

Acknowledgments

I am grateful to the Lord, my God for bringing this project to fulfillment and for sending people in my life to ensure its success.

With the leading of the Holy Spirit, the apparent need, together with life experiences, the idea of this book came into being and I mentioned it to my dear friends Pastor Daniel Kungu and his wife, Ruth. They prophesied and encouraged me from the beginning and had my back the whole time. Their fervent prayers have kept me going. My thanks to them are immeasurable.

My dear friend and sister-in-Christ, Evelyn King; she encouraged me to pursue my God-given call. I am deeply appreciative of her for critiquing this book and calling a spade, a spade.

My darling sister, Bree, who has been a fan of my writing - she has been my cheerleader in this effort.

My wonderful children, Kayla and Nate - they always understood that when mommy is seated at the computer she needed silence in order to concentrate. What a blessing!

Kathy Bruins, who despite her busy schedule, took time and patiently did the final editing. One time she was organizing for a weekend retreat but still managed to work on it.

I want to thank all my friends, who enrich my life in myriad ways – I am truly blessed to have such caring friends.

I would be remiss if I didn’t deeply appreciate all the members of Breakthrough Community Church, Shawnee, Kansas, who have been a pure delight to serve, all these years. What a gift!

My devoted and loving husband, and best friend, Kyalo; he has supported me unfailingly during the writing of this book, as he always has. I wouldn’t have made it this far without him.

Contents

Foreword

Preface

1.   Approaching Relationships Toward Marriage

2.   The Wonders of Being Single

3.   What Is Marriage?

•   Marriage as God intended

•   Purpose of Marriage

•   Secondary purposes for marriage could include:

•   Wrong purposes for marriage

4.   Readiness

•   Understanding Times and Seasons

•   A brief word on love

5.   Finding a Spouse

•   Qualities to aim for

•   Principles for a strong foundation for a godly relationship

•   Why is sexual purity so important?

•   How can I be sure that I am not making a mistake?

6.   How to approach a lady

•   Men Set the Ball Rolling

•   Women are Responders

•   Why a woman would say no to your proposal

•   Some signs that the person’s never going to marry you

•   What to do when she says no

•   Why is he not proposing?

•   What should a lady do while waiting?

•   Is it courting or dating?

7.   I’m Ready, What’s the Hold Up?

•   The Complacency of Delay is not Denial

8.   Invisible Barriers and How To Crush them

9.   The Way Forward

Afterword

Endnotes

Foreword

I remember waiting for my fiancé at the airport and feeling like it was taking forever. Finally, I saw her, and I felt like Adam — very sure that she was the one. To me, it seems like yesterday. God has been so good to us, and our marriage has been growing strong ever since. We thank God and give Him all the glory. Anyone who desires to be married, and it appears to be taking a long time, be encouraged to know that the Bible says, There is nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes 1:9 - NIV). I was in the same situation and, in Christ, my life is not any different from yours. When the time for me to get married came, I just knew it was time. I really wanted to settle down in holy matrimony. It is one thing to pray about something, but a different thing to have to wait. No one is an expert when it comes to waiting. When Abraham was waiting for a child from the Lord, it was hope against hope. He did not stagger in unbelief; instead, his faith grew strong, giving glory to God.

Praying, fasting, watching and waiting upon the Lord—over and over again. Does that sound familiar? It is not easy, but I had to entirely trust and depend on God. The Holy Spirit continually reminded me to have faith in God. Psalms 23:1 KJV says, The lord is my shepherd, I shall not want… I reminded God of that promise. If I shall not want, I shall not lack, then where was my wife to be? That thought prompted me to meditate upon Proverbs 18:22 NIV, He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord. How was I going to find?

My answer was right there. I was to take the next step to find her. I had to take that step and the Lord directed me, for the steps of a righteous man are ordered of the Lord. The Holy Spirit brought to my remembrance His will concerning a wife. So when I am in the will of God concerning something, the first thing I need to do is take that initial stride towards what I desire. In my case, I wanted a wife; I started seeking and not looking for one. Notice the difference, I had to seek to find my wife, never was I told to look for my wife - she was not lost. Looking will always result in one seeing with their natural eyes, taking them to what they know, but seeking is what resulted in my finding, taking me to what I did not know—yet I should know. The end result is not the same! If I seek then I will find. …seek and you will find… (Matthew 7:7 - NIV). You will seek me and find me… (Jeremiah 29:13 - NIV). You seek and then you find.

When I started finding, the Holy Spirit guided me like He did with Eliezar, Abraham’s servant. I then had this inner conviction, the Lord leading me to this specific lady. My only problem was to convey to her what I believed God was telling me. My fear was in a few things: Would she believe me or not? Would she say that she wasn’t interested? Or would she surprise me by asking what my credit score was? A lot of questions came into my mind and had I followed my own feelings rather than trusted God, I would probably not be married today. I am glad I took that step of faith. I overcame fear with faith, my own way of thinking with God’s Word, and I placed my total confidence in God leaving the entire outcome to Him. This is what I desire for you, and hope you find out how by reading this book. God wants to fulfill the desires of your heart and He will lead you to your future spouse.

No one begins life married; we are all single. God wants us to enjoy every moment in our lives, including our time of being single. Singleness is not loneliness or a curse, but a blessing from God. Thank God in all things. The Bible says that there is time for everything and things look beautiful at the right time. If you feel time has come for you to say I do and it’s hasn’t happened, then it is time for you to find out the cause of that, but don’t give up. This book explains some of the invisible delays to marriage.

As you read this book, these invisible obstacles to your becoming married will be discovered. With God’s help, every crooked way to your marital destiny will be made straight. This book tackles every major obstacle to your marriage and shows you how to clear or overcome it. You won’t be delayed anymore in Jesus’ name. May your inner eyes be opened and get ready to receive your breakthrough. There is hope!

—Kyalo S. Mwanzia

Preface

Among the special groups of people dear to my heart are those with a desire to get married. I gravitate towards them and as we interact, I see myself in a lot of them. Naturally, I find myself having the burden to pray for them. It is one of my joys to present their request to God in prayer expecting a breakthrough for them, because deep inside me I know that apart from God’s grace, I should have been in that same position today.

My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge (Hosea 4:6 - KJV). How often this proves true! Before discovering the truth of that Scripture, what I did not know was causing me to live in some form of exile. I thought some patterns in my life were normal. Even though my desires were in line with the will of God, for several years there was a barrier—and it was invisible! How can you address something that is unseen? Does it even exist? This book will bring it to light.

I believe that purposeful deliberate actions we take by faith in God, is what moves the huge mountains before us and parts the seas for us to cross. It is not enough to know what God has said in His Word, it is very crucial to personalize and live it. Listening to God and being sensitive to the signs and times has spurred me to encounter sorrow-free blessings in my relationship. At the time of this writing, it has been eleven wonderful years of marriage to a man I had never dated prior to his proposal. How is that even possible? I elaborate further in the book.

It might seem like you are in a helpless, hopeless cycle, but I encourage you not to give up. Stop pitying yourself. Refocus on your God who is not dead. Is anything too hard for the Lord? (Genesis 18:14). In this book, we endeavor to bring under arrest the tiresome parry and futility of going around the same mountain. We shall identify those invisible barriers that delay or hinder altogether single mature adults in their pursuit of relationships that should culminate in marriage and we shall address how to overcome them. So get adamant because your breakthrough is near.

CHAPTER ONE

Approaching Relationships Toward Marriage

A ll human beings crave for and certainly need social contacts. When one speaks of relationships in general, it basically means any situation in our life that involves more than one person, that being ourselves. Relationships are very important regardless of age, nationality, or gender. Without relationships, life is empty, boring and lonely. With relationships, lives are fun and fulfilling, but can be stressful at times. A relationship not only refers to romantic relationships, but other relationships such as with your parents or siblings. Relationships can also be between bosses and employees, teachers and students, or between two or more people. This includes people for whom we have a particular love or liking, as well as those we dislike or cannot stand.

Man was created as a social being; therefore, no one can claim that they do not need relationships. God Himself created us so that we could have a relationship with Him. (Leviticus 26:12, John 15:14-15). Relationships however, change and develop over time. For instance, your relationship with your parents has matured over the last twenty-five or so years. Hopefully, they do not treat you like a ten-year-old child, and I would like to believe that you do not act like a child either. Similarly, our relationship with God and other people is expected to grow stronger and mature as we develop.

Happy, healthy, and rewarding human relationships,