Broken Hearts Forgotten Promises: Break the Cycle & Start Anew

By Jacqueline K. Pope

About the Book

• Are you single with a desire to marry?
• Are you single with no desire to marry?
• Are you only interested in perpetual dating?
• Have you given up on waiting for a spouse?
• Are you in a relationship that appears to be going nowhere?
• Is there a cycle of mistakes in your past relationships?
• Are you serious about getting it right this time?
• Do you desire the restoration of your marriage?
• Are you considering divorce?

If any of these questions have pulled at your heartstrings, then you have come to the right place. I’m already excited, and you should be too about a transformation that will take place in your life through God’s Word, my own personal experiences and those who have courageously shared their stories.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Dec 11, 2018
• ISBN: 9781973643920

Jacqueline K. Pope

About the Author Jacqueline K. Pope, known for her joyous spirit, came to know Jesus Christ at a very desperate time in her life. This was only after a relationship left her broken hearted. She has seen firsthand how God will use the challenges of life to expose our need for Him and bring positive change. This transformation has given Jacqueline a passion for helping others seek God and wait on His best for them in every area of their lives. Jacqueline is a graduate of Immanuel Temple School of the Bible with a master’s degree in Christian counseling. Professionally, she is a registered nurse with a Bachelor’s of Science degree from the University of Texas Medical Branch in Galveston, Texas. Her nursing specialty and very close to her heart is geriatrics. Jacqueline works closely with her husband, Pastor Regi W. Pope of The Carpenter’s House Church in La Marque, Texas. They have been married ten years and have a blended family of eleven children, five grandchildren, and counting.

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Copyright © 2019 Jacqueline K. Pope

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ISBN: 978-1-9736-4391-3 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-4393-7 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-4392-0 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018912945

WestBow Press rev. date: 12/10/2018

Unless otherwise cited, all scripture quotations taken from the New American Standard Bible® (NASB), Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation Used by permission.

Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright ©1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.

Dedication

To my Lord and Savior who gave me this assignment and would not allow me to put it to rest until it was completed.

To my devoted husband, Regi, who has been a constant support. Thank you for making me laugh, outwardly and in my heart. You are truly God sent.

To my precious mother, Edith, who is now with our Lord and Savior. I am where I am today because of her prayers and the life she lived before me.

To my father, Billy, without you, there would be no me. Thank you for all that you have taught me about life.

To all of my children and grandchildren for whom I have prayed that they will live Christ-filled lives and choose godly friendships and godly marriages.

To my sweet sisters, Sarah, Stephanie, Tracy, Doris and Nina who pushed me sometimes through laughter and other times through gentle rebuke to finish this book.

To my Aunt Glenda, thank you for showing me what it means to be steadfast in the face of trials and tribulations.

To my friends and (church) family who has always been an encouragement to me. Thank you Tangula for your help and for sharing your thoughts.

To my very special friend, though you died with a broken heart, you now live with the Lover of your soul.

To those whom I’ve crossed paths and so graciously shared their very intimate stories of marriage and singleness. I could never repay you for the invaluable insight you have given me.

Contents

Chapter One   I Can Hardly Wait

Chapter Two   Single & Free

Chapter Three   Preserving My Heart

Chapter Four   Dating Blind

Chapter Five   Life in the Spirit

Chapter Six   Prayer is Essential

Chapter Seven   Marriage God’s Way

Chapter Eight   Raising Godly Children

The Real Truth

Introduction

There are countless books for the single and married. How to get married, how to stay married, how to know who to marry, and the list goes on. Unfortunately, though, these instructional books have not changed the landscape of today’s relationships. We tend to read them, forget what we read, and go back to our same mindsets. Many of those who are married have found themselves in joyless, fruitless relationships, while those who are single look on in dismay, wondering if there is any hope.

Maybe you’re thinking, What more can you say that I haven’t already heard about waiting, dating, and marriage? I am confident that this book will provoke you more than ever before to seek God for your mate and your marriage. My prayer is that as you read this book, your heart will be opened more than it has ever been to follow God’s compass, not just in relationships but in every aspect of your life.

There will never be enough movies, books, seminars, or conferences on this subject because, let’s face it, Christian or not, people generally want to get married yesterday and anyway, meaning, regardless of the circumstances. But if we would take the time to really seek the Lord concerning His direction for our lives without putting Him on a timetable, so many relationship wrecks would be avoided. There are several true testimonies throughout this book that I believe will move you to consider God’s Word on marriage and relationships. You will laugh, cry, and be amazed because you will see yourself or someone you may know in many of the same situations and circumstances.

I believe this book will move your heart to grasp the difference between prayerfully waiting and anxiously waiting on God’s best. It will speak to you in that regard if you are single and not dating, but also if you are in a current relationship or already married and seeking joy, peace, and fulfillment in your union. Unlike many other books, this is not a self-help guide; it is a God-help plan with purpose. It is scripturally based to help you find your God-given destiny and His will for your relationship.

Please know, I am in no way condemning those who married outside of God’s will, because He has been merciful in many of our marriages, including my own. My desire is to help those who are yet single to see the significance of waiting for God’s direction for them and to give hope to those who are already married. People have different reasons for getting married, and unfortunately, even if love is one of those reasons, it doesn’t necessarily mean that God’s blessings are upon the relationship.

Where you see My Grace Journey, this is my personal story. I call it grace because it was God’s grace that was on my life journey with me, even when I didn’t know it. This is why I am able to write about it now. Where you see Real Life, these are stories that I have kept in my heart throughout my journey. The names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of these individuals. I am forever grateful to God for touching their hearts to entrust me with their most personal and intimate life experiences and allowing me to be their voice through this book.

It’s Time to Start Anew!

CHAPTER ONE

I Can Hardly Wait

Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say on the Lord. Psalm 27:14

Wait.

But I don’t wanna!

Isn’t that how most of us respond, whether we actually verbalize it or just think it? Often we’re not even in a hurry; we just don’t want to wait. And not just in relationships, but in all situations. If we’re not pacing the floor physically, we are pacing in our hearts, as if this will speed up the process. The cries echo like songs in our minds: When, Lord, when? Where, Lord, where? How, Lord, how? Who, Lord who?

Does this sound familiar? Speaking for myself, I’m frequently impatiently waiting at the traffic light, thumping my fingers on the steering wheel, or anxiously waiting in line, shifting my weight from foot to foot, to pay for my items in the store or letting out an exasperated sigh as I’m put on hold. Why do I do this? Why can’t I wait?

Having six children, I wish I had a nickel for every time I said, Didn’t I tell you to wait? Better yet, I wish I had a nickel for every time my mother told my five sisters and me the same. When we refused to listen, whether the command was small or great, there were always negative consequences.

Unfortunately, many do not wait for God’s direction, God’s timing or God’s healing to take place in their lives. Doing things their way has become a natural way of life. They rush to what appears to be the next promising opportunity, having made up their minds that they have it right without any godly counsel, and thus the cycle of disappointment continues.

Broken relationships can leave a void in people’s hearts and in order to cover it, to ease the pain, they often enter into new relationships. However, it should be clearly understood that another relationship will not fill the void or heal the pain and heartache. Only God alone can heal the pain and fill the void in man’s heart through a healthy relationship with Him. This is how a person can experience restoration and healing before seeking to enter a new relationship. Proverbs 19:20-21 says, Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future. Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand (ESV).

Some years ago I worked as a home health nurse. Even though I had to drive to the client’s residence, I was able to make my own schedule, which was beneficial to me as a working mother. This particular day was going to be very busy. I had planned it out to a T from start to finish, but I was in a hurry before I even started. The very first patient I went to was an elderly lady. When she opened the door, I smelled a foul odor. As I proceeded to go into the house, there was a trail of dried feces on the floor to the bathroom, where it appeared she just hadn’t made it in time. Physically, I knew that she was unable to get down on the floor to clean it up herself, but immediately I thought about my planned day and how this unplanned event was going to affect my schedule.

So, here I am going back and forth in my mind. Do I clean it up or not? She didn’t mention it, so maybe I can act like I didn’t see it. I know that sounds bad, but I was so focused on my day going as I had planned that anything that changed its course was upsetting. I finally settled in my mind to do what was right and give the day I’d planned up to the Lord, and I felt better after it was done. The patient expressed her gratitude, and I was on my way.

After I left and completed my other home visits, I stopped at the store to pick up a few groceries. As I pushed my basket to the register, bells went off. The cashier informed me that there was a contest going on that day, and every 100th customer would receive everything in their basket for free. You guessed it. I was the 100th customer!

As I walked out of the store, filled with excitement, I remembered how I had started my day, so stuck on my schedule. I didn’t think of the possibility that God had another plan. I was so grateful to Him. What a blessing it is to surrender our plans to the Lord!

Some may say that my unexpected blessing was a coincidence or just plain good luck. But God does not deal with chance or luck. Whatever He does or allows is on purpose. We must be fully aware that we have opponents who thrive on pushing us into an I just can’t wait! attitude, egging us along that hurried path that often leads to regret. They will do all that they can to delay or thwart the plans that God has for our lives. So, who are they?

First, we are often our own opponent. When we accept the saving grace of Christ, our old nature or our flesh still lives within us and anxiously awaits an opportunity to rise up (more on this in Chapter Five). We are instructed in Ephesians 4:22-24 to . . . put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness (NKJV). And Galatians 5:24 tells us that we must crucify our flesh daily.

Then, there’s the world’s system that the Christian is beckoned to follow. 1 John 2:16 says, For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world. The world’s way of doing things is in opposition to God’s way. If not resisted, the sinful nature within us will gravitate to the worldliness God has pulled us out of. The world says, Follow your own path. Psalm 23:2-3 says, He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake (ESV). The world says, "If it feels good to you, just do it. Proverbs 14:12 says, There is a way which seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death." When we struggle with the ways of the world, we should fill ourselves with the knowledge of the Word of God and apply it to our lives to combat the force of the world’s voice.

And of course, there is the Devil, who is our adversary. The Bible says, He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. Whenever he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature, for he is a liar and the father of lies (John 8:44). There is absolutely nothing good in him. We must be clearheaded and be on the alert because our enemy seeks to consume us (1 Peter 5:8). He only deceives us into thinking that he is on our side until he gets what he wants from us. And once we’ve allowed him to entangle us in bad situations, we have to depend on God to get us out.

David, who was a great king, said in Psalm 39:7, And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you (ESV). So often we center our hope on futile and empty things. David was no stranger to desolate places. Even when he suffered out of disobedience, he knew that his hope was only in the Lord. In Psalm 25:5, he says, Lead me in Your truth and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation; on You I wait all the day (NKJV). David learned through all of his struggles that it was to his benefit to wait on God, however long it took. Here is a list of nine combined reasons and ways to wait:

1. God will answer when we wait for Him. In Psalm 38:15, David says, LORD, I wait for you; you will answer, Lord my God (NIV). I was once overheard talking to myself, and the response I was given was, Just don’t answer yourself. We do answer ourselves often, though, don’t we? And sometimes with the wrong answer. It could be that we didn’t get the answer we wanted or we concluded that the Lord was taking too long to respond. In many of the Psalms, David appeals to God that he is blameless, particularly when comparing himself to his enemies, but in Psalm 38, David pours out to God over his own sins, declaring he will not move until God answers him.

Isn’t it interesting that we want God to be quick, fast, and in a hurry in fixing the messes we make? But of course, this is after we have tried to self-fix the mess or crawl out of it. Oh, what a disaster! We choose our own answer, our own way, thinking that relief will be more immediate that way than if we were to seek God for it, but it rarely is. It is most often a delayed process too. However, the difference in God’s delay is that through it He is pruning us, teaching us, and preparing us to learn that His way is the only way. We need His answer in whatever state we find ourselves, but to receive it we must have a mind to wait until He gives it.

Don’t get me wrong, none of us are immune from losing hope especially when God does not answer or respond when we want or how we want. But when the thought comes to look in another direction or take another route that is in opposition to God’s plan for our lives, we need to divert quickly. Elisabeth Elliott, Christian author, says, Waiting on God requires the willingness to bear uncertainty, to carry within oneself the unanswered question, lifting the heart to God about it whenever it intrudes upon one’s thoughts.¹ We must cast off our impatience and receive the calmness that the Spirit gives us in waiting. Otherwise, we will find ourselves dealing with the