Divorce Hurts, God Heals: A Simple Book for a Serious Problem

By Gary L. Hood

Life after divorce or separation is dark and confusing. There are many questions and difficult feelings that one cannot find answers to. This book will guide those people into understanding what they are experiencing, help them sort through the feelings, and guide them into realistic ways to overcome the hurts and pains of divorce. It will also teach them how to avoid the past mistakes by following biblical instructions for lasting relationships.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Sep 25, 2015
• ISBN: 9781512711554

Gary L. Hood

Gary is a husband, father, grandfather and minister who lives in a small community in northeast Alabama. He has been married to his wife, Jo Ella, for eleven years. She works as a case manager for a local mental health service. He holds degrees from the Baptist College of Florida and Liberty Seminary. Gary has served as a pastor and Bible teacher for several years. Currently he serves as a volunteer at CrossPoint Community Church in Gadsden, Alabama, by working in the food pantry ministry, Celebrate Recovery, the church choir and leading a small group in Divorce Care. Gary is retired from secular work and in his spare time enjoys cycling, gardening and playing with his grandchildren.

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Copyright © 2015 Gary L. Hood.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, Copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships by Chip Ingram.

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ISBN: 978-1-5127-1156-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-1157-8 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-1155-4 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2015914575

WestBow Press rev. date: 09/21/2015

CONTENTS

Preface

Introduction

Chapter 1 Feeling your pain

Chapter 2 Big Boys don’t cry

Chapter 3 How to say You’re Sorry

Chapter 4 It is Written

Chapter 5 Do One Thing and do it Well

Chapter 6 Having Your Own Way

Chapter 7 So you’re a Parent?

Chapter 8 Take 2 Pills & Call me in the Morning

Afterword

About The Author

End Notes

Suggested Resources

To My Wife Jo Ella

Thanks for believing in me and for your continued encouragement.

Also thanks for your help in editing and your suggestions during the process of preparing the

Manuscript.

Your love and companionship are a blessing!

To My Daughters Angel & Kim

You both continue to be a blessing to me. I admire your dedication to your husbands and to your

precious children. You have made me a Paw Paw and I would not trade that title for the world!

Preface

Life after divorce or separation is dark and confusing. There are many questions and difficult feelings that you cannot find answers to. This book will guide you into understanding what you are experiencing, help you sort through the feelings and guide you into realistic ways to overcome the hurts and pains of divorce. It will also instruct you in ways to avoid repeating mistakes of the past by following Biblical instructions for lasting relationships.

Introduction

When I was 47 years old my wife of 23 years announced that she was leaving, moving out. It is just temporary she said, She just needed time to decide what she wanted to do. Within a few months she had decided and filed for divorce. I knew that our marriage wasn’t what it had been or what it should be, but I didn’t know that it was that bad. I suppose for her it was. For the next few years I experienced the emotions of anger, depression and loneliness. I quit my job and worked 6 different jobs over the next three years. I wondered if my life would ever be normal again. I wondered if I would ever stop hurting.

I continued to attend church and even managed somehow to teach a Sunday school class for a while. I prayed and tried to remain faithful to God through my pain, which wasn’t easy. I finally came to the realization that only God could help me with my pain and with my future. So I did what I had done many times before, I surrendered my life and my situation back to my Lord. That is when I found peace. I also changed as a person. I realized many mistakes that I had made in my marriage and with God’s help I became a better person for it.

After a couple of years I began going to another church. It was a place where no one knew me or my ex-wife. It was there that I met another single and divorced person who later became my wife. God blessed our marriage and we were both healed from our hurts and began to be used by God to help others who were going through the pains of divorce. We led a Divorce Recovery group for about 5 years at our church both in Sunday school and in Celebrate Recovery. The material that I used and the knowledge I gained have been incorporated into this book. I am constantly meeting people both from our church and my circle of friends that are experiencing the pains of divorce. I have always wanted to be able to hand them a book that would help them understand what they are going through and to guide them in overcoming the hurts and pains they are experiencing. Lord willing, that is what I pray this book will do.

This book is written from a Christian/Biblical world view. I will use many scriptures and Biblical principles throughout the chapters. It was only through my faith in Jesus Christ that I survived my divorce. And I firmly believe that it is only through faith in God that you will survive yours. If you are not a Christian I hope that you will read this book anyway. Maybe by reading about my faith you will make a decision to practice yours.

CHAPTER 1

Feeling your pain

Divorce Hurts!

I can honestly say that I do feel your pain, because I have been where you are: divorced and hurting. I have heard it said many times that the pain of divorce is worse than if the spouse had died. At least his or her death would not have been a choice, and you would not have to see your former spouse again and be reminded of that decision and separation that left you confused and hurting. But now the damage is done, and here you are, alone and seeking answers to the questions Why? What? How?

Most stats on divorce tell us that the divorce rate is around 50% today, but that is misleading. The divorce rate has actually fallen since its peak in 1979. The rate began falling in 1996 and is now just above 40% for first-time marriages.¹

It is great news to hear that fewer couples are seeking divorces today than in prior years. But that doesn’t lessen the pain felt by those who experience divorce in their personal lives.

I thought I would begin with addressing your pain in hopes of helping you through your grieving process. We will discuss grieving and look at the five stages of grief in chapter two. Most who face the beginnings of a divorce or separation are feeling two main emotions -hopelessness and brokenness. In response to your hopelessness I want to give you hope. And in reply to your brokenness I want to lead you to the healer. Let’s first address your hopelessness.

Hopelessness

A pastor once said: If we live long enough, we will all face situations that seem hopeless. It is during these times that we will either allow God to teach us or we will allow Satan to destroy us. The choice is ours.

The Scriptures define hope as an unseen, patient, eager anticipation of fulfilled joy. When your world is rocked by separation and divorce, hope usually leaves with the ex-spouse. Maybe you once hoped and dreamed for a long and happy marriage. You wanted your children to have a safe and happy home with both parents sharing in their lives. You hoped to have a home for your grown children and grandchildren to visit. You looked forward to your senior years when you could retire and maybe travel