Before You Burn Your Bridge

By Karin Archerton

"Your chapters are concise, honest, and pointed in their counsel. It is evident to me why 2 Corinthians says to comfort those with the comfort with which you have been comforted. Who better to write a book like this than someone like yourself." – A pastor

"You are talking to people who are at the beginning of the long, tough road. You know how vulnerable one can feel at the time, and you are gentle but very honest. " - A friend

"This would be an excellent resource for pastors to have." – A pastor

• Language: English
• Publisher: Karin Archerton
• Release date: Feb 9, 2012
• ISBN: 9781301721771

Book preview

Before You Burn

Your Bridge

by Karin Archerton

Copyright © 2012 by Karin Archerton

Cover design by Karin Archerton

All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form without the written permission of the publisher.

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Dedication

To my husband and children,

to whom I am grateful to be joined in love.

To our dear friends who held us up in our time of desperate need.

To all my family, who loved me unconditionally during a difficult season in my life.

To my special friends who read and considered my manuscript.

I was pushed back and was about to fall,

But the LORD helped me.

The LORD is my strength and my song;

he has become my salvation.

Psalm 118:13-14

Preface

If you are reading this book for yourself, let me first say that I am sincerely sorry for your loss. Your loss of hope, love, companionship, self-esteem. Infidelity is a common calamity that happens far too often to both men and women of various backgrounds, economic status and religion, yet that is of little comfort when you are in the center of this vortex of anguish.

Having experienced this type of loss myself, I felt compelled to offer hope and a concise plan for others on a similar journey. I am not a psychologist or counselor; just someone who has been there and made it to the other side in one piece. This purpose of this book is not to analyze types and phases of affairs or help you discover the contributing factors of the one that has affected you. Rather, it is intended for the immediate future while you take the first steps on the road to recovery from infidelity. If you notice a sense of urgency in my writing, it’s because the days directly ahead of you can be like the rudder determining where your marriage is going to go. You have the potential to do a lot of damage to your relationship in the next few weeks and I hope to help you avoid that.

You will likely need more resources later but for now, these are the top ten things you need to know at the beginning of your crisis. Each topic will be discussed in detail in its own chapter; feel free to skip right to the one you are struggling with the most.

Ten Things You Need to Know

After Discovering An Affair:

1. It’s not your fault.

2. You do have choices.

3. The easy way out isn’t easy!

4. Don’t make it worse.

5. You can only control yourself.

6. It’s not fair.

7. Take care of yourself.

8. Know who to tell.

9. Pass the time.

10. Pray like never before.

Content Links

MY BASIC STORY

TEN THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW

1. It’s Not Your Fault

2. You Do Have Choices

3. The Easy Way Out Isn’t Easy

4. Don’t Make It Worse

5. You Can Only Control Yourself

6. It’s Not Fair

7. Take Care of Yourself

8. Know Who To Tell

9. Pass The Time

10. Pray Like Never Before

OUR DETAILED STORY

MY STORY TODAY

MY BASIC STORY

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18 (NIV)

I’ve been there.

I knew that our marriage wasn’t great, but I didn’t think it was that bad, either. I assumed that we were just in a normal phase of life. I thought when our kids got older we'd have more time for each other. I was willing to wait for our relationship to improve.

My husband Todd, on the other hand, was apparently not so patient. Todd had told me a few times over the years that it felt like we were 'roommates instead of lovers', yet I did not fully understand what that meant. I knew even less what to do about it. We had young children, were both working and had plenty of other activities keeping us busy as well. I thought it was natural to feel a lack of intimacy at that point in our lives.

Sometimes when people lose hope for their current situation, they make decisions that are out of character, thinking that those options are better than what they already have. Todd had lost hope that our marriage would be a happy one.

One day I received a heartfelt letter from him, expressing some of his unmet needs. Instead of being discouraged, I was actually relieved because I finally had more than a vague idea of what he wanted! I enthusiastically worked at being more of the woman he needed me to be. With some fresh ideas, I was excited about improving our marriage.

Barely weeks after receiving that letter, however, he admitted that he had already turned to someone else to meet those needs before I even really had a chance to try. The original letter, plus a romantic weekend for the two of us had been a sort of last-ditch effort on his part to see if his love for me could be revived before he embarked on a relationship with someone else. Yet Todd had already opened up his heart to outside influences and our efforts