Relationality: Consciously Aligning to Our Divine Relational Worth

By LeAnzar Stockley

Relationality encourages the whole of humanity to consciously align to the divine relational unconditional love nature within each of us. Through this book, LeAnzar uses his passionate yet artistic voice to call readers beyond social constructs, past the pain and common mechanisms of defense, and into the deep realities of what he calls their spirit-soul. Offering a passionate charge laced with intense realities inclusive of comical relief, Relationality gracefully draws our attention to what really matters in life and ultimately why we are here.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Jun 20, 2017
• ISBN: 9781512790306

LeAnzar Stockley

LeAnzar Stockley offers a fresh yet counter-cultural perspective on life, Love and our identity as beings made in the image of a divine Creator. As an Author, Inspirational Speaker, Ordained Minister and Certified Life Coach, he has dedicated his life to passionately serving humanity in ways that promote both individual and relational alignment to the spiritual essence of our being.

Book preview

relationality

Consciously Aligning to

Our Divine Relational Worth

LeAnzar Stockley

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Copyright © 2017 LeAnzar Stockley.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

All Scripture quotations are taken from THE MESSAGE, copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

WestBow Press

A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.westbowpress.com

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

ISBN: 978-1-5127-9031-3 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-9032-0 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-9030-6 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2017909643

WestBow Press rev. date: 06/19/2017

To the P.O.C

Words cannot express my Love for you. You all will forever be a part of who I am. In the heart of Namaste, I acknowledge that the divine in me honors the divine in you. In the spirit of the African Philosophy of Ubuntu, I acknowledge that I am because we are.

Who In your life have you given permission to make you uncomfortable? Friendship is more than hanging out and turning up. It is a partnership of awareness, awakening, aligning and oneness. This is not always comfortable, but it is security. – LeAnzar Stockley

Contents

Prologue: The Fabric of our Heart

Introduction: Many Wrapped in One

PART I

AWARENESS

1.     THE EDEN EXPERIENCE

2.     WHAT IS LOVE: THE OBSESSION-COMPULSIVE EXPERIENCE

PART II

AWAKENING

3.     MBRACING LOVE AS AN IDENTITY

4.     HE SELF-LOVE DEBATE

5.     HE EGO-SPIRIT PERSONALITY

6.     HO WE ARE OR HOW WE ARE

7.     HO WE WANT OR WHAT WE WANT

8.     EASON, SEASON, LIFETIME

9.     OXIC PEOPLE, TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS

10.   HE PAIN OF BEING UNLOVED

PART III

ALIGNING

11.   UARD YOUR HEART

12.   HE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS OR EMBRACE OF WHOLENESS

13.   ARNESSING YOUR CONDITIONS

14.   ROMANCE AND MY GOOD GIRL FRIEND, THE HEART OF FRIENDSHIP

15.   OMANCE, DATING & FALLING IN LOVE

16.   OVE & SEXUAL EXPRESSION

17.   RECKONCILED, WHEN AND HOW TO WALK AWAY

18.   ERFECTING OUR CIRCLES OF LOVE

19.   HE PERFECT RELATIONSHIP, A WORLD TRANSFORMED AS ONE

20.   NSPIRING RELATIONALITY QUOTES FROM THE WISE HEARTS OF FRIENDS & LOVED ONES

About the Author

Prologue

The Fabric of our Heart

Hold on tight! This is about to be controversial and likely counter-cultural. The views, sensing, and discerning expressed in this broadcast are those of the producer and/or the persons appearing on the program and not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the public society at large. Oh, my bad, I just remembered that this wasn’t a TV show; this is reality. LOL. Forget the disclaimer given and feel free to join the conversation.

On a serious note, my expressions in this book are not an arrogantly decided conclusion of the matter; however, I do strongly believe they should be a humble inclusion toward the process of a paradigm shift in our relational conclusions.

Considering the condition of many of our relationships and the increasing talk of self-love that seems to be leading to either the aborting, abandoning or avoiding of relationships, I felt it fitting to share some things that I have discerned and sensed regarding our lives together.

While there are many varying views on the meaning of life, God, the universe, how mankind came into existence, Love and all that jazz, we could possibly stand to take a stab at coming to some sort of agreements or at least sparking ideas as to what divides us and potentially what has happened in our society. Have we self-loved our way out of authentic relationships? Have we "personal truthed" ourselves further away from one another? Have we perhaps lost sight and connection with something of ourselves, in search of ourselves?

You see, there is a lot happening in our society today. A lot of things that I would venture to say we are not very proud of. It seems that just in America alone, what we pledge as one nation under God, seems to be divided in ways much greater than a proposed wall for border control. It appears that black lives matter and all lives matter is the smoke screen phrases and mantras of a much deeper issue. Perhaps the uproar over same sex marriage is much more than a battle between religion and rights. Could it be that the rate of divorce and break-ups have less to do with compatibility issues, irreconcilable differences and having the wrong person? Perhaps the unfriending people on Facebook is more than not wanting people on our timelines that disagree with us or share too many sad stories.

I am sensing and discerning something much deeper than these things. What we are facing is more than the details of a hostile society. What we are faced with folks is issues at the core of our being – at the very fabric of our heart. We are designed as social beings; however, it appears that we are malfunctioning on this end to some degree. If we continue in the route we are going, we may just find ourselves devouring one another. We may look up and find ourselves in a society that is completely at odds with one another. We may find ourselves losing one of the greatest gifts given us that makes us who we are. Might we be losing sight of an image bearing deep down within us that speaks to the true reason we are here on this planet and existing as a race of humans.

We are in great need of a paradigm shift. One that corrects us on a relational level – on a soul level – on a spirit level. We have to go about this thing much differently than we are or else we may look up and realized there is nothing to look up to. We are losing the free-flowing fabric of our hearts because we have been duped into shelling it with barbed wire and steel in order to deal with a hostile world. This very shelling and shielding is at the very heart of our social dilemmas. Collectively, we have more power a hostile society than we may know. Instead of all energy going into building suits to protect us from toxic people, perhaps that energy can go into be viral together in the true depths and meaning of Love. Hey, I believe that is our true design. Anything outside of this positive and forward way to live, is backwards and quite frankly, (whether subtle or blatant) evil.

Introduction

Many Wrapped in One

For so long – saaaaayyy…, FOREVER – there has been a voice leaning toward the fact that relationships are important. There have been conversations and discussions ranging from what truly matters in life to what is merely an added accessory to life. Somewhere amid the exchange of words, many have fallen short of making what matters most the fabric of their hearts. We live in a day when the love of many has slowly drawn toward a state of waxing cold. Perhaps some have fallen prey to the concept of being lovers of themselves; which at times can be a subtle hindrance to fully Loving others (note: Love is emphasized throughout book with italics or capitalization for distinction purposes). Simply put, we are facing disconnection from the real and true purpose for life – RELATIONSHIP with God and with one another.

Many of you reading this may say, LeAnzar don’t you mean RELATIONSHIPS, with an s? No. I don’t. As I was reflecting in communion with God, I was led to this idea of relationship being one entity designed of God, encompassing the fullness and wholeness in which we are before Him. My attention couldn’t help but be drawn toward the fact that although we are many, we are ultimately one. It was highlighted that we are a part of one body and we grow and are built up in Love as each member of that body does his part. We are reminded that the Spirit is the ultimate source as we are joined together as one. I mention all of this because I want to draw your attention to the importance of our relationship with one another by extension of our relationship with God – and I will dare to put it out there as vice-versa.

Many people feel that as long as they are right with God, they are good to go. Anyone walking with God in a non-religious way will be charged to recognize that our relationship with one another is the link that leads to a wholeness and fulfillment we don’t find in God alone. By no means does this statement take away from the Sovereignty or importance of walking with God. Instead it challenges us as individuals to actualize the interdependence we all need. I am convinced that one of the reasons we have suffered as we have in much of the functioning of our day to day interactions and relationship with one another is because we have made our connection to others a mere accessory to life instead of the purpose and plan for our life. We see our spouses, family members, partners, friends, spiritual communities, etc. as mere conveniences – not as essentials. Some have even gone the extent of highly valuing those in their lives yet the question remains… do we see these souls as essential for our thriving and wholeness as beings?

Having a strong relationship with God is not a replacement for strong healthy relationships with everyone else. They actually are to be one in the same; working in concert. We often struggle with understanding this because we know that humans are fallible and therefore have the potential and free will to choose different paths and purposes in life. This realization, especially when it is put into play, can be devastating beyond words. Unfortunately, this risk does not negate the call and design of the Creator regarding human connection with one another and with Him. I have personally been one to be in strong relationship with God, even from my early days as a young lad (Please excuse my vernacular, I always wanted to use lad in a sentence). There are actual days that I spend only with Him (not always deliberately, but because no one else is around). While I feel the great joy of His presence, I am equally aware of the feeling of being alone; the feeling of emptiness that results from missing pieces or brokenness in relationship with other people. I pray that we all, in the days to come, will remember from where we have fallen and dive again into the depths of relationship with all its fullness, glory and ultimate wholeness. Oh, but to remember the true fabric of our heart!

A Revelation of Relationship

Relationships are at the heart of who we are. Lying beneath the manifestation of our personalities is something much more deeply aligned to who we really are… it is the truth of our existence; it is what I call our RELATIONALITY. This is the image of God bearing deep down within us. It is more than who we can become; it is the very essence of who we already are.

I have come to learn that we have spent our entire lives, and many will continue to do so, looking for revelation not realizing that relationship is the revelation. What else is there for God to reveal to us? How to cast out devils? How to become a millionaire? How to have a booming ministry or business? We have really gotten it twisted and I will be the first to say that I was caught up in the twist. Even as I decline in my typing tone (I tend to get loud and excited), I say that I hang my hat on the fact that what we all have been searching for, depressed about not finding, confused in our identity concerning, and disappointed in life about, has been simple. We have had on blinders to a revelation that would heal our souls… Relationship.

Oddly, people are upset because it is all that I talk about most days. They say that I am wounded. They say that I must have something broken. They contend that I must be in love. They swear that I must be suffering relational lost or that I am just plain emotional and crazy. Well, let the public record show that they are right, in a sense. I have seen something concerning life that has me in all those states and what hurts the most is that each of us touches it every day but refuse to vulnerably acknowledge it.

I have lost some great people in my life, not because they, nor I were horrible people, but because we shut our eyes to the revelation. Somewhere, we thought maybe it was just a great addition to life, instead of being the very meaning of life. In a recent conversation with my ride or die best friend, Tiffany Cooper, she stated that, as a circle of friends, the purpose of our relationship had not changed; we just don’t walk in it as we should. So often, we thought it would be nice to have someone walk alongside us as we pursued our dreams, built the business, advanced in the higher learning, made the money, became the America’s next top celebrity, etc., as if those things were our primary purpose. I have come to know that those were the additions to life instead of the meanings and purposes for life. In some sense, for many people, those have become the distractions to life. All along, we have all been touching, tasting, and even taunting our purpose and dishonoring it by calling it something good to have along the journey. We failed to realize that it was, and is, the journey… the other things are just additions and small spices added. I feel we need to push reset and start from the beginning. SMH (shaking my head). I added the SMH for no real reason other than wanting to incorporate a little millennial text talk. LOL.

I grieve deeply because the revelation has been given, but we are still looking. We have determined that there must be more. So, we have been scrambling trying to find the meaning of life, what our true identity is, what we are called to do in life, what city to live in, etc. when all along, what we have been searching for, has been right in our reach. Instead of seizing it, we’ve traveled another road for self-actualization, self-esteem, even self-right-ness. It is a deception that we are all guilty of at some point in our lives. We have settled for a pursuit of happiness when all along our soul has longed for wholeness.

In our friendships, we have sought to push our own agenda instead of being suitable to help the others around us, or even deeper, to collaboratively pursue a common agenda… an agenda that counts, that lasts, and transcends all; that agenda is LOVE. But I suppose somewhere other factors became more important. Other entities changed the connections.

I suppose a question remains; will we keep looking for our own sense of worth, our own sense of completion and a revelation that in all actuality stares us in the face? I am inclined to believe that this revelation has been given to us not as something we must look hard to find. God in all His greatness never hid the Tree of Life from us, although the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil was in the midst of the garden. Do not become put-off with the tree references. I am aware that many reading this are not believers in that story; the point of reference is for picture painting purposes; not doctrine.

Anywho, the Revelation of Relationship has been present all along and actually was a present (gift), but we were distracted, deceived and confused by the fruit of the knowledge tree because they looked good for food – after all, the fruit from that tree would make us like God, – as if we already weren’t like Him…. RELATIONAL.

I don’t sense that God ever had anything against us gaining knowledge, but the knowledge gained from this Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil is what killed us instead of it giving us life. It was a choice toward self-sufficiency, self-righteousness, self-confidence and all those other selfs including self-worth and self-preservation. The revelation wasn’t in knowing good and evil, right and wrong, which car is better than the other, what will give us the most bang for our buck, judging this or that, stuck trying to figure one’s life out, etc. The revelation was in RELATIONSHIP which was, and is, found on a totally different tree. This is a spiritual and biological reality. One in which we often will sadly abandon in the name of growth.

Abandoning Our Destiny One Soul at a Time

This is about to be very hard for you all to embrace; however, please hear me now and battle it later. Most of the time you have everything you need in the relationships you currently hold. The problem comes in because we haven’t awakened to it beyond our immediate desires to be 100% comfortable. Additionally, we often neglect to allow its light to shine beyond the immediate problems and relational challenges. It definitely takes a lot of maturity and courage to really embrace what I am saying here. I will pause here for a moment and offer a disclaimer that I am not endorsing abuse in any way; nor am I suggesting that you be unwise in your dealings with anyone. That being said, understand that the true relationships you have, have been gifted to you as an answer and helper in the experience of the human condition.

It is believed that all humans have various things in common as a part of this condition – that is – the search and quest for significance and purpose, overcoming of loneliness, freedom, comfort regarding the thought of mortality, etc. Above all, the ultimate quest of all mankind is to Love and to be Loved. As a matter of fact, all of the other conditions are consumed by the overarching essence and presence of Love. Being made in the image and likeness of God (God is Love) engulfs us with not only the fullness of who we are, but also what we are truly destined to be.

For some reason, we have been led to believe that our calling and our destiny is some great accomplishment obtained through secular education, hard work, manipulating or navigating through some hierarchy or achievement of success. For some, it is a belief that there is something we are on a journey to reach, find, or complete. Reality is, our calling is merely an invitation to live. As for our destiny, well, it stares us in the face daily. As a matter of fact, our calling is something we accept; not something we find. Our destiny is something we fulfill, not something we reach. Our calling, in essence, is simply an invitation that accompanies the fulfillment of our destiny. It is a call from death to life. It is the invitation to sit at a table and feast on the beauty in which God has destined us for; relationship.

Yes, our destiny is all the same in this sense; it is our relationships. I understand that many of you may struggle with this concept; however, take a deep breath before your heart begins to jump out of your chest in rage and your fingers begin smoking because you are typing so fast in rebuttal to blast me on social media! God’s purpose for us has always been relationship; nothing more. More importantly, nothing less. He, being Love, has called us into existence and creation with that same image embedded and purposed within us.

So down to the point of all this mumbo jumbo! We have been gifted one another to answer the need of the human soul or spirit to have suitable help in not reaching our destiny, but in fulfilling our destiny by living in Loving relationship with one another; this includes the Spirit of God. God is not impressed by our many talents and abilities. Yes, He gave them to us and allows us to use them as tools for entertainment, conditioning life for advancement in technology, and even as recreational enjoyment; but all in all, they are not very impressive in and of themselves – at least, not to him. If anything, they are given to us to communicate a message and perhaps more importantly enhance relational connection, fulfillment, accountability, and development in love. I will explain more of this in the following pages as I can see the eyebrows raising.

What impresses (glorifies) God is that we live in Love and unity with one another. That we allow Love to cover the multitude of sins. That we let Love work its perfect work. That we remain united and overcome divisive principalities by the power of Love activated on both ends of the relationship. That we accept this gift, value it and refuse to devalue it; even when we have dropped it on our foot or got a paper cut trying to open it. Ok, without the metaphors … even when the relationship or the other person(s) in it have offended you in some way or caused uneasy feelings within you.

I found a good book that had some interesting writings in it regarding this Love and relationships stuff, check this reference out.

Proverbs 27:6-10 The Message (MSG) 6 The wounds from a lover (friend) are worth it; kisses from an enemy do you in. 7 When you’ve stuffed yourself, you refuse dessert; when you’re starved, you could eat a horse. 8 People who won’t settle down, wandering hither and yon, are like restless birds, flitting to and fro. 9 Just as lotions and fragrance give sensual delight, a sweet friendship refreshes the soul. 10 Don’t leave your friends or your