Intimacy with God, Ourselves and Others

By Mary L. Lyon

“Be ready to be challenged and hopefully transformed to deeper ways of engaging in and enjoying intimate relationships with God and people" Rebecca Sassenrath, ACC, CTC.

The truths in this book will guide the reader to experience the deep and fulfilling intimacy our hearts yearn for in our relationships with God, ourselves and others. The reader will view the role of intimacy in our relationships in a more meaningful way.

God has placed within each of us the need and ability to be intimate. There are very specific qualities of intimacy, such as our sexuality, "naked hearts," peace, love and grace that we can nurture and enjoy. However, it is a choice. Each of us has a say in the intimacy we will pursue in our relationships.

To assist in the pursuit, there are questions at the end of each section for individual and group reflection.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Mary L. Lyon
• Release date: Aug 15, 2020
• ISBN: 9781005285234

Mary L. Lyon

Mary studied Mechanical Engineering as an undergraduate student. While studying she traded semesters working at NASA in Houston, Texas. It was while working at NASA that she felt the tug on her heart that God had another plan for her life. Upon graduation, Mary proceeded to serve as a missionary for the next 11 years of her life; she served in Greece the last two years of her service.Upon returning from Greece, she pursued her Master's degree in Counseling, which led to a job with a major university. It was while working there that God did what God faithfully does and she found herself again working as an engineer. She managed major construction for the university. She also obtained her Master's degree in Engineering Management and her Professional Engineering License.She had her first outline for a book in 1989 (a book she has yet to write). Her first book was published in May, 2014, with the second quickly on its heels in December, 2014. She continues to write and is developing an evangelistic series of books centered around Jesus Christ..Her prayer is that her books will bless others' relationships with our God and His word.

Book preview

Much of what is shared in this book is the result of my own journey in learning to nurture deeper intimacy in my relationships. I have learned much about God's design for our relationships through friends who have demonstrated the secret of having intimacy with God, themselves and others. People who live the truths presented in this book.

Specifically, I need to thank Cheri Thomas, Rebecca Sassenrath, and Nancy Butkowski who gave of their time and wisdom as this book developed. It was over two years in the making. These three women accompanied me on the journey.

I also must thank my dear Savior and Lord Jesus Christ. As I studied His word to write this book, He took me deeper into His design for our relationships. The more I tried to articulate my thoughts, the more He challenged my thinking. Writing this book benefitted my own growth in nurturing intimacy in my relationships with God, others and myself. I hope you will benefit from this book as much as I have.

CONTENTS

Dedication

Acknowledgement

Foreword

Introduction

A Picture of Intimacy

Intimacy's Designer

Intimacy's Purpose

Questions to Ponder

Intimacy's Quality: Sexuality

Biblical View

In Relation to God

In Relation to Ourselves

In Relation to Others

Sexuality

Questions to Ponder

Intimacy's Quality: Naked Heart

Biblical View

In Relation to God

In Relation to Ourselves

In Relation to Others

Naked Heart

Questions to Ponder

Intimacy's Quality: Peace

Biblical View

In Relation to God

In Relation to Ourselves

In Relation to Others

Peace

Questions to Ponder

Intimacy's Quality: Reconciliation

Biblical View

In Relation to God

In Relation to Ourselves

In Relation to Others

Reconciliation

Questions to Ponder

Intimacy's Quality: Love

Biblical View

In Relation to God

In Relation to Ourselves

In Relation to Others

Love

Questions to Ponder

Intimacy's Quality: Grace

Biblical View

In Relation to God

In Relation to Ourselves

In Relation to Others

Grace

Questions to Ponder

Intimacy's Quality: Marriage

Biblical View

In Relation to God

In Relation to Ourselves

In Relation to Others

Marriage

Questions to Ponder

Intimacy's Quality: Singleness

Biblical View

In Relation to God

In Relation to Ourselves

In Relation to Others

Singleness

Questions to Ponder

Intimacy: A Choice

Intimacy: Prayer

Questions to Ponder

Intimacy with God, Ourselves and Others

Questions to Ponder

Appendix A: Choosing Jesus Christ

Appendix B: CRAFT

Appendix C: Conflict Resolution

Appendix D: Our Identity in Christ

About the Author

Books by Mary L Lyon

FOREWORD

When Adam and Eve disobeyed God, they realized they were naked! We humans have been hiding from God (and each other) ever since. Mary Lyon speaks of nakedness of heart and intimacy in ways that will make the reader think more deeply about the quality of our relationships. Our relationships with God and each other. We are challenged to ponder and reflect on how we will approach intimacy with one another under God’s covenantal blessing or wander off to try to get our needs met in ways that are contrary to our Creator’s intention. Be ready to be challenged and hopefully transformed to deeper ways of engaging in and enjoying intimate relationships with God and people.

Enjoy the journey,

Rebecca Sassenrath, ACC, CTC

ReaLife Coaching

Genesis Process Specialist

www.rebecca4realife.com

INTRODUCTION

Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone…

Genesis 2:18

In college, my girlfriends and I would sometimes entertain ourselves by sharing some of our more interesting dates. In our sillier moods, we focused on our unique dates. Other times, in our more serious moments, we discussed our most intimate dates.

I still remember what I shared as my most intimate date as if it was yesterday. He and I, after dinner, had driven to the lake. It was a picturesque scene with the calming water underneath a blanket of stars. We sat on the hood of his car, with our backs against the windshield, and talked. We discussed our dreams for the future. We asked each other questions and really got to know each other. I think that was when I knew I was falling in love with him. Physically, we only kissed.

My girlfriends thought that was sweet. They also wondered why we had not been more physically intimate. For them the sharing was sweet, but it was not the intimacy. The physical was the intimacy. They found it difficult to understand how for me, getting to know each other in a deeper emotional way was the more important intimacy. The physical could come later. Intimacy of heart first. Intimacy of body later.

Those conversations with my girlfriends and that relationship taught me a few things about intimacy. For one, each of us experiences and perceives intimacy in differing ways. My date probably would have agreed with my girlfriends about ending the evening with more physical intimacy. He respected me, however, and did not pursue it.

Two, some consider a couple as being intimate when they share physical intimacy. Often, when people ask if a couple is intimate, that is what they are asking. However, is the physical the intimacy or an expression of intimacy shared, as my date and I shared sitting and talking on the hood of his car?

Three, intimacy depends on the relationship. When we consider each of us is different and each of our relationships is different, the intimacy shared will vary. For example, a mother-daughter relationship will experience it differently from a husband-wife relationship. I experienced it differently with the men I dated from the women they eventually married.

Therefore, caution is necessary in defining and describing intimacy. Each relationship needs to find and nurture the right intimacy for it. As well, it is important to avoid presenting exact steps to nurturing it. While suggestions for encouraging each of us to discover for ourselves how to nurture God's designed intimacy in each of our relationships are beneficial, they are only suggestions. Moreover, while emotions are involved, the focus cannot be on the emotions. Each of us feels uniquely. We experience life in our own special way. We enjoy relationships with our own flair.

With those thoughts in mind, this book was written to help each of us in our own journeys to nurturing His intimacy in our relationships with Him, each other and ourselves. The first few chapters describe God's intent for our intimacy. It is His idea. The next set of chapters focus on some qualities of intimacy that are important for our relationships. The final chapters address themes that are apparent in the study of His design.

His Word, the Bible (often citations will be provided), and the relationships Jesus Christ experienced will be the emphasis for understanding His design for our intimacy. Jesus had a different relationship with His twelve disciples than He had with the masses or the religious leaders. As well, some people responded and followed Him; while others sought to have Him crucified.

His varied relationships demonstrate that we will experience intimacy on a continuum. Each of our relationships will be unique. Each will have its own risks and rewards. Each will have its own life. Each can be enjoyed for the special gift it is to us.

I raise my cup of coffee to you, the reader, and say, Here is to deeper and more intimate relationships for you with God, yourself and others.

A PICTURE OF INTIMACY

Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.

1 Peter 4:8

Pictures reproduce the world around us. They help us remember the past and capture the present. They have a way of capturing a memory or feeling that words cannot. Through them, we again see parts of the world to which we have travelled. Alternatively, we can go to places we may never visit.

Through pictures, we share our lives and experiences with each other. We share pictures from vacations and weddings and hear the stories behind each one. We learn about someone's life beginning with the baby pictures and other embarrassing moments. They provide a glimpse into the essence of our life experiences.

Our relationships, in a similar manner, can provide a picture into God's design for our intimacy. People can come to know who God is and who we are through our relationships. They can come to understand Him and us through the importance we give to the relationships in our lives.

I reflected on this as I painted my kitchen. Even more so as I painted my cupboards. The process of covering the cupboards helped me understand better the importance of the picture we display to a watching world through the intimacy we experience in our relationships with God, each other, and ourselves. It gave me deeper insight into the importance of love covering a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8) for our relationships.

The kitchen cupboards were showing the wear and tear from the service they had provided over the years. I could do nothing and leave the wear and tear exposed, or, I could replace them, reface them, or preserve them by painting them. They were good cupboards, so I chose to paint them. As I painted them, I became acquainted with nicks and scars in them that I had not noticed before. I again had a choice. I chose to continue painting them. I was committed to preserving them.

Likewise, our relationships can show wear and tear. It is not a bad thing. It just means they need care and attention. We have a choice. We can care and give attention to preserving the relationships or we can choose not to.

Relationships offer sweeter intimacy when we are willing to commit to the work of preserving and nurturing them. The truth is that nurturing intimacy requires effort on our parts. Strong relationships do not just happen. They become strong by doing life together. By weathering the storms of life together. By committing to one another through the good and the bad.

Painting the cupboards made a huge difference in my kitchen. One can see the goodness of the cupboards now rather than their less than perfect appearance. The paint did a wonderful job of covering up the unattractive details.

Similarly, intimate relationships do a wonderful job of covering up the nicks to our hearts we have suffered and the wear and tear from loving. As 1 Peter 4:8 advises, our relationships need the paint of love. Here is a critical truth: I knew what I was covering with paint and I was willing to. When we share a deeper intimacy with someone, we will know what we are covering with love and are willing to. Intimacy takes the time to know and loves enough to cover.

When I first started painting, I was only seeing the needs of the cupboards. However, as the project progressed, the more I was seeing the nicks and wear and tear to my own heart. I realized that my heart was much like my cupboards. It needed a fresh coat of love. Moreover, while the paint could cover the wear and tear, the nicks were still there. I had to accept that they would still be there. Likewise, I, too, have to accept the nicks to my own heart.

The same kind of discovery happens as we develop intimacy in our relationships. We learn much about ourselves. We learn that while we are covering the other with love, we also need the other to cover us with love. Intimacy does not just uncover hurts in the other person's heart; it uncovers hurts in our own hearts. In addition, just as the nicks did not make my cupboards any less valuable, the nicks in our hearts do not make us any less valuable. Love seeks to preserve us, nicks and all.

Unfortunately, painting the cupboards was not one simple step and I was done. It was a process. The process required cleaning them, one coat of stain blocker, and three coats of paint. The challenge was the doors because of the detail to them. Half way through I got the right rhythm for painting them. It took time to understand the right paint stroke to use.

Well, each relationship needs time to build intimacy. We cannot just decide we want it and magically we have it. Building intimacy in our relationships will require patience, time and carefully navigating the process. We will need to learn the right love stroke for each person. They will need to learn the right love stroke for us. If we put in the work, the final product is beautiful.

Something I skipped during the painting process was caulking the seam between my cupboards and ceiling. I figured it was not noticeable before, so how noticeable could it be afterwards. Well, I learned. It was quite noticeable. Caulking quickly changed that. It would have been easier, however, to do it before I painted. Lesson learned.

Again, it is the same with our relationships. Pretending a problem in our relationship does not bother us or talking around it, is not what is best. Over time, it becomes more and more annoying. Just as ignoring the seam did not make it less noticeable, avoiding the disagreements or unmet expectations in our relationships will not make them go away. The challenge is to pursue what is best for the relationship and the people in the relationship by dealing with the problems that arise. My kitchen was more beautiful because I took the effort to caulk the seam. Our relationships will be more beautiful for the effort of working through the problems that arise.

I wish I could say I was done after I painted. However, I am not. Now, I need to work at keeping my kitchen looking nice. I continue to care for it and the cupboards.

Our relationships, too, will need continued care to stay beautiful. A