When the One You Love Doesn't Love You Anymore: A Journey of Self Discovery

By Cynthia R. Williams

What is going on, and how did I get here?!!

Most of us have been there: feeling the regret of choices that we have made that sent us on a path of no return. That path may have led to divorce that plunged you into a life you never expected; or it could have resulted through the choices of others or circumstances for which you had no control.

This book When the One You Love Doesn’t Love You Anymore explores some of the often hard questions about life, marriage and divorce and what it takes to change the very things that are holding you back from living a fulfilling life. No matter what path you find yourself on, there is hope for a change that can enrich your life more than you can ever imagine.

There is a treasure waiting to be discovered. Are you ready for an adventure?

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Jan 21, 2019
• ISBN: 9781973648772

Cynthia R. Williams

From the time she was a young girl, Cynthia attended a Christian academy, where she was exposed to biblical teaching. In this environment, she was exposed to God’s Word and was challenged to memorize scripture, but she didn’t truly know God. As a result, life took a turn down a path that led to difficult circumstances she would have to learn to overcome. But when she was twenty-six years old, Jesus made himself known to her and revealed that she was on a dangerous road—a change needed to be made to save her life. At that moment, she answered the call to follow Jesus. What would soon come was a journey of miraculous triumph over circumstances she would have otherwise been bound by. Cynthia has spent the last seventeen years studying the Bible, looking for answers to her past and guidance for her future. During this time, she attended Dallas Christian College and was mentored by other writers and speakers in women’s ministry, as well as other ministry leaders in her community. God has given Cynthia a passion to reach out to women to help them find the same kind of hope that she found in God. She now lives with her husband of thirteen years and four sons in Alberta, Canada, where they continue to seek God for the next step in their journey.

Book preview

WHEN

THE ONE

YOU LOVE

Doesn’t Love You Anymore

A Journey of

Self Discovery

CYNTHIA R. WILLIAMS

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Copyright © 2019 Cynthia R. Williams.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

Scripture quotations taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, Copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

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ISBN: 978-1-9736-4876-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-4875-8 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-4877-2 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018914739

WestBow Press rev. date: 01/18/2019

To so many at Green Acres Baptist Church in Tyler, Texas: Thank you so much for taking me in at a time that I was so vulnerable and lost. Thank you for loving me.

And to Catherine Harrison: the lady who encouraged me to go the distance and inspired me to write. You have taught me to have confidence in myself and to shoot for my dreams. Thank you for believing in me.

And, finally, to my husband, Jayson: You have been such a blessing, because you are a wonderful example of what it is to love. You are my best friend, and I am forever thankful that God brought you into my life.

CONTENTS

Introduction     The Father of Compassion

Chapter 1         When the One I Loved Didn’t Love Me Anymore

Chapter 2         The Journey of a Lifetime

Chapter 3         The Testing of Wills

Chapter 4         A Balancing Act

Chapter 5         He Loves Me; He Loves Me Not

Chapter 6         New Shoes

Chapter 7         Life in a New Light

Chapter 8         Using Your New Shoes

Chapter 9         The Desire to Give

Chapter 10       Applying the Truth to the Covenant

Chapter 11       Stand, He says

Notes

INTRODUCTION

The Father of Compassion

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

—2 Corinthian 1:3–4 NIV

G rowing up, it never occurred to me that I would ever write a book; it was something I felt was far beyond my reach. I do remember one day as a young girl trying to write a fiction story based upon the life of someone I knew, but it never materialized.

I had dreams of making a life of myself, but I must admit that, as a young girl, the kind of life I lived kept me from believing that anything could come of it. The environment I lived in did not encourage to me to have dreams or to shoot for bigger and better things in life. My childhood drilled the idea in my head that I could not do anything or become anyone without a husband, and what I would become was limited to just being a wife. I wasn’t encouraged to have a career or better myself, but I was expecting to know how to react and behave even though there was no education in the home as to how to do so. Our home was ruled with an iron fist, and it was left to my school to raise me. I lived in fear every day, always wondering what would come next.

I longed for the attention of my dad, who was always doing things for himself. I looked for ways to please him, but I was never enough. I felt as if I was his regret from the time of my conception. Although I had a dad living in the home, he was never there for me. I experienced rejection on a regular basis that continued until the time of his death not that long ago.

I wanted my dad so badly that one day I found myself demanding that he be a father to me, but he ignored me as he sat and watched television. I remember one day claiming that I ought to pray for God to strike that television with lightning, as it was a constant disruption in our relationship, and I was told that they would just buy a new one. My parents knew why I said that, but I was still rejected. Their way of trying to resolve our problems was to get me married off; I believe this was the main thing that led me to getting married so young and to the wrong person.

Everything changed when I found God. God helped me to stand up to my dad. One day, my dad just came out and asked me when I was going to get married. It was out-of-the-blue and completely out of context.

I wasn’t even dating anyone, and he knew that! I told him that I wasn’t going to rush into anything and that I would get married when I found the right person. I would get married because I wanted to and not because he wanted it. His motives were selfish, and I was not going to let his selfishness affect my life anymore.

So I didn’t have a dad, just a man who sat in his recliner all day and did what he wanted no matter how it affected the rest of the family. But where my dad fell short, God made up for.

One might say, Your dad wasn’t there for you, and that is why you need God. While there are a lot of good dads out there, they still don’t compare to God—the Father of compassion. I never once felt an abusive kind of fear from God; he has always been understanding, choosing to see the depths of my heart. He saw my motives and intentions even when things didn’t turn out like I planned. God has always been there to teach me, catch me when I fall, lead me out of difficult situations, and even mend my wounds when I was hurt. He has actually done so much more. Something you need to understand is that it is a miracle, right from the hand of God, that you are even reading this book, because if it weren’t for him, it would not exist. The strength it took to write all these words came from him.

As I got to know God, he helped me to understand who he created me to be, which is more than just a wife and a mom; those things are wonderful privileges, but that is not all we are. I have been told by someone, Just be a mom. That person was giving permission to the devil to rob me of my identity. Essentially, it was a curse. He, for a moment, stepped into my dad’s shoes to tear me down and everything I was meant to be. As hard as it might have been to get through that trial created by someone else, I have forgiven him even if he let the devil speak through him. He just did not comprehend what he was saying. Ladies, God wants to adopt us into his family to be daughters of the King—princesses destined to fulfill a calling here on earth until our time here is finished and we are brought into his heavenly kingdom. Don’t let anyone tell you that you are not good enough or that your place is at home unless that is where you are called by God to be. God sees us as much more.

Looking back, I find that in all that I went through in my first eight years of adulthood, there was one key ingredient that was missing—God. God was missing from my life, and I spent much of it missing the fact that God was right there waiting for me to look toward him. One thing I know is that despite all the choices we make that reap negative consequences, God is fully aware of those mistakes and seeks to bring good out of every circumstance.

What does this mean? I truly believe in 2 Corinthians 1:3–4 (NIV) that tells us that God comforts us so that we, in turn, can comfort others. You see, that key ingredient wasn’t just God himself; it was his strength. Throughout history there have been many times that God has taken someone who was weak to demonstrate his love for us. Though we are weak, he is strong (Philippians 4:13 NIV), and without our weakness, God wouldn’t be able to demonstrate his love through us, and neither would we be able to experience that greatness by the blessings he so eagerly waits to pour out into our lives.

In the following chapters, I share some of my story. It has taken approximately seven years to complete it. It hasn’t been easy, as it has been a time that I had to confront my past and record my trials in a place where people can read them. In addition, it isn’t easy exposing your trials and mistakes in a form that anyone is allowed to see. But I have written this book because God is good. And if he can use me to bring comfort to others, then I am all for it.

It is my desire that you find healing for your hurts and direction for your life. This book is the first of several books to come as I share what God places on my heart. I pray that you experience all of the compassion our heavenly Father has for you.

CHAPTER 1

When the One I Loved Didn’t Love Me Anymore

Love the Lord, all his faithful people! The Lord preserves those who are true to him, but the proud he pays back in full. Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.

—Psalm 31:23–24 NIV

M ost people would agree that there are many who are hurting in one way or another. Many are lost and lonely. Do you ever feel like your life has no real direction? Or maybe you’ve reached your goals in life and you wonder what lies around the corner? I have to admit that there were many times I felt lost and as if I couldn’t find my way through life. Looking back, I can honestly see myself in darkness going through life just taking it as it comes as if I had no choice in the matter. Many of us have experienced it—a period when we seem to have no sense of direction, and it plunges us into a time of darkness or depression.

If you could go back in time, what would you say to that younger version of yourself? Would you tell yourself, for example, to be patient and wait for that right person to come into your life? Would you have warned yourself of an impending divorce if you were to marry a particular person? Would you have told yourself not to settle and that you were worthy of a good man who may still be out there waiting for the right woman to enter his life—you? Would you have told yourself that there is a better life waiting if you just look in the right direction?

Unfortunately, so many women have made decisions for which they are still living out the negative consequences. For you, there might have been a life that you so desperately wanted to get away from. Most of us would agree that we know more about life now than we did when we were at that pivotal moment in life that changed everything; in my case, I was eighteen years old. For you that pivotal point could have been a few years ago, or you could be staring it in the face at this very moment. As for us women whom God gifted with a bit of insight, we have paid attention to see what’s coming. So what do we do? Whether the moment has passed or we are surrounded in the moment as we speak, there is an answer. We just need to search for it.

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I know from experience that God is available to guide us in the right direction; he is only waiting for us to turn toward him and ask. One thing is for sure: we should seek to learn from our past experiences; the knowledge we gain can give us wisdom for the future and the power to change our circumstances.

Proverbs 2:10–11 (NIV) tells us, For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard. These are such powerful words! Knowledge alone will serve you no justice, but when you gain understanding, the wisdom you gain will be a substantial blessing. I have heard people say, I wish I knew back then what I know now. Isn’t this phrase really a reaction to trial and suffering with a sense of regret? If we have regret, is it possible that we are too busy looking at what went wrong that we fail to see what has gone right? I have to admit that it is too easy to do. I have been there more times than I care to count. But just as I have had to do it, I challenge you to look darkness in its face and demonstrate to that darkness that