Crushing Invisible Barriers: Onset of a Glorious Marital Destiny

By Dee Kyalo

This book has been called an eye-opener! What you do not know may be hurting you, and just because you cannot see it, it doesn't mean that it is absent. Gravity cannot be seen, but its effects cannot be argued with. Many times people think that their inability to keep a relationship or get a spouse lies in the visible reasons; while that might be true to some extent, the main reasons are invisible to the physical eye. Discover the secret to overcoming those invisible barriers that hinder and delay many individuals in their pursuit of long-lasting relationships that are intended to culminate into successful marriage.

This groundbreaking book includes testimonies of people who have experienced these unseen limitations and have overcome them using the Word of God. Find out how you can exercise your faith by taking authority in the spiritual realm to enforce your liberty in the physical world.

Knowing what God has promised is one thing, but knowing the steps to take to lay hold of those promises is another. The author outlines basic strategies to engage in battle and conquer the enemy of your marital destiny.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Dee Kyalo
• Release date: Apr 6, 2014
• ISBN: 9781310297625

Dee Kyalo

Dee Kyalo-Mwanzia ministers liberty in Christ through her writing and other platforms. She is the author of Crushing Invisible Barriers and Looking Up. Her passion is to see Christians liberated, growing and experiencing God's promises. She is also a writer with FaithWriters and contributing author, editor and reviewer of several books. She serves on the Board of Directors of Organization for Health, Education and Research Services (OHERS), working with communities in Kenya to improve their quality of life and standard of living. Dee and her husband have been in church leadership for more than a decade, and are the founders of Life NOW Global Mission.

Book preview

Preface

Approaching Relationships Toward Marriage

The Wonders of Being single

What Is Marriage?

Marriage as God intended

Purpose of marriage

Secondary purposes for marriage

Wrong purposes for marriage

Readiness

Understanding times and seasons

A brief word on love

Finding A Spouse

Qualities to aim for

Principles for a strong foundation for a godly relationship

Why is sexual purity so important?

How can I be sure that I am not making a mistake?

How To Approach A Lady

Men set the ball rolling

Women are responders

Why a woman would say no to your proposal

Some signs that the person’s never going to marry you

What to do when she says no

Why he is not proposing

What should a lady do while waiting?

On courtship…

7. I’m Ready, What’s The Hold Up?

The complacency of delay is not denial

Invisible Barriers and How To Crush Them

The Way Forward

Foreword

I remember waiting for my fiancé at the airport and feeling like it was taking forever. Finally, I saw her, and I felt like Adam — very sure that she was the one. To me, it seems like yesterday. God has been so good to us, and our marriage has been growing strong ever since. We thank God and give Him all the glory. Anyone who desires to be married, and it appears to be taking a long time, be encouraged to know that the Bible says, There is nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes 1:9 - NIV). I was in the same situation and, in Christ, my life is not any different from yours. When the time for me to get married came, I just knew it was time. I really wanted to settle down in holy matrimony. It is one thing to pray about something, but a different thing to have to wait. No one is an expert when it comes to waiting. When Abraham was waiting for a child from the Lord, it was hope against hope. He did not stagger in unbelief; instead, his faith grew strong, giving glory to God.

Praying, fasting, watching and waiting upon the Lord—over and over again. Does that sound familiar? It is not easy, but I had to entirely trust and depend on God. The Holy Spirit continually reminded me to have faith in God. Psalms 23:1 KJV says, The lord is my shepherd, I shall not want... I reminded God of that promise. If I shall not want, I shall not lack, then where was my wife to be? That thought prompted me to meditate upon Proverbs 18:22 NIV, He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord. How was I going to find?

My answer was right there. I was to take the next step to find her. I had to take that step and the Lord directed me, for the steps of a righteous man are ordered of the Lord. The Holy Spirit brought to my remembrance His will concerning a wife. So when I am in the will of God concerning something, the first thing I need to do is take that initial stride towards what I desire. In my case, I wanted a wife; I started seeking and not looking for one. Notice the difference, I had to seek to find my wife, never was I told to look for my wife - she was not lost. Looking will always result in one seeing with their natural eyes, taking them to what they know, but seeking is what resulted in my finding, taking me to what I did not know—yet I should know. The end result is not the same! If I seek then I will find. …seek and you will find… (Matthew 7:7 - NIV). You will seek me and find me… (Jeremiah 29:13 - NIV). You seek and then you find.

When I started finding, the Holy Spirit guided me like He did with Eliezar, Abraham’s servant. I then had this inner conviction, the Lord leading me to this specific lady. My only problem was to convey to her what I believed God was telling me. My fear was in a few things: Would she believe me or not? Would she say that she wasn’t interested? Or would she surprise me by asking what my credit score was? A lot of questions came into my mind and had I followed my own feelings rather than trusted God, I would probably not be married today. I am glad I took that step of faith. I overcame fear with faith, my own way of thinking with God’s Word, and I placed my total confidence in God leaving the entire outcome to Him. This is what I desire for you, and hope you find out how by reading this book. God wants to fulfill the desires of your heart and He will lead you to your future spouse.

No one begins life married; we are all single. God wants us to enjoy every moment in our lives, including our time of being single. Singleness is not loneliness or a curse, but a blessing from God. Thank God in all things. The Bible says that there is time for everything and things look beautiful at the right time. If you feel time has come for you to say I do and it’s hasn't happened, then it is time for you to find out the cause of that, but don't give up. This book explains some of the invisible delays to marriage.

As you read this book, these invisible obstacles to your becoming married will be discovered. With God’s help, every crooked way to your marital destiny will be made straight. This book tackles every major obstacle to your marriage and shows you how to clear or overcome it. You won’t be delayed anymore in Jesus’ name. May your inner eyes be opened and get ready to receive your breakthrough. There is hope!

—Kyalo S. Mwanzia

Preface

Among the special groups of people dear to my heart are those with a desire to get married. I gravitate towards them and as we interact, I see myself in a lot of them. Naturally, I find myself having the burden to pray for them. It is one of my joys to present their request to God in prayer expecting a breakthrough for them, because deep inside me I know that apart from God’s grace, I should have been in that same position today.

My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge (Hosea 4:6 - KJV). How often this proves true! Before discovering the truth of that Scripture, what I did not know was causing me to live in some form of exile. I thought some patterns in my life were normal. Even though my desires were in line with the will of God, for several years there was a barrier—and it was invisible! How can you address something that is unseen? Does it even exist? This book will bring it to light.

I believe that purposeful deliberate actions we take by faith in God, is what moves the huge mountains before us and parts the seas for us to cross. It is not enough to know what God has said in His Word, it is very crucial to personalize and live it. Listening to God and being sensitive to the signs and times has spurred me to encounter sorrow-free blessings in my relationship. At the time of this writing, it has been eleven wonderful years of marriage to a man I had never dated prior to his proposal. How is that even possible? I elaborate further in the book.

It might seem like you are in a helpless, hopeless cycle, but I encourage you not to give up. Stop pitying yourself. Refocus on your God who is not dead. Is anything too hard for the Lord? (Genesis 18:14). In this book, we endeavor to bring under arrest the tiresome parry and futility of going around the same mountain. We shall identify those invisible barriers that delay or hinder altogether single mature adults in their pursuit of relationships that should culminate in marriage and we shall address how to overcome them. So get adamant because your breakthrough is near.

Chapter One

Approaching Relationships Toward Marriage

All human beings crave for and certainly need social contacts. When one speaks of relationships in general, it basically means any situation in our life that involves more than one person, that being ourselves. Relationships are very important regardless of age, nationality, or gender. Without relationships, life is empty, boring and lonely. With relationships, lives are fun and fulfilling, but can be stressful at times. A relationship not only refers to romantic relationships, but other relationships such as with your parents or siblings. Relationships can also be between bosses and employees, teachers and students, or between two or more people. This includes people for whom we have a particular love or liking, as well as those we dislike or cannot stand.

Man was created as a social being; therefore, no one can claim that they do not need relationships. God Himself created us so that we could have a relationship with Him. (Leviticus 26:12, John 15:14-15). Relationships however, change and develop over time. For instance, your relationship with your parents has matured over the last twenty-five or so years. Hopefully, they do not treat you like a ten-year-old child, and I would like to believe that you do not act like a child either. Similarly, our relationship with God and other people is expected to grow stronger and mature as we develop.

Happy, healthy, and rewarding human relationships, especially those that are geared toward marriage are those in which:

Both sides see the relationship as an opportunity to give

Both sides have integrity

Both sides can learn from each other

Both sides are open to each other

Both sides are willing to listen first

Both sides can communicate freely with each other

Both sides are willing to change

Both sides are willing to admit mistakes

Both sides support each other

To achieve the above you must build a relationship on strong ground. How do you do that? The story of the wise and foolish builders in Matthew 7:24-27 comes to mind.

"Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash" (Matthew 7:24-27).

There is no strong ground on which a relationship can be built outside of obedience to God’s word. If you attempt to build a relationship without obedience to the Word of God, you are guaranteed that the relationship "will collapse with a mighty crash."

My parents will soon celebrate their forty-fifth wedding anniversary and I can imagine their excitement—if the celebration is anything like what I remember twenty years ago when they decided to go ‘extravagant’ on their twenty-fifth anniversary. How my mother adjusted her original wedding gown to fit her twenty-five years later is still a mystery to me. I remember baking the anniversary cake and then transporting it over 230 miles by public means! Long story short, this cake arrived intact on the safety of someone’s lap. Believe me, where there is a will, there is a way. Growing up in such a family where my parents take time out to celebrate their milestones in marriage has given me an old-fashioned conservative, and most importantly, Christian perspective of marriage.

My belief is that for everyone who has a desire for marriage, statistics notwithstanding, God has someone somewhere for them. I have heard it generally said that there are more women than men, and sometimes women wonder if they can really get somebody. Daughter of God! Do not be misled by such talk. Whose report are you going to believe? The ratio of single men to single women might be lower particularly in the town where you live but that is not a countrywide or even worldwide truth.¹ Some cities here in the United States have more single men than single women.² Anyone who will think outside the box will realize that, today, the world is a global village. It has become very easy for people from any part of the world to meet. Not so long ago, one of the articles on CNN’s webpage caught my attention. It read China’s biggest problem? Too many men.³ A different article with the following heading China’s growing problem of too many single men also appeared on forbes.com.⁴ I am pleased to quote one of my brothers in the faith. He said that there are men out there. Not necessarily just in the United States.i Praise the Lord! That is a man who understands that your vision is as big or small as you want it to be. That is to say, the earth is the Lord’s and its fullness thereof. You are not limited to particular location and I couldn’t concur more. Nevertheless, the Bible is clear. Male and female created He them… says Genesis 5:2 (KJV) - not male and females or any