Nostalgia: The Director's Cut

By J.A. King

Inspiration is a funny thing. It can come in the form of love and heartbreak. Pleasure and pain. Failure and success. In the case of a life, every one of these notions plays a part in it's creation because the feelings of any one of these ideas, if strong enough can lead to inspiration.

That inspiration can lead to this. This moment. This story. This feeling... Nostalgia.

Welcome.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Jul 3, 2013
• ISBN: 9781481753494

J.A. King

This is King's first published work. Born and raised in The Bronx, New York, he hopes to continue to grow and excel as a writer using personal life experiences and observations he's absorbed throughout his time here on earth. When not providing food for thought on jackdbk.blogspot.com, King is busy in the kitchen providing food for actual sustenance purposes.

Book preview

© 2013 by J.A. King. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 05/16/2013

ISBN: 978-1-4817-5351-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4817-5350-0 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4817-5349-4 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013908921

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

Annie’s Got A Gun

The Liar, The Bitch, And The Warhog

In Retrospect

Apologies In Order

Brand New Day

Same Old Same

Nostalgia Episode 1

Once Upon A Time…

Nostalgia Episode 2

Growing… Pains

Nostalgia Episode 3

Say Hi To The Bad Guy

Nostalgia Episode 4

Road Trip

Annie’s

Got A Gun

"The Liar, The Bitch, And

The Warhog"

The Preamble

Wow, it feels weird to be sitting here typing on my blog. I haven’t done this in over a year. I’ve noticed something about myself however, when things are really good in a sector of my life I tend to not sit around dwelling, or moping, or doing anything really besides riding the wave. With that said despite the hardships I’ve faced in my life recently, the sector I was most secure in this go round was love. I, for the first time in my life know what it means to love someone more than you’re very self. To want the best for them so much that you’re willing to ignore the best for you. Mind you, I’m 27 years old at this point in my life and I’ve had many women I was with that I felt love FOR-but this? This is something wholly new to me.

So why if he’s so happy would he be here, on his illustrious blog when he just stated that he only writes when he’s depressed?, you might ask. Well, the relationship that created this new level of love has ended and I find writing through things sometimes is extremely cathartic for me. Moving on though, due to arrogance, stubbornness, and missteps on BOTH parts it has boiled out into nothing. One year to the day exactly it started and ended.

When I say this has been the hardest month of my life I don’t say it lightly. In one month during my sixteenth year on this planet I lost my mother and a man who was the only father figure I’ve ever known. That wasn’t easy not by a long shot but despite how crazy it sounds this hurts infinitely more. To grow together and know a person on the level I feel I achieved with this woman is nothing short of hard work especially in the case of a man like myself. I’m arrogant, rude, pig headed, short tempered, and capable of intense cruelty in the span of a very short sentence. With all that said though I believed I found a person who really understood me and returned the love-though not perfect, that I gave to her. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

The Signs

When the relationship ended and the dreaded I need a break phrase was uttered, me being the man I am thought, She needs time to clear her head. She asked for space and I slowly agonized as days turned to weeks and weeks turned to a month on this day. I bought a new phone early on in the break due to water damage on my beloved iPhone and decided to keep a promise that I made that I would either get her a phone or pay her bill. The replacement phone that was used for the longest nontechnical week of my life was now hers. I insisted that I didn’t have her number, that I not know it, that there be no way to contact her, as to give her the space she wanted. She insisted that she wanted to hear from me, that we needed to talk and that it would be fine. I wonder if she regrets that decision now. As time passed I found that she never EVER called unless she needed something and when I’d call she’d be busy or sleeping. As you can imagine having someone in your life everyday for a year and then suddenly gone can be tantamount to having the top layer of flesh ripped off of your ass. You can try to ignore it and be strong but eventually you’ll have to sit down. This was my first sign of something amiss but through the crying and the questioning and the long sleepless nights, she offered a small promise and solace in two words: Trust me. Trust that she would return, trust that we could rebuild with a fresh start, bigger and better as a couple than ever. Trust that she loved and needed me and like a fool-I did. There’s an expression that’s fairly popular that I don’t think is exactly correct, Love is blind. I think it should be rewritten slightly as Love can blind you. Seeing things with clearer eyes once again everything was evident at certain critical points.

One thing I took pride in is the little nuances I knew about my ex. Things that I’d never say aloud simply because I didn’t think they were too flattering. One of those things was this: I can count on one hand how many cold sores she’s had in the last year, 2. The only one she had in our relationship was right at the beginning when we first started making out heavily. I guess it was her bodies way of adjusting to the new foreign agents it’d encounter on a regular basis. Anyway, I found it odd that one night when she asked Do you want to buy me dinner and we sat down she had a beautiful new visitor on her lip in the exact spot the one made for me was created. Immediately I called her on it. Why do you have a herpe on your lip? I asked to which she replied without missing a beat: O, I went to the dentist and got my teeth clean and he put something on my lips and then I got this. Love can blind you.

The next sign I really didn’t ignore and mentioned on a constant basis was that she never wanted to talk or see me. If a person is saying we’re going to be together again someday yet never wants to call or see you that’s usually a bad sign. It got so bad that I turned the phone off twice because not one day was it ever used to call me. After the second time she started talking and texting back but I had already seen this sign. She’s in this not for us anymore but what I can give her that she doesn’t need to see me to enjoy. Love can blind you.

The last sign I’ll mention or I’ll be here for hours is that everything ever said was forced when it came to us as a couple. Her I love you’s became tight and strained, her I miss you’s were non existent. On more than one occasion I had to say it more than once to get her to put some feeling into it, but she’s an actress that’s easy with minimal effort, so why did it seem so hard? Because what she once felt for me was dying and being replaced with what she was feeling for someone else.

Anakin Rising

I’ve said this on multiple occasions numerous amounts of times. I don’t believe in a heaven or hell, angels or demons, good or evil. I believe there’s a God in heaven, but I’ll not debate the clockwork universe theory I follow. Anyway I believe in energy, pure and simple. I believe that if enough thought, focus, and spirit go into any idea you’ll receive feedback from said energy on things you desperately want to know. When I was young I used to have premonitions and déjà vu all the time and I honestly think it was because I wanted to be older. I didn’t have the greatest childhood set up and The Future, being older, being independent was the greatest idea to me. I expended tremendous amounts of thought and feeling into the idea. I remember I used to take the phrase Time flies so seriously I’d sit in one spot and blink repeatedly hoping it would make ten years fly by. It’s a little weird but I’ve never attested to being normal. I say all of that to say the visions and déjà vu slowed down as I got older and have stopped almost completely until recently.

Like I said earlier this has been the hardest month I’ve had in my life. All I’ve done is think of my ex girlfriend. Constantly and with rarely a break in my thoughts for much else. I’ve always been a night owl, but the 4 or 5 hours I can usually consume and still function had suddenly become short hourly spurts that left me fatigued, sad, and in an all around foul mood. I had come to accept them however and dealt with the erratic new pattern by drinking massive amounts of coffee and cherry coke which in turn exacerbated the insomnia. Vicious cycle. Anyway, that’s how I thought things would stay for a while, but I briefly considered moving to Virginia to escape the madness of everywhere and everything in the city reminding me of her. I stayed in Virginia for three days with my Aunt Jarena and my cousins and really felt my spirit lift considerably. I was around unconditional love and support and it went a long way towards improving my state of mind. I ate three meals a day without forcing myself to, but what’s most important I was getting amazing rest. I think if I didn’t take that Almost relocation as I like to call it, none of the dreams would’ve started.

As I said I was in a much better state of mind in Virginia but I still thought of my ex and being with her constantly. The energy I expended came back to me on the morning of my last day in Virginia in the form of one of the most vivid dreams I’ve ever had in my life. It was so strong in fact, I did something I’ve never done with dreams. I propped up quickly on one shoulder grabbed my iPhone (which is never more than three steps away from me) and wrote it down, it went as follows:

Timestamp: Monday, August 27th, 10:37 AM

Dreamed I lived in idk what felt like jersey and Ex and I were separated but she was still living at my old apartment on Jerome. I came into town for some reason or another and she was with some lame. I don’t know if they were talking or not but just the thought drove me insane. I waited in the house for her and when she came she had two guys with her. I slammed the door in their faces which was kind of hard because for some reason there wasnt a hinge on the bottom of the door and that made it swing a little uncontrollably. Jonah understood my anger but wanted me to relax. Regina wanted me to see that how I was acting wasn’t going to get her back. I started screaming at Ex super upset and just trying to say all the things I was feeling. Betrayed, angry… The list goes on. I walked out of the room and then stormed back in and told her to get her shit and get the fuck out. Regina screams No, you can’t do that! Ex starts crying and packing. I go out to the hallway intent on telling this tall slim piece of shit to stay away from her forever or I’m going to kill him literally kill him but I open the door and he looks like he’s no older than 15. I rush back into the room grab Ex, apologize and hold her telling her I’m sorry… That’s when I woke up.

I read and reread what I wrote almost twenty times making sure to leave nothing out and being exact in every detail I remembered. Once I felt I had everything I needed, I texted my best friend and shared my dream with her. She admitted to not knowing very much about dreams and couldn’t offer much about it except a brief discussion about what we both thought it meant. Personally I took it as a sign that I shouldn’t give up on the love I felt for this woman and packed my bags and headed back up north to New York with a promise to my Auntie that I’d return in a couple of weeks to spend more time with the family.

Timestamp: Tuesday, August 28th, 9:58 AM

I went to Ex’s to tell her it was over I couldn’t wait anymore and to say some really foul shit to her… She had to Do her laundry she said but we wound up going to Jordan l Mott high school for a quiz she needed to take. We get to the school and she immediately starts acting different introduces me to one of her friends who nods cordially but doesn’t speak. It’s a female and Ex doesn’t bother to tell her my name as if it doesn’t matter… I’m getting upset because we left her moms house to go do this laundry and now we’re here. I tell her I came to talk to her about something and it cant wait. She blows me off and starts talking to her friends. Later she begins taking the quiz, handed to her by an Asian woman and I walk out of the school. I walk back in and my keys or change or something in my pocket is jingling I see Ex and she says don’t scare me like that I think it’s in reference to my keys because it’s a math quiz and maybe she thought the professor was going to come back and take it from her. Ex hates math. I go back outside again and wind up in a small room. My Best Friend sitting there with her head on a desk and it’s changing very weirdly from her to a doggish/ monkey looking thing. She says she’s upset with my Ex that all she wants to do is smoke and that she’s smoking with these dikes later. I get fed up and tell her I’m going to go talk to Ex… I wake up right when I burst through the door with anger in me.

This dream shook me more than the first one did simply because it was longer yet I remembered everything with intense accuracy. Once again I propped up on one shoulder half groggy from sleep and grabbed my iPhone. I then texted my best friend this time more shaken and asked her opinion. She took it as my frustrations with my ex over the fact that every time I wanted to see her or spend time she would be busy with friends or doing something that required her being alone. I took a couple of positive things from this dream however, the fact that my friend was transforming from herself into a dog and then a monkey though scaring me with the visual at first was actually showing me something I’ve known about her since I’ve met her. Whenever I think about dogs I think of loyalty and man’s best friend and she is insanely loyal to her boyfriend, her family, and those lucky enough to be in her inner circle. Whenever I think of monkeys I think of intelligence and although I rarely tell her I know she knows I think highly of her opinions and mindset. What really made me happy in all of it though was her anger and frustration towards my ex and how things were going. Even in my dreams she rides with me and that made me smile.

Timestamp: Wednesday, August 29th, 9:34 AM

Had a dream I was in someone’s house can’t remember who’s and Ex was in the living room with a friend I walk in and he has his head on her shoulder I get closer and he’s saying come on just give me a kiss. I walk over there and ask him why would he be doing this and does he know the chick he’s begging for kisses is my girl? He says no she didn’t mention it. I say well I’m mentioning it right now and grab him walk him to the door and throw him out. I go back to Ex she’s transforming into my friend Nicole and I don’t really understand it. We get into a huge argument about respecting me and she says don’t worry about me worry bout your little brat. I then ask her what’s Achilles name and she doesnt know. There’s a brief exchange and then I woke up.

This dream was the least clairvoyant of the three but I still sat up and wrote it down half asleep, my sister Erica said I looked like a man possessed as my fingers worked furiously to capture as much as I could before it left me with bits and pieces of the whole. As I’d done twice before, I texted my friend with the dream and she felt that this one was a little more understandable. I think it’s your frustration with Her about not being able to get a straight answer she replied and on this one I wholeheartedly agreed.

Everyone knows Darth Luke, I am your Father Vader, iconic villain of the Star Wars film franchise, but most people don’t know or ignore the first three Star Wars movies which are my personal favorites. As a young man Anakin’s force readings were off the charts, he achieved a skill level masters take years to reach before he was really an adult. Anakin fell in love with a woman, loved her so intensely, and focused on her so intently, that when he slept he had prophetic dreams of her dying. I often like to mind fuck myself with the following questions, Did Anakin’s obsession with the idea bring his thoughts to life? Or was the inevitable set in stone and he just had so much of himself vested in it that he was able to see past the normal boundaries of a man’s mind into what he wanted to know? Whatever the answer, things came to pass exactly as he foresaw them and the very same would hold true for me.

Dreams Fulfilled

On Thursday morning I awoke alert and focused after having a dream about the X-Men. I can’t remember anything of the dream except Cyclops and another member of the team were standing there looking battle ready. Something in that dream made me sit up on the couch I was sleeping on and grab my MacBook. The phone my ex had was under my name after all and I wanted to see what kind of time she was spending on the phone being tired and as busy as she was. I looked through the phone logs and instantly felt my anger rising when as I scrolled down, the same number kept popping up. A 973 number… JERSEY area code. The first line of the first dream anyone? I then put the calls in order by minutes and saw that this number was getting an insane amount of call time. One hundred forty-one minutes here, one hundred twenty-four minutes there, ninety minutes here. What hurt me on a different level was the calls roughly began around my birthday and on MY birthday there were one hundred twenty minutes logged to that number and a measly fifteen to mine. I immediately called my ex intent on finding out what was going on. If I’ve said this once I’ve said this a million times, she is insanely intelligent and the quickest person on their feet I know. She picked up the phone and the conversation went roughly like this:

Me: Who are you calling in Jersey this much that you’ve spent four hundred minutes in August talking to them?

Her: It’s 6:30 in the morning bro is this really what you called me for?

Me: Answer the question.

Her: call the number, it’s my friend. *click*

I called the number and it was a females answering machine. I hung up immediately thinking to myself I have to call from her phone for the nigga to pick up. A new and simple plan formulated in my mind immediately: Get that phone Jack.

One thing I’ve always known about my Ex that I never voiced to her is this: I know when she’s lying simply because unlike good liars, she won’t answer the question and drop the subject. A good liar knows the more you talk, the more you’ll have to build on a foundation that doesn’t exist, and the only way that can last is with a suspension bridge like set up. Eventually you’ll wind up hanging yourself. With that said my Ex loves her sleep and when it came to me and sleep lately as I stated I was losing, so I found it odd that at 6 in the morning on a day she had to work she’d stay up texting me back as I told her that if she was doing what I thought she was, she was (what would come to be my favorite word of the day) a bird. She kept saying that I was crazy and acting like a stalker and the conversation culminated in me telling her that I was coming to her job for the phone.

I called my job and told them I’d be into work late because I needed to handle some personal business. Yasmin bless her heart hit me with Jack, don’t take your little job for granted that’s all I’m saying. I replied with My life is crashing down around me I don’t give a fuck about this little job." It was harsh and I apologized when I got into work later on, but in that moment? I was a man possessed.

I hopped on the train and got off at her jobs location. My mind was a jumbled mess of ideas and it took me literally thirty minutes of walking in circles to finally remember where it was located. I walked past a lanky black man in a nutcracker uniform who nodded cordially as I entered her job. I found my way to the area of the store she worked in and entered her section. Another tall black guy asked me if I wanted to dance on the giant piano. I replied rather coldly that I didn’t want to dance on any damn pianos and that I just came to talk to My Ex. I walked past her ugly, fat manager and approached her at the counter. This conversation followed:

Her: You’re mad hot right now.

Me: The phone.

Her: I didn’t think you were really going to come.

Me: Why wouldn’t I? I do what I say I’m going to-the phone.

Her: You’re wilding out, I’m not giving you the phone, you’re going to get me fired, leave.

Me.: I’ll leave when you give me the phone.

Her: I’m not giving you the phone, look my managers walking away she’s giving me a chance, if I get fired I’m punching you in the face.

Me: You do what you have to, I’m getting the phone…

I turned and walked out feeling slightly sorry for what I had just done. I would never want her to lose a job because of me and I felt bad that it was going down the way it was. I started thinking about what she said about me acting irrationally and behaving like a stalker. I started doubting my instincts and all the things I felt I was right about because like I said, Love can blind you. As the doubt started to creep in however the memory of my first dream came to the forefront of my mind forcefully. Jersey number-Jersey dream, the fire returned.

I got to work and began my normal routine of stocking menu items for lunch. I then went into the office and apologized to Yasmin for being rude to her in the morning and explained what I was currently focused on. She said she understood and that it’s okay to be upset and to wonder but to be honest she didn’t believe my Ex would do something like that to me. Her understanding didn’t extend to me letting her keep the phone, however. Jack, even if she’s not doing anything I know the situation, this is killing you. She never calls and never talks to you when you call her. The best way to get back to where you need to be mentally is to completely cut her off. I agreed 100%.

The thought of what I had done earlier in the day had still been making me feel bad though so I called someone who had always been a good listener and gave good advice. Her best friend. I’m not stupid, I know a true best friend is loyal to a fault and going to protect their friend to the death if need be. Anything you try to glean from the person that might be damaging to their friend has to be done with finesse. I usually have a smoother approach when trying to jimmy a lock than most, but in my current state I was just a mess and needed direct information.

Here’s what needs to be known about her best friend-she is quite possibly the sweetest, most girlie woman I’ve ever known. When she speaks it’s easy to feel like she really cares about your plight as a person and that she’s cheering for you. The following conversation took place:

Her: Hello? Good morning

Me: I TOLD YOU SHE WAS TALKING TO SOMEBODY! I WENT THROUGH THE CALL LOGS AND KEEP FINDING THIS FUCKING JERSEY NUMBER GETTING WAY TOO MUCH ATTENTION! I’VE BEEN HAVING THESE DREAMS BEST FRIEND, AND THE FIRST DREAM I HAD FOR SOME REASON I FELT LIKE I WAS LIVING IN JERSEY!

Her: She’s not talking to anybody Jack that’s crazy. I know she has a friend from work who has a Jersey number that she hangs out with a lot now.

Me: She needs to talk to a female friend that long? An hour and a half almost regularly?

Her: You know her, she has an obsessive personality. When she finds a new interesting person she’ll spend hours talking to them.

Me: Does this girl have a brother?

Her: Yeah but he’s a weirdo, I think you’re wrong Jack.

Me: I went to her job today to get the phone and she wouldn’t give it to me.

Her: You went to her job Jack? That’s not cool, that’s crazy, I’m telling you she’s not talking to anybody if she was I’d smack that bitch in the face.

Me: If she’s seeing somebody she should have let me know. I’ve been a shadow of myself lately and this isn’t fair.

Her: I’m going to talk to her.

Me: Please don’t tell her I called you, I just don’t know what to do anymore. Bye.

Her: I won’t, I’m going to investigate this… *click*

That quick conversation assuaged my fears a bit because I thought if she doesn’t know and my ex tells her everything then I probably was being paranoid. I then called her mom and got roughly the same conversation. She told me to come over after I got out of work to talk about meeting her son on Sunday. I said it wouldn’t be a wise idea because I pissed my Ex off royally in the morning and didn’t think she’d appreciate me around. She said it’d be fine and insisted. I’m happy I relented and said I’d leave work early and head over there. After that I felt completely like an ass and knew I had to be a man and apologize. I shot my ex a sincere apology saying I felt like I was being made a fool of and I overreacted. She said I was crazy, a stalker, and needed therapy and asked was this how I thought I was going to get her back? I told her at this point I’m honestly thinking about therapy. I got back to work.

Around the time I was leaving work, something made me check the call logs again. When I did, I saw she called the Jersey number at around 4:30. My anger returned with blind force and I told my subordinates they’d have to man the ship without me, I was done for the day. I got on the train and found out that the line that was running to her moms house was delayed. This gave me time to think. My thought process switched from She’s cheating on me to If she’s not cheating on me, it’s even worse because I’m calling and trying to talk to her to get things back right with her and she doesn’t have time to talk but she can bullshit for hours on the phone talking about nothing with her friend? It was a different kind of anger at that point, one fueled by a new resolve: End it, she’s not interested in what you two have anymore. Get the phone and sever all ties. The second dream had begun.

On the train I ran into a former junior high school classmate and we caught up on old times. What everyone was doing these days and how our lives turned out. I was cordial and jovial on the outside, giving the responses required, while in my head it felt like acid rain was pouring. When I finally got to her mom’s stop I told my friend to hit me up on Facebook so we could continue our conversation, gave him a pound, and got off the train. The walk to her apartment was the quickest I’ve made in my life.

I rang the doorbell, waited to get buzzed in and went upstairs. When I entered the apartment my Ex’s uncle greeted me like the President, which made me feel kind of special. We talked briefly and then I headed to the living room. I gave my Ex’s Grandmother a kiss and absorbed the death stares from my Ex and her friend who were sitting on the couch across from her grandmother, both with their phones out. I said, Hi Ex. She didn’t respond. I said it again, Hi Ex. To which she replied coldly, This is my friend Bird, you spoke to her earlier remember? I grunted and barely made eye contact.

The second dream was in full force now. In a proper introduction both people are introduced, so the proper way for us to meet would’ve been like this: Jack this is Bird, you spoke to her earlier, Bird this is Jack the guy who called you. By not acknowledging who I am to this new friend of hers, she unwittingly or maybe much to her knowledge said, He doesn’t matter, you don’t need to know his name. I grabbed my Ex’s son gave him the usual 60 to 70 kisses and sat down. My Ex’s son brought a little basketball over to me and started moving around the floor like he was trying to get open on offense. Cutest thing ever. I started playing with him, but was noticing that my Ex and Bird were texting each other furiously back and forth. That got my blood boiling as my mind flashed back to the call logs I read before leaving work earlier that day. My Ex’s Grandmother was on the phone with her other son and he wanted to speak with me.

We spoke briefly, shooting the shit and ribbing each other over the usual nonsense, Mets suck, Yankees suck, the basic guy things and then he became very serious. He told me I was a good man and he hopes whatever my Ex and I were going through could be resolved and we’d get back together because we’re good for each other and beautiful together. I thanked him for his kind words, but told him I didn’t think it was going to happen, I had went over there under the pretense of telling my Ex I couldn’t wait anymore. He replied that how I was feeling was understandable, that no man should have to feel uncertainty, and that he hoped to see me at the cookout for his nephew. I gave the phone back to my ex’s grandma and continued playing with her son.

Wheel of fortune was on the television and granted I was upset but dying inside because her and bird were trying desperately to solve the puzzle and I’d solved it minutes ago. My ex finally shot conversation towards me with I got fired today. I replied, People get fired everyday coldly. She said she was joking, but if she would’ve it would have been my fault. At this point, Ex and Bird stopped texting briefly and Bird wrote something down on a spiral notebook she’d taken out of her bag. Ex texted her immediately after. Ex’s mom called her phone and she told me that I should be downstairs in 10 minutes. I get up eager to get the hell out of this room and said I’d go down immediately to wait. Her Grandma said, No Papi, in ten minutes. I told her I’d come back up.

When I got outside, I sat down on the stairs and smoked a cigarette praying her mom would come soon so I could say all the things I needed to in front of everyone so nothing was lost in translation. I pushed up off of the stairs, walked down to the end of the block to look for her, and then headed back to the building to go upstairs. As I was opening the front door my ex was coming out with Bird, Her son, and her little sister. This exchange followed as her little sister walked past us to the bottom of the stairs:

Me: Can we wait for your mom? I have something I want to say in front of all of you.

Her: I don’t want to talk to you right now. There’s nothing to say.

Me: I need to say this.

Her: I don’t want to hear it Jack, you’re embarrassing yourself in front of a person you don’t even know.

Slight break, I was ostracized in elementary school, tormented and picked on in Junior High School, and have spent my adult life in a professional environment where anger and eruptions towards your subordinates are standard practice. Somewhere along my life line, I’ve lost my sense of public embarrassment. I know I should’ve been and I know things would shake a normal person, but for me it’s like water on a duck’s back as evidenced by my response.

Me: You think I give a fuck? You’ve spent four hundred minutes talking to this girl this month, You think I don’t believe she knows it all already anyway?

Bird, sensing the air rapidly getting thicker around her walked down the stairs, leaving my Ex and I alone to talk. I continued to ask for the phone and she continued to deny me. I’d like to think the fates were on my side that day because as I was talking to her and she was making her way past me holding her son’s hand, I noticed she had on my favorite jeans. I love these jeans for two reasons. The first is it makes her ass look great. The second is for some reason it’s insanely easy for me to reach into her pockets and take things from her. I used to do it constantly when we were together and as she passed I saw the outline of the phone bulging out of the right pocket… EXACTLY where I was standing. I made my move. In one fell swoop my hand had entered her jeans, gripped the phone and removed it. The power had just shifted.

I pocketed the phone as she, in her haste trying to stop me, jerked her sons arm back and he hit his head on the concrete. She goes look what you made me do you jerked my arm. I replied angrily, YOU DID THAT! DON’T EVER SAY I DID THAT! HAVE SOME FUCKING RESPECT FOR YOURSELF, PICK UP YOUR SON, AND GET A GRIP! I turn to leave and her little sister screamed at me, Why you hit my sister? I smiled lamely as I walked past her and replied that I would never do that. Ex begins chasing me, telling me to give her the phone repeatedly and saying that I picked the wrong place to do this threateningly. I said no and she changed tactics, saying she needed to get the Uhaul number out of it. I replied that the Uhaul place was on 149th street and the grand concourse and that she didn’t need the phone for that. She switched tactics again, now going with "You didn’t even apologize to