Tactical Living Handbook: Strategies for Coping in Our Society

By Keith E. Bogost

Everyday situations can make life tense and difficult, but you can overcome anything by using tact and tactics. Keith E. Bogost, MD, a retired psychiatrist, knows from experience that its natural for people to let obstacles affect their lives. Symptoms can include emotional issues, health problems, and worse.

In this handbook to tactical living, he shares strategies that anyone can use to achieve their goals. You can learn how to

relieve stress
live a happier and healthier home life
deal with job pressures
increase the level of interpersonal relationships
develop a positive attitude.

Youll also find graphs and diagrams to help you understand how to go about coping with lifes problems. Many of the strategies involve common sense, but others are more complex.

Dr. Bogost helped his patients throughout a twenty-year career, and his methods continue to be applicable; they just need to be learned and implemented. Avoid the unpleasant consequences that arise from making the same mistakes over and over again with the Tactical Living Handbook.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Apr 15, 2013
• ISBN: 9781475967418

Keith E. Bogost

Keith E. Bogost, MD, earned his medical doctorate degree from the University of Wisconsin and was trained in general psychiatry at the Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic in Pittsburgh. He practiced general psychiatry in Milwaukee for more than twenty years before retiring in the 1980s. He lives in Oceanside, California, with his wife.

Book preview

Tactical Living

Handbook

Strategies for Coping in Our Society

TL%20Logo.jpg

Keith E. Bogost, MD

iUniverse, Inc.

Bloomington

Tactical Living Handbook

Strategies for Coping in Our Society

Copyright © 2013 by Keith E. Bogost, MD.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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ISBN: 978-1-4759-6738-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4759-6742-5 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4759-6741-8 (ebk)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012923955

iUniverse rev. date: 04/08/2013

Contents

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER 3

CHAPTER 4

CHAPTER 5

CHAPTER 6

CHAPTER 7

CHAPTER 8

CHAPTER 9

CHAPTER 10

CHAPTER 11

CHAPTER 12

CHAPTER 13

CHAPTER 14

CHAPTER 15

In the best of times, our days are numbered. It would be a crime against nature for any generation to take the world crisis so solemnly that it put off enjoying those things for which we were presumably designed in the first place—the opportunity to do good work, to fall in love, to enjoy friends, to hit a ball, to bounce a baby.

Alistair Cooke in

One Man’s America

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CHAPTER 1

One thorn of experience is worth a whole wilderness of warning.

James Russell Lowell

Find yourself and express yourself in your own particular way. Express your love openly. Life is nothing but a dream, and if you create your life with love, your dream becomes a masterpiece of art.

Don Miguel Ruiz

TACTICAL LIVING is a process whereby individuals use various means at their disposal to deal with emotional problems they face in their day-to-day lives and during crisis periods. Using methods and information that will follow, you, the reader, will be better able to deal with uncomfortable symptoms that may hinder your ability to feel contented and satisfied. TACTIC is defined by Webster as a device for accomplishing an end. TACTICS is defined as the art or skill of employing available means to accomplish an end.

Each and every time, for example, you file an income tax, buy a home or plan a party, you are involved in TACTICAL LIVING in one form or another. You have to use knowledge and skills you have learned in the past to fit the situation at hand. Your objectives, for example, are an accurate tax form, filed on time and listing all available deductions, a home at no more than a fair price with adequate financing, if needed, and a party that goes smoothly, with all of the guests properly wined and dined in a pleasant setting. One thing to keep in mind in these situations is; if you do not fare well in any of these endeavors, you will surely learn enough so, in the future, when facing similar situations, you will not be making exactly the same mistakes you made the first time around.

Although TACTICAL LIVING using strategies learned in the past can be used in all aspects of your life, the focus here will be on the ways you can use tact and tactics to deal with common situations that come up in day-to-day living. Some of these situations create tension, fear and even emotional symptoms, which tend to interfere with a person’s ability to lead a long and happy life. What you learn here can, therefore, increase your opportunities for a pleasant satisfying life.

Strategies can be easily learned and understood which will benefit you now and in all your years to come. Many of them involve simple common sense; others involve methods you will learn as you read. One thing is certain, however. Once you master a strategy for dealing with certain situations, you can use it time and time again throughout your life to avoid the unpleasant consequences that arise from making the same mistakes over and over again.

In our society today, conditions exist that are highly conducive to the development of emotional problems and symptoms. Television sets and global communication technologies make us aware of countless tragedies and disasters every day. Budget deficits, environmental concerns, financial and political scandals, physical diseases, the war on drugs, the decline in quality and increase in the cost of education, natural catastrophes, regional wars, food crises are all easily seen and seldom understood. In addition, personal problems hit much more closely to home and affect you in a unique and individual manner to an even greater degree. Family structures are being changed and threatened rapidly by divorces and moves to far-away places, people are going bankrupt in greater numbers than ever before because of the economy or an inability to deal with personal finances, competition in job markets is brutal, just getting to and from work is exhausting, the few who have are idolized and envied by the many who have not, the struggle to avoid the pitfalls of alcohol and drugs is lost by too many. We all struggle in some way for survival every day and, unconsciously, we fear, even when things seem to be going reasonably well, that something terrible will happen to tumble us into a world of pain and despair. We are all only an accident or illness away from death.

People everywhere who want to live happily are not doing so. Thousands crowd mental health clinics in attempts to seek help for their various symptoms. Countless thousands more do nothing at all to deal with their problems because they fear the stigma of being thought of as a mental case, because they lack funds to pay for these services, because clinics have long waiting lists that tax the patience of patients and because the quality of care mental health professionals give is forever decreasing.

TACTICAL LIVING is a guide that can help those who are dissatisfied or unhappy to gain skills in life. These skills, if mastered, should make the reader more comfortable. Everyone has read fairy tales and seen motion pictures in which the hero and heroine live happily ever after. By now, however, we know that this simply does not happen. Must we despair knowing this is, obviously, our fate too? Not necessarily. Skills and tactics can change your life in a positive way so you can learn to cope and, thus, become a happier person.

A practical alternative can be attainable through available means with this goal in mind—to live as happily ever after as possible. It takes a considerable amount of knowledge, skills, experience and luck to do even that. However, using techniques you learn throughout life and some methods you will learn in TACTICAL LIVING, you and others can begin to deal with personal crises without developing symptoms interfering with your day-to-day activities. We all have our quirks and eccentricities. It is only when they begin to interfere with our ability to function in various areas of our lives that they become troublesome.

Let us take an example of a relatively realistic goal instead of going for it all, as the common expression exhorts us to do. Remember the fairy tale in which the hero and heroine lived happily ever after? That is, of course, the ultimate and, most likely, unreachable goal. Yet, there are some people who, when questioned about their lives, admit they would not change a thing if they had to live their lives over again. These people are definitely a minority. Most people, if given the opportunity, would change many things about the course of their lives.

Placing happily ever after on top of a list, let us list other goals too.

Living happily all the time (ever after)

Living happily almost all the time

Living happily most of the time

Living happily more of the time

Living happily half the time

Living happily some of the time

Living happily part of the time

Living happily a little of the time

Living happily none of the time

A reasonable realistic goal for the majority of people seems to be living happily more of the time. This simply means: you can be satisfied to some extent if you are happy more often than you are not. But, if your goal is to live happily ever after or even almost all of the time, disappointment will occur and you will feel less satisfied even though you are relatively happier than most others. To avoid this, set your goal high enough to be reachable, but not so high that you will continue to disappoint yourself. This, in and of itself, avoids much self-recrimination.

Remember, a goal can always be changed to another at any stage or aspect of your life. Starting out wanting to be President of the U. S. is commendable, but who can blame you if you do not attain this lofty goal. Remember to take one step at a time. If you are happy none of the time, being happy a little of the time is a step in the right direction. If you reach that goal, go for the next. Then keep doing so a step at a time until you reach a goal that is reasonable.

Do not reach for the moon, for few of us will ever get there. You will feel inadequate and disappointed if you fail. Do not set yourself up to be a loser and try not to set goals so you disappoint either yourself or others. Members of AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) know their goal is to remain sober one day at a time. Each day they successfully do this, they feel a sense of positive accomplishment plus the knowledge that, if they were successful in completing their goal that day, they can do it again the next.

Keep things in perspective. Errors and mistakes are only too common in life. Do not expect to readily and steadily move up and up toward your ultimate goal. Letdowns and slips do occur. And, a lucky break here and there can lift your spirits too. Yet, if you can keep your goals in the proper perspective, you can keep climbing, even if slowly and with a few falls here and there, toward almost any reasonable goal you set out to achieve.

An example is the stock market. It has, generally, gone up for years and years. However, a graph of the market’s ups and downs shows that, over short periods of time, there have been drops, even drastic ones (see Figure 1). This is a graph of the stock market’s ups and downs over a period of years. In that total time period (from point A to point B), the market has gone up and up. Yet, short-term drops have taken place many times. Long-term investors do not get distracted re: their goals when the stock market has downward adjustments. Yet, those investors who seek quick profits are discouraged and tend to sell when the market turns in a southward (down) direction.

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Figure 1 (Stock Market Graph)

Think of this graph when you think of your own life cycles and goals. Assess yourself as honestly as you can. If you are heading in a definite downward direction, now is the time to help yourself to break the vicious cycle. If you cannot do so yourself, you may need the help of friends, family, the clergy, even a professional counselor. Resistance to your own assessment of yourself can lead only to continued failure and unhappiness. Is this what you want for yourself? Of course not!

TACTICAL LIVING can be thought of as an alternative to seeking help elsewhere. Using some simple tactics, you may be able to help yourself before you need to seek help from others. You can use theories you learn now to avoid emotional distress and keep yourself emotionally tough in the future. Stamina is usually associated only with physical chores. But, emotional stamina is also required in life. You can increase your emotional stamina and strength using TACTICAL LIVING.

A professional therapist costs an average of $100 hourly for advice and treatment. An investment in TACTICAL LIVING is one you will not regret.

CHAPTER 2

We must make the best of those ills which cannot be avoided.

Alexander Hamilton

We have all had minor headaches, colds, influenzas and other physical problems interfering with our ability to work, play, study, love. Most of these physical problems are temporary in nature. They may put us out of action for short periods of time. But, soon, we are operating as effectively as usual. Those who, in addition, develop emotional problems are even more severely handicapped. Many physical illnesses are related directly to emotional causes, such as high blood pressure, skin disorders and asthma. Other emotional problems such as uncontrolled anxiety and panic, fears, depression, substance abuse and psychoses (severe mental illnesses) are even more debilitating. In between are the habits, character traits and behavior disorders that affect our efficiency to a greater or lesser degree.

We all have emotional