School Jokes

By Paul John

Laughter enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain. Laughter can also stimulate circulation and aid muscle relaxation, both of which help reduce some of the physical symptoms of stress.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Mahesh Dutt Sharma
• Release date: Feb 20, 2014
• ISBN: 9781311972217

Paul John

A prestigious author and journalist. Written more than 250 books. A freelance writer and writing is his passion.

Book preview

School Jokes

By Paul John

Published by MdSharma

Smashwords Edition

© mds e-books 2014

Smashwords License Statement

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each reader. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Preface

A good laugh has great long-term effects. When you start to laugh, it doesn't just lighten your load mentally, it actually induces physical changes in your body. Laughter can stimulate many organs. Laughter enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain. Laughter can also stimulate circulation and aid muscle relaxation, both of which help reduce some of the physical symptoms of stress.

Laughter may ease pain by causing the body to produce its own natural painkillers. Laughter may also break the pain-spasm cycle common to some muscle disorders and Increase personal satisfaction. Laughter can also make it easier to cope with difficult situations. It also helps you connect with other people. Many people experience depression, sometimes due to chronic illnesses. Laughter can help lessen your depression and anxiety and make you feel happier. This ‘Jokes E-book’ of ours is an effort to dissolve your tensions in a solution of smiles, chuckles and laughter.

-Publisher

Table of Contents

Chapter One : I’ve already got one

Chapter Two : Multiplication On The Floor

Chapter Three : Ship Owned By A Sportsman

Chapter Four : Daddy Cat, Mummy Cat

Chapter Five : Ladies first Mam

Chapter Six : 6 Litters Of Water And 3 Litters Milk

Chapter One : I’ve already got one

Teacher: If I give you two kites and two kites and another two kites, how many kites have you got?

Student: Seven!

Teacher: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two kites and two kites and another two kites, how many kites have you got?

Student: Seven!

Teacher: Let’s try this way. If I give you two mangoes and two mangoes and another two mangoes, how many mangoes have you got?

Student: Six.

Teacher: Good. Now if I give you two kites and two kites and another two kites, how many kites have you got?

Student: Seven!

Teacher: How on earth do you work out that three lots of two kites are seven?

Student: I’ve already got one kite at home now!

#####

Summer vacation was over and Little John returned back to school.

Only two days later his Teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.

Wait a minute, she said. I had John with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved!

#####

Physics Teacher: Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Isn’t that wonderful?

Student: Yes sir, if he had been sitting in class looking at books like us, he wouldn’t have discovered anything.

#####

If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up said the sarcastic Teacher.

After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot? enquired the Teacher with a sneer.

Well, actually I don’t, said the student, but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.

#####

A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, Mummy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.

The mother exclaimed, But that’s terrible! I’m going to have a talk with your Teacher about this ... by the way, what was it that you didn’t do?

The little girl replied, My homework.

#####

Teacher: Did your parents help you with these homework problems?

Student: No I got them all wrong by myself!

#####

Teacher, I can’t solve this problem.

Any five year old should be able to solve this one.

No wonder I can’t do it then, I’m nearly ten!

#####

A Priest, Rabbi and a Mathematician were waiting patiently on stage to be decapitated.

The priest put his head in the slot and the executioner pulled the lever; the guillotine blade came speeding down the track and stopped just a few inches above the priest neck. The priest proclaimed that God had intervened and saved him from execution; the executioner had to agree and let him go.

The mathematician had a disbelieving, puzzled, look on his face.

Next the Rabbi put his head in the slot, the executioner pulled the lever and the blade came speeding down the track and stopped a few inches above the Rabbi’s neck. The executioner agreed that God had intervened again and saved the Rabbi also.

The Mathematician, more troubled than ever, put his head in the slot and turned to look upward and he noticed something that made him smile.

Before the executioner could pull the lever, the mathematician said Hold on there a minute, I see what the problem is! The track has a small pebble blocking the path of the blade. He removed the pebble and announced, "There, it should work just fine