Evergreen Jokes

By James David

A good laugh doesn't just lighten your load mentally, it actually induces physical changes in your body. Laughter can stimulate many organs. Laughter enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain. Laughter can help lessen your depression and anxiety and make you feel happier. This ‘Jokes E-book’ of ours is an effort to dissolve your tensions in a solution of smiles, chuckles and laughter.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Mahesh Dutt Sharma
• Release date: Feb 9, 2014
• ISBN: 9781311517302

James David

A prestigious author and journalist. Written more than 250 books. A freelance writer and writing is his passion.

Book preview

Evergreen Jokes

By James David

Published by MdSharma

Smashwords Edition

© mds e-books 2014

Smashwords License Statement

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each reader. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Preface

A good laugh has great long-term effects. When you start to laugh, it doesn't just lighten your load mentally, it actually induces physical changes in your body. Laughter can stimulate many organs. Laughter enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain. Laughter can also stimulate circulation and aid muscle relaxation, both of which help reduce some of the physical symptoms of stress.

Laughter may ease pain by causing the body to produce its own natural painkillers. Laughter may also break the pain-spasm cycle common to some muscle disorders and Increase personal satisfaction. Laughter can also make it easier to cope with difficult situations. It also helps you connect with other people. Many people experience depression, sometimes due to chronic illnesses. Laughter can help lessen your depression and anxiety and make you feel happier. This ‘Jokes E-book’ of ours is an effort to dissolve your tensions in a solution of smiles, chuckles and laughter.

-Publisher

Table of Contents

Chapter One: But excuse me madam

Chapter Two: Husband Deaf, Wife Blind

Chapter Three: Marry At the Age of 70

Chapter Four: Bandaged Arm

Chapter Five: Shaving Mirror

Chapter Six: No Mothers-In-Law

Chapter One: But Excuse Me Madam

A woman got into the bus with six children. When the conductor came for her tickets, she said: ‘Now these two children are fifteen years old give full tickets for them, those two over there are only eight and give half tickets for them but these two are below three and no tickets for them.’

The conductor looked at her surprisingly and said: ‘But excuse me madam, you mean to say you get two every time.’

‘Oh, no,’ she replied: ‘Sometimes we don’t get any at all?’

#####

‘Some men thirst after love, some after fame and some after money.’

‘I know something that all men thirst after.’

‘What’s that?’

‘Sex.’

#####

‘I don’t know why I should get a sore throat. I hardly ever open my mouth!’

#####

The Navy launch came alongside the ship to return the men from shore leave. The officer of the deck checked packages to see that no regulations were broken. The last man abroad was salty character who apparently has a little too much ashore.

‘What’s in that package? Asked the officer suspiciously.

‘Nothing, Sir’, mumbled the thick tongued sailor.

‘I’ll lock for myself’, said the officer.

Opening the package, he found two quarts of whisky.

‘Ye gods!’ shouted the officer. ‘Call the corporal of the Guard. Get the Master-at Arms. Put this man on report!’

The old-timer listened, and then blurted out, ‘Don’t call everybody. We’ve got over nine hundred men abroad, and I am not got but two bottles—one for you and one for me!’

#####

When a female is young she wants to be old. When she’s old she wants to be young. But most of her life she just wants, period.

#####

Boss: ‘Integrity and wisdom are essential to success in this business. Integrity means when you promise a customer something, keep that promise even if we lose money.’

New Employee: ‘And what is wisdom?’

Boss: ‘Don’t make such promises.’

#####

Johnny had been to a friend’s birthday party and was telling his mother all about it.

‘I hope’, said his mother, ‘that you didn’t ask for a second piece of cake, did you?’

‘Oh, no!’ he replied, ‘I asked Mrs. Brown for the recipe so that that you could make one for me and she gave me two extra pieces without my asking at all!’.

#####

‘This is a wonderful medicine’, said the doctor, ‘Look at me—take me for an example. Purely by the use of medicine I have lived to be hale and hearty though I am over two hundred years old.’

‘Hey! Is that the truth?’ the patient asked his compounder.

‘Can’t say’, the compounder replied, ‘I’ve only been working for him for the last three hundred years.’

#####

A fag was standing at the bar talking to his friend Bruce when another queen swished up to him and interrupted, saying, ‘Darling. I would love to screw you.’

The fag turned and said, ‘But out.’

#####

Judge: ‘And you say that policeman was not listening to you!’

Criminal: ‘Of course, my Lord~ if ever I knew he was listening I would have changed my language.’

#####

The two friends were admiring the lady in bed but with certain reservations. ‘She’s a widow.’ said one, ‘And I’d hate to be her second husband.’

‘I’m rather being that,’ said friend, ‘than her first.’

#####

‘Paw, way was Adam created first?’

‘To give him a chance to say something!’

#####

From the examination paper: ‘I have just heard that my sister has baby. They don’t say what sex and so I don’t know whether I am uncle or an aunt.’

#####

The father watching his daughter selects a very expensive wedding gown: ‘I don’t mind giving you away, but must I gift-wrap you, too?’