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In a Holidaze
In a Holidaze
In a Holidaze
Ebook351 pages4 hours

In a Holidaze

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

4/5

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About this ebook

THE INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER

One Christmas wish, two brothers, and a lifetime of hope are on the line for hapless Maelyn Jones in this quintessential holiday romantic novel by Christina Lauren, the New York Times bestselling authors of The Unhoneymooners and Love and Other Words.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…but not for Maelyn Jones. She’s living with her parents, hates her going-nowhere job, and has just made a romantic error of epic proportions.

But perhaps worst of all, this is the last Christmas Mae will be at her favorite place in the world—the snowy Utah cabin where she and her family have spent every holiday since she was born, along with two other beloved families. Mentally melting down as she drives away from the cabin for the final time, Mae throws out what she thinks is a simple plea to the universe: Please. Show me what will make me happy.

The next thing she knows, tires screech and metal collides, everything goes black. But when Mae gasps awake…she’s on an airplane bound for Utah, where she begins the same holiday all over again. With one hilarious disaster after another sending her back to the plane, Mae must figure out how to break free of the strange time loop—and finally get her true love under the mistletoe.

Jam-packed with yuletide cheer, an unforgettable cast of characters, and Christina Lauren’s trademark “downright hilarious” (Helen Hoang, author of The Bride Test) hijinks, this swoon-worthy romantic read will make you believe in the power of wishes and the magic of the holidays.
LanguageEnglish
PublisherGallery Books
Release dateOct 6, 2020
ISBN9781982123956
Author

Christina Lauren

Christina Lauren is the combined pen name of longtime writing partners and best friends Christina Hobbs and Lauren Billings, the New York Times, USA TODAY, and #1 internationally bestselling authors of the Beautiful and Wild Seasons series, Autoboyography, Love and Other Words, Roomies, Josh and Hazel’s Guide to Not Dating, The Unhoneymooners, The Soulmate Equation, Something Wilder, The True Love Experiment, The Paradise Problem, and The Romance Revival. You can find them online at ChristinaLaurenBooks.com or @ChristinaLauren on Instagram.

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Reviews for In a Holidaze

Rating: 3.8674293706594884 out of 5 stars
4/5

743 ratings47 reviews

What our readers think

Readers find this title to be a truly fun and sometimes steamy romance. The book has a cozy Christmassy ambiance and a delightful combination of a brave female and a sweet and kind male main character. While some readers found the proposal rushed and questioned the idea of marriage as the only happy ending, overall, they had a lovely fun time reading this. The story is warm, cozy, and perfect for the holidays, making readers feel warm and happy.

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  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5

    Jul 28, 2023

    Clearly a little magic makes everything better because this book is on point!!
    I loved the found-family vibe, the cosy christmassy ambience and the "don't be afraid to ask for what you want" theme! The transition from friends to lovers was swift but cute and the combination of a brave female + sweet and kind male main character is absolutely delightful.
    I wasn't a big fan of the rushed proposal and of the idea of marriage as the only true happy ending in general but overall I had a lovely fun time reading this.
    For someone who strongly believes in the power of the Universe, this books is absolutely perfect.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5

    Dec 24, 2022

    The Christina Lauren duo are back with a holiday romcom. In this book, Maelyn Jones is at a cabin with her family and their friends over the holidays, as they do every year. Two of the friends are Andrew and Theo, Mae's childhood friends. This holiday went perfectly, except for that everyone is informed that the cabin is being sold and it ended with a kiss from Theo, when Mae has always had a crush on Andrew.

    Devastated, Mae wishes to be shown what makes her happy. That wish and a car crash throw her into a Groundhog Day situation, where she has to relive the vacation over and over until she finds what makes her happy. And she foes—by saying f**k it and being straightforward with her feelings and actions.

    This wasn't my favorite book from CL, but I did like it. Mae is a cute character, and it's fun seeing her figure out what makes her happy and what's right for her.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5

    Dec 2, 2022

    Romantically Festive in all the right ways!!!!! Love it so much!!!!
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5

    May 31, 2022

    5 stars








  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5

    Jan 15, 2021

    Lovely romance as usual from these 2 ladies. This story is warm and cozy. Perfect for the holidays indeed.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5

    Dec 20, 2020

    I love reading Christmas books during the holidays. This was a beautiful love story that just made me feel warm and happy. Is it a plausible story? Not really, but I loved it !
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5

    Nov 8, 2023

    Lately, we seem to be in a time warp. We are stuck in the now, we have nothing much to look forward to and we are constantly upset that our lives are at a standstill.

    When we wake up the next day, we are at it again. We are stuck doing the same things, we are just moving from one room to another, have the same set of doubts and inhibitions and are constantly upset and annoyed about the circumstances we are stuck in.

    We wish we could change it. But, in vain. How many times we have asked ourselves and the Universe, what is it that would make us happy? Or give us an idea of what our choices should be to make up happy? Just imagine if the world was giving you chances to re-live your day or time frame all over again to correct the situation until you achieved what you wanted! Would you like it that way? Would it not get tiring and frustrating? Would you live through your time loop every now and then to correct your life and move on?

    Well, that pretty much sums up what In a Holidaze by Christina Lauren is about.
    Maelyn meets with her family and close family friends for Christmas every year in a snowy cabin in Utah. It is a ritual they have been following forever now. Their holidays are predictable - the same menu gets baked, someone in the family will be drunk, Christmas trees and decorations will be put up - there is warmth in the familiarity of things. But, familiar things can get boring. So Maelyn, who is frustrated with her job and boring life, in frustration, screams that she would like to know what makes her happy. Suddenly, Maelyn realizes that she was living a certain day or episode over and over again! She has lived through three out of six days, thrice! Every time she lives through this time warp, something goes wrong and interestingly, she gets another chance at correcting her situation. Finally, in her last repeat of situations, she actually does set the motion to make many things right. She is able to remodel the Utah holiday home and even finds true love. She finds confidence in quitting her boring job and being more open to actually doing what she likes to do and one that will make her feel happy.

    I quite liked The Unhoneymooners better, by the same author. It was entertaining, though cliched. It was predictable yet funny. It was an audio book I listened with pleasure. I quite had the same expectations of this one, but I can't say it was half as entertaining. Some parts of the story was fun to listen to, but some just dragged on. It did not completely live up to the Unhoneymooner's comedy style; a 3-star rating seems to be a decent score and totally okay to read or listen to it once.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5

    Dec 15, 2021

    I absolutely loved this story. I loved rooting for Mae and Andrew the whole time!!
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5

    Dec 5, 2021

    Oh how I adored this. I read it in one sitting. It’s everything I want in a Christmas romance. It was soo beautifully cheesy, I couldn’t have asked for a better boom to put me in the Christmas mood!
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5

    Dec 2, 2021

    Truly a fun, sometimes steamy romance. I Think I will add this to my read every year list for the holidays. I love the movie Groundhog day, so this is a perfect partner in my mind. This is a fast and easy read. The writing style is always amazing from Christina Lauren. Truly going to stick with me for the remainder of the holidays.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5

    Mar 12, 2024

    I am a Christina Lauren fan. I say that first because I will read almost anything they out out. This story was a 3.75 for me. I picked up this book hoping to have a little Christmas love brought in to my life. The cover, the title and the premise all seemed to point to a Christmas romance with a Groundhog Day feel; however, Christmas was barely there, instead surrounding a season. It was still well written and the story was still great. Just not what I was expecting. Being the fan that I am, I finished the book before they did their runs on instagram stating that it wasn't a Christmas book. If you are fan, I still recommend this story to you.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5

    Jan 6, 2024

    This was a super cute holiday story. I also love a time travel trope. I love that it didn't keep going back and forth too much. A couple of time travels and then the rest of the book left you in suspense of whether or not she was going to get thrown back in the loop again. Of course, it was a typical romance of they fall for each, there's an issue, and then they work through it and all is perfect. But I still really enjoyed it nonetheless. I read this book in just a few days after DNF'ing a few other holiday books, so this was very refreshing. I also really want this cabin in the woods, especially after Benny redoes all of it!
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5

    Dec 12, 2023

    Mae hasn't had the greatest Christmas break. She's feeling stuck, living at home with her parents and working at a job she doesn't love. She had hoped the trip to the cabin with the group of old friends her family always spends Christmas with would lift her spirits, but she ended up making out with Theo when she's been in love with his brother Andrew for years, and the friends who own the cabin announced plans to sell it at the end of the vacation. As she rides back to the airport with her parents at the end of the trip, she's left wondering what could possibly make her happy. And then there's a screech and a crash, and she wakes up on the airplane, six days earlier, to relive the whole trip again and again.

    This is a light and fun holiday read, enjoyable as long as you don't go into it expecting great depth or technical excellence. I felt like the time loop was never figured out, nor was it used to the fullest extent. I also didn't buy Andrew's reactions, both to Mae telling him that she liked him, and to learning about the time loop. His character didn't seem consistent to me, and certain conflicts in the latter part of the book felt manufactured. That said, I didn't hate this, and it was a fun story for the season. If you're looking for a Christmas romance with a Groundhog Day twist, check this one out.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5

    Nov 22, 2023

    Light and fun without being too saccharine - a perfect distraction!
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5

    Nov 27, 2022

    Cute Christmassy romance. I wish more had been made of the time loop as it seemed to be dropped about halfway through, but still fun and an easy relaxing read.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5

    Nov 11, 2023

    So sweet, so much fun. Loved it!
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5

    Nov 16, 2022

    I received a complimentary digital copy of this book from the publisher and NetGalley in exchange for an unbiased review.

    This is a laugh out loud holiday romance which is perfect timing for this time of year when we could all use some humor. I couldn’t put it down once I started reading.

    It begins December 26 with the main character, 26 year old Maelyn Jones, exclaiming “call me a harlot” which sets the stage for what she describes as impulsive behavior leaving her hungover in the morning. All she remembers is a “drunk make out” with Theo Hollis who happens to be the brother of her crush, Andrew. She feels humiliated when Theo seems to ignore her in the morning.

    For years Maelyn’s family has spent the holidays with her parents college friends in a cabin in Park City near Salt Lake. Lisa and Ricky Hollis stayed in Utah where they welcomed their friends to their cabin. Her parents have been divorced 3 years but still maintain this holiday tradition together traveling from CA to Salt Lake. Her mother and Lisa were college roommates while her dad lived off campus with Aaron, Ricky and Benny.

    Over the years the group expanded to include Aaron’s husband Kyle Liang and their adopted twins from Manhattan. Benny remained single and eventually settled in Portland. Maelyn and her younger brother 17 year old, Miles, practically grew up with the Hollis brothers, Andrew and his younger brother Theo. Each year they anticipated the traditional schedule of playing board games and snowman contests.

    Somehow Maelyn’s life goes sideways when on the way home from the holidays the family is still processing the news that the cabin was being sold. Suddenly, she sees the car swerve and crash when she opens her eyes she is totally confused to find herself on an airplane. Dazed from what she recalls was a car accident, she is stunned to see her cell phone date is December 20th! They are actually on their way to Salt Lake and not on their way home on December 26th.

    She is flummoxed knowing that no one will believe her when she tries to explain that she has already experienced this week. Did she time travel what happened? She follows along and decides to avoid some of the mistakes she felt she made the first time. If only that were so easy, she has a series of mishaps of falling down stairs and having a branch fall on her only to wake up back in the plane. She found it amusing initially but soon she fears she will be stuck in this time warp forever.

    What would you do if you could have a “do over” of past events? How do you think you would handle such an experience? Maelyn finds herself not taking her life for granted and wanting to make changes with courage she didn’t know she had.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5

    May 5, 2023

    In a Holidaze
    4 Stars

    A sweet holiday romance with a twist!

    For the past 30 years, Maelyn Jones has grown up spending the holidays with her parents' college friends and their kids. But this year, events take an unexpected turn when Mae finds herself repeating the days leading up to Christmas over and over. It seems that the universe is trying to teach Mae a valuable lesson - will she be able to learn it or be forced to repeat her most recent past again and again?

    Mae is a charming heroine who must finally make some difficult choices and take the necessary steps to find the happiness that she deserves.

    The ensemble cast of secondary characters is wonderful. Each is well-developed and engaging, and the reader cannot miss the strong sense of connection and family in their dynamics.

    The romance is sweet, and it is fun watching as Mae finally admits her feelings and discovers that the man of her dreams has been dreaming of her too.

    All in all, light, fun and relatively angst free.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5

    Sep 23, 2022

    2.75

    It was a cute Holiday read. Very sugary sweet. The one place Christina Lauren tends to loose me is in her story/ plot development. I loved the concept and the first 1/2 of the book where she was stuck in the time loop. However, the time loop doesn't occur again, nor is it really fleshed out. I did enjoy the characters and reading experience overall, so I am happy to give it a just shy of 3 star rating.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5

    Nov 29, 2021

     I’m not a big fan of the Groundhog’s Day premise And at the beginning of this one I thought it was going to get old fast. Fortunately, it got away from the repetitive nature of that gimmick and was just the fun Thanksgiving weekend read I want it. Benny was a great supporting character and the two main people had great chemistry. A fun read for the holidays for sure.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5

    Dec 23, 2021

    His breath comes out warm against my neck, voice shaking. "It never occurred to me that you might be mine"

    Describe this book in three words: Cute. Hallmark. Christmas.

    I would've liked to see Maelyn complete the time loop/groundhog day-ness at least one more time (just because I live for drama and angst). But I cant really complain, I enjoyed this book.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5

    Apr 4, 2021

    Such a good, happy, fun read. I laughed out loud in many parts.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5

    Mar 17, 2021

    Overall, the plot was cute and kind of fun. But, the initial part of time travel where Mae kept reliving the same day, I found it kind of boring. I was so glad when the story moved on.

    The entire family bonding throughout the book as well the development of Mae and Andrew’s relationship from friends to lovers was great. I loved the banter and the relationship between Mae and her Uncle Benny.

    With an ending so sweet and lovely, it does make for a good cozy holiday romance read.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5

    Mar 3, 2021

    I have heard so many great things about Christina Lauren. I have been meaning to read one of their books for awhile now and just haven't. I love time travel and time loops so this really got me excited when it came out. I was hoping to be immediately grabbed and pulled in to the characters and story. Unfortunately this didn't happen. I guess it was was the high hopes of it. Mae was a fun character with really great development and Benny was also one of my favorites. I did enjoy the closeness of the families and their traditions. I think maybe I was a little put off in the beginning due to Theo and Mae's encounter. I understand that was a pivotal point for Mae though. I wish it had addressed the end of the time loop though. I know Mae leaves with Andrew instead of going to the airport with her family so I guess her family didn't get into an accident since she wasn't there? That day just wasn't addressed at all in the end. I found it odd. Otherwise I did enjoy the ending and the epilogue. I always love when authors give a little update on the couple.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5

    Feb 28, 2021

    This was a fun, quick read. Not a ton of substance and honestly the plot line was kind of thrown together just to get the ending the authors wanted. Not enough well tied ends for me. Stayed up all night to finish it because I wanted to know the ending, but was honestly disappointed. Definitely didn’t have a stay up all night ending. But not a horrible read (obviously, since it still got me to stay up all night haha). Enjoyed the atmosphere the book created around the characters but also I didn’t get “Christmas cheer” or “Christmas magic” so much as winter wonderland. For that reason, I think you could definitely get away with reading it any time of the year for a quick winter pick me up.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5

    Jan 18, 2021

    Couldn’t put it down. Read the whole thing in less than 24 hours.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5

    Dec 11, 2020

    Pandemic read. Light holiday reading that had no epidemic in it.
  • Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
    3/5

    Dec 5, 2020

    A sweet easy read. Nice characters and a fun holiday read.
  • Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
    5/5

    Nov 20, 2020

    A cute, funny, holiday rom-com, with shades of Ground Hog's Day to make the story fly along. Maelyn Jones has been spending Christmas the same way her whole life. Her parents, now divorced, even make the trek to their old college friend's cabin for the holiday. The 'kids' have grown up, but still have literal bunks to sleep in. When Ricky and Lisa. announce they are selling, it is all Mae can think about as they leave, until she sees a truck hurtling toward their car. When she awakes, she is back on the plane to Utah, as the time loops begin and she has to learn why she keeps reliving the same experiences. I liked how once Mae settled in to believing what was happening, she relaxed and enjoyed the familiar moments over and over, especially taking a risk with Andrew.
  • Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
    4/5

    Nov 15, 2020

    Cute, charming, and a great holiday romance. I didn't love this as much as the last three Christina Lauren books I read but I only think that's because I'm not a fan of groundhog day or other book/movie tropes where you keep reliving the same days over and over again until you "learn your lesson." Honestly that was the only thing I didn't like about this book. Maelyn Jones and her family spend Christmas every year at their friend's cabin in the mountains. Their parent's friends and their kids come as well and it's like a huge extended gathering that Maelyn looks forward to every year. It doesn't hurt that she also gets to see Andrew, the boy she's had a crush on him since she was 13 (even though he's practically her brother). She royally screws everything up though when she makes out with Andrew's younger brother, Theo, while drunk and he witnesses it. She's mortified - if she could only turn back time. On their way to the airport their car is hit by a truck and she wakes up... on the plane headed to the cabin for Christmas. What? It takes a couple attempts at reliving Christmas to figure out what she's supposed to do but soon she realizes she needs to choose which of the brothers will make her happy. Witty and hilarious. I love this writing duo!

Book preview

In a Holidaze - Christina Lauren

chapter one

DECEMBER 26

Call me harlot. Call me impulsive. Call me hungover.

No one ever has before, but someone absolutely should this morning. Last night was a disaster.

As quietly as I can, I slip out of the bottom bunk and tiptoe across the freezing floor to the stairs. My heart is beating so hard I wonder if it’s audible outside of my body. The last thing I want is to wake Theo and have to look him in the eye before my brain is warmed up and my thoughts are cohesive.

The second step from the bottom always creaks like something out of a haunted house; it’s been victimized by nearly three decades of us kids run-stomping our way up for meals and down for games and bed in the basement. I stretch to carefully put my foot on the one just above it, exhaling when I land with no sound. Not everyone is so lucky; that loose board has busted Theo sneaking in late—or early, depending on how you look at it—more times than I can count.

Once I’m in the kitchen, I worry less about stealth and go for speed. It’s still dark; the house is quiet, but Uncle Ricky will be up soon. This cabin is full of early risers. My window of opportunity to figure out how to fix this is narrowing quickly.

With a barrage of memories from last night rolling like a mortifying flip book through my head, I jog up the wide stairway to the second floor, ignore the mistletoe hanging above the landing, round the banister in my candy cane socks, sneak quietly down the hallway, and open the door to the narrower set of stairs leading to the attic. At the top, I nudge open Benny’s door.

Benny, I whisper into the chilly blackness. Benny, wake up. It’s an emergency.

A gravelly groan comes from across the room, and I warn him, I’m turning on the light.

No—

"Yes." I reach over, flicking the switch and illuminating the room. While we offspring have long been relegated to bunk beds in the basement, this attic is Benny’s bedroom every December, and I think it’s the best one in the house. It has pitched ceilings and a long stained-glass window at the far end that projects sunlight across the walls in brilliant stripes of blue, red, green, and orange. The narrow twin bed up here shares the space with the organized clutter of family heirlooms, boxes of decorations for various holidays, and a wardrobe full of Grandma and Grandpa Hollis’s old winter clothes, from back when buying a cabin in Park City wasn’t a laughable financial prospect for a high school principal from Salt Lake. Since none of the other families had girls when I was a kid, I would play dress-up all alone up here, or sometimes with Benny as my audience.

But now I don’t need an audience, I need a kind ear and a cold, hard shot of advice because I am on the verge of hysteria.

"Benny. Wake up."

He pushes up onto an elbow and, with his other hand, wipes the sleep from his eyes. His Aussie accent comes out hoarse: What time is it?

I look at the phone I have gripped in my clammy palm. Five thirty.

He stares at me with squinty, incredulous eyes. Is somebody dead?

No.

Missing?

No.

Bleeding profusely?

Mentally bleeding, yes. I step deeper into the room, wrap myself up in an old afghan, and sit in a wicker chair that faces the bed. Help.

At fifty-five years old, Benny still has the same fluffy sandy-brown hair he’s sported my entire life. It reaches just past his chin, wavy like it was permed for years and at some point decided to stay that way. I used to imagine he was a roadie for some aging eighties rock band, or an adventurer who led rich tourists to their doom out in the bush. The reality—he’s a Portland locksmith—is less exciting, but his jangle of turquoise bracelets and beaded necklaces at least lets me pretend.

Right now that hair is mostly a tangled halo of chaos around his head.

With each of the twelve other bodies in this house, I’ve got deep history, but Benny is special. He’s a college friend of my parents—all of the grown-ups in this house attended the University of Utah together, except Kyle, who married into the group—but Benny has always been more friend than parent figure. He’s from Melbourne, even-tempered and open-minded. Benny is the eternal bachelor, the wise adviser, and the one person in my life I know I can count on to give me perspective when my own thoughts are swerving out of control.

When I was a kid, I would save up my gossip until I saw him over the Fourth of July weekend or Christmas break, and then unload everything the moment I had him to myself. Benny has a way of listening and giving the simplest, most judgment-free advice without lecturing. I’m just hoping his level head can save me now.

Okay. He clears some of the gravel out of his throat with a cough and brushes a few wayward strands of hair out of his face. Let’s have it.

Right. So. Despite my panic and the ticking clock, I decide it’s best to ease him in gently to this conversation. Theo, Miles, Andrew, and I were playing board games last night in the basement, I start.

A low Mm-hm rumbles out of him. A standard night.

Clue, I stall, tugging my dark hair over my shoulder.

Okay. Benny, as ever, is blissfully patient.

Miles fell asleep on the floor, I say. My younger brother is seventeen and, like most teenagers, can sleep on a pointy rock. Andrew went out to the Boathouse.

This Mm-hm is a chuckle because Benny still finds it hilarious that Andrew Hollis—Theo’s older brother—finally put his foot down with his father and found a way out of the infantilizing bunk bed situation: he moved into the Boathouse for the duration of the Christmas holiday. The Boathouse is a small, drafty old building about twenty yards from the main cabin. What cracks me up is that the Boathouse isn’t anywhere near a body of water. It’s most frequently used as an extension of the backyard in the summer and most assuredly not set up for overnight guests to the Rocky Mountains in December.

And as much as I hated not seeing Andrew Hollis in the top bunk across the room, I honestly can’t blame him.

No one sleeping in the basement is actually a kid anymore. It’s been well established that Theo can (ahem) sleep anywhere, my brother, Miles, idolizes Theo and will go wherever Theo is, and I put up with it because my mother would murder me barehanded if I ever complained about the Hollis family’s abundant hospitality. But Andrew, nearly thirty years old, was apparently done placating the parents, and took a camping cot and sleeping bag and strolled his way out of the cabin our first night here.

We’d all had a couple drinks by then, I say, then amend, Well, not Miles, obviously, but the rest of us.

Benny’s brows lift.

Two. I grimace. Eggnog.

I wonder if Benny knows where this is going. I am a notoriously wussy drinker and Theo is a notoriously horny one. Though, to be fair, Theo is just notoriously horny.

Theo and I went upstairs to grab some water. I lick my lips and swallow, suddenly parched. Um, and then we were like, ‘Let’s drunkenly go for a walk in the snow!’ but instead… I hold my breath, strangling my words. We made out in the mudroom.

Benny goes still, and then turns his suddenly-wide-awake hazel eyes on me. You’re talking about Andrew, right? You and Andrew?

And there it is. With that gentle question, Benny has hit the nail on the head. No, I say finally. Not Andrew. Theo. That’s me: harlot.

With the benefit of sobriety and the jarring clarity of the morning after, last night’s brief, frantic scramble feels like a blur. Did I initiate things, or did Theo? All I know is that it was surprisingly clumsy. Not at all seductive: teeth clashing, some feverish moans and kisses. His hand basically latched onto my chest in a move that felt more breast-exam than passionate-embrace. That’s when I pushed him away, and, with a flailing apology, ducked under his arm and ran down to the basement.

I want to smother myself with Benny’s pillow. This is what I get for finally saying yes to Ricky Hollis’s boozy eggnog.

Hold on. Bending, Benny pulls a backpack up from the floor near the side of the bed and retrieves a long, thin one-hitter.

Seriously, Benedict? It’s not even light out.

"Listen, Mayhem, you’re telling me you made out with Theo Hollis last night. You don’t get to give me shit for taking a hit before I hear the rest of this."

Fair enough. I sigh, closing my eyes and tilting my face to the ceiling, sending a silent wish to the universe to obliterate last night from existence. Unfortunately, when I open them again, I’m still here in the attic with Benny—who’s taking a deep inhale of weed before sunrise—and a bucketful of regret settling in my gut.

Benny exhales a skunky plume and sets the pipe back in the bag. Okay, he says, squinting over at me. You and Theo.

I blow my bangs out of my face. Please don’t say it like that.

He raises his eyebrows like, Well? You know your mom and Lisa have been joking all these years… right?

Yeah. I know.

I mean, you’re a people-pleaser, he says, studying me, but this goes above and beyond.

I didn’t do it to make anyone happy! I pause, considering. I don’t think.

It’s a long-standing joke that, since we were kids, our parents hoped Theo and I would someday end up together. Then we’d officially be family. And I suppose, on paper, we make sense. We were born exactly two weeks apart. We were baptized on the same day. We slept together in the bottom bunk until Theo was big enough to be trusted not to jump off the top. He cut my hair with kitchen scissors when we were four. I covered his face and arms with Band-Aids each time we were left alone together until our parents got smart and started hiding the Band-Aids. So that we could be excused from the table, I used to eat his green beans and he’d eat my cooked carrots.

But all of that is kid stuff, and we aren’t kids anymore. Theo is a nice guy, and I love him because we’re practically family and I sort of have to, but we’ve grown into such different people that sometimes it seems like the only things we have in common happened more than a decade ago.

More importantly (read: pathetically), I’ve never been into Theo, primarily because I’ve had a crazy, silent, soul-crushing crush on his older brother for what feels like my whole life. Andrew is kind, warm, gorgeous, and hilarious. He is playful, flirty, creative, and affectionate. He is also deeply principled and private, and I’m pretty sure there’s nothing that would turn him off a woman faster than knowing she made out with his younger, womanizing brother while under the influence of eggnog.

Benny, the only other person in this house who knows about my feelings for Andrew, watches me expectantly. So, what happened?

We were tipsy. We ended up in the mudroom, the three of us: me and Theo and his tongue. I shove the tip of my thumb into my mouth, biting it. Tell me what you’re thinking.

I’m trying to understand how this happened—this isn’t like you at all, Noodle.

Defensiveness flares briefly but is almost immediately extinguished by self-loathing. Benny’s my Jiminy Cricket, and he’s right: that isn’t like me. Maybe it was a subconscious shove: I need to get over this stupid Andrew thing.

You sure about that? Benny asks gently.

Nope. … Yes? I’m twenty-six. Andrew is twenty-nine. Even I have to admit that if anything was ever going to happen between us, it would have happened by now.

So you figured, why not Theo? Benny asks, reading my thoughts.

It wasn’t that calculated, okay? I mean, he’s not exactly hard to look at.

Are you attracted to him, though? Benny scratches his stubbly chin. That feels like an important question.

I mean, lots of women seem to be?

He laughs. That isn’t what I asked.

I guess I must have been last night, right?

And? he asks, grimacing like he isn’t sure he wants to know.

And… I wrinkle my nose.

Your expression is telling me it was terrible.

I exhale, deflating. So bad. I pause. He licked my face. Like, my entire face. Benny’s wince deepens, and I point a finger at him. You are sworn to secrecy.

He holds up a hand. "Who would I tell? His parents? Yours?"

Have I ruined everything?

Benny gives me an amused smile. You are not the first two people in history to have drunkenly made out. But maybe this was a catalyst in a way. The universe is telling you to move on, one way or another, where Andrew is concerned.

I laugh because this feels genuinely impossible. How does one move on from a man so kind of heart and fine of ass? It’s not like I haven’t tried to get over Andrew for, oh, the past thirteen years. Any idea how?

I don’t know, Noodle.

Do I pretend like nothing happened? Do I talk about it with Theo?

Definitely don’t ignore it, Benny says, and as much as I was hoping to get permission to put my head in the sand, I know he’s right. Avoiding confrontation is the Jones family’s biggest vice. My parents could probably count on one hand the number of times they’ve maturely discussed their feelings with each other—which is probably what their divorce lawyer would tell you. Go wake him up before the day gets rolling. Clear the air.

He glances out the window, at the sky that is reluctantly brightening, and then back to me. Panic must be bleeding into my expression, because he puts a calming hand on mine. I know it’s your nature to smooth out problems by avoiding confrontation, but it’s our last day here. You don’t want to leave with that lingering between you. Imagine coming back to that next Christmas.

You’re the most emotionally intuitive locksmith alive, you know.

He laughs. You’re deflecting.

I nod, tucking my hands between my knees and staring down at the worn wood floor. One more question.

Mm-hm? His hum tells me he knows exactly what’s coming.

Do I tell Andrew?

He rebounds a question right back: Why would Andrew need to know?

I blink up to his face and catch the gentle sympathy there. Oof. He’s right. Andrew doesn’t need to know, because he wouldn’t care one way or another.

chapter two

I’m praying that everyone is still asleep when I sneak back out of Benny’s room, and for the most part, the house is silent and still. My plan: Wake up Theo, ask him to come talk to me in the kitchen—no, not the kitchen, too close to the mudroom—before anyone else is up. Clear the air. Make sure we know it was a fluke, nothing to be weird about. It was the eggnog kissing! Definitely nothing anyone else needs to know about.

Am I being too paranoid about a sloppy kiss and a boob grope? Without a doubt. But Theo is like family, and these things tend to get messy. Let me not be the proverbial stick of dynamite in this comfortable chosen-family dynamic.

Look back on a hundred other mornings here, and I’m usually awake in the kitchen, quietly cheating at solitaire while Ricky, Andrew and Theo’s dad, munches on cookies and zombie-sips his coffee, slowly coming to life. Maelyn Jones, you and me are two peas in a pod, he’ll say once he’s verbal. We both wake up with the sun. But this particular morning, Ricky isn’t up yet. In his place is Theo, bent over a giant bowl of Lucky Charms.

It’s still disorienting to see him with short hair. For as long as I can remember Theo had dark, wavy surfer hair he’d sometimes pull into a short ponytail, but it’s gone, cut off only days before we all arrived at the cabin. Now I stand in the doorway, surrounded by strands of metallic garland and tissue paper holly the twins and Andrew hung up yesterday morning, staring at the top of Theo’s short-haired head and thinking he looks like a stranger.

I know he knows I’m here, but he doesn’t acknowledge me; he’s feigning a deep fascination with the nutritional information on the cereal box in front of him. Milk drips from his chin, and he swipes it away with the back of his hand.

My stomach turns to stone. Hey, I say, folding a stray dish towel.

He still doesn’t look up. Hey.

You sleep okay?

Sure.

I cross my arms in front of me and am reminded that I’m braless, in pajamas. The linoleum floor is freezing beneath my bare feet. You’re up early.

One bulky shoulder lifts and drops. Yeah.

When I blink, I suddenly see what’s happening with clear eyes. I’m not dealing with Lifelong Friend Theo right now. This is Next Morning Theo. This is the Theo most girls see. My mistake was in assuming that I’m not most girls.

I move to the coffeepot, stuffing a filter in, filling it with dark roast, setting it to brew. The deep headiness of coffee fills my head, and, for only a breath, it distracts me from my angst.

I glance at the empty Advent calendar on the counter—empty not because yesterday was Christmas but because Andrew loves chocolate and finished it five days ago. His and Theo’s mom, Lisa, made some sort of cookie bars on the first day of vacation, but they’ve barely been touched because nobody is willing to risk a tooth after watching Dad crack one of his.

I know every dish in this kitchen, know each potholder, towel, and place mat. This place is more precious to me than even my own childhood home, and I don’t want to tarnish it with stupid, eggnog-soaked decisions.

I take a deep breath and think of why we come here: To spend quality time with our chosen family. To celebrate togetherness. We drive each other crazy sometimes, but I love this place; I look forward to coming here all year.

Theo drops his spoon onto the table, clattering me back into this tense, loaded room. He shakes the cereal box over his bowl, refilling it.

I try to engage again: Hungry?

He grunts. Yeah.

I give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he’s embarrassed. Lord knows I am. Maybe I should apologize, make sure we’re on the same page. Listen, Theo. About last night…

He laughs into a bite of cereal. Last night was nothing, Mae. I should have known you’d make a huge deal out of it.

I blink. A huge deal?

Briefly, I imagine hurling the closest object within reach at his head. What the hell is that— I begin, but footsteps stop my tirade and save Theo from getting brained by a cast-iron trivet.

Ricky comes into the room, letting out a gravelly Mornin’.

He grabs a mug, and I grab the pot, filling his cup when he reaches out expectantly, and we shuffle toward the table: our familiar little dance. But then Ricky falters, unsure where to sit with an unexpected Theo in his chair, and he pulls out another one, sitting with a relieved groan, inhaling his coffee.

I wait for Ricky to say it. Wait for it. Maelyn Jones, you and me are two peas in a pod. But the words don’t come. Theo’s created a pocket of cold silence in the ordinarily warm space, and a tiny flicker of panic sparks beneath my ribs. Ricky is the King of Tradition, and I am the obvious heir to his throne. This is the one place in the world where I’ve never questioned what I’m doing or who I am, but last night Theo and I went off-script, and now everything is weird.

I glare across the table at him, but he doesn’t look up. He tucks into his Lucky Charms like a hungover frat boy.

Theo is a dick.

I am suddenly blindingly furious. How can he not even have the balls to look at me this morning? A few drunken kisses should be nothing to Theo Hollis, a scratch that’s easily polished. Instead, it feels like he’s deliberately gouging deeper.

Ricky slowly turns to look at me, and his questioning expression penetrates my peripheral vision. Maybe Theo is right. Maybe I am making too big a deal out of this. With effort, I blink and push back from the table to stand.

Think I’ll take my coffee outside and enjoy the last morning here.

There. If Theo has half a brain—which is presently up for debate—he’ll take the hint and follow me outside to talk.

But once I’m sitting on the porch swing, bundled up in a down coat, thick socks, boots, and a blanket, I’m cold from the inside out. I don’t want to shake the foundation of this special place, which is why I’ve never been tempted by Theo’s flirtation, or admitted to anyone but Benny that I have real and tender feelings for Andrew. Our parents’ bedrock friendship is far older than any of us kids.

Lisa and Mom were roommates in college. Dad, Aaron, Ricky, and Benny all lived together in a ramshackle rental off campus; they gave the old Victorian the incredibly creative name of International House of Beer, and from photos it looked like something out of Animal House. After graduation, Aaron moved to Manhattan, where he met and married Kyle Liang and they eventually adopted twins. Ricky and Lisa stayed in Utah, Benny roamed the West Coast before settling in Portland. My parents put down roots in California, where I was born and, eventually, Miles—the Surprise Baby—when I was nine. They divorced three years ago, and Mom is happily remarried. Dad… not so much.

Aaron has often said that these friendships saved his life when his mom and brother died unexpectedly in a car accident during junior year, and the group rallied around him to celebrate the holidays together. Even with all these ups and downs in life, the tradition stuck: every December twentieth we give ourselves over to Ricky’s highly specific and detailed Christmas itinerary. We haven’t missed a single year as long as I’ve been alive, even the year my parents divorced. That year wasn’t comfortable—strained is an understatement—but somehow spending

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