Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal with People Who Try to Control You

Written by Patricia Evans

Narrated by Xe Sands

Does this sound like someone you know?Always needs to be rightTells you who you are and what you thinkImplies that you're wrong or inadequate when you don't agreeIs threatened by people who are "different"Feels attacked when questionedDoesn't seem to really hear or see youIf any of the above traits sounds familiar, help is on the way! In Controlling People, bestselling author Patricia Evans tackles the "controlling personality" and reveals how and why these people try to run other people's lives. She also explains the compulsion that makes them continue this behavior-even as they alienate others and often lose those they love.Controlling People helps you unravel the senseless behavior that plagues both the controller and the victim. Can the pattern, or spell, be broken? Yes! says the author.By understanding the compelling force involved, you can be a catalyst for change and actually become a spell-breaker. Once the spell is broken and the controller sees others as they really are, a genuine connection can be forged and healing can occur.Should you ever find yourself in the thrall of someone close to you, Controlling People is here to give you the wisdom, power, and comfort you need to be a stronger, happier, and more independent person.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tantor Media, Inc
• Release date: Jun 29, 2012
• ISBN: 9781452678542

Patricia Evans

Patricia Evans is the bestselling author of four books, including The Verbally Abusive Relationship, Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out, Controlling People, and The Verbally Abusive Man: Can He Change? A highly acclaimed interpersonal communications specialist, public speaker, and consultant, Evans has appeared on Oprah, CNN, CBS News, Fox News, She Knows, and on numerous national radio programs. Her work has been featured in Shape, Newsweek, and O, The Oprah Magazine. Evans lives in the San Francisco Bay Area and can be reached via her website at VerbalAbuse.com.

Reviews for Controlling People

[Mary Hartsock · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Highly Recommend! Definitely a Keeper! The Best Book To Read!

[glennbell_1 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

I liked the first sections of the book but believe the author went beyond her experise toward the end of the book. Patricia makes some excellent points about mental expectations of others and the impact of this on efforts to control others. She takes the concepts to their logical extremes in cases of violence, war, hate groups, and bigotism. Unfortunately, Patricia appears to have had an improportionate number of males who are controlling of their wives in her practice. This seems to bias her opinions. Additionally, Patricia appears to have a quasi-spiritual emphasis in her ending chapters, which is her opinion and has little scientific or logical basis. The book has some valuable concepts but you are forced to listen to some of her irrational concepts as well.

[gretsker · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

This book is very helpful for understanding the process of certain people to gain control over others and what drives them to do it. While visible abuse which violates a person's physical boundaries is usually easy for most adults to recognize, there is another more common violation of personal boundaries that often goes unnoticed - the trespassing of psychic boundaries. After providing a brief sketch of some of the traits of a controlling person, this book begins with the description of what psychic trespassing is and then goes on to describe the people-controlling process. We are told this process starts with mostly unconscious violations of a victim's psychic boundaries allowing external definitions and "backwards connections" that are made easy by the victim's infirm internal state. We learn that victims controlled in this way have been largely disconnected from their innate powers to feel, sense, intuit, and think often in an effort to earn the love of a parent or the respect of an authority figure. As I read the book, there were many "aha" moments. It made a lot of sense but may go too far in that it hints at an ultimately cold world -- a world of always needing to be on the lookout for controlling behavior. The fact is, we are built to be affirmed and validated by someone -- i.e. to be loved and to have hope. I'm sure that if she follows her own approach Ms. Evans will successfully keep people from controlling her. But she may also go into deep depression unnecessarily. If followed religiously when she is sad or feeling blue she may miss out on even life-affirming reassurances that come from people with loving intentions. Using her approach one would presumably be well advised to reject all external definitions including well-meaning consolations such as "you'll get through this" and "you'll be back on your feet in no time, you'll see". Only the person who truly needs no one at all could get by in life without affirming acts of validation and reassurance from others.