In the Dream House: A Memoir

Written by Carmen Maria Machado

Narrated by Carmen Maria Machado

In the Dream House is Carmen Maria Machado's engrossing and wildly innovative account of a relationship gone bad, and a bold dissection of the mechanisms and cultural representations of psychological abuse. Tracing the full arc of a harrowing relationship with a charismatic but volatile woman, Machado struggles to make sense of how what happened to her shaped the person she was becoming.



And it's that struggle that gives the book its original structure: each chapter is driven by its own narrative trope—the haunted house, erotica, the bildungsroman—through which Machado holds the events up to the light and examines them from different angles. She looks back at her religious adolescence, unpacks the stereotype of lesbian relationships as safe and utopian, and widens the view with essayistic explorations of the history and reality of abuse in queer relationships.



Machado's dire narrative is leavened with her characteristic wit, playfulness, and openness to inquiry. She casts a critical eye over legal proceedings, fairy tales, Star Trek, and Disney villains, as well as iconic works of film and fiction. The result is a wrenching, riveting book that explodes our ideas about what a memoir can do and be.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Highbridge Company
• Release date: Dec 19, 2019
• ISBN: 9781684572793

Reviews for In the Dream House

[Alanna Hurley · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Singlehandedly the best book I've ever read, and I read over 100 books a year. Everyone, no matter what you identify as, should read this book. I've bought this for every single one of my friends for them to read

[Calvin Eaton · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

The second half was more engaging than the first half. Not sure I would’ve finished a paper back book.

[Geo Frank · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I really wanted to give the author a big hug after reading this.

[Katherine Carr · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Beautifully written prose. She reads it like a poet. A wonderful resource for those who have been in emotionally abusive relationships and to everyone as this needs to be talked about more.

[Briana Riggs · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Extremely powerful and absolutely harrowing. Machado brings her striking, electrifying writing style to bear on the complex, taboo, and often deliberately obscured topic of domestic abuse within queer relationships.

[pedro ramírez · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I’m speechless as to what to write. Machado’s memoir is most necessary as we look forward to learn from relationships gone wrong that start off so right and how it’s tough to move away when you feel so trapped... I’m glad Machado was the one to narrate her tale and she does it so well! Loved following along with the book by my side so as to follow up on the footnotes on the page too!

[clararosamartinezherrera · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

A heart-wrenching confessional of a shared experience. I could not put the book down finished in a evening.

[Marisa Neil · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Heartbreaking, but not without hope. It’s impossible to adequately put language to such a traumatic experience and all the complexities surrounding it, but the way that Machado approaches this memoir comes as close as a person probably can. Her use of different tropes, genres, and storytelling devices is so brilliantly done. Listening to this memoir in the author’s own voice was lovely. Well. As lovely as a memoir about abuse can be.

[kelsea worley · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Oh, shit. What a memoir. Beautiful and horrible and gutting.

[Audrey Robbins · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Absolutely amazing, heartbreaking, and well written. Could not stop listening and I love how it was written. 10/10

[giuliosuprig · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Haunting, personal and brilliant at every single phrase.
Thabk you so much for this.

[Aufderheide · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

So so good. I’m interested in getting a physical version of this but the audiobook was very immersive and made for a great experience.

[Monica Jissell Meza · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Touching, chilling, poetic & beautiful. Deeply personal & universally relatable. A work of art.

[Sara Bobo · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Wow. This is a wonderfully written piece of art. It took me a minute to get used to her writing/reading style, but the content is raw and relatable and addresses important social issues. I also thought her way of storytelling was unique and refreshing.

[Sydney Rapp · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Great depiction of psychological abuse and how damaging it can be. Well written.

[msbaker1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Absolutely breathtaking. The writing will stun you as the story will rearrange you.

[castlelass · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

This is a creatively written memoir about the author’s experience in an emotionally abusive same-sex relationship. Each short chapter is written as if viewing the relationship through a particular literary lens, such as picaresque, time travel, cult classic, romance, bildungsroman, erotica, noir, high fantasy, spy thriller, horror, etc. It traces the trajectory of an abusive relationship, from the initial infatuation with a charismatic individual to the euphoric feelings of the first stage of the relationship (the Dream House) to the inevitable slide into lying, gaslighting, manipulation, and controlling behavior.

For me, it is no surprise that same-sex relationships can contain the same types of abuse experienced by heterosexual couples, but the author points out that it is even more difficult to bring these issues into the light due to the already prevalent prejudices against the LGBT community. Machado brings up other instances of how abuse is generally viewed in society, as told in our stories – myths, fairy tales, films, television shows, and other media. Women are generally not viewed as capable of inflicting abuse, but when it is about power and control, anyone can be an abuser.

This book provides almost a handbook of red flags. The victim of abuse often tries to excuse or rationalize the partner’s behavior and keeps returning based on promises or apologies, hoping to get back that feeling of euphoria from the first stage. The victim is walking on eggshells and is the recipient of hot and cold treatment. The abuse accelerates over time. I think this book delivers an important message. Emotional and psychological abuse can be insidious, and it is important to recognize it and protect oneself by cutting off all contact. I also really loved this innovative approach to writing a memoir. Anyone who has experienced (or is experiencing) an abusive relationship will be able to relate to this book, though it may trigger painful memories. For others, it will be enlightening and educational.

[laphenix · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Beautifully written but painful to read, at some point my emotions just turned off completely for a day.

[caedocyon · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

As I suspected, way better as text than an audiobook, I'm glad I tried again. Once I started reading I couldn't stop.

[thisisstephenbetts · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Trigger warning for abusive relationships. Beautifully written, compelling story about a woman emerging from an abusive relationship, with lots of exploration about how abuse in lesbian relationships has been historically been ignored / erased / disbelieved / uncomprehended. Ultimately uplifting, and, while definitely tough at times, not as harrowing a read as I had feared. Highly recommended.

[kalliegrace · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Beautifully written, touching and heartbreaking, domestic abuse can happen to anyone in any relationship. I enjoyed the sprinkling of church memories from her upbringing.

[sbelcher-913023 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

This memoir is written as a series of vignettes at different points in an abusive relationship. Each vignette is titled with a narrative trope - haunted house, modern art, cosmic horror which reflect not only the relationship but also the way in which society treats women, molds women and how they are reflected in our cultural references. It is a compelling read - not only for the story - but also the structure which provides a reckoning of how we see and treat all women.

[mandarinenschaeler · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

This book was certainly different than I expected but I loved how Carmen played with the medium book, I've never seen something like this before!!

[rivkat_2 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Incredible memoir about mostly-emotional abuse in a queer relationship. Short chapters in somewhat varying styles, with constant references to the index of fairytale elements that make it that much creepier. Machado writes beautifully about her lust, her shame about exposing “dirty laundry," and her experience of having her reality denied until she thought that was normal and ok.

[sriddell_8 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

A fascinating memoir told in a series of short stories. The author tells the story of an abusive same-sex relationship, both from an extremely personal standpoint and also with insight into how abuse in same-sex relationships are viewed in the larger LGBTQ community.

I listened to the audio, narrated by the author and so well done. A really wrenching but wonderful book.

[angelalam-300700 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

An exceptionally well-written look at queer domestic abuse.

[ridgewaygirl · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

When Carmen Maria Machado was getting her MFA at Iowa City, she was also involved in an abusive relationship that she writes about here. The conceit is that every chapter -- ranging in length from a single paragraph to several pages -- is set in a specific genre or trope, so one chapter is "The Dream House as Unreliable Narrator" and another is "The Dream House as Choose Your Own Adventure." It's an effective way of pulling together a narrative that isn't too difficult to read, given the subject matter. Machado has researched ideas and themes that appear in fairy tales and folk tales and pulled them in to illustrate the ways in which the abuse manifested and in her response. Machado is also looking at the history of domestic abuse among women and how that differs from and imitates the more familiar partner violence in heterosexual relationships.

This could be a heavy book and a sad one, but Machado is so brilliant and her mind is so active and eager to seek out connections and ideas that I had to consciously slow down my reading. And Machado's story doesn't remain one characterized by uncertainty and turmoil.

[lemeritus-1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Remarkable - both the telling of the tale and the craft.

[tobinelliott · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

What a beautiful, ugly, funny, heart-rending book this is.

Once again, I stepped way outside of my comfort zone, and once again, I've been rewarded greatly for doing so. Carmen Maria Machado has delivered an important piece of work, part memoir, part queer resource, but mostly a terribly uncomfortable insider's view to a horrifyingly abusive relationship.

I don't care what race you are, your religion, or your sexual preference...if you aren't moved by Machado's story, then you're either a rock...or you're part of the problem.

Everyone should read this. Those in abusive relationships should read it, to understand that it can get better. Those struggling with their sexuality should read it, to understand that it can get better. Those who don't understand, or in the words of Machado's aunt, don't "believe" in gays, should read it, because maybe they'd begin to understand that we're all just human underneath all those labels. Those that abuse should read it, with the hope that it may spark what little piece of humanity and empathy you may still harbour, and realize what a destructive thing you are doing.

This book. Just read it.

[booklover217 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

"Sometimes your tongue is removed, sometimes you still it of your own accord. Sometimes you live, sometimes you die. Sometimes you have a name, sometimes you are named for what-not who-you are. The story looks a little different, depending on who is telling it.....But the truth is, anyone who knows your name can break you in two."

This book was phenomenal, in its' structure, its' theme, and it's prose. In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado gave us a masterpiece of metaphor. It is unlike anything I have read before.

This house will haunt me forever but it also illuminated the need for action on behalf of victims. Machado writes about the "archival silence" in queer stories and about the erasure of queer lesbian domestic abuse.

She attempts to scream past the void & fill in the blanks for all who will dare to do more than observe what is happening. She uses the house to resurrect her experiences as a domestic violence survivor and takes you on a haunting journey recounting and attempting to find meaning in what happened to her. She dares you to look deeply and push past the gender ordinary that seeks to normalize and sympathize with the abuser's actions.

Reading this book was a visceral experience. It felt like I was peering into the house as a haunted, abusive tale played out. Each room added more horror and with each new experience my anxiety grew. My stomach was in knots. I wanted it to be over but I also couldn't stop looking in at the same time. I would shout warnings whenever I saw the red flags and I was on edge worrying about what worse event could come next. This house literally gives you a representation of the cycle of lesbian domestic abuse and how the red flags can easily be hidden within the walls. This novel dismantles the idea of safe houses and puts forth the narrative that houses are only safe for those that control them and hold the power. It also reminds us that looks can be deceiving.

Machado writes "The memoir is, at its core, an act of resurrection." This novel does just that. It attempts to bring life to the pieces of herself that she thought had long been dead. Read this book because someone out there needs you to see them