Audiobook4 hours
In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People
Written by George K. Simon, Jr., Ph.D.
Narrated by Kevin Foley
Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
4/5
()
About this audiobook
Dr. George K. Simon knows how people push your buttons: your children-especially teens-are experts at it, as is your mate. A coworker may quietly undermine your efforts while professing to be helpful, or your boss may prey on your weaknesses. Manipulative people have two goals: to win and to look good doing it. Too often, those they abuse are only vaguely aware of what is happening to them.
In this eye-opening book, you'll discover:
-four reasons why victims have a hard time leaving abusive relationships
-power tactics manipulative people use to push their own agendas and justify their behavior
-ways to redefine the rules of engagement between you and the abuser
-how to spot potential weaknesses in your character that can set you up for manipulation
-two tools for personal empowerment to help you maintain greater strength in all relationships
In this eye-opening book, you'll discover:
-four reasons why victims have a hard time leaving abusive relationships
-power tactics manipulative people use to push their own agendas and justify their behavior
-ways to redefine the rules of engagement between you and the abuser
-how to spot potential weaknesses in your character that can set you up for manipulation
-two tools for personal empowerment to help you maintain greater strength in all relationships
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Reviews for In Sheep's Clothing
Rating: 4.235294127731092 out of 5 stars
4/5
119 ratings13 reviews
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The chief thing that Simon's book does for the reader is to tell them to go with their gut. And that is not insignificant, for the aiders and abettors of manipulative people are legion. It is, after all, so much simpler to tell the less aggressive person to placate the aggressor than to support them in dealing with the aggressor. I spend much of my childhood and youth being confused as people told me the he/she is nice or means well or can't help being a little rude and I should be more understanding / compromising / patient. Yet I knew in my heart that something was wrong here, and that he/she wasn't really a good person, though it was hard to express.Actually, I got my first insight from Agatha Christie's The Mirror Crack'd in which the solution turns on the distinction between being kind and being considerate. And that was someone who was relatively well-meaning, if self-absorbed. Self-absorbed and not well-meaning is worse.Simon refers to the manipulative as covert-aggressive people and limns various types. He considers them to be character-disordered for whom winning is all, rather than neurotic; neurotic people mostly cause trouble mostly for themselves. He explains their tactics, and the weaknesses in other people that they exploit. Simon thinks that psychologists often undercut the victim of manipulation by treating the manipulator as a troubled person needing help rather than helping the victim protect themselves. As Simon points out, one can only control one's own behavior: if the manipulator has issues and problems, he/she will have to deal with them.The book doesn't contain specific strategies for dealing with the manipulator, rather it focusses on telling the victim how to recognize the behavior, how they may be enabling the person, and not allow themselves to be distracted by guilt-tripping, pleas for sympathy, and other tactics.
1 person found this helpful
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Eye opener. Learnt a lot on how to protect myself
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5This has made me begin to rethink beliefs I've held about what motivates 'covert aggression'. I found I'm guillty of some of the aggressive behaviour described too. There are some good tips in the later chapters.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Without question, having read this book numerous times over the last 15 years, this is the best book on covert aggression, covert narcissists, passive aggressive individuals, and any individual with a disturbed character. Dr Simon is a world-renowned expert on the subject, and at the particular time I found this book, completely in the toilet from being mentally tortured by my covert narcissistic wife, to whom I gave everything anyone could want for 25 years, including the gift of not having to work outside our home, but simply to love and care for our 3 children, all of whom, as is typical of these personalities, she used as trophies to inflate her social status in the community, this book almost literally saved my life, and opened my eyes to the incidious nature of these VERY disturbed and DANGEROUS individuals. I could not possibly recommend any book more highly than this one. Thank you Dr Simon.
1 person found this helpful
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Superb. Simply superb. This book highlights the troubling issues we experience in modern day life, which I believe have been compounded by and made clearly manifest during the pandemic. Living with and interacting with people who have character disturbances feels intolerable at times. These types contribute to the degradation of society, with their behavior being condoned or even encouraged by the explicit and especially implicit values toted by this very same society.
The author elegantly discusses this troubling character pattern as well as outlines effective tactics in dealing with their manipulation and cunning.
This book is an absolute must read for those who are committed to the task of improving themselves with the view of bettering not only their own life experience but also who desire to contribute to a better life experience for others.1 person found this helpful
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Excellent book, must read twice !!!!! Thanks for
1 person found this helpful
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Summary
The book is an operating manual for folks who might find themselves dealing with a covert aggressive personality type.
Liked
Differentiation of neurotic vs character sufficiency spectrum
Didn't vilify the character difficient beyond pointing out that the may be mal adapted to current societal trends
Could be improved
The book has a tone that was a little too pleased with homself. It would have been better if there had been more links to further reading and other related areas of research.
Stories were a bit one sided and too smooth. When people then use the stories to justify the conclusions I think the final ideas suffer for that. Perhaps include a more detailed version of case studies in an appendix.
There's a social agenda woven into the book as well. Not sure what I think about that.
Highlight
Don't make the mistake of assuming everyone's basically the same on the inside. - Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5I started reading this book as research, but found validation for some hard decisions I've made this year - little did I know but I was dealing with covert aggression tactics. While I did not find the examples particularly interesting, the explanations of the different tactics that emotionally manipulative people use was very helpful and interesting. The style was easy to read as well and was not full of indecipherable medical jargon. I would recommend it as a good introduction to dealing with manipulative people.
1 person found this helpful
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5This was interesting enough information but a very dry listen.
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5This book covers a gambit of methods that people use to manipulate others. Some specific case studies are included that are instructive. The discussion is largely intellectual although the author becomes philosophical at the end of the book by closing with some unrealistic expectations of social evolution. I liked the book, since it makes you think about you own interactions with others.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I think we all have to deal with at least one toxic manipulative person at some point in our lives; it might be a parent, a spouse, a boss, a co-worker, or even a child. In my case, I grew up with a master manipulator for a father. And now I work with someone who, although not nearly in the league of my father, is still a fairly good manipulator.I think the best thing about this book is that it does encourage you to go with your gut. I've been told by everyone that "K" is going through a hard time, that she doesn't MEAN to be so cruel and hateful, etc, etc. But I couldn't shake the feeling in my gut that K, no matter the circumstances, is just a manipulator, and she's using people around us. After reading this book, I definitely feel much more validated in my assessment of her personality, especially since the list of manipulative behaviors fit her to a tee. I could give multiple examples for each one.I do wish that this book gave you more ideas on how to deal with the manipulators. There is a chapter at the end of the book that lists some coping strategies, but I feel like it's just not enough. Most of them deal with changing your own behavior and reactions, which does make sense, since you'll never be able to "force" a manipulator to change their own ways. I'm planning on utilizing those that I can to see if it makes a difference in my interactions with my coworker.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The chief thing that Simon's book does for the reader is to tell them to go with their gut. And that is not insignificant, for the aiders and abettors of manipulative people are legion. It is, after all, so much simpler to tell the less aggressive person to placate the aggressor than to support them in dealing with the aggressor. I spend much of my childhood and youth being confused as people told me the he/she is nice or means well or can't help being a little rude and I should be more understanding / compromising / patient. Yet I knew in my heart that something was wrong here, and that he/she wasn't really a good person, though it was hard to express.Actually, I got my first insight from Agatha Christie's The Mirror Crack'd in which the solution turns on the distinction between being kind and being considerate. And that was someone who was relatively well-meaning, if self-absorbed. Self-absorbed and not well-meaning is worse.Simon refers to the manipulative as covert-aggressive people and limns various types. He considers them to be character-disordered for whom winning is all, rather than neurotic; neurotic people mostly cause trouble mostly for themselves. He explains their tactics, and the weaknesses in other people that they exploit. Simon thinks that psychologists often undercut the victim of manipulation by treating the manipulator as a troubled person needing help rather than helping the victim protect themselves. As Simon points out, one can only control one's own behavior: if the manipulator has issues and problems, he/she will have to deal with them.The book doesn't contain specific strategies for dealing with the manipulator, rather it focusses on telling the victim how to recognize the behavior, how they may be enabling the person, and not allow themselves to be distracted by guilt-tripping, pleas for sympathy, and other tactics.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5It's certainly eye-opening to think of people sometimes being purposefully and willfully hurtful. It's a 180 from constantly thinking that people are "just hurting" or whatever. To start thinking about what people want out of a situation can bring a lot more clarity.