Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself
Written by Kristin Neff
Narrated by Xe Sands
4.5/5
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About this audiobook
Kristin Neff, Ph.D., says that it’s time to “stop beating yourself up and leave insecurity behind.” Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind offers expert advice on how to limit self-criticism and offset its negative effects, enabling you to achieve your highest potential and a more contented, fulfilled life.
More and more, psychologists are turning away from an emphasis on self-esteem and moving toward self-compassion in the treatment of their patients—and Dr. Neff’s extraordinary book offers exercises and action plans for dealing with every emotionally debilitating struggle, be it parenting, weight loss, or any of the numerous trials of everyday living.
Editor's Note
To err is human...
When society values success at all costs, the smallest mistake can be devastating. This book teaches positive self-talk techniques to accept setbacks as a natural part of the human experience.
Kristin Neff
Kristin Neff is currently an Associate Professor of Educational Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. She is a pioneer in the field of self-compassion research, conducting the first empirical studies on self-compassion almost twenty years ago. In addition to writing numerous academic articles and book chapters on the topic, she is author of the book Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. In conjunction with her colleague Dr. Chris Germer, she has developed an empirically supported training program called Mindful Self-Compassion, which is taught by thousands of teachers worldwide. They co-authored the Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook and Teaching the Mindful Self-Compassion Program: A Guide for Professionals. Her newest work focuses on how to balance self-acceptance with the courage to make needed change. In June 2021, she will publish Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power, and Thrive. For more information on self-compassion, including a self-compassion test, research articles, practices, and Dr. Neff's teaching schedule, go to www.self-compassion.org.
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Reviews for Self-Compassion
336 ratings29 reviews
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5So much is said about Western culture being one of rampant narcissism, "me me me", etc. But neuroticism, self-hatred, and the like, is the other side of the coin that does not get discussed quite as much. The author, Dr. Kristin Neff, discusses the destructive consequences of such negative thoughts, such as guilt, shame, self-hatred, putting yourself down, harshly judging yourself, and the rest, and how our culture has been programming us to think this way, and take it as something "normal". Dr. Neff uses stories both from her patients, and from her own life experiences, to illustrate how these types of negative thoughts can affect your life and the lives of your friends and family. As a heads-up, they are quite intense, and if you have trouble with destructive negative thinking, these will sound very familiar. What this book does is show you methods on how to quiet those habitual thoughts that drag you down and beat you into the dust. There is "negative" thinking, which we all do, and its there to help protect us from making mistakes, or more importantly, from us repeating mistakes. This is normal. But overly negative thoughts, "You're not good enough", "You're not pretty enough", "You are a terrible person", "You should die", and so on, are, obviously, not what we need to be telling ourselves. Throughout the book, Dr. Neff teaches us methods on how to treat ourselves like we would a cherished friend who is hurting, or a beloved child who is frightened, and not as an enemy. These methods teach us embrace ourselves as actual people who deserve love and understanding. Self-compassion helps you self-regulate your emotions so that they don't fly off the handle, inevitably hurting yourself and in many instances, the people you care for. She illustrates this with stories from her life and interactions with her husband, to give you an idea. This book helps you with your own emotional intelligence (as a side note, the book "Emotional Intelligence" by Daniel Goleman should be read alongside this one). It shows that you CAN be good to yourself without fear of being something akin to narcissism. You learn to forgive the way you have treated yourself, and that you are worth love, and in turn, you learn to accept others more readily and openly. A very good read, sometimes hard to take and intense, but worth it.
2 people found this helpful
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5I really loved this book, and it helped me realize I must always love and accept myself as I am.
2 people found this helpful
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Great book! The audioversion is especially soothing! Highly recommend to those with internal struggles..
2 people found this helpful
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Zelfcompassie draait om drie principes. Ten eerste dien je begrip te hebben voor jezelf als je het moeilijk hebt, in tweede instantie moet je accepteren dat lijden een onvermijdelijk onderdeel vormt van het leven en ten laatste is er het onder ogen zien van de eigen emoties zonder te oordelen. Psychologe Kristin Neff ontdekte dat compassie hebben met jezelf vaak een stuk moeilijker is dan gedacht. Haar pogingen om los te komen van de problematische relatie met haar vader begonnen pas resultaat op te leveren toen ze besefte dat je pas liefde kan geven als je jezelf liefhebt. In dit boek vertelt zij hoe dat kan.
2 people found this helpful
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5It is, indeed human to err! And Neff is a self-compassion guru who guides her readers through potentially challenging situations and/or life events. The book contains exercises which can be difficult to do/ concentrate on if listening to the book in audio format. Still, what Neff writes about and the way she shares her personal stories is not only inspiring but though-provoking and healing.
Why not 5 stars? I did not resonate with all the topics addressed in the book, and I sometimes found the book confusing when the author switched between scientific research findings and personal narratives or neo-spirituality. Additionally, I did not fully resonate with the way the reader was encouraged to speak to oneself in moments of crisis. Neff used calming language that I would never use to an adult, and it felt superficial and staged, rather than an actual tool to avert an emotional crisis.1 person found this helpful
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Amazing book. It gave me many insights. I would rrcommend reading it, especially if you have a strong inner critic.
1 person found this helpful
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5I've learned so much from this book. Highly recommended it.
1 person found this helpful
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Guide book for a starter like me to understand compassion.. lovin it
1 person found this helpful
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5This book should be essential reading! Forget books about self esteem read this one instead.
1 person found this helpful
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Amazing!! Truly changed my perspective. Helped with anxiety as well as negative self talk
1 person found this helpful
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Superb book with countless examples, which are applicable today. Highly recommend...
1 person found this helpful
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5This book is about love and respect yourself in a healthy way! Strongly recommend!
1 person found this helpful
- Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5I didn’t really get anything out of it as far as self improvement. I will finish it but I won’t end up picking up this book again I wouldn’t recommend,the tao of fully feeling is 10 times better.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Excelente libro, aprendí mucho y ayuda al amor propio. :)
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5This book gives you many reasons to treat yourself with love and compassion.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5It made be to be kinder to myself I am suffering
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5A book with life-changing potential that should be required reading for any human being.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Deeply enlightening . . . . . . . .
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Changed my outlook on life, the world and myself. Includes personal stories and exercises that bring you into the life of the writer and the information into your life. I plan to listen and buy the physical copy soon.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5An indispensable book full of beautiful theoretical ideas and effective exercises. I enjoyed the book very much.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I think more people need to know about the power of self-compassion. Absolutely recommended to read this! I especially liked the chapter about the differences between self-esteem and self-compassion. It highlighted clearly how our aim to be self confident can turn us blind to our weaknesses and even start toxic tendencies. On the other hand, self-compassion helps us face even our worst parts and fuel a change. My only problem was that sometimes the examples and stories reflected more the authors personal opinion and not scientific facts. Although there were several studies quoted as well-so all in all the book was still rather objective on the topic.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5A very important tool in self-help therapy.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5An amazing book. A must read for anybody who wants to be more compassante towards themselves and Ofcourse others!
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Good and much needed entry in the world that over emphasizes self image
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5This is a phenomenal book based on years of solid scientific research. It teaches a new way of relating to the self, a way which is realistic, healthy, and conducive to building good communities. In some ways, self compassion is a response to the buzz word of "self esteem" which might focus too much on personal achievement leading in some cases to narcissism. Compassion teaches self acceptance regardless of achievement. The principles in this book have been the most powerful to improve my negative self talk.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5excellent book on why and how to be not so harsh on oneself and how to use self compassion to acheive more and enjoy more of life
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Aw, this is a wonderful book, I'm glad I found it. I love the scientific infos and all the ways it helps me to be kind to myself, to understand myself and our human needs and behaviours. Thank you to the author.
The narrator unfortunately has an annoying tone and draws out words in a way that bugs me plus when she mimics the way men talk it sounds like men from the 50s or something, it sounds dated... and unnecessary. Whatever, I've still been able to enjoy this book. - Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Very good
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5This is one of those life-changing books. It could possibly save lives. Why? It teaches how to show compassion to the most important human being in your life - you.
We intuitively know compassion for others is good. Yet most of us have got our sense of love for ourselves pummeled out of us by life.
This book explains why and how we should show compassion to ourselves.
Do yourself - and everyone in your circle of influence - a huge favour and learn from this book.