Never Stop Exploring Your Mate

By John E. Pierre

"Never Stop Exploring Your Mate" is a comprehensive guide that delves into the intricacies of relationship compatibility and offers invaluable relationship guidance. With insights drawn from couples therapy, marriage advice, and relationship coaching, this book provides practical tools and strateg

• Language: English
• Publisher: Triple A Publisher
• Release date: Mar 20, 2024
• ISBN: 9798869269324

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Never Stop Exploring

Your Mate

How to avoid taking your mate for granted

John E Pierre Sr.

Copyright © 2024

All Rights Reserved

Dedication

I dedicate this book to the two most influential people in my life: my mother, Roslyn Pierre; I am eternally grateful for all your sacrifices. Alongside my father, Rev. Massillon Pierre, you raised me and my siblings Betty, Odine, Carolyn, and Odson. You taught us how to love, be compassionate, and be respectful to everyone we encounter. But the gift I am most thankful for is the gift of our Christian heritage, which you bestowed on us by introducing us to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

To my amazing wife, Claudette, you are why I feel like the most blessed man on this earth. Your capacity to demonstrate your love for me is beyond what I could ever imagine. You are the wonderful gift God has so graciously blessed me with, and I thank Him for you daily.

You have been an incredible partner to me for over thirty-three years of marriage and have blessed me with our four exceptional children: Tenacia, John Jr, Contessa, and Tychicus. I now understand why God said, To be united to your wife. The implication has been so overwhelming to me. Observing you as a mother and wife for these many years has been a euphoric experience. I still look forward to embarking on the horizon of what God has in store for us as a couple.

Acknowledgments

I

would like to express my deepest appreciation and love to my wife, Claudette, whom I’m deeply indebted to. I am also extremely grateful to my children for my success in the completion of my book.

This would not have been possible without the support of my wife during difficult times; she has always been there to encourage me when things became challenging. Last but not least, without God inspiring me to write this book it would have never happened.

So, I thank God.

About the Author

P

astor John E. Pierre Sr. has been counseling couples for over thirty years. He illuminates key principles drawn from his Biblical wisdom as a pastor for thirty years. He also draws inspiration from his experience with over 27 years of marriage counseling and over 35 years of his own personal marriage experience.

He wrote the book Never Stop Exploring your Mate on relationships to open couples’ eyes and get to the root cause of the problem that they may be oblivious to otherwise.

This book focuses on the tools that are necessary to help couples when they are confronted with an issue and for them to know how to deal with it.

Moreover, the book discusses the importance of making concessions, which is a vital part of a relationship. Pierre’s philosophy is to never blame or point the finger because his main objective is to find a solution that will benefit the couples.

Through his book, Pierre looks forward to helping anyone who may be experiencing hardship in their relationship.

Preface

A

s we explore the idea of Never Stop Exploring Your Mate, it is essential to know why I chose such an alluring title for this book. It illustrates and brings to life the idea that couples must spend more quality time together to solidify their relationship. There is a common denominator that I have discovered from my experience in counseling and speaking to teams in general: complacency.

Complacency inevitably leads to dormancy in the relationship. This causes the couple to start taking each other for granted. Shared activities that once delighted them end up getting abandoned. Concerned about the downward spiral of their relationship would cause them to request counseling. I have seen the same pattern of behavior in about 90% of the couples I have had the opportunity to counsel, whether they are Christians or not.

This book was conceived out of a sincere desire to see relationships and marriages worldwide moving from survival mode to thriving mode. Also, it provides the tools necessary to assist and prevent the failure of 50-60% of marriages that eventually end in divorce. I do not want to see your relationship or marriage be another statistic! As you focus on the content of this book, I will draw from my personal experience of having formed a solid foundation from thirty-three years of marriage. As an ordained Pastor in the Church of the Nazarene, I have had the opportunity to take classes about family counseling. I also have over twenty-five years of experience in premarital and marriage counseling.

I have done extensive research on marriage and relationship counseling. I will also highlight what the Bible says about relationships and marriages. Even after thirty-three years of marriage, my wife and I are still madly in love with each other. As a matter of fact, we are still mesmerized by each other’s presence even after all these years together. How is that possible? It is attainable because we have made a point to never stop exploring each other by being mindful and purposeful of each other’s needs. We have become selfless with each other, and daily, we deliberately reinvent our love. What I mean by reinventing our love is that we are still discovering new ways of facilitating a deeper and more vibrant relationship with each other, with God at the center of it.

I want to establish, from the onset, our relationship with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Our devotion to Him are paramount in all we do as a couple and in our relationship as husband and wife. We profess our love for our Great Father, God, who has sustained us in all we have been through. By His grace and mercy, we still stand firm in our belief in Him. From the genesis of our relationship, we have made God the master of our union. We have realized that sometimes it is easy to give in to the circumstances that we face in our lives, especially when emotions run high; however, concerning our marriage, we know that with enough resilience, enough innovation, and enough focus on the word of God, there is always a way to work through whatever we may be confronted with regardless of the situation.

This book’s primary emphasis is relationships and what a healthy relationship looks like, although marriage will be mentioned in a few chapters of this book. I am convinced that if you do not have a strong and healthy relationship with your mate at the onset, it will be challenging to continue exploring your mate, as the title of this book suggests.

Let’s explore the purpose for having a male and female relationship; it all begins with what God stated, So God created mankind in His image, in the image of God He created them; male and female He created them. (Genesis 1:27) He created two different sexes. This was not an accident nor a product of nature but a creative decision. So, in response to Adam, God, in His goodness, created woman so that the first couple might find joy and fulfillment in each other. From the very beginning, marriage has been grounded in the unique difference between males and females. God designed male and female bodies to fit into one another. He made us compatible emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. To truly understand relationships, we must start with the Biblical account, which is foundational. Looking back at the Biblical narrative, we find out that the greatest temptation led by Satan makes a routine display of affection between a couple seem difficult. That occurs when the couple adheres to Satan’s devices instead of obeying God’s word. This results in sin entering the world and disrupting God’s original plan for a couple’s relationship. Thus, humanity found itself in a predicament because of sin entering the world. The effect is still prevalent to this day. Unfortunately, it has become increasingly common for professing Christians. It is easy to see why many believe that the Christian life makes little or no difference in marital satisfaction and longevity because the divorce rate is about the same for Christians as non-Christians.

This is why my wife and I understand that being a Christian doesn’t guarantee a good relationship. We realized that it requires both of us to have the same mindset and be intentional about choosing an attitude that says, I am willing to put in the work necessary by being selfless. A philosophy that says, I’m in it for good, Not asking, Should I? But instead, asking, How will I make it work? It is all predicated on choosing the right attitude with a level of commitment that does not say, Should I make it work? but one that says, How will I make it work?

If you continue to accentuate the negative, your relationship will not succeed. That is one of the many objectives of this book. Your mindset must change for you to see your mate from a different perspective.

So, in writing this book, I want to raise my voice and be deliberate on how we should end this disaster called divorce from ever happening to couples who desperately want to see their relationship survive. My vision is for couples worldwide to do everything within their power, with the help of God, to bring about a decline in the global divorce rate and an increase in strong marriages and relationships. I hope to convey my heartfelt wish to those who read it in the pages of this book. I am a strong advocate of marriage and relationships because one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life was to get married to my loving wife, Claudette. My marriage has brought me more happiness than all the other pleasant experiences of my life combined.

Again, one of the many reasons I am writing this book is for you to experience what I have experienced in my marriage. By giving you the tools and resources, I wish for you to have a great relationship with your mate. We haven’t always had the easiest relationship, but my wife and I were committed to our marriage, and no matter what came our way, we were willing to fight through it with the help of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

I want to remind you that marriage requires work, sacrificing oneself to better the relationship, and never quitting. It takes two to make it work mutually, but unfortunately, many people are unwilling to do that regardless of their faith or lack thereof.

I don’t know where you gather your strength or your belief from, but I know where I gather my strength from. It is from the Lord and my Biblical belief in The Word of God, which I will mention in just about every chapter of this book because of my Biblical perspective and belief in God, who is the author of all relationships. Another one of the many reasons for such a fantastic journey with my incredible wife is that as changes occur in our individual lives, we have never stopped exploring each other from day one.

We have decided never to leave the other one behind as we evolve in life. We have decided to take this journey of marriage together every step of the way. So, in essence, I am saying that as we grow and blossom into new people, we are mindful of each other as we go through the growth process together. Please Note: At the beginning of each chapter, there will be an introductory page, and at the end of each chapter, you will be presented with some Actions to take with questions that will help guide you through implementing the principles and insights as you respond to the questions asked about your relationship. You will then have an opportunity to compare your relationship with your mate based on what you have taken from the content of each chapter in this book. May God bless you as you read!

Contents

Dedication

Acknowledgments

About The Author

Preface

Chapter One To Chapter Three Deals With The Foundational Aspects Of The Relationship

1: Never Stop Exploring Your Purpose For Your Relationship/Marriage

2: Never Stop Exploring Your Self-Identity

3: Never Stop Exploring The Two Become One

Chapter Four To Chapter Nine Deals With The Building Blocks Of A Relationship!

4: Never Stop Exploring Your Commitment

5: Never Stop Exploring Intimacy In Your Relationship

6: Never Stop Exploring Nurturing Your Relationship

7: Never Stop Communicating With Your Mate

8: Never Stop Exploring Your Mate As A Gift You Unwrap Daily

9: Never Stop Exploring Your Finances

Chapters Ten To Twelve Deal With Mishaps In Relationships And How To Deal With Them

10: Never Stop Exploring Your Unwarranted Expectation In Your Relationship

11: Never Stop Dealing With Conflict In The Relationship

12: Never Stop Exploring How To Deal With Divorce

Chapter one to chapter three deals with the foundational aspects of the relationship

INTRODUCTION TO CHAPTER ONE: Having a concise understanding of a relationship and how it functions

Chapter 1

Never Stop Exploring Your Purpose for Your Relationship/Marriage

I

t all started when I laid my eyes on the most adorable young girl in Nassau, Bahamas. Something was fascinating about her. She captivated my attention so intensely that I walked up to my mother and, speaking prophetically, told her that this young girl would be my wife one day. Thank God that it came to fruition. Over (thirty-five) years ago, I married her in Miami, Florida. I am unequivocally convinced it was the best decision ever, other than accepting Jesus Christ as my personal

Lord and Savior. Indeed, I am still mesmerized by her dazzling aura to this day. It gives me great delight to share our journey as it relates to how you can sustain a healthy relationship through the ups and downs of life. Through it all, from day one, we have never stopped exploring and learning more about one another. We have intentionally committed to each other, consciously remaining exclusive. We have a shared belief in pursuing self-development and spiritual growth.

In addition, we are both on the path to understanding each other and growing together each day as we reflect on the two dimensions of having a healthy relationship: self-development and spiritual growth that enable us to weather the storms of life as a couple. That is the key to performing cohesively as a couple, which is what this book is about. When you implement the insights and principles in this book together as a couple, it will work regardless of what you have been through. It is not easy, but it is worth working to save your relationship.

Proverbs 18:22 (NIV) says, He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord. This unarguably shows God's view on relationships. What I want to add to that is the one who finds a mate, finds what is good, and receives favor from God. Why? It takes two to create a functional and healthy relationship. The relationship will be successful if both have the same desire to honor each other, as indicated in His word.

As we explore the aspects of never ceasing to explore your purpose for a relationship, it is essential to always keep that perspective in mind. Life can sometimes be daunting, especially in a relationship. We can often lose the true significance of why we are in the relationship. We must keep reminding ourselves that God initiated the relationship. As a result, we must be mindful never to stop exploring the purpose of the relationship. If you plan to have a relationship, you must first consult God, the author of all relationships. Therefore, I must take counsel from the Bible because it will give me the guidance I need to succeed in my relationship. It is crucial to ask these questions: What makes a relationship work? What is the purpose of having a relationship?

At this point, I will give you the definition of purpose. It is the reason something is done, created, or for which something exists. God has a reason for building relationships, which is why they exist today. This reason goes far beyond us and what our flesh desires. It goes beyond all the other reasons we want to be in a relationship.

God established men and women to come together in a relationship to reflect His image and likeness. This is a profound statement because we must love as He does. He exemplifies His love for us as we do the same for each other, which is monumental. I am convinced that we don’t know how to love God because loving God has to do with what the Bible says about loving.

Him and how we must love Him, so when we look at St Luke 10:27, it says, He answered, Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and love your neighbor as yourself. That is an enormous statement because when you truly understand how to love God from that perspective, it enables you to love God, yourself and others properly, which is not easy. For your relationship to work or go the distance, you must constantly remind yourself that the purpose of a relationship is predicated on God's ideas and His definition as it relates to having a relationship. Indeed, because of that fact, you must do everything you can to make it work. This chapter explains the purpose of having a relationship and being mindful of God’s requirements. He established a romantic relationship between two people. So, as you look at it Biblically, in St. Matthew 19:5-6, Jesus said, For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate. From a Biblical perspective, I will show you how to explore the sacredness and intimate connection between a man and a woman. You must realize that a romantic or marital relationship is not a man-initiated concept but a God-ordained idea. A man or woman must emulate God’s character to lead their life with purpose and love. Now, you must be willing to grow and scale off all the negative misconceptions you may have adopted over the years about relationships.

As I guide you in exploring the Biblical mandate, you will see that in Genesis chapter 2, God says, Man should not be alone. This essentially builds on the viewpoint that a relationship and the need for one is to provide a human companion. This is natural because God created man to be in partnership with his mate as we continue to explore the Biblical instruction in Genesis chapter 2, pointing to the fact that human beings in their natural state are not meant to live their life alone but instead have a ‘helper’ in the form of a mate, which helps them navigate through the ups and downs of life. Once joined in holy matrimony, they can navigate their purpose on this earth without having to bear the burden of it alone.

Before you can embark on the marital aspect of the relationship, I want you to be complete in your singleness. This means you do not have to be in a relationship to feel complete within yourself. I will talk more about the concept of singleness in the next chapter.

In preparation for this topic, I want to express that you do not need to feel anxious about having a relationship, leading you to settle with anyone. You must manage your emotions, especially if you have previously experienced failed relationships. God’s intended purpose is for men and women to join in this way. It is essential for a healthy relationship to work, so all couples must explore this perspective. Misusing and abusing something is easy when you are unaware of its intended purpose, so knowing why a relationship exists will tell you exactly what to expect and what to give to it. Proverbs 24:3-5 says, By wisdom, a house is built, and through understanding, it is established; through knowledge, its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures. The wise prevail through great power, and those who know muster their strength. King Solomon says the way you build a solid relationship or marriage is by establishing these three truths: first, you must acquire knowledge, which is information about the relationship, and then you will have the ability to experience beautiful treasures.

King Solomon, the author of the book of Proverbs, was one of the most prolific property developers and the wisest man in Biblical history and more than qualified to say, By wisdom, a house is built. Knowledge doesn’t just come to you; you must put forth the effort to gain it. How do I gain knowledge by reading the Bible? By taking a class, attending a workshop, or buying a good book? If you need information on any subject matter, you should buy a good book with the information necessary to excel.

The second truth is understanding. Take heed to what King Solomon says about understanding. What he states is how a relationship is established.

The word understanding means comprehension. It is one thing for you to obtain information; it is another to understand the information as it relates to the intricacies of a relationship and what it is built on. Then, you will know how to assimilate it into your reality.

The third truth is wisdom; wisdom is not noted by its meaning but rather by its application. It is the act of explicitly applying the knowledge you have gained through understanding what it takes to have a functional relationship. The Bible speaks of wisdom being supreme. In discovering how wisdom is supreme, you may question why. The answer is that wisdom is about applying knowledge and understanding. It will not change your circumstance if you choose not to apply what you have gained through knowledge and understanding (by reading this book or any other book).

The question you should ask yourself is, are you going to apply the wisdom you are to gain to your situation? This book aims to get you to the place where you can firmly say, I understand it, and I am ready to put it into practice. So, if we read this book with that in mind as it relates to relationships, it will do us very well in sustaining an excellent relationship with our mate. To further explain the purpose of understanding relationships, it is crucial that I share the reason why you should never enter a relationship unadvisedly. If you are not prepared to be in one, you will end up with the wrong partner, which can be tragic. The relationship will inevitably fail, leaving you to reevaluate your decisions again and putting you in a position to restart the dating process again. It would cause a definite setback and can put you outside of the will of God for your life as it relates to having a relationship. For example, drawing from the life of my (Spiritual) adopted daughter (in the Lord), I have witnessed firsthand the damage caused by not implementing understanding in a relationship. After the birth of her third daughter, her relationship began to fall apart. She was dealing with postpartum depression and needed her mate to evaluate her need for his support at this time correctly. However, they soon grew apart due to his lack of understanding of her needs in the relationship.

But if her mate had understood what was expected and required of him after the birth of their daughter, they may have been able to save their relationship. Unfortunately, this was not the case; the relationship failed, leaving her to start dating again. The reason I brought up this narrative about my (Spiritual adopted daughter) is to help you gain an understanding of why you need to be attentive toward your mate.

If they are behaving in a certain way, what is required and expected of you as a mate is to follow through and give the support that is essential for your mate during their time of difficulty, which could be pregnancy or any other form of illness. When you express yourself clearly and demonstrate love and kindness to your mate, you won’t have to be concerned about separation or divorce. After all, that will not be an option, and failure will not occur. At this