The Umbrella Analysis

By Terry Lee Murphy

This book is about self-knowledge. The first of four in The Ant Matrix Series. A series that puts forth the questions of moral science. The ethics that, when followed, govern our thoughts and societies. How we interact with ourselves, each other, and the world. The application of values and social reaction to the lack thereof. A prequel to personal development. As humans have evolved, some have not been very graceful in evolving with it. While others have been a victim of poor teachings and philosophy. Following the same path or choosing to search for a better way and getting lost while doing so.

We can take many paths in search of who we are. Sometimes seeking motivation. Only to have brief moments or a few days of inspiration. Eventually finding ourselves back to the point we started and maybe an inch closer to where we want to be. Rarely moving us along fast enough to keep pace with age and time. Motivation is vital to bring us where we need to go. Knowledge of what actually does, is more important. Values, when internalized and used as standard for living, move us along in harmony with our environment. We will find a common theme in all that has proved success. Also, one that keeps something from it. In the Umbrella Analysis, we will dive deep in those things that keep us from it.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Nov 22, 2023
• ISBN: 9798350925494

Terry Lee Murphy

I was born into poverty. As were my parents before me, their parents before them, and so on. Not just poverty in the monetary sense. People who were poor in philosophy too. My father was a self-destructive, critical person, with very low self-esteem, and a drinking problem. My mother overdosed on prescription medication when I was young. Later my brothers shared of the horrible abuse she endured. Knowing my experience with my father, I know what she went through. She survived and spent the rest of her life institutionalized. I didn't see her until many years later. When I did, it was difficult to form a relationship. My father eventually remarried. Bringing along with it an extended family and a new set of confidence killing problems. I was living in the sub-level of human existence. My frustration and embarrassment were more than any child should endure. We may seem defenseless to stop that cycle of life. That is not true. I know, because I eventually did. Working hard to fill in the blanks. There are missteps in genetics, early psychological development and teachings of poor philosophy that had to be overcome. I have great admiration for those who even when faced with difficulties. There may have been reasons, but they didn't make excuses. Finding strength in virtues, values, and moral guidance. A parent's job is to develop young minds. When they fail, it complicates things. I lived a life surrounded continuously by poor decisions and addiction. I know the mental and physical torment they create. When I finally understood and focused on the right things for myself, a lot of my past didn't matter anymore. It couldn't. Excuses would have prevented the change that needed to occur. I feel for those children raised in negative environments. It doesn't teach them the basic foundation of values that provide sound thinking and instill confidence. Values that are necessary when met with challenges. That we can all have dreams. If we have a good start already, they will seem achievable. For those that don't, they will have a more complex path of uncovering what beliefs have conditioned their mind. My choices? Either a life of alcoholism or insanity. I maintained hope there was something else, that neither was my destiny. I developed a "good enough" philosophy to end up in the middle class. Even though I was out of place. I felt I had arrived. It was where I wanted to be. The life I wanted my children to have. Eventually, discovering if we are only seeking comfort and security, Fear of the loss of those things can be a deterrent to action. Afraid to take risks necessary to further my success. The meaning of life. Sure I know it. We put way too much emphasis on being ourselves. The choice is we can be way more. Who I am is everything you see here in my writings. Humans have proved they can endure failure all of their lives. What if our philosophy is the barrier? I have found hope shining through. It is coming from our younger generations. There is an evolution in the thought process. I hope to do my best to contribute to it. Is it so important to do something of notable significance or be really successful? In appearance, I stand guard over that which is negative, or at least point it out. That I will fall on the sword or fight evil for the sake of humanity. History is full of extremely useful information, instruction, and inspiration. Most of the real thinking has already been done. There is such a need for life to grow. If oppressed, it will continue to seek a path to expand. The good is there, and evil is too. They appear to coexist. As if they need one another. That is not so. It is evil that needs a host. The same as an infection. This is not about saving you and not myself. Why would I do that? Each one of us has the power to save ourselves. What we are going for is "herd immunity." The more of us that find the good, the more evil will show itself.

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The Umbrella Analysis

©2023 Terry Lee Murphy

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

print ISBN: 979-8-35092-548-7

ebook ISBN: 979-8-35092-549-4

Contents

Foreword

Salutation

Prequel to Personal Development

The Umbrella Analysis

Your Net Worth

A Collision with Confidence

Afraid to Be Myself

And They Called Me Lazy

The Vanity Mirror

The Pessoptimist and the Optessimist

Discondipity

Who Will Stand Guard

Foreword

This book is about self-knowledge. The first of four in The Ant Matrix Series. A series that puts forth the questions of moral science. The ethics that, when followed, govern our thoughts and societies. How we interact with ourselves, each other, and the world. The application of values and social reaction to the lack thereof. A prequel to personal development. As humans have evolved, some have not been very graceful in evolving with it. While others have been a victim of poor teachings and philosophy. Following the same path or choosing to search for a better way and getting lost while doing so.

We may ask ourselves that if someone believes something, why would they not take action? Are there opposing thoughts that keep them from doing so? Accumulated over time, thoughts come in many forms. Positive or negative. Right or wrong. Helping us to flourish or sometimes leading to confusion, indecision, and stagnation. All things we can or can’t, do or don’t, will or won’t, must stand the test of thought. Taught to us, developed by observation or a result of an experience. A culmination of information that gives us instruction.

We should seek belief in what’s possible. That is what I have been searching for. Along the way, I found the meaning of life. Not just human life, all life. I won’t make you read a whole book series to tell you. It’s Expression. All that is in creation has become something. What that is, is what we see in all things. We can also see humans are different. There is no doubt about that. We seem to have developed the ability of choice in how we express ourselves. That combined with the right care and effort, the seed of us will flourish. Without that care, we suffer. We are all the species of one genome. Homo sapiens. One is not a flower, the other a weed. We are all flowers of many varieties. It is those who do not tend or show us how to tend that allow the weeds of our mind to overtake us. Hiding away our true nature and impeding the view of what we truly are.

Do you know what to do and are not doing it? This book may help. It will not take action for you. Most of the time, what knowledge lacks is action. We might not take action because we lack confidence. Confidence lacks faith and the right belief to reinforce it. I hope that is what you find. The right belief to establish faith. Faith that gives you the confidence to take action. Seeking knowledge and truth. Free yourself from reasoning that is not allowing your life down the path you want to go. Set aside excuses, even the valid ones, in order to discover what you want from yourself. Once you find it, go become it.

We can take many paths in search of who we are. Sometimes seeking motivation. Only to have brief moments or a few days of inspiration. Eventually finding ourselves back to the point we started and maybe an inch closer to where we want to be. Rarely moving us along fast enough to keep pace with age and time. Motivation is vital to bring us where we need to go. Knowledge of what actually does, is more important. Values, when internalized and used as standard for living, move us along in harmony with our environment. We will find a common theme in all that has proved success. Also, one that keeps something from it. In the Umbrella Analysis, we will dive deep in those things that keep us from it.

I don’t know what brought you here? A random search, referral from a friend, the picture, or title. Whatever it was. I hope you find it worth the time you’re taking. As a prequel to most other self-help books, these views will not always be pleasing to the mind. With good intent, they challenge thought. Meant to plant seeds that grow better thoughts. I know they are there. Waiting to come out.

Salutation

I was born into poverty. As were my parents before me, their parents before them, and so on. Not just poverty in the monetary sense. People who were poor in philosophy too. My father was a self-destructive, violent, abusive, critical person, with very low self-esteem, insecurity, and a drinking problem. Being an insecure man, his chief talents were to create unfounded jealousy and take the threat of life lightly. With no sense of value himself, he would tear down anything that did. A person who lives in denial of themselves. Insecure about who and how they are will attack and attempt to diminish the value of others.

To attack someone’s self-confidence is something a person does willingly. It shows they have some degree of knowledge of right and wrong. Choosing the easier path of criticism.

Some celebrate and brag about their poor choices. In reality, it is because they have little else. Taking what most people see as faults, turning them into values or a code to live by. In fairness, likely passed down from generation to generation. Often not taught to be any other way. Even if there were lessons or instruction to a better life, the teachings of poor philosophy have trained the mind to misinterpret them. The correct information is available. We just need to look for it. When we find it, do the work to understand and apply it to our lives.

My mother. Her maiden name was Linda Pauline Crandall. I didn’t know her very well. When I was young, she overdosed on prescription medication. At around age six, she took me and my younger brother to the post office. I vaguely remember her collapsing while I was holding her hand and the scurry of people rushing around trying to help her. She survived and, after that, spent most of the rest of her life institutionalized. Like most people in circumstances of abuse. My mother knew she would never escape my father. Now that I think about it, it seemed quite calculated. Taking pills, going to a public place, had twofold intent. If the pills took her life, she didn’t want us at home. At least in the care of the right people, they would take her to safety. It was a desperate plea for help. There was not much hope left. My father stole it and had no ability to give it back. She found a will to live protected by the security of insanity. Nothing could hurt her anymore.

I didn’t see her until many years later. When I did, it was difficult to form a relationship. We wanted to. Neither of us could figure it out. By the time I could, it was too late.

As I got older, my brothers shared stories of the horrible abuse she endured. Knowing my experience with my father, I could get glimpses of what she must have gone through. A coward will create weaknesses in people they can exploit as needed. Those weaknesses can destroy everything that someone would need to become in order to overcome them. Ones that make them somehow feel responsible, that love wants to conquer and the pain that it can’t. Strangely, my mother loved him until her dying day.

My father eventually remarried. Bringing along with it an extended family and a new set of confidence killing problems. One in my place would wonder if they would ever escape. My frustration and embarrassment were more than any child should endure. I was living in the sub-level of human existence. There’s a saying, Which came first, the chicken or the egg? We know in this case it was the chicken. One who couldn’t do basic things to help build confidence in someone. Let alone try to pass on anything of value. Being financially poor is one thing. Poor life philosophy is something else.

We may seem defenseless to stop that cycle of life. That is not true. I know, because I eventually did. Many others have too. Not alone. With the help of many selfless people. Not without difficulties and some long term damage. Working hard to fill in the blanks. I am far from any sort of perfect human. After all, I am just that—human. There are missteps in genetics, early psychological development and teachings of poor philosophy that had to be overcome. A product of my environment and the wrong information on how to interpret it. Humans process information. With no solid basis, our minds will lead us astray until we find the right course. Assuming we do.

I have great admiration for those who even when faced with difficulties. Looked past them, providing the right information. Taking the time to teach the correct things and instilling confidence in their children. There may have been reasons, but they didn’t make excuses. Finding strength in virtues, values, and moral guidance. Persistent in their encouragement. Finding pride in teaching what is right.

I would bow to no one that seeks to rule us all. I would bow to those who invest in their children and work hard. Practicing a good life and social philosophy. Take nothing dishonestly from anyone. Looking only to add value to life.

Prequel to

Personal Development

A prequel is something that precedes that which came after it. There wouldn’t be a need for rehabilitation without already being habilitated. Redevelopment wouldn’t be required unless there had already been some kind of development. Humans, voluntarily and intentionally or involuntarily, become something. Most would find having a choice in the matter more beneficial.

If something is personal, it affects or belongs to a particular person. Human development is to grow. Ideally, becoming more mature, advanced, and, for a few, quite elaborate. Personal development is the focus we put into becoming a better self. Some put a great deal of energy into it. We can see all around us humans who were and are hard at work trying to better themselves. If there are things about ourselves, we wish to improve. Desire for