Help for the Victim Entitlement Epidemic

By Mary Nestle-Hallgren

Answers the question, "Why am I feeling like a victim?" and "Why won't my kid move out of the house?"
Describes the changing parenting styles over the last decade and the pitfalls in parenting styles. Gives answers for therapists that work with difficult clients in today's changing culture and what creates an entitlement mentality. Warns therapists of who to avoid and how to spot destructive thinking that might be difficult to change. The book describes problems that can arise with people in general that can put one at risk and how people can avoid being victimized.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Mary Nestle-Hallgren
• Release date: Jan 22, 2017
• ISBN: 9781370226023

Mary Nestle-Hallgren

Mary Nestle-Hallgren is author, coach and entrepreneur. She has a BA in Business and Organizational Development and MBA with 30 years experience as Consultant and business coach and developer of the field, Emotionology. Hallgren’s business experience is diverse. She has devoted the last 16 years to synthesizing (NLP) Neuro-linguistic Programming and other methodologies into a reliable method for building emotional intelligence and creating culture change in business systems. This resulted in the publishing of her book “Emotionology- How To Improve Your EQ” 1991. She is member of the National Speaker’s Assoc. listed in Who-s Who in Professional Speaking and has had her own TV show, “Change Your Mind, Change Your Life”. She currently is director and facilitates training for Emotionology Institute (a business coach training program), dedicated to research and development of the field of Emotionology). Hallgren gives talks and demonstrations to groups regarding effective workplace and family systems. Clients include individuals and small entrepreneurial companies to large governmental entities such as the Justice Dept.

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MARY NESTLE-HALLGREN

Copyright © 2017 by Emotionology.

All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America, Except as permitted under the United States Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publilcation may be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means, or stored in an data base or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

978-1-37-022602-3

What Would My Mom Do? (Drink Tab and Lock Us Outside) Published on March 26, 2015 in Community Today, the author writes about the difference between parenting today and yesteryear. Parenting stress is higher and anxiety stems from this notion that our kids’ childhood must be Utterly Magical; a documented fairytale in which they reside as center of the universe, their success is manufactured (or guaranteed), and we over-attend to every detail of their lives until we send them off to college after writing their entrance essays…in the old days, They didn’t worry endlessly, interfere constantly, safeguard needlessly, or overprotect religiously.

Contents

Preface

Introduction

Mindset

My Experience

Victims Fool You

Rescuing

Co-Dependence

Anger

Control

Exploring Parent Child Co-Dependence

Manipulation

Entitlement

In Conclusion

The Oz Principle - The Destructive Force of Victimization

Preface

This book is intended for parents, therapists, and educators.

Through my practice in working with people’s issues I encountered a very difficult set of people that I found extremely difficult to work with. These are people who insist on seeing themselves as victims in and of the world. This attitude is hard for people break in themselves as well as to change in others and almost impossible to work with. The person has to want help and if victims wanted help they wouldn’t be victims anymore so they can’t change. This victim perception seemed to begin in the generation at the beginning of prosperity. Everyone before that time, was a victim, but didn’t see themselves that way. Things were so bad no one expected much and they appreciated what they did have.

I wondered why a person would seek therapy if they insist on holding this victim mindset. I finely decided it was because they wanted to be heard, or wanted validation and support for their victimhood, they need attention, or wanted sympathy.

Psychology may offer these rewards – Emotionology doesn’t. Emotionology is about fixing emotions not just talking about them. I want the bottom line and get to the core of the issue. Emotionology is about fixing it by re-programming.

Victims really want help but want someone else to fix the situation for them while still not giving up their victimhood. That is impossible. They want you to change, they don’t want to change. It is very important not to support this frame of reference.

I have accepted my learning journey with these people and hope my sharing it with you can save you some time and money.

Introduction

Victim thinking is blaming thinking and takes away the personal power of a person. A person needs empowerment, confidence that comes from faith and trust, and the determination to do whatever it takes to succeed. A victim won’t look for this kind of empowerment. They will look to be supported outside themselves. They will look to be taken care of or have their feelings exonerated by someone else without changing them.

The new attitude society is now dealing with is a generation of entitlement thinkers that were told they were special, and that they deserve everything without doing anything on their part – the Millenniums. Although there are many children in this generation that are not like that, the victim attitude is so pervasive in our society that it has begun to generalize into all generations.

It seems the problem is a result of a combination of two things - our changing culture as we moved into a time of prosperity and the new parenting ideas. In the old days, no one told us how to raise kids. We learned through mistakes. We let them mostly raise themselves.

Millennium children were born in the late 80s. Not all of them take on the victim mindset but many feel entitled to have everything given to them. They were not taught to be productive nor responsible, making them not equipped for surviving today.

Many older people are having difficulty keeping up with technology as it changes so fast and they feel at a loss too. We are in the most difficult of times with several generations not equipped to cope.

I have a set of kids born in the 60s and another set born in the 80s. The changes that have happened through these few years are astronomical. Each has their own challenges, but, there is help out there. It takes a willingness to learn and change. It takes full personal responsibility.