The Theory of 5

By Chris Saraceno and David Falkirk Davis

None of us live alone. We are a reflection of those around us. Look at your spouse, co-workers, relatives or the friends you have had since childhood. In most cases, your income, happiness, relationships, health, political views and prosperity will be the “average” of these five people.

This is why parents are often focused on the influences of their child’s group of friends; those around us will have an impact — either positive or negative — on our income, attitude, goals and future.

The Theory of 5 is based on the philosophy of making this idea work for us.

With the Theory, we find mentors in the different areas of our lives that matter most to our happiness and prosperity:

• Spirituality

• Marriage

• Parenting

• Business and Finance

• Health

By listening to their advice and asking them to guide and challenge us, we begin to walk the best path to our best selves.

Start gathering your personal group with The Theory of 5 today and get ready for prosperity built on the foundation of time-tested traditions and fresh ideas.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Chris Saraceno
• Release date: Apr 22, 2019
• ISBN: 9781732301214

Book preview

The Theory of 5

Chris Saraceno

with

David Falkirk Davis

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This book is dedicated to the memory of

my nephew and godson Michael Saraceno

and my stepson Brandon Young.

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Gone, but always loved and never forgotten

Preface

We’ve all heard some version of the phrase, Birds of a feather flock together.

In the Saraceno household, the motto was, Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are.

These two statements are the core philosophy behind The Theory of 5.

This is a book I believe will greatly enhance your life. I can say this because I have witnessed the transformation first hand both in my life and in the lives of those around me who have taken it to heart.

When you open your mind to the ideas contained within the pages that follow, you will find ways to ignite the passion of your heart, beliefs and values. You will discover the means and behaviors needed to change your life for the better.

When you adopt The Theory of 5 philosophy, it will become the ultimate playbook for positive transformation and growth in your life. It will unlock your future and aid you in setting up a network of people who will encourage you to excel in five key areas of happiness and prosperity:

Spirituality

Relationships

Parenting

Finances

Health and Fitness

When you consistently follow the steps outlined in this book, you will live the life you know you’re capable of achieving, and go on to do more than you’ve ever thought possible.

Enjoy your journey to a Theory of 5 Life!

The Theory of 5: What It Is and How to Use It

It All Starts with You

If you’re reading this, congratulations! You’re already a winner because you’ve won the lottery of life!

Why? Consider the odds of your mother and father finding each other in this world. Consider the odds of them conceiving the person who would become the unique, genetic you.

Trillions to one.

And yet, here you are, winner of the biggest lottery ever. Excited? You should be.

So, what are you going to do with this amazing opportunity?

We owe it to everyone — our family, friends, co-workers, community and ourselves — to make the most of the existence we’ve been given.

One of the few absolute truths in this life is that none of us know how long we will live. Do we have decades? Years? Months? Minutes? Another truth is that time can never be replaced or reused. Once it’s gone, it’s gone. Time is our most precious commodity.

Most who will read The Theory of 5 strive to live a life with no regrets and to make their mark on the world. To achieve this, however, we must become our best selves. We must make the most of the limited time we’re given to be happy, prosperous and to do something amazing. Why choose to just exist when we could live an extraordinary life?

To be remembered beyond our lifetimes and leave a legacy — for our family, friends, community and society — takes more than what many are willing to do. We remember those people who impact and change lives, especially our own.

So, how do we become the best version of ourselves? How do we become someone who will make a difference?

Have you ever wondered why some individuals are so happy and prosperous while other, equally smart and talented people struggle? How do these successful people produce exceptional results when others don’t? Raw talent and potential are meaningless; we’ve got to put in the long-term effort to develop the skills, habits and attitude needed to create sustainable lifetime of happiness and prosperity. We must hone everything we are into everything we can become.

And here’s the secret: It’s next to impossible to do it alone.

We must hone everything we are into everything we can become.

The Self-Made Man

The myth of the self-made man or woman is just that — a myth.

We hold in awe those who started life without the benefit of money or resources and went on to build empires. It’s almost as if they were destined to be giants and got there with only their own determination and talents.

When we look closer, though, behind the myth and their destiny, we begin to see the people around them. We see the family and friends who encouraged them. We find the teachers and coaches who instructed them on how to best use their gifts. We see the trusted mentors who coached them and got the best out of them. Even those who didn’t believe in them played a part, providing them with the challenge and inspiration to prove these doubters wrong.

In this world, we are never alone.

No matter where we start out in life, we require others to shape us, sharpen us and guide us. While we may find some level of success on our own, we’ll never achieve our true potential and discover our best self without assistance and support from other exceptional, motivated people.

These mentors may come from any facet of our lives. Wherever we find them, the results are the same. We grow, we get stronger, we learn and we become more than who we were.

In the best cases, these people don’t tell us what to think; they teach us how to think. They model ways we can attain our best lives through their actions, behaviors, support and guidance. They challenge us to achieve results we didn’t think were possible.

So, where can we find these role models? Where do we find true mentors?

Seeking, Finding and Asking

Look around and find someone living the happy, prosperous life you’d like to achieve. Throw away any envious impulse or thought of they must have known somebody, meaning you believe they were lucky or were given something they didn’t earn and deserve. Make a brutally honest assessment of where you are and where they are. While there are some who simply inherited wealth, those you most admire often started out with nothing more than you have — and sometimes with far less.

When starting our quest for improvement and comparing ourselves to someone who’s living our dream, it’s crucial to appreciate all the concentrated effort they had to put into achieving their success. Think about the years it took for them to hone their skills. Think about the intense determination and relentless action that was necessary to reach their destination. They didn’t wish or whine themselves there; they did the work.

The moment we appreciate their achievements is the moment we know what we must do.

Here’s what I didn’t understand until I internalized the idea that would become The Theory of 5: Those who have achieved success and have years of experience and wisdom are often more than happy to guide and teach someone who comes to them with an open attitude and a willing heart, ready to put in the effort. Many times, all we have to do is ask.

But what if we can’t find someone we’d like to emulate in some facet of our life? Well, there’s never been a better time to find a guiding hand or a helpful example than right now. In this modern world of online education and networking, we are all able — no matter if we’re geographically isolated or painfully introverted — to find guides and role models.

Through online courses, videos, blogs, podcasts, social media, books, forums and other methods, we can find the right mentors and role models. We may never meet them in person. They may never know what they provided for us. Our lives, however, will be richer because of them.

I speak from experience. In my life, I can trace my accomplishments straight back to those who took the time to teach and encourage me to believe I could be more than I thought possible as a young man. Some of these people became close friends, while some were just brief encounters or simple observation. Over time, that notion of seeking others to guide and challenge me in various areas crystallized into The Theory of 5, and it’s been a cornerstone of my life.

Those who have achieved success and have years of experience and wisdom are often more than happy to guide and teach someone who comes to them with an open attitude and a willing heart, ready to do the work. Many times, all we have to do is ask.

My Own Path

Much of the mentoring I received just happened naturally because of my innate curiosity. I’ve always enjoyed learning and have never been afraid to ask questions. In my youthful naiveté, I believed everyone wanted to — or should want to — be my friend; it was only later in life I realized how empowering that belief and natural positive thinking was in building friendships with happy, prosperous people. Their way of thinking and living life was a tremendous gift to me. Once I came to that realization and thought about how much their guidance, advice and challenges had added to my life, I started seeking out these relationships on purpose.

Since that realization, the Theory has shaped how I think about the world — and myself. With The Theory of 5 mindset I decide whom I add to my life — and whom I choose to limit or remove. For the last three decades, I’ve continually refined these theories, and it is fundamental to how I now live my life.

The Theory of 5 won’t keep us from making mistakes in our lives. It’s not a magic spell or a miracle cure for life’s setbacks. My mentors have all expressed to me that there have been times when they’ve felt like they’ve taken three steps forward and two steps back. This is, no doubt, a familiar feeling to everyone, no matter how successful he or she is. What the Theory does provide, however, is a framework and a foundation that allows us to thrive in good times and survive the bad.

Successful people aren’t those who never fail; successful people are those who aren’t afraid to try, and then learn from their experience. I’ve spoken about The Theory of 5 to hundreds of people in my life and have been asked and encouraged by them to share the Theory more in-depth.

This book is the result of more than 35 years of research and 57 years of life experience. In recent years, however, life events outside of my control have forced me to examine what I believe and what I want to accomplish in the time left that I’ve been given. Some of these events include:

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My wife, Lisa’s, battle with cancer

The death of my kind, beloved 19-year-old nephew and godson, Michael, who always had us laughing and was loved by everyone who met him

The death of my 29-year-old stepson, Brandon, a wonderful, intelligent young man with a heart of gold and a bright future

The death of three dear friends — all of whom took amazing care of themselves — one to cancer and two to sudden heart attacks

The separation of my parents after 56 years of marriage

The inability of my parents to support themselves financially, as well as both of them being in declining health — they’ve each had two heart attacks in the last two years

My father’s diagnosis of Alzheimer’s Disease, which left me as his main caregiver

The death of my godmother and aunt, Catherine (Kitty), who had been the family matriarch, coordinating family gatherings over the last five years

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As heartbreaking as these events have been — I will always have the sadness, loss and pain — I understand that none of these events were results of any decisions I had made. It’s simply life. Sometimes life is cruel and hard. Sometimes life is unfair and things happen that we cannot control or avoid. What we can control, however, are our reactions, behaviors and attitudes.

So, I’ve decided that there’s no time like the present to share what I’ve learned. Writing this book has provided me with an opportunity to take a good look at my life and beliefs. After the past few years, my viewpoints have been tested. What has never failed, however, is the knowledge that I didn’t have to go through this alone. The Theory of 5 provided me with the necessary foundation and support I needed to get through these challenges. It also challenged me to focus on what I was contributing to the world. I want to do whatever I can do to positively influence people’s lives in the time I have left, however long (or short) that time may be.

I want to be very clear that I’m writing this book from the perspective of what I’ve learned through discussions and lessons with my many mentors. I would not be the person I am today without these people. I’m blessed to have these friends in my life, and I’m also fortunate to have realized the positive impact they’ve made. This realization was the seed for this book and for the examples that follow.

Caring about people and wanting them to succeed has always come naturally to me. One of my absolute favorite things in life is to work with people who are actively reaching for their dreams, who are willing to put in the time, effort and action needed to succeed and grow. I want to positively impact everyone I meet and know. The Theory of 5 allows me to expand my reach towards this quest. I believe everyone has the opportunity — with the proper knowledge, mindset and support — to be happy and prosperous. You can live your best life. The Theory of 5 is an invaluable tool for you to use in achieving that goal.

What is The Theory of 5?

The Theory of 5 is a lifetime process; it only stops on the day we die.

The Theory, which can be used by anyone at any stage of life, is based on selecting mentors in the five most significant areas of a person’s life — spirituality, marriage, parenting, business and finance, and health. These men and women will guide and support us towards fulfilling our ultimate potential in each area.

Lessons can come from observation, teaching and listening, along with some trial and error. For those of us willing to internalize the lessons, mentors can help us navigate life’s opportunities and challenges.

This only works, however, if we let them, and if we hold ourselves accountable for our own successes and failures. Again, only those humble and open-minded enough to know they need guidance and brave enough to look honestly at themselves will get the full benefits of The Theory of 5. Those who have the passion to grow, improve and take action will find it to be a life-changing tool for their continued success.

The Five Areas of Personal Growth

Through my 35 years of developing The Theory of 5, I’ve divided life into five key areas critical to personal growth and success. I consistently found the happiest, most prosperous people succeed in each of these areas. I learned that I had to seek the advice and spend time with these individuals who excelled if I wanted to reach my full potential in this gift called life. These were the people I wanted to emulate, and sought their support in the following areas:

Spirituality and Religion

No matter what our religious convictions, it’s important to have a spiritual framework to deal with life’s constant ups and downs.

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Marriage/Relationship

Our life partner can be our greatest asset or our worst nightmare.

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Parenting

Our children — along with our nieces, nephews and others who will learn from us — are our legacy. Helping children grow and prosper makes us better adults.

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Business and Finance

A rewarding career and freedom from money woes enriches all areas of our lives.

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Health and Fitness

Success in other areas can be worthless if we don’t have and maintain our health.

These are in no particular order, and our priorities may change during our life, based on our beliefs, values, age and the challenges we are facing at any one time. Learning to excel in all these areas, though, will be essential in reaching our full potential.

Finding those who can guide, teach and challenge us in each of these areas is the central idea of The Theory of 5. We’ll go into much greater detail for each of these five categories, but I know those who master them all will live their best lives.

Your Circles

We each have a default circle we build around ourselves just by living our lives. With The Theory of 5, we also develop a purpose-built set of connections that provides a strong foundation for our future success. Let’s take a quick look at each circle:

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Circle I: Five Personal Connections

This group consists of the five people we spend the most time with because of work, living arrangements and personal choice. These include our spouses, co-workers, relatives and friends.

Studies have found, in most cases, our income, our happiness, our relationships, our health, our political views, our spiritual views and our prosperity will be greatly impacted by these people. In fact, our results in these specific areas tend to be the average of these five people.

When we associate with positive, energized people striving for more, it is easier to embark on our own quest for self-improvement. If we are surrounded by negative people possessing a poor work ethic and little ambition, we face an uphill battle to make a better life. These self-entitled whiners are their own worst enemies. They become victims, not victors. What can they contribute to our personal growth? Think about your own circle of friends, family and acquaintances and see if this pattern holds true for your own life today.

If you have children, don’t you observe your child’s peer group? If they are associating with bad influences — children with poor attitudes, actions and behaviors — would you correct that situation? Of course you would. Well, what’s good for our child is also good for us — it’s the same principle.

There are limits to our control over this circle. Some of those around us are there because of work or family circumstances and set an example we’d never want to emulate. To avoid becoming the average of these people in critical areas of personal growth, we must implement the second circle of The Theory of 5.

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Circle II: Five Inspirational Connections

This circle consists of people handpicked by us. They are experts in specific areas of life where we must excel to become our best selves. The word mentor is defined as an expert, experienced and trusted advisor who trains and counsels. We choose these people because of their accomplishments and because we want them to be our mentors and/or friends. These people will teach us and challenge us. Here is something I’ve learned about mentors: They not only like us but they see something in us that intrigues them. They see raw, untapped potential. They know, with training, this person will go places. These are people who are happy to support our growth.

We should consider their interest in us as a gift — and make sure we are worthy to receive it. When we seek the advice of someone we admire we need to be ready to actively listen to them and are prepared to put their wisdom into action. They may be generous with their time and effort, but they have no desire to waste it on someone who won’t take their example to heart and take immediate action.

(Mentors) not only like us but they see something in us that intrigues them. They see raw, untapped potential. They know, with training, this person will go places.

OR Versus AND

My mentors and I believe most people think they are realistic about what they want in life. We understand not everyone wants to work 60 to 90 hours a week to become a multimillionaire. They don’t need to earn a doctorate just to find satisfying work. They don’t need to be an elite athlete to simply stay in shape. From my own experience and from the experiences of my mentors, we hear most people say, I want to make a good living and have a balanced life shared with friends and family.

Before diving into the lessons and practices of The Theory of 5, we would caution you to not get stuck into a limiting concept called The Tyranny of the OR. This concept, described by author and business consultant James C. Collins, comes into play when people believe they have to make a choice between what they consider to be two contradictory paths. I can live a balanced life OR I can have prosperity, for example. I could be a good husband OR a good father.

Collins went on to describe an extremely liberating strategy called The Genius of the AND. All of my mentors subscribe to this concept. They have discovered and implemented the daily behaviors needed to have a balanced life AND create prosperity. They take the time to maintain and improve their health AND spend quality time with their families.

Does this happen overnight? No. Will it happen if we put in the proper time, extreme effort and laser focus? Absolutely. Limiting ourselves to certain options before even considering that we could have it all ensures limited results.

The Theory of 5 will guide you in achieving harmony and balance in your life while allowing you to dominate one or all of its specific areas. It will allow you to experience the Genius of the AND while avoiding the Tyranny of the OR.

The Time is NOW

I truly believe we all are living in what is literally the most prosperous time in the history of the human race. Stop to think about this for a moment. There are so many opportunities available to learn through online courses and materials and to connect with people through new technologies such as social media. People are living longer than ever before. When it comes to buying homes or starting businesses, we have seen historically low interest rates. People are finding success today like never before — studies show that there are currently 1,700 new millionaires every day, and more than 11 million millionaires in the United States. And prosperity isn’t just about money; there are more opportunities than ever to find ways to improve yourself, be true to your calling, to live life on your terms and find your own rewards.

So, when people choose to constantly focus on the doom and gloom on the news, they’re missing the bigger picture. If they spend their precious time with negative, selfish, self-absorbed people who constantly whine and complain about what they don’t have, they are missing all the exceptional opportunities around them.

There are unlimited opportunities out there for us and our families — if we’re willing to take action. Read The Theory of 5, take notes, make your plans and get ready for the journey of a lifetime.

Before we get to the specific areas that make up The Theory of 5, however, let’s first examine the key ingredient it takes to make it all work: the proper mindset. When you achieve this, everything else starts to come to life.

Let’s get started!

The Mentoring Mindset: Preparation and Expectations

This Book and Your Needs

We all come to the table with different skills, different experiences and different goals. None of the five elements of the Theory are more important than the others — it depends on where we are, what we want and what we need in our lives at any given moment.

Perhaps you are naturally gifted at three of the five Theories and only need strong support for the remaining two. In the other three areas, you might just need to find like-minded individuals to support you and keep you on track. If you really excel in an area, maybe you should be the one mentoring to another — that path comes with its own rewards, which we’ll also go over in this book.

It’s important to note you will notice certain concepts and suggestions keep coming up in different areas of The Theory of 5. The reason for this is that they are important to finding success. Repetition of key ideas, viewed from different angles, is an excellent way to internalize these thoughts and reach the goals and vision we’ve set out for ourselves. This is an important technique of The Theory of 5.

There may be statements in this book you disagree with, and that’s okay; sometimes people have to agree to disagree. I am confident, however, that the philosophy behind The Theory of 5 is one everyone can put into action in order to reap rewards. It’s easier to reach our goals when we have the support of those who have