The Hairmaid's Tale: The Long And Short Of It

By Rhonda E Neff

"Beard trimming is not for the faint of heart. Those razor-sharp hairs will fly out, hit your eyes, cut through your blouse into your bra and poke your nipples all day long."

These words blew my friends away, when I divulged my dislike for beard trimming on our chat site, with them demandingly saying, "You need to write a book!" So get ready, I've spilled the beans!

My obsession with scissors and hair was no accident. I had many experiences with them from a young age in the fifties and sixties, with some "hair-raising" situations that many of you may identify with. I was raised on a farm in Saskatchewan, and with this segregation from society, boredom had a way of escalating my need to do anything for excitement. There is a lot to be said about boredom—it pushes you to do and go places you never could imagine . . . the perfect recipe to be a hairdresser, don't you think?

Because my life has had lots of twists and turns and ups and downs, you will feel my emotion and humour and be somewhat flabbergasted by what your own hairdresser may be dealing with. I bring a lot to the table, so prepare yourself. You may not agree with everything, but you will agree that this book contains everything we hairy humans should know about this categorically tumultuous trade.

It's been a wild, chaotic ride, but one well worth taking! My biggest wish for my readers is to laugh, love, and understand your hairdresser just a little bit better. But for God's sake, don't pi_ _ them off!" Ha-ha!
Rhonda E Neff

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tellwell Talent
• Release date: Aug 29, 2023
• ISBN: 9781998190102

Rhonda E Neff

Forty-six years in the hairdressing industry is what you'll experience as Rhonda E Neff reveals how scissors and hair became her life. As a first-time Canadian author, she speaks candidly about her farm life in Saskatchewan and moves you through a roller coaster of "hairy," outlandish, comical, and ominous stories on her journey as a hairdresser. This is a worthwhile read, not just because it's entertaining, but it provides unequivocal knowledge you might want to have before heading to your next appointment! Her provocative thoughts and" humorous antics will keep you flipping pages.

Book preview

Table of Contents

PREFACE

INTRODUCTION

CHAPTER 1. Covid 19!

CHAPTER 2. CUT IT OFF

CHAPTER 3. SCISSORHANDS

CHAPTER 4. SCAMMED

CHAPTER 5. GLOOM AND DOOM OF MY FARM LIFE IN THE FIFTIES AND SIXTIES

CHAPTER 6. CITY SLICKERS

CHAPTER 7

CHAPTER 8. Bad GirlS

CHAPTER 9. THE WEDDING

CHAPTER 10. LIVE AND LEARN, NOT ME

CHAPTER 11. HIGH SCHOOL

CHAPTER 12. B.C! B.C!

CHAPTER 13. MANPOWER/ GIRL POWER

CHAPTER 14. BRING IT ON!

CHAPTER 15. MY FIRST COMPETITION

CHAPTER 16. MY APPRENTICSHIP

CHAPTER 17. FULLFILLING THE DREAM

CHAPTER 18

CHAPTER 19. SERIOUSLY?

CHAPTER 20. BALD SHMALD

CHAPTER 21. RANT OVER, MOVING ON!

CHAPTER 22. HAVE COMB WILL TRAVEL

CHAPTER 23. A BREATH OF FRESH AIR

CHAPTER 24. ARE THEY A KEEPER?

CHAPTER 25. BACK TO B.C.

CHAPTER 26. LIFE RETURNS

CHAPTER 27. WOMEN’S LIB

CHAPTER 28. LOVE THY NEIGHBOUR

CHAPTER 29. THE TRUE MEANING OF LOYALTY

CHAPTER 30. CHANGE IS GOOD

CHAPTER 31. COMPETITION

CHAPTER 32. PRIDE AND JOY

CHAPTER 33. SOMETHING NEW!

CHAPTER 34. MY EDGY SALON

CHAPTER 35. EASY COME, EASY GO

CHAPTER 36. MONEY PITT

CHAPTER 37. PREPARE THY SELF!

CHAPTER 38. DAMN!

CHAPTER 39. WHAT THE?!

CHAPTER 40. THE CLOSER

PREFACE

Hairmaid is a term I’ve used TO DESCRIBE Myself because like handmaids, I’VE HAD A MISH-mash of provocative, hair-raising experiences, trying to HELP PEOPLE LOOK AND feel great about their HAIR.

Due to some scrupulous and SOME unscrupulous clients and situations, my efforts were mostly appreciated BUT THERE WEre EXCEPTIONS, HAHA! therefore, I’m pleased to present my Book As………………

The hairmaid’s tale

the long and short of it

emotion

information,

Frustration,

INSPIRATION,

gratification,

satisfaction,

assumption,

gumption, and

humour!

I am dedicating this book to my three besties, who challenged and inspired me to write this. I met these dynamic beautiful girls starting high school in 1966, at Peacock High in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, Canada. So strange that we haven’t changed a bit.

Rhonda E (Young) Neff

AUTHOR

INTRODUCTION

Beard trimming is not for the faint of heart! Those, razor sharp hairs will fly out, hit your eyes, cut through your blouse, into your bra and poke your nipples all day long!. These are words I blurted out while talking to my besties on our chat site.

I then had more thoughts about this and other torturous things I’ve encountered, which I didn’t share with them at this time, but I’m sharing it here now!

With the need to face beards to cut them, some men are so entranced by your chest (cleavage), force is needed to pry their head in a different direction while their eyeballs struggle to stay put. As you lift their chin, their hairy nostrils flare, and you must pretend, you see nothing. On the contrary, with innocence they will ask if you can trim those hairs while you’re at it. Although, from my experience, some men don’t realize they even breathe through their nose holes, so they certainly don’t know what’s up there… ohhhh, but we do!!!

I must confess, some ears can be quite unattractive too. I will even venture to say they can be downright scary. Even though people try camouflaging with jewelry, piercings, and intentionally stretching the life from them, (which I suspect they don’t care for them either) we still need to deal with their presence and what’s in there. I just hope nothing jumps out at me while I’m trimming the hair in and around them! Ha-ha

CHAPTER 1

Covid 19!

People around the world were scattered like ants, going about their business, working, playing, interacting, and without warning gobsmacked with a what the hell? moment. A pandemic! It was a strange, shocking phenomena, causing everyone to stop life and go into isolation. We’ve experienced atrocities like hurricanes, earthquakes or shitshows with mentally challenged peeps going on killing sprees, but a pandemic? This was something we read about in history; it couldn’t possibly be happening to us!

Hearing that people were dropping like flies because the virus was so deadly and contagious, I felt it was too risky for staff and clients to keep interacting, so I made an indescribable decision to close my salon for everyone’s safety. After a few days of stressing over it, the order came down for most businesses to close, allowing only essential ones to operate. Now we are helpless humans at the mercy of our government, hoping they will step in and save us…

While staring at the TV, awaiting our Prime Minister’s address to this dismal situation, I was takin back to see him sporting a short, two-toned beard.

After he finished, I felt gratefully relieved knowing help was on the way, then grabbed my computer with the intent of discussing his speech with my besties on our chat site, but suddenly got sidetracked with a spontaneous outburst confessing my dislike for beard trimming! One friend found it necessary to remind me, and I quote, Don’t forget, there is more money to be made if there is more hair to trim. Okay, yes… but it’s not that simple my friend. Let me take you back in time to get the scoop on it and who should be doing it.

MONEY HONEY

When my career began in the early seventies, hairdressing shops were for women, barber shops were for men, and few crossed that line. In the late sixties, trends changed with guys wanting longer hair. They were forced underground seeking hairdressers to do longer stylish cuts, as opposed to getting sheared by barbers. Because hairdressers were becoming swamped with men needing their expertise, the rules were reluctantly changed to allow salons to be licenced as unisex. For the ridiculous fact that men were men and paid little for their cuts in the barber shop, we charged them less than women’s cuts in the salon. Hairdressers, being quite naive about their new clients needs, were also being asked if they could just trim up their beards too. With no professional training we winged it thinking we could do them a favor. This meant more hair to cut for us, but free services for them. Hmm, what’s wrong with this picture? Also, beards didn’t have a soft furry feel like they do today. Many were thick, wiry, and gross, and so my dislike for beards began!

Fast forward a couple decades, yes decades, trends reverted to short, stylish cuts again, leaving ears, sideburns, eyebrows, neck, and shoulders, all in need of our services. Men now wanted and expected all this grooming, in addition to mustaches, beards and hair to be trimmed too, for next to nothing or free. I’m not blaming them, it really came down to the ignorance of times changing for both of us, but it was starting to leave a bitter taste in my mouth. And my dislike for all this hair, grows!

But, happily now, in the twenty first century, barber shops have popped up like liquor stores and the beards are back home where they belong. Today’s barbers have extensive training and special equipment to sculpt or remove all the extra hair, causing men to book appointments and pay for it. So yes, my friend, your right, there is more money to be made, if there is more hair to cut, ‘now’.

They found my rant to be quite amusing and informative, but a little bit disgusting, saying, You need to write a book!

THE HAIRMAID’S TALE

I am no ATWOOD, but I can tell you … hairmaids, just like handmaids, deal with a lot of …sh_ _!

CHAPTER 2

CUT IT OFF

There is an undeniable reality about the human condition that tells us we don’t look good the way we are. If we can cut it off, add it on, blow it up, or suck it out, we will be satisfied with ourselves, at least for awhile. This is where scissors come in, because they’re the fastest and cheapest way to make a quick change.

Scissors are such an amazing tool. They don’t really look that exciting, two blades closing together, even sounds kind of boring. People underestimate their value and all the things they can do. Sometimes they perform pure magic right before our eyes! For instance, the minute we are born, the doctor selects a pair off his table and ‘cuts’ us loose. Now that’s something! A few years later, being inquisitive little creatures, we spot the family scissors and stealthily sneak behind our parents back, eager to try them out. As many of us recall, we had a huge chunk of hair missing at the front of our head. This should’ve been our first warning about scissors and cutting hair.

With a few years of practice, there was no end of things we wanted to cut. According to our mothers, paper was the only option, but we knew we had bigger fish to fry… dolls, pets, siblings, relatives, friends, or even our own again. From my experience, dolls don’t mind, pets have no choice, and you should kick yourself in the ass for wrecking your own hair again. (ha-ha) Siblings are not good candidates because with no escape route, they can unleash months of torture upon you. But, when your victim is a new acquaintance or best friend and the cut goes south, which it will, you must assure them it’s not as bad as they think! A convincing, clever strategy, otherwise known to hairdressers as tricks of the trade, is your only option. For example, with a caring and sympathetic tone, you say, You’ll get used to it, or When it grows a bit it’ll be awesome, or I think it really makes your eyes POP! (Which they have just looking at it). If they still look sad and broken, you hit them with reality, Think of the time and money you will save now. Just as a quarterback will attest, a good defence is a lifesaver when people