Saving Marriages: Navigating the Journey of Marriage in 100 Days

By Dr. Trevor Fraser and Dr. Edith Fraser

This couples’ devotional book invites you to spend the next
one hundred days intentionally working on your marriage by
daily reading and following the call to action. It invites you to
make your marriage a priority by forming a strong spiritual
foundation. Each day provides a text, a spiritual thought, and
a call to action and ends with a prayer. Couples who make this
commitment will notice the transformation to their marriage.
Come with us on this journey called marriage for the next one
hundred days and see what you can learn about each other
while you develop tools to renovate your marriage.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Covenant Books, Inc.
• Release date: Jul 31, 2023
• ISBN: 9798886442809

Book preview

Table of Contents

Title

Copyright

Preface

Taking Stock of Your Marriage

Spiritual Intimacy: What Is It?

Starting the Launch

Stepping Up to the Plate

Training for Eternity

Your Church or My Church?

Wall or Bridge?

Love One Another

Emotional Baggage

Putting Away Childish—Things?

Forgiveness

Take the Risk—Be Vulnerable

You a Turtle?

The Apology

Naked and Shameless

The Crockpot vs. the Microwave

It's Not a Reward, It Is Commitment

Not a Place of Battles

Loving When It's Hard to Love!

Broken but Not Destroyed

Broken but Not Destroyed

Overcoming Destructive Habits

Get Out and Move!

Why Can't We Talk Like We Used To?

The Smallest Member of the Family

Listen More, Talk Less

What Did You Say?

Are You Listening to Me?

Does It Have to Be an Argument?

Speak Softly

I'm Sorry, So Sorry

Forgiveness: Why Is It So Hard?

Nag, Nag, Nag

Repaying Evil with Good?

Payback Time

Fear of Closeness

Do You Really Know Yourself?

Just a Kiss

Let's Stay Together

Everlasting Love

Transforming Your Marriage

To Argue or Not to Argue That…

Good Fight?

Resolving the Conflict

Repeat Performance

Money, Money, Money

Money, Money, Money

Money, Money, Money

Financial Infidelity

Who Is Going to Pay the Bills?

Children Are a Heritage of the Lord, But…

We Are Family, Aren't We?

Quality Time

Be a Cheerleader

Breaking the Chains

Generational Curse, for Real?

I Am Married to a Workaholic. What Should I Do?

Reflections from Biblical Marriages

Blame Game

Developing Discernment in Marriage

Winners and Losers

Working Together

The Brady Bunch—Not!

Transformative Power of an Apology

Anatomy of an Argument

Preparing for the Storms

Moving Past Painful Situations

Couples Who Play Together Stay Together

Couples Who Serve Together Stay Together

Marital Crisis

David and Bathsheba—a Cautionary Tale

In-Laws or Outlaws

Having a Too-Cautious Spouse!

Listen to Me, Please

Fearless Innovators

Lessons from a Couple of LIARS!

Are You an Owl or a Rooster?

Resolving Challenges of Owls and Roosters

Bad Day Dilemma?

Drinking Water from Another Cistern or Well!

How to Get Out of an Emotional Affair

Managing Our Differences

Men Are from Mars?

Women Are from Venus?

Do You Have a Nothing Box?

It's My Nature

Destiny or Direction?

Love Is…

Me, Envious? No Way!

Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better!

Pride Goes before the Fall

R E S P E C T

I'll Go without You!

My Way or the Highway!

Patience Is a Virtue

How Many Times Can You Keep Doing the Same Thing?

Loves Sees the Good in a Spouse

Love as a Shelter and Shield

Blind Love

Rebuilding Trust in Your Marriage

The Power of a Hopeful Spouse

Endless Love

Appendix A

Appendix B

Appendix C

References

About the Authors

cover.jpg

Saving Marriages

Navigating the Journey of Marriage in 100 Days

Drs. Trevor and Edith Fraser

ISBN 979-8-88644-279-3 (Paperback)

ISBN 979-8-88644-280-9 (Digital)

Copyright © 2023 Drs. Trevor and Edith Fraser

All rights reserved

First Edition

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Covenant Books

11661 Hwy 707

Murrells Inlet, SC 29576

www.covenantbooks.com

Preface

E vening, and morning, and at noon, will I pray, and cry aloud: and he shall hear my voice.

—Psalm 55:17 KJV

For over forty years, we have worked to enhance the relationships of couples through marriage retreats, workshops, premarital and postmarital counseling. We have worked assiduously to stress the importance of spirituality in relationships. An important factor in our encouragement of spirituality in relationships has been couple worship. Often we would suggest purchasing a couple's devotional book to enhance couple time together. Frequently there would be a request for or suggestion of a devotional book. This book is our attempt to meet this need. Couples' devotional books come in many lengths—40 days, 52 days (once a week), 150 days, and 360 days. Why did we choose to have 100 days for your marital journey?

One hundred means lots of things. As college professors, we found students often strived to obtain a one hundred on an assignment. It meant that they had done extremely good work. In the work world, especially the presidency, the first one hundred days provide a period for assessing the quality of the presidency and what can be accomplished. What about the next one hundred days in your marital journey? We are providing you with an opportunity to reflect strategically on the next one hundred days to make a difference in your marriage.

We are using this format: text, discussion, call to action, and prayer. At the end of one hundred days, we hope you will have developed tools for greater marital intimacy and growth. So we invite you to join us on this marital journey of one hundred days. May God richly bless you and your marriage.

Drs. Edith and Trevor Fraser

Taking Stock of Your Marriage

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

—Philippians 3:13–14 NIV

It was a beautiful but hot day in August. I had never been so excited and yet so afraid. It was the day. It was the day that I finally got to marry the man of my dreams. We had worked so hard to make this a perfect day: the dress, the tuxedos, the decorations, the cake, the photographer, and the food. So many details seemed so important then but, in retrospect, were not. The wedding does not determine marriage. The dress I wore that day was beautiful, but I lost it in a fire in my parents' home. The tuxedo was returned to the rental company. The flowers had long since died. The cake was eaten, and the photographs faded. But the marriage has endured. A marriage is a lifetime commitment. So on this first day of the new year, let's not worry about the wedding, but let's stop and think about the marriage. Here are some questions to consider: How is your marriage? How is your marriage doing spiritually? Have you achieved spiritual intimacy? How is your marriage doing physically? Have you increased physical intimacy? What about emotional intimacy and intellectual intimacy?

As you begin the new year, it is a great time to assess your marriage in all of these areas. What area needs the most development: spiritual, physical, emotional, or intellectual? As a couple, could you spend the next few weeks doing an inventory of the level of intimacy in your marriage? Each day, look at the various areas of intimacy and determine where growth is most needed. Marriage is not a static relationship but a growing one. We need to encourage growth in each other and our marriage.

Call to action

As we navigate the journey of marriage through the year, we want you to respond to some questions: How do you plan to grow as a couple? Can you agree to commit at least fifteen minutes a day to talk about your marriage? Can you agree to begin the talk with spiritual intimacy?

Pray

Lord, please help us to take an honest estimate of our marriage on this first day of this new year. Help us seriously consider the role of spiritual intimacy in our marriage and help us take it to a new level. Amen.

Spiritual Intimacy: What Is It?

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed… Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.

—Ecclesiastes 4:9–12 NLT

We can still remember this attractive couple in the audience; they could barely talk to each other. We began our assessment of their relationships by asking about the amount of time they spent together—very little. We asked about date nights—almost nonexistent.

However, when we asked about couple worship, they stated, We pray together every morning and usually attend church each week.

So is praying together every morning spiritual intimacy? Was this couple in an intimate spiritual relationship? We could see someone out in the audience shaking their head and saying no. Spiritual intimacy means more than performing rituals together as a couple.

According to Alisa Grace (2018), A spiritually intimate marriage is about having a strong commitment to Jesus as the hallmark and foundation of your marriage. Did you note that this definition is not based on performance but relationship? A spiritually intimate marriage is rooted foundationally in Jesus. In these relationships, the couple approaches God together. God is at the center of their marriage. As the couple draws closer to God, they gain an increased connection with Him. Several years ago, we were at a couples' retreat where the facilitators modeled this exercise.

Let's try something. The couple clasps hands, forming a bridge or an angle /\. The husband and wife are to move toward the apex, which represents God. As they move closer to God together, they become closer to each other.

This demonstration of spiritual intimacy is a physical exercise.

Call to action

Think about you and your spouse's spiritual intimacy. What could you do to enhance it? Look for ways to develop spiritual intimacy in your marriage. Make a list of things you could do together that would strengthen your relationships with God. Begin some of these activities today.

Pray

Lord, help us develop a mutual spiritual connection with You that will draw us closer to You and each other. Amen.

Starting the Launch

May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

—Romans 15:5–6 ESV

On our wedding night, a very transformative conversation occurred. Yes, it was a conversation! It was a conversation that we frequently share with others. Trevor suggested that, for our marriage to be effective, two activities needed to be integral to our marriage.

He said, Let's always have worship. And let's never go to bed angry.

When I share this story, I usually quip, And we did very well with the first one!

Why is couple worship important? Couple worship is a time when the couple approaches God together for worship. What should be the components of couple worship? In worship, it is essential that you approach the throne of God with each other. Worship should border your day. You begin and end the day with worship.

Couple worship could include a brief reading from a devotional (like this one), praise and prayer, and a reflection on the awesomeness of God's blessings. In the morning, we follow this outline, and we even sing a song first, Turn Your Eyes upon Jesus. This does not have to be your pattern, but it helps to start the practice. What would you as a couple like to do in the morning for worship? You could listen to a song and pray. Or you could read and discuss a chapter from the Bible and pray. You could also read a selection from a religious book and pray. Memorize scripture together and pray. As you may note, the only consistent element of these worship options is prayer. You need to request God's guidance for each other in worship, but you also need to share your prayer requests for the rest of the day. Prayer is an intimate time between the couple and God. As you pray, hold hands or embrace, and end your prayer with a hug and a kiss.

Call to action

Do you have an important meeting or activity today? Share and pray for your spouse. Are you dealing with a difficult or fearful situation? Share it! Pray for each other all day.

Let's try this. Rate spiritual intimacy in your marriage on a scale of 1 (no intimacy) to 10 (intense intimacy). List one specific activity you plan to start this new year to increase your marriage's spiritual intimacy.

Pray

Lord, we want to develop a consistent, conscientious prayer and worship schedule as a couple. Lead us all the way, Lord. Amen.

Stepping Up to the Plate

Likewise, husbands live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

—1 Peter 3:7 ESV

She called us and suggested she needed to talk. She had heard our discussion about the importance of couple worship. She loved the idea, but there was one problem. Who was supposed to lead out in worship? Her husband was wonderful, but he did not feel comfortable leading worship. He had no spiritual mooring and did not understand the role of the priest. She had tried unsuccessfully for years to get him to assume this responsibility. She was not the first wife to mention this concern about a husband. Who should be responsible for leading worship?

According to Ephesians 5:22, the husband is the head of the household. The husband is the spiritual head of the house. He should call the family to worship. This is a God-given role. Husbands, reach out, touch your wife, and say, Let's pray. Your leadership reveals a personal relationship with Christ. A husband must be concerned with his wife's and children's spiritual, emotional, and mental health. As the priest, he should be more concerned about the needs of his family than his own needs. He should be consistent and conscientious.

Remember, the role of leadership is not like being the boss. It is one of surrender, crafted on the model of Jesus, the servant leader. As a servant leader, the husband must look for ways to serve, not boss