I Do but I Don't

By Darrell Burriss

THE VALUE OF MARRIAGE GETS LOST IN THE DEVALUING OF ONESELF. THE DEVALUING OF ONESELF IS DUE TO THE ABSENCE OF GOD.

There are so many noted reasons for ending marriages. These reasons have become so popular, they are freely accepted by many and used just as widely.

But what if I shared with you that these popularized reasons are no

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trilogy Christian Publishing
• Release date: Dec 13, 2023
• ISBN: 9798890414601

Darrell Burriss

Born unto Raymond and Francine Burriss, Darrell was raised and educated in Washington, DC. He joined The United States Navy upon graduation from high school. As he dedicated the next 30 years to his craft in retail, restaurant, and hospitality, Darrell was not always aware of how God was using him as a leader of a great nation.

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FOREWORD

On February 14, 1998, this scripture was read at our wedding ceremony:

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

(1 Corinthians 13:1-12, NIV)

On June 8, 2017, I received a Judgment for Absolute Divorce. What happened? I really don’t know. An explanation was provided, and I accepted it, but I always felt there was something more. So, I decided to focus on my faith, be the best friend I could be, and be the best family member I could be. I continued to serve actively in my church and just BE and let God handle the rest.

I learned about myself through the lens of self-reflection and through those around me, and I changed. Or rather, God changed me. I learned and I grew.

Then one day, my brother shared with me the title of this book, I Do But I Don’t. Just the title alone made me think about this scripture. God demonstrates LOVE and it is WORK! We are a piece of work! So, to live 1 Corinthians 13, it takes WORK and GOD. At our wedding it was said a marriage is a chord of three strands, with God being the third strand.

What happens when the chord frays? I Do but I Don’t.

The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, for she was taken out of man’ (Genesis 2:23, NIV).

Before we do, a man and a woman must learn and know who they are alone in Christ. God created us to be relational beings. We are to be in relationship with Him first and then with one another, as colleagues, friends, family, and in marriage. So, what happens when we say I do to man first and not to God? I Do But I Don’t.

One of the seven angels who had the seven bowls full of the seven last plagues came and said to me, ‘Come, I will show you the bride, the wife of the Lamb.’ And he carried me away in the Spirit to a mountain great and high, and showed me the Holy City, Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God (Revelation 21:8-10, NIV).

Marriage is to reflect God’s relationship with the Church. As we relate and grow with one another as a family in God, marriage goes through the same growing pains. We live, we learn, we profess, we confess. What happens when we lose sight of that dynamic? I Do, but I Don’t.

I present these thoughts in segments because marriage is a calling. It encompasses good times, challenges, sadness, and all sorts of moments and emotions. Segments of life each with its own context.

When my brother wrote Mirror, Mirror Please Stop Me From Hurting Me. All I could say was Ouch. and Amen. Mirror, Mirror was easy to read and follow. The reflections shared make that look in the mirror clear. It’s a perfect companion book for your personal journey of self-reflection. I believe I Do, But I Don’t will serve as that guidebook through the journey of marriage for those of us who are along that road.

Peace.

Rhonda Burriss

INTRODUCTION

Wedding planning. For those that have been there as a participant, an assistant, a coordinator, or just as a spectator, I am sure that you know just how testy that time can be.

One person wants things one way. Another person wants things another way. The bride wants what the groom doesn’t want, while the coordinator envisions what the bride can’t see. Then there’s mom who may be planning the wedding she never had, while the best friend of the bride is trying to be the glue that holds all parties together.

The stress that is being encountered has the bride ready to crumble and leave and the groom ready to go to Vegas. Somehow, someway, the day has finally come. The happy couple-to-be have overcome many challenges to get to this moment. They triumph and romantically gaze into each other’s eyes, dreamingly exchanging vows, professing an eternal love.

As they stand before man and they stand before God, they make a declaration to one another, saying I do. But when the honeymoon is over and the journey begins reality deals them a mighty blow in life. Suddenly their I dos prove to mean I really don’t.

I want to explore with you some of the reasons why the professed I do turns to the confessed I don’t. This exploration will be by way of The Word of God as well as my personal experiences.

Marriage can sometimes teach us some hard lessons. These lessons can be extremely tough pills to swallow. Why? you may ask. That’s because the lessons taught are not always about the other person. A lot of times it’s about you.

Sometimes we feel that marriage is all about us. The truth is: it’s not about us; it’s about God.

Ready to journey? Good. So am I.

CHAPTER ONE:

The Beginning

of The End

In the book of 1 Corinthians, chapter 7 (NIV), Paul weighs in on the subject of being married versus being single. The text contains an intriguing perspective. His wording is so powerful that, in some people’s eyes, this signals the beginning of the end.

In a world filled with sexual immorality, asking some folks to have sexual relations with their spouse only (husband and wife) is a deal breaker.

Additionally, telling them that they have no authority over their own bodies, rather their bodies belong to their spouses, compounds