Pursuing Wisdom

By Craig Hermann

I am trying to become a better person and, so, am on a quest pursuing wisdom.  These entries are blogs I have written during COVID and beyond and I hope you find them thought-provoking.  I have much yet to learn but the journey must begin somewhere, so "here goes!"

• Language: English
• Publisher: Right Road Publishing
• Release date: Mar 4, 2023
• ISBN: 9798215477021

Craig Hermann

Craig Hermann was raised in Seattle, Washington in the 50's and 60's and received his Bachelor of Arts Degree from the University of Washington.  He and his wife, Diane, have two married children and two grandchildren.  In addition to writing he enjoys being at the beach or on a golf course.

Book preview

My goal is to become a better person - by changing my thought patterns and in so doing change my actions for the better.  I hope to learn from those of you who take the time to read my books and my blog and to share your wisdom.  Our collective wisdom in that way is so freely given and received! 

––––––––

Let’s look at the role some of you have of parenting adult children....

Jim Burnes’ book title is Doing Life With Your Adult Children:  Keep your mouth shut and your welcome mat out  He raises the point that our role changes to that of a consultant at their will - not ours.  In other words, he says Be encouraging but not intrusive.  And that goes even when things are not going as you would have envisioned!  Thoughts?

––––––––

More than half of all people say they are lonely!

50% of people in the USA and 67% in Britain say they are lonely.  Wise psychologists will tell us that thoughts control actions.  So, could we have good actions and motives if we begin with new thinking?  I'm sure trying it......not always successful.  Maybe we should do the exact opposite of what the world does - they're usually wrong, aren't they?  So I'm trying to choose friends who encourage me rather than people who are always complaining about something.  I want friends who support me and give me hope - rather than ones who only think about themselves.  Of course, in order to have a great friend we need to be a great friend!

––––––––

So how can we be a better friend?

It seems logical that in order to have more friends, we must be a better friend.  But how do we do that?  In the reading I've done, a good start would be to greet them with a smile!  Be relaxed and be yourself.  Try to get them talking about themselves rather than listening to you talk about yourself.  Empathize with them when they are going through difficulties.  In times like that, listen more and talk less.....and stick with them through it all.  Most of all don't judge them until you have all the facts....and you will rarely have all the facts!

Second Chances

Can you remember most of the second chances you've had in your life?  I can!  In some of them I was heading for a disaster and was confused about why it was happening and what to do about it.  It seems like the more I tried the further down the rabbit hole I was heading.  Some were financial problems.  A pastor I heard shared something that stuck with me: money has never made anyone rich.  Love from family and friends is where real wealth comes from.  God has given us plenty of second chances - so we can certainly offer a second chance to one who has harmed us.

––––––––

Who should be in control of your kids?

Our daughter is an amazing woman - very successful and very popular.  When she was a young teenager we thought she was venturing off to places we didn't like.  We didn't like her friends.  So we applied maximum pressure for her to find better, more wholesome friends.  We even suggested certain young people for her to be friends with.  What a mistake!  The ones we suggested often turned out worse.  It wasn't until we turned her completely over to God and His leading that she began to blossom.  So if you are battling with a strong-willed child you might consider that plan vs. even inflicting ever more damaging punishment.

––––––––

I struggle with....

...being controlled by feelings.  Our mind seems like it's split into two parts...the part that thinks clearly and logically and the other part that reacts to emotions.  These two parts then go through a funnel - down to your will....and that's where I get into trouble.  Acting on emotion instead of logic.  So I'm learning to slow down my response....do I have all the facts?  Where is this emotion or thought coming from?  I'm trying to move fast when I need to ask for forgiveness or move away from temptation...and trying to move more slowly when I'm hurt or angry or when making a major decision.  I have a long way to go but I think (and feel!) like I'm getting better at it.  Have a great day! 

––––––––

From where comes joy?

If I started describing all the times I rushed off blindly with wrong motives it would fill a full-sized book.  My problem?  I'm guilty of selective obedience.  Almost instinctively I know the correct course - but I always manage to come up with a short-cut.  Now that a certain amount of wisdom is appearing in the far reaches of my mind, I realize that I can always turn around and get headed in the right direction if I can identify the right motive.  I have found that hope comes from unintended favor.  All it takes is just one glimmer of a good thing - and I find new motivation and strength not to waver any longer on this new course.  Happiness is based on circumstances - but joy comes from hope. 

––––––––

What helps when you are lost?

Well, I suppose, if you are lost, a map wouldn't help.  You would have to know where you are on the map to see a way out - and you're lost!  A compass would be of great help.  A cell phone with a cell signal would probably be the best.  And a flare to shoot up when a plane or helicopter flies nearby.  I've felt lost many times in my life.  Pretty much every time it was me that wandered off somewhere that I didn't belong.  That's how livestock get lost....going after that next stretch where the grass is greener.  And the next one.  When lost - it's probably good not having brought anyone with you.  When I look back on my life and those times I felt lost - God was using the experience to build up endurance in me and trust toward Him.  I always remember when I was lost and I try my hardest not to wander where I don't belong. 

––––––––

What everyone wants

We all want a lot.  A few of us want to be left alone.  But most of us need more.  Otherwise, what's the point?  We're here for a reason.  Here's what I've learned (and I want more learning) so please respond:  (1) frequent contacts with the ones we enjoy (2) Intimacy with one other (our soul mate?)  (3) we need the totality of their commitment to us (4) authenticity in their relationship to us (5) appreciation for us the way we are (6) to be able to trust them.    I'm sure you can add a few more. So then - we need to offer these things to those who are important to us as well.

––––––––

My biggest problem...

....is usually me.  I'm lost when I don't have a coherent plan for the future.  I tend to give up too easily.  So what to do?  Trust that God has a plan for me.  He is strengthening my endurance through my pain.  I need to admit where I am weak (like everywhere!).  So trust His plan - and not run from problems.  Receive a new identity for myself and the vision will follow. 

––––––––

If God is good why is there pain?

This is the classic argument from atheists.  If there is truly a benevolent Creator God he would never allow pain.  Really?  Why do you endure the pain of exercise?  Because the end result is to build up.  Atheists simply have no one to go to when they suffer.  Is all pain bad?  Predominately, people would take pain over death - right?  Many would never betray a friend or even a strong moral conviction just to avoid pain.  Valeen Schnurr was a student at Columbine High School when Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold went on a rampage killing 13 people and then themselves.  Where was God?  Already wounded she was crying out to God.  Klebold said God?  Why do you believe in God?  Valeen replied  Because I believe in God.  I was raised that way.  Valeen had 37 separate wounds so Klebold walked away for some reason.  Why?  God knows. Valeen now works in adoption helping to save the lives of children.

Refining

A refiner of a precious metal like gold or silver knows when it is ready. Their reflection can be seen on the metal.  The refining process eliminates the impurities leaving only the pure metal.  I have so many impurities.  I have had tremendous ups and downs in my life.  Slowly, but surely, I ended up stronger for them.  I know there will be more.  Same for you.  Let's endure the trials knowing that the polished product is in our future. 

Give me freedom or give me....

...what?  Our freedom is a gift from God.  But my parents used to teach me that with every freedom comes a cost or responsibility.  Colin Powell once gave a speech at the United Nations responding to criticism of US policies.  He told everyone listening that America has never asked for any land or riches in return for rescuing many countries from being overtaken.  Just give us enough land where we can bury our fallen.  In this COVID-19 sheltering-in-place we often are tempted to feel like we have lost our freedom.  This, too, shall pass. 

––––––––

What are you afraid of?

We're all afraid of something!  I'm afraid of not being successful enough.  Others are afraid of being out in public or that they're too fat or too skinny or didn't graduate college and what others think about that.  I've learned that there are three main things that will lift you out of the pit (like the one I was in!) - learn the truth about your fears.  Compare your progress - not what you believe others think about you.  Find love.  All it takes is one person - one friend who cares about you.  You know you have at least one.  Then that person's love as well as God who created you will give you faith - and from faith comes hope!  God is not finished with us yet! 

––––––––

Bitterness or Betterness?

Don't let bitterness win.  It's been robbing us of peace.  It creates strife and inner fears.  Whatever the source - and there are many - they are in the past.  What lies ahead is a different future.  What we need is TRUTH.  What can we count on?  We can count on God.  He didn't cause our trouble, but He can fix it.  He is not done with us yet.  Faith is what is left when all else is gone.  And in my high school math class I learned that Faith = Hope.  Just kidding.  I'm learning that now, though.

––––––––

Planning ahead!

God knows everything about us - right?  He knows what's gone on in our life before and He knows our lying down and our rising up and all that will happen to us in the future.  So why plan?  I think it helps us connect closer to His will the more we seek Him and find Him.  Maybe we should just do the best we can in planning for safety and our family's welfare and then just trust Him.  He won't let us be overwhelmed.....and He's always by our side! 

––––––––

How do we love?

Most of us know people who have gotten married to find love - or they have surprised their husband with a pregnancy hoping that will solidify love.  The only one who can show us how to love is God.  He first loved us.  Sometimes that's really hard when we end up with parents who made growing up tough.  He has most likely used that to teach us character and endurance.  Great faith only comes from great testing.  Sometimes we just need to change ourselves - and love will grow. 

––––––––

Setting boundaries

I have a habit of saying yes too much, I think.  I'm afraid of letting others down.  So what I'm trying to do now in my life is to open doors for others to help and serve.  But most of all I need to set boundaries for myself.  That emotion that rises up when you know you already have a full plate and someone asks you to do one more thing - needs to be acknowledged.  We need to set our emotional and financial limits.  We also need to avoid certain situations that may just not be right for us because they involve unsafe people. We can't always be the hero. 

––––––––

Kids do get older

As parents of adult children we have learned (sometimes the hard way!) that we need to change faster than our kids do. We move from daily involvement in giving direction and advice to only giving advice when asked.  Somewhere in between are the teenage years and the kid's normal frustrations with life that isn't coming out the way they had hoped.  So we need to gradually lessen our control. There is also a transition from our kid's dependency to where we just need to be caring parents and not enabling our children to continue to be dependent upon us. Raising kids is grueling work....and usually thankless.  So it is important to stay strong physically, emotionally and spiritually.  We need all the strength we can get!  Always keep the relationships with our kids loving and fun - no matter what.  Eventually you will wear them out!

––––––––

Helper or hinderer?

There have been many times I've tried to help a friend with a problem - some practical ones, others relational.  It hasn't always gone well.  It's usually because that person had not asked for my help and maybe didn't even want the situation to be changed yet.  The other person must want to be helped - or there is no use.  It might be more like pouring more fuel on a fire instead of water.  But I have learned that an attitude of gentleness usually works better than a challenging, questioning posture. 

––––––––

Parenting Adult Children

My wife, Diane (who, by the way, is my Editor), and I are the parents of adult children...not always an easy role - because you want to jump in there when you think your kids are making a mistake or you think you have a better way to do things. Jim Burns, who authored a book called Doing Life With Your Adult Children, says I was surprised to discover that, compared with the literature available for the early years of parenting, there is relatively little available about the challenges of parenting an adult child. Yet we will spend more time as a parent of an adult child than we will as the parent of a young child and adolescent. Something to think about and maybe share experiences with others along this road called life!

––––––––

Need a door to open?

I've come to many detour signs in my life - and I'm not talking about when I'm driving.  I find myself saying Somehow that's not the way I pictured it happening.  Usually it has taken awhile but I discovered that the detour saved me from encountering more pain in my relationships and my career.  When we come to a new door in our lives a decision is required.  Do I walk to a different door or do I open it?  Often God is testing us.....how many doors have we opened for others - or shut in their faces?  Sometimes the door is locked for us for our own protection....and maybe for the person who is on the other side, too.  When I talk to God and read His word I find that any plan of mine should not contradict His word.  That means I need to pray and to listen. 

––––––––

What does God see in us?

Like me I'm sure you have, at times, felt like you don't matter.  You don't measure up to the world.  That makes us insecure.  Like we don't have what it takes to be at the top.  Of course, God sees what we don't see.  Moses felt completely inadequate for what God was asking him to do.  He was not a good public speaker and was insecure about taking on God's calling for him.  But finally - sort of like Jonah - he realized there was nowhere to run.  So he reluctantly returned to Egypt counting on the Lord to strengthen him.  If we don't go before the Lord and address our feelings of inadequacy - we will become bitter and we will try to run from God.  Until we realize there is nowhere to run.  He is not finished with us yet. 

––––––––

Do I matter?

I believe that God created me.  He selected my parents to bring me into the world but I am His creation.  In this enormous world, sometimes we feel so insignificant.  But God took nine months to create is in our mother's womb.  That's no trivial amount of time.  At least to us - to God it is barely a blip.  You've probably seen some teacher looking at a rendering of our solar system point to one spot