Win or Learn: The Naked Truth About Turning Every Rejection into Your Ultimate Success

By Harlan Cohen

What would life be like if every risk you took ended in success?

In Win or Learn, rejection expert and New York Times bestselling author Harlan Cohen lays the framework for identifying your wants, taking the risks necessary to pursue them, and finding success no matter the outcome.

This step-by-step risk-taking experiment will guide you on a journey to understand your worth and fight for your goals without the fear of rejection—because rejection is a universal truth but not a final destination.

Cohen's revolutionary perspective on risk-taking and rejection will help you realize your dreams, understand your limits, and find victory in every risk.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Sourcebooks
• Release date: Jan 5, 2021
• ISBN: 9781728223476

Harlan Cohen

HARLAN COHEN is The New York Times bestselling author of The Naked Roommate series and six other titles. His books have sold over 1 million copies in print in multiple languages. Harlan is a speaker who helps thousands of students, parents, educators, and professionals every year. He is also the founder and editor-in-chief of Before College TV.

Book preview

Front CoverTitle Page

Copyright © 2021 by Harlan Cohen

Cover and internal design © 2021 by Sourcebooks

Cover design by Jackie Cummings/Sourcebooks

Sourcebooks, Simple Truths, and the colophon are registered trademarks of Sourcebooks.

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This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional service. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought.—From a Declaration of Principles Jointly Adopted by a Committee of the American Bar Association and a Committee of Publishers and Associations

The vignettes in this book are both composite and actual stories of individuals and couples. In some cases, names have been changed for purposes of anonymity.

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Published by Simple Truths, an imprint of Sourcebooks

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Contents

Front Cover

Title Page

Copyright

Introduction

1. What Do You Want?

2. Get Comfortable with the Uncomfortable

3. Think People, Places, and Patience

4. Tell Your Story as If It Has Already Happened

5. Celebrate, Reflect, and Repeat

Conclusion

Message to Educators, Parents, and Business Leaders

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Back Cover

To Eva Kaye, Harrison, and Asher:

We are always in your corner.

Introduction

My flight was booked for 10:30 p.m. I arrived at Charlotte Douglas International Airport at 8:15 and noticed the earlier flight was delayed until 9:00. I ran to the gate, arriving there at 8:30. I asked the agent if I could have a seat on the plane.

No. It’s closed.

I politely asked, Why haven’t they closed the doors?

She explained, There’s an international flight that just landed, and fifty people are on their way. They’ll be here any minute.

If one of them doesn’t make it, is there any chance I can have their seat?

No, they’re all coming.

Right, but if one doesn’t make it—you never know—can I have the seat?

"They will all be there."

Can I just stand here, and if one doesn’t make it, can I have the seat?

I can’t add you to the list. It’s too late.

I understand, but could you make an exception? I’d love to see my kids before bedtime. I smiled.

I stopped talking. I knew I had reached that point. I was going to be okay with whatever happened next. I surrendered to the universe.

A few seconds passed. She raised her head. She looked me in the eyes.

With a half-smile, she said, What do you do for a living? Are you a lawyer?

I replied, No. I’m an expert on rejection.

She burst out laughing. I started laughing too. The woman standing in line listening behind me joined in the laughter.

The agent and I chatted for about ten minutes. I explained that I help people go after what they want, most of the time without being annoying. She said, Oh, well, you’ve been annoying. We laughed again.

Fast-forward thirty minutes, and I’m on the plane, sitting in a window seat with an empty seat next to me. Twenty people never made it to the plane due to a computer glitch in U.S. Customs. I got home in time for bedtime.

That time, I got what I wanted. Sometimes, I don’t.

Success wasn’t about getting a seat on the plane. It was about committing to a process. I didn’t require the universe to respond one way or another. I offered what I wanted without conditions. It was a risk-free risk. I would either win or learn. There was no failing. Rejection, shame, and fear weren’t options. I was free.

The process you will learn in this book will make life profoundly better and more fulfilling. You will learn how to give yourself permission to dream big. You will no longer fear failure and rejection. You will become an expert at filtering through life’s uncomfortable truths. You will tell your story as if it has already happened and love yourself along the way no matter what happens. You will trust and believe that no matter what happens, you will be okay. Adversity, change, and challenges will fuel your curiosity. Rejection will teach you, inform you, and help you get wherever you want to go (or someplace even better). You will be guaranteed success, because success isn’t measured by the outcome. It’s measured by committing to a process. In the words of Nelson Mandela, "I never lose.