The Lost Soul: Book 1

By Kayla F. Smith

"No, thank you, I am fine. I can take care of myself." She nodded her head and exited the room. The truth is, I do not need anyone judging me for what I went through. To have someone know everything that Kieran did to me. Just so they can say that it will get better in time and that I will find someone who will treat me right.

Kieran might have abused me, but he might be the only one I will ever love. When I met him, I thought he would be the person I would spend the rest of my life with, thinking I had the love that my parents have because that's all I ever wanted.

I got so mad at God when the abuse started that I stopped believing in everything. It felt like my soul is shattered into a million pieces. I don't understand why me being abused by someone I love is a part of his plan. Sometimes I feel like it would have been easier if I knew what his plan was for me.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Nov 29, 2022
• ISBN: 9798886169874

Book preview

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The Lost Soul

Book 1

Kayla F. Smith

ISBN 979-8-88616-986-7 (paperback)

ISBN 979-8-88616-987-4 (digital)

Copyright © 2022 by Kayla F. Smith

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Dedication

Note from the Author

Prologue

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Epilogue

About the Author

Dedication

Thanks to everyone who reads my book. This story is one that I hold to my heart and can relate to the most. Also, thanks to my parents who have encouraged me to go into writing as a career here during my time in college. Please enjoy the story and know that you aren't alone in any of your struggles.

Note from the Author

I was bullied before coming to be a believer in Christ. I had a lot of emotions whether God did this to me because I deserved it. Now after maturing, I realized they were trials he put in my path that I needed to go through.

Just know that if you've been bullied or assaulted, it's okay to reach out for help. Remember that it's not your fault, so don't blame yourself. The journey to overcome the doubt and pain you feel will be hard, but in the long run, it will be worth so much more. Your story can change the lives of the people around you. You never know if hearing your story of how you overcame the pain and hurt will help someone in a similar circumstance.

As for any male readers that I have, I don't care what the world says about you having to be strong all the time. If you've been physically and mentally assaulted, talk to someone that will understand and believe you. Men have feelings and can be hurt just like females can. Maybe one day, we'll be able to normalize the possibility that males can also be victims. For now, keep your head up and think on the bright side. No matter what anyone else says, never give up and stay true to yourself.

Even though you have no clue who I am, I'll always be in your corner. I hope whoever needs to hear this, know that you are beautiful, an amazing soul that will brighten in the path of others. Stay honest and true for God will always love you.

Prologue

L ove. What is love? It's an emotion that demands to be felt by others. What we don't know is that it can do more damage than good in this world. The reference follow your heart is one that no one should follow. At least that's what I should have done. One moment. One decision led to love being my downfall. I should have known that it would never work, but I didn't listen to my conscience.

My story is one not only of love and hatred but also finding myself in a dark situation because in the end, maybe there is one type of love that can save me. A love that is strong enough to pull me from the dark abyss that is myself.

I've always wanted to fall in love ever since I saw how well it worked for my parents. As a little girl, I would see them bicker about the unimportant things. Minutes later, they would kiss and make amends. Who knew falling in love with the wrong guy could end in a tragedy?

First, let's start from the beginning when our relationship began. We met on campus at Idaho State University. Since it's freshman year, I didn't really know anyone. I'm a nursing major wanting to be a pediatrician because I love kids, babies to be exact. My roommate was very nice and friendly, making it nice to have a friend. On the first day of class, I saw him.

I had biology with him at eight in the morning. The professor gave us assigned seats, and we had to sit next to each other. Waving at him before taking my seat, I thought that would make seeing him less awkward. He didn't wave back and looked at the floor. Our professor thought it would be a great idea to get us to talk to each other. This person would be your partner for the entire semester. At first, I was awkward; talking to people isn't my thing.

Hi, I'm Alina. What's your name?

He didn't respond but glanced at me. Finally, when he snapped out of his haze, he looked away for a second. When he looked back at me, he smiled. I'm Kieran, nice to meet you. My major is math. I plan on being an accountant. What's yours?

I'm a nursing major. I want to work in a hospital as a pediatrician. I love babies and want to be able to work in a field that can provide them comfort.

He nodded his head and faced the front to listen to the professor. I couldn't help but look at him. He was so intriguing. Forcing my attention on the professor, I listened to the lecture. Kieran glanced at me, but I decided to ignore it. When class was dismissed, I left without looking back.

That's probably the only time I would see him anyway since we are completely different majors. I was wrong because when I walked into Pre-Cal, Kieran was there. At least this time, we didn't sit near each other. During class, I could feel him staring at me. I didn't know whether to be flattered or creeped out.

When the professor finished the lesson, I glanced back at Kieran and waved. He waved back but seemed off. The professor dismissed everyone, and he was the first one out the door. I thought it was strange but decided to leave the matter alone, ignoring him for the rest of the day so I can focus on my classes.

Walking to my next class, I was in deep thought. I want the love my parents have. They fell for each other at the young age of seventeen. Everyone told them it wouldn't last, but they were wrong. Right after high school, they married but waited till after college to have me. Unfortunately, they couldn't have any more children, so I'm an only child. As I got older, they told me to date with the idea of marriage. Ever since, I've always had that on my mind when looking to date someone.

My father and mother grew up in the church, so we went to church every Sunday. I believe that God has a plan for everyone. Even if we have no clue what that plan may be. Marriage is sacred and I don't want to ruin it by making a poor decision. Dating someone who I believe isn't the one is a prime example.

So far, I haven't dated. Maybe I'll find someone in college and fall in love like my parents. Their love for one another is beautiful. They've been married for twenty-three years. Leaving the memories behind, I focus on heading to my next class.

Pre-Cal was the last time I saw Kieran. Going the rest of my day studying and going to class not having time to think about him. I didn't finish until late at night with my final class. Having a night class isn't the best and stresses me out. You never know what could happen while walking alone in the dark. As I'm walking to my dorm, I heard my name being called in the distance.

Turning around, I spotted Kieran running up to me with his bag. By the time he reached me, he was already out of breath. I giggled at how funny he looked trying to speak. Can I help you with something?

That got his attention almost at once. He looked at me and calmed down his breathing. Taking one final breath, he looked calm enough to speak. I was walking to my dorm when I spotted you walking by yourself. Do you know that it's dangerous nowadays to do that? If you don't mind, I can walk you to your dorm. Unless you think you can make it all on your own.

You came running all the way just to ask me that?

Yes, I did. Will you accept?

I smiled and looked away so he couldn't see my blush. When I looked back, he seemed eager for what I was about to say. Okay, you can walk me to my dorm. He fist pumped the air, all excited that I agreed to be walked to my dorm. The way he looked in that moment was cute. We walked the rest of the way to get to know each other.

What are your hobbies? You never said anything about yourself in biology class. Kieran gave me this side glance. Okay, I take that back. You did say something about your major. Tell me what you like outside of that.

I love to run, so I plan on joining the track team. Hopefully they accept a freshman. Fishing is also good when I need to calm down and take a break.

I could never join a sport or a club. Getting through nursing school is too important to me. I'm glad you like them, though. Maybe if you run track, I could watch you sometime?

Yeah, that would be nice.

Finally, we made it to my dorm. Thanking him for walking me, I watched him go inside the building across from mine. It would be kind of nice to see him once and while, especially with the classes we have together. He's the first friend outside my roommate I've made since being here. This year could definitely be a good one.

Going inside my dorm room, I noticed my roommate isn't back yet. My roommate is not that bad once you get to know her. We're both nursing majors and have the same classes. That night, all I could think about was Kieran. Maybe he's the guy I've been looking for to be with forever. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Let's just say our friendship did grow that day. For the rest of freshman year, we were great friends. Hanging out together every chance we got. It wasn't till around finals when I was super stressed that he decided to make his move. After two months of hanging out, I knew my feelings grew past friendship. Not saying anything was in my best interest, I didn't want to ruin everything.

Kieran decided me going out would help with my stress. It took him a while to convince me too. He sat in my dorm room and watched me struggle over my reviews. Come on, Alina, you need a break from studying. It's been six hours, and not once have you left the comfort of your room. Let me take you to dinner and then you can go back to studying for the rest of the night. Once Kieran gave me those puppy-dog eyes, I was lost.

Agreeing, he stood up excited. Meet me outside in twenty minutes and dress casual. Twenty minutes went by, and I'm outside ready to go. He came up to me with a white rose and smiled. Me being me, I don't think anything of it.

Thank you for the rose.

Come on, your dinner awaits. Walking for quite some time, I began to become suspicious. I asked him where we were going, but he told me we were almost there. Five minutes later, we were in a garden on campus. There were lights and a picnic basket in the middle. The scenery was so beautiful. Taking a seat, he prepared the food for us.

The dinner consisted of chocolate-covered strawberries and ham sandwiches with bubbly water. The whole scene was so cute. After we ate, we just chatted about the weirdest things. Like what if the sky fell, or could chocolate grow on trees? Kieran helped me from being stressed about my finals to being relaxed. What I didn't expect was him to ask me to be his girlfriend.

He took my hand in his so I could stare into his eyes. I could stare into them for hours. They were a beautiful color of hazel. Alina, we've been friends for a while now, and I really love hanging out with you. I was wondering if you would give me the honor of being your boyfriend. If not that's okay, I can wait.

I was shocked at first and didn't say a word. The nerves are really getting to me. Part of me wants to run back to my dorm while the other parts of me were wanting to say yes. Taking a deep breath, I spoke. Yes, Kieran, I would love to be your girlfriend. He picked me up in his arms and shouted into the sky. A new chapter in my life was starting.

*****

Fast forward almost a year and things started to take a turn. He would become angry when any guy spoke to me. At first, I thought it was just jealousy and it would pass, but I was