Losing My Shoelaces: A True Story About Depression and Anxiety

By Candy L. Collinge

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• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Feb 23, 2012
• ISBN: 9781468550153

Candy L. Collinge

My name is Candy and I have suffered with depression and anxiety all of my life. I've been through many types of treatments and taken many medications. Some worked, some didn't and some worked temporarily. I felt that I had something to offer to others who suffer from depression and/or anxiety. I want them to know they are not alone and there is hope. I live in Stratford, Connecticut and am on disability. I have one room dedicated to crafts. I like to crochet, sew and do anything creative which keeps me busy. I'm also an avid reader. I have a very large family that continues to grow so there's usually something to look forward to.

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© 2012 by Candy L. Collinge. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 02/13/2012

ISBN: 978-1-4685-5014-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4685-5015-3 (ebk)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012902088

Printed in the United States of America

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

This book is printed on acid-free paper.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

CONTENTS

Introduction

The Beginning

What Depression And Anxiety Feel Like

Mom

Dad

Suicide

The Psych Ward

Lost / Go On Disability?

Therapy

The Medication-

Merry-Go-Round

Siblings & Friends

ALL MY SUFFERING

CANNOT HAVE BEEN FOR

NOTHING

SO I DEDICATE THIS

BOOK TO ALL THOSE

WHO SUFFERED

AS I DID AND

TO THOSE CLOSE

TO THEM SO THAT

THEY MIGHT

UNDERSTAND

Introduction

My name is Candy and I suffer from depression and anxiety. My life, so far, has been about surviving. I want to talk about it. I want anyone who doesn’t suffer from depression and/or anxiety to hear how it really feels from someone who has, so maybe they can understand and help a friend or family member. I also want anyone who does suffer from depression and/or anxiety to know that you’re not alone. Yes it does suck and though it’s never easy, you can survive if you want to. But I would never criticize anyone who suffers and doesn’t survive. Sometimes suicide seems like the only answer and since for us sufferers it feels like hell is here on Earth and the only way to find that peace we so desperately crave and deserve, is to die, I can’t blame them. I’ve tried many times. Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how one looks at it, I’m not very good at suicide.

I also want the stigma of depression to go away. If you have cancer or diabetes, people understand and even sympathize. If you’re depressed, you’re supposed to snap out of it. If you suffer from chronic or acute depression, try snapping out of it. You can’t. It’s a disease. Try to snap out of cancer. Bet you can’t.

Anxiety is the same way. Yes, we all get nervous before a job interview, etc., but I’m talking about anxiety that gets into your gut and feels like a swarm of unfriendly butterflies has moved in. Sometimes it makes me feel like hiding under my bed when it gets really bad. It too is a chronic problem. Many times it’s worse than the depression. I don’t know which makes which worse. Does the anxiety exacerbate the depression or does the depression exacerbate the anxiety?

I used to keep my depression and anxiety a secret. I would tell close friends and family members about it. But most people, especially my family, don’t want to know about it. I think they are in denial or scared. I’m sure they are in denial. What they don’t know won’t hurt them. So it