Never Land

By Sam Gonzalez

Alison deals with severe depression, & self hate. She tried to kill herself when she was 14. She's 17 now. She's known as the freak in her small town. Alison believes that their I no point in her life until a new boy, Bennett, moves into town. He takes interest in her as soon as he meets her. Can he help her save herself from the Her inner daemons or will she just push him away like everyone else?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Aug 19, 2013
• ISBN: 9781483676777

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Copyright © 2013 by Sam Gonzalez.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Rev. date: 08/01/2013

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris LLC

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

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Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Note from the author

I would like to dedicate this book to two men who have helped me conquer everything I have in life so far. Harry Crouch and Austin Carlile.

Harry, you were always there for me no matter what and thank you for that. I hope I make you smile and you’re proud of me when you look down and see me. You were my grandpa growing up. I’ll always cherish the memories we had together. Like that time I locked you out of the house and you had to crawl in threw a window. I’ll never forget you. I promise that. Thank you and you’ll forever be in our hearts.

Austin, you’ve helped me threw so much and you continue helping me threw the rough times everyday. Sure, you have no idea who I am and I may just be another fan but hell, you’ve saved my life handfuls of times. You taught me how to be a better person and I will forever be grateful for that. You also taught me to follow me dreams no matter what. Thank you for making music that helps me everyday. I hope that I have the luck of meeting you one day. Thank you, for everything.

Chapter 1

Therapy, you were never a friend to me.

-All Time Low

So how are you doing today, Ally? Dr. Treving asked. I looked around his office before answering. The shelves he had were pilled on by books and books that were surrounded by walls painted a sad green color. He told me green is a color of calmness which I think is bullshit. It smelled like a musky woods in the room. It was like suffocation. I looked back at him and sighed.

I’ve told you so many times not to call me that. You’re my shrink not my friend. I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms. I hated my shrinks. Yes, I’ve gone threw 4 already. Dr. Treving is the 5th.

My apologizes, Allison. I’m just trying to be nice. He sighed ever so slightly then place his notepad on his desk.

I don’t need nice. I NEED my antidepressants so, I don’t go around doing stupid things again. So can you just fucking prescribe them to me so I can go home, please? I laughed nervously. He just stared at me with wide eyes. What? I said please?

Allison. I don’t think you get what a therapist is. I am here for you to talk to about your problems. I’m not here to judge you about anything you talk about. he crossed his hands in his lap.

I don’t need to talk about my problems… I’m fine. I just need my pills… I whispered just loud enough for him to hear. There was a long silence. It seemed like forever until I heard a long sigh escape his mouth.

Fine. Don’t talk to me. But you do know that you’re coming back next week at the same time? he rose a brow. I started to stand up and grab my bag and walk to the door.

Yeah. I’m not slow… . Are you going to order my meds? I asked as I placed my hand on the doorknob of the door.

Yes, Allison. Before you go, can I tell you something?

Why not.

I’m not like the others. You can’t scare me off. I’m determined to help you.

. . . . That’s what they all said. I closed the door behind me and made my way out of the office.

*

If you haven’t noticed, I’m pretty fucked up. I’ve dealt with depression for a while now. I also used to be suicidal as well. I used to want to die on a daily basis. I was admitted into a rehab center, which was almost like a mental ward. I’m better now due to that. I cant say I haven’t cut since because it is an addiction. The thing about cutting is that once you start, you cant stop. Once you feel the relief it brings you, you seem to want or need more. Its like a drug in a way. It makes you feel better. All your worries and pain is taken away with one little cut… The sad part, though, is I’m only 17. If you saw me walking down the street you would think I’m just like any other teenage girl. I look normal on the outside but, if you looked into my head you would get scared. It isn’t the best place to be. I used to think about what would happen if I died a lot. About who would care, who’d cry, and who wouldn’t give a shit. I still do but I don’t think of killing myself anymore.

My mother didn’t think anything was wrong with me until she found out that I cut when I was 14. I cut myself to deal with the pain I feel inside. I just wanted to kill the monster inside of me… I never meant to kill myself but, somewhere, deep inside I knew that if I went to deep I wouldn’t care. I’ve come far though. Most of my scars have heeled. I only have a big ugly one on my wrist from the last time I cut. The ones on my knees and thighs have faded mostly. I have about 24 scars between the both of my legs now. I used to have 60.

Another thing that’s wrong with me is that I have really bad trust issues. I haven’t had a friend since I was 12. Some people may think it’s difficult to not to talk to your peers. It’s not. You just stay mute and avoid all contact. I’ve done it all of high school. Its not very hard. I go to school, attend my classes, do the work, avoid people, and then go home. I was hurt once, and I just can’t take that risk again… I start my junior year on Monday. I’m not looking forward to be going back to hell for the next 175 days.

*

First day of your junior year! My mom said cheerfully as she pulled into the parking low.

There is nothing cheery or happy about this, mom. I sighed as I rested my head on my hand. I looked out of the window and saw the same thing as last year. Jocks flirting with the sluts by the bleachers. The Goths walking together silently. The nerds talking about some new invention their making. Nothing had changed. they were still them, and I was still me.

Try to make a good experience of it. Maybe even make some friends. My mother smiled as I unbuckled my seat belt.

I’d rather shoot myself in the face than make friends. They’re no good. All they do is use you and stab you in the back. I mumbled as I got out of the car. I slammed the door and started to walk to the sidewalk.

*

Okay class today we are going to go over the rules of ceramics! Mrs. Cervantes said. The class moaned while I just rolled my eyes and let my head fall back. As usual no one saw me because I picked the table all the way in the back of the class. I was picking my nail polish off when the classroom door opened.

Is this Mrs. Cervantes class? a boy asked. I looked up. The boy had long, straight brown hair down to his shoulders with green eyes. His bottom lip was pierced and his teeth were perfectly straight.

Glad that you’ve found your way around mister… . she said as she checked the class list.

Cruz. Bennet Cruz. But I go by Ben. He smiled. When he did I looked away from his face to his clothes. He had on tan shorts and a Pierce The Veil tank top on. Pierce The Veil was EASILY one of my favorite bands. I looked back down to my nails when my biggest fear came true. The teacher told him to take a seat next to me. Fuck. I whispered under my breath.

He took a seat next to me and I felt him smiling at me. Hey. I’m Ben, he held out his hand for me to shake but I didn’t budge. I didn’t even look up or acknowledge his presence. But, he started again, So you are?

None of your fucking business. I said under my breath.

Well, nice to meet you too. he turned forward and ignored me the rest of the period.

*

After school, I went to my locker to get my bag so I could go home already. As I was closing my locker I noticed Ben from ceramics. His locker was 2 away from mine. I rolled my eyes and went back to my locker.

Hey, you’re the girl from ceramics, right? he smiled. I didn’t respond. I just looked at him then started to walk away. But he followed. So, we got off on the wrong foot but I just wanted to know if we can start over?

No. I said then tried to walk past him but he blocked my way. What the hell is your problem? I scowled.

Come on. Just give me a chance. You seem like a cool girl. he smiled as