Fighting Love

By Elena Russiello

What you are willing to do to protect your loved ones?

         Kailey Ross is twenty-one years old. She abandons her old life and decides to enroll in college to take revenge for her brother Tayler, unsuspecting that new friendships will soon become important, and that a kiss, given without feelings or sex without commitments, can become a double-edged sword. With love, in fact, we get hurt and lose focus on the initial goals.

Nick Scott is a troubled boy, allergic to feelings, with a past more difficult than the present, and responsibilities that burden too much for his young age. Attraction often annihilates the mind, one kiss always follows another, as well as lies, but love is an unusual feeling, sometimes it changes us, often it makes us better. It teaches us to fight, simply to be happy.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Elena Russiello
• Release date: Sep 2, 2020
• ISBN: 9781071564936

Book preview

When all seems to be over, that is the moment when everything starts.

Sometimes we just need an impeceptible gest.

A look.

A smile.

Someone who still knows how to make our heart tremble.

Prologue

My life is quiet. No jolts. Full of rules.

Pretty  boring.

I am called by all a good girl. Composed, laid, calm. I dress well, I don't go around with my navel uncovered or with a miniskirt too mini, and I don't smoke. I had once a beer and didn't even like it much. I saw it as a clear sign of destiny : I must be as everyone sees me and describes me.

I never told my matters around, I was careful not to do it, because in Vancouver, Canada, people talk, and too much as well. After high school I started working in a hardware store, a few blocks from home, to help my family. We are not wealthy, we don’t even get close to the idea, and I wanted to do something for them.Just like good girls do.

I am the smallest one, the younger sister of a twenty-two year old brother and a twenty-five year old sister. As a rule, I am the one they keep most closely in control,  but I am used to it now. My parents didn't digest very well the fact that I didn't go to college and occasionally I'm forced to hear a few jokes about it. They can say what I want but I am determined - until I don’t know what I want, I won't go. And if that ever happens ... amen, they will have right.

It’s far away from me the idea of throwing their money in the wind. It’s been three years since I graduated and I have the impression that everything flows too quickly, without giving me time to live.

My life is monotonous. Or maybe I should say it was.

Everything changed one day in the middle of June, when someone knocked unexpectedly on our door.

He wasn’t supposed to be there, in front of us, with his bags. He didn't have to come back, not with that news.

He has disrupted our lives.

Their plans. Mine.

I sat cross-legged on my soft bed, in the room that hosted me for twenty-one years, I talked to myself, I thought, thought - maybe not enough - and packed my bags.

Nobody knows why I'm leaving. Nobody except him.

CHAPTER ONE

NICK

Live my life, drowning in a sea of ​​guilt and regret.

I could rise the surface of the water, swim as I have known since I was eight, but I don't.

I pretend to be fine.

When they blame me, I shrug my shoulders and I don't answer. I force myself not to react. I would like to scream, I would like to tell them that every breath I emit is a tormented breath, but I am silent.

I hold it in. I shallow.

The people don't know, don't see how much I'm suffering, how much my life has crushed along with hers. I wish I had died that day two years ago, but fate has mocked me and saved me..

I'm alive.

I'm dead.

It depends on the point of view.

I simply punish myself.

Pain is the only thing I feel, the only thing there is. Every. Single. Day.

No matter where I am, it follows me. In every movement, at every step.  Brings darkness into the few glimmers of light, it reminds me of what a horrible person I am. It is the conscience that prevents me from rejoicing, the black hole that swallows me, taking away the desire to be happy. Pain is part of my life and I don't let it go. It's the only thing that keeps me standing, the only thing that allows me to do what I do.

I wear a mask to hide my pain, I want to make others - her - believe that I am healed. That I can continue with my life.

To forget.

Should you be in lectures or am I wrong?

I should, but I don't want to. Courses for last year's students started a week ago but the corridors of the faculty are empty, just as I expected. I thought about it well and I realized that I am nobody to stop this tradition.

Before time I was a good boy, a perfect student, a nerd. Now I am the king of the absences. I study the least, often I'm not in the hall, I don't go out with anyone, and I’m fine with that.

I'm not my  own priority, she is.

I'm in my last year, skipping one isn't a big deal.

I recognize her look , she throws it at me every time I do something wrong. Practically always. Nick ...

I sit next to her on the sofa. Hope, don't worry about me. I'm big , I can take care of myself.

She chuckles, but she's not amused at all. You should do all the things guys do in college.

I make them. I shrug my shoulders, showing calm. I play football, I attend classes, I take exams, I go to those stupid parties - even if I don't want to - and I go out with friends.

It’s a lie.

But don't smile. She peers at me to read inside me, and God only knows how much I would like to blindfold her and prevent her. Her eyes, dark as mine, make me feel under check, and I don't want to.

You look like my mother.

Hope laughs and that sound makes me feel better. I like her laughter, I've always liked it, and I would like to be able to hear it more often. It accompanied my days, even on the phone it was able to infect me, to cheer me up.

She was very important for me, now more than ever I realize it.

She suffered and I suffered with her.

She folded and I did it too.

She continued, I didn't.

She laughs and smiles more than me, although she has no reason to do it, but she is. It seems that these two years have never existed, that they are just a bad dream from which we will all wake up.

The truth is not this, the truth is that there is no going back. Pretend that everything is as before, even in front of the evidence,  is just not possible.

We remain silent for a while, I don't know what I should say to take the conversation to the next level. I've never been good at these things, now I'm even less good at it. Before the words were not needed, now it seems to me that they are necessary. Required for not having to listen to the torment and embarrassment that  breathes in this house.

Is she here? I ask, nodding to her bedroom.

I don't even know why I asked, it's not a good topic of conversation, it hasn't been since that day. Every time we talk, I go out from that door even more worried and pissed off.

Pissed off with myself.

Hope shakes her head gloomy. You know that she is never  at home. She comes home for dinner, too tired even to eat. She takes care of me getting to bed safe and sound, and then she is going to sleep. She scratches her head hard, too much for my taste. She left the  house key to Janny, so I don't have to move to open her.

It's awful.

All of this is sad and dreadful. I know it and she knows it too.

Does she treats you well?

Jenny? I nod and she smiles. «Yes, she is fantastic. She is like a mother ... », she stops when she realizes what she has just said. "I didn’t want to say this. I know that Anne loves me, I wanted ... », she looks for excuses, inconvenient.

I put my hand on hers, I don't want her to think that her words are hurting me. God, I said even worse. Don't blame yourself and don't justify her. The fact that she leaves you alone all day is really bad.

I'm not alone.

I roll my eyes. «Ah right, you have a babysitter. You are twenty years old and you need someone who takes you to the bed or helps you go to the bathroom. "

Here we are, we have come back to this conversation and, as always happens, the beat of my heart accelerates, I start to sweat cold and I want to vomit.

I would like to go to the bathroom and throw up everything, I would feel better.

I tried it once, but it didn't go very well. I remained bent over the table, motionless, waiting. I thought  I'd put two fingers in my throat and ... the problem would be solved. Unfortunately the door opened at that moment and interrupted my foolish act. Only then  I realized the crap I was going to do. The last thing I needed was that.

Nick, please don't start again, she sighs and closes her eyes.

I really don't want this today, she asks me afflicted.

I stretch out and pull out of the pocket of my jeans my metal money clips . How much do you need?

Hope peeks and looks at me annoyed. None,we have enough money.

I raise an eyebrow, the bitchiest part of me shows up. I don't believe you.

Your problem. Now go away, I need to rest.

I pissed her off.

Every time I come here, that is every day, this happens. I offer her some money, she refuses, and I'm sick of it. I haven't given up and I'm still looking for a way to help her financially.

I'm damn selfish, a man in complete contradiction. On one hand I want to atone for my guilt, on the other I want to continue to live like this.

Hope and I are different in so many things, but in this we are the same. Proud and stubborn to the point of exhaustion.

I get up from the couch and look at her.  I'll have a coffee, I won't disturb you, but I want to wait for Jenny to come back.

She nods but she doesn't answer me, she thinks I don't deserve it.

Tell me something, she says  when I'm on the doorstep of the kitchen.

Whatever you like, Hope, I say gently. It's a sneaky way to please her, but it's the only one I know.

She turns her head to look at me, and when I see the effort she makes, I’m going  in front of her. With a weak nod of her head she thanks me. Working at the cafeteria really allows you to learn so well? she asks, pointing to my pocket.

Yes, short answer.

It's a lot of money. Swear to me that you're not getting into some trouble.

No trouble, no problem. Nothing illegal.

It’s a lie.

But she nods and smiles at me.

I made it today, too.

Even today she believed my lies.

Even today she forgave me.

Kailey

I feel like a fish out of the water, and I believe, and  others see me in that way.

Behind me the college entrance, at my feet two suitcases full of clothes, and the people, who pass by, look at me as are seeing an alien.

My hair is stuck to my forehead and tangled at the tips and I guess my makeup ran, making me look like a panda.

I don't like the idea of being in that situation at all. I should have prepared myself more, at least psychologically, and the only thing I hope for now is to finish that day.

And find my apartment.

I chose to live out of the campus because the idea of living with one or more girls in a room upsets me. I need my space, possibly in a decent apartment, with many rooms and without sharing the bathroom with strangers. Yes, I'm determinded, but there's nothing I can do about it. I know for sure that I'm going to live with a girl who I don't know, and who might be a serial killer or a psycho, but... let's say I think I chose the lesser evil.

Watching the ads on internet, I found a room in a building a short walk from here. It looked quite spacious and the rent was ridiculous. I practically couldn't let it get away .

It's a shame that I don't know in which way should I go. Right, left or straight?

Damn.

Do you need a hand?

A guy to my right stares at me amusedly. He's tall and under that college sweatshirt, he also looks pretty muscular. Short crew cut hair, as well as the eyes, are of intense black.  Like pure petrol oil.

I appeal to all my strength and smile. The first step in making new friends is to be confident.

I think I'm lost.

I think you've just arrived, he declares, pointing to my suitcases, her arms folded.

I straighten my back. Well, you're smart. I approach him a little and I reach out to him piece of paper that I turned round in my hands for more than half an hour. I'm looking for this address.

Do you live there?

If I can get there, yes.

The stranger approaches and reaches out his hand to me. My name is Ryan. Ryan Evans.

I am Kailey. Kailey and that's it.

Ryan smiles sincerely. It's a real pleasure to meet you, Kailey, and that's it. Let me accompany you.

Do you know the place?

Ryan takes the handles of the suitcases  with both hands and starts walking. Yes, it happens that my best friends live there. He turns around and winks at me.

I recognize that look, I've seen it many times on my ex-boyfriend.

We'd been together a long time, from the first year of high school, and every time we went out, or in the hallways of the school, he would look around and wink. I found it an idiotic gesture, especially made by a boy, but I never complained.

I still wonder how I was with a guy like him.

I was stupid. A little girl who was burned, shocked and hurt when she learned she had been betrayed.

I will remember that day for a long time, even now that I’ve overcame it.. A friend of mine – or rather a schoolmate – had come to me all transfeated and confided to me that she had seen my boyfriend walking hand in hand with another. They had stopped and kissed. They were acting like a couple. I didn't believe her, I was sure that he was with his father - just like he told me - but my schoolmate had taken me by the hand and had me see it with my own eyes.

In the face of the evidence I couldn’t do much. The next day I went to his house, I didn't make a scene, but I left him. The only thing he was able to tell me was that he was confused, that he didn't know what to do, but that he was glad I found it out.

Idiot!

From that moment began my misfortune in love. I accepted some invitations from  guys, who were passing through the hardware store, a few kisses, nothing serious. I always found something wrong with them, in the end I convinced myself that I was the problem.

I have to be alone for a while. For at least ten years.

Before I didn't visit them for a long time, but I think things will change from today .

Ryan's voice awakens me from my thoughts. I see that  you don't waste time, I say, clasping my hands in the pockets of my jacket.

So, are you all alone here?

I  stop and hope he does too. Are you trying?

Ryan doesn't break down, he turns around and looks at me.

Smiling.

His smile widens until he bursts out laughing. Nice and smart, I like it. If I was trying, what would you do?

It depends, I reply sincerely. I've just arrived and I'm already flirting, it's not a good starting point. My mother wouldn't be very happy with me, my father would lock me up in a convent, as he always threatened to do every time I went out with a boy.

We walk in silence, I don't know for how long, but suddenly he stops, causing me to clash with his shoulder.

We're here.

Do you want me to аcompany you next to the door of your new home? he asks politely.

My rough guess is that there's no elevator, and I'm too tired to walk three floors with two suitcases that weigh twice as much as me.

It would be asking too much?

Ryan shakes his head. I actually hoped for it. So, it won't be difficult for a coffee in that way. He takes a step and then stops again. Ah, just to be clear, this is the way to try with you.

I look around, going up the stairs. The interior walls of the building are peeling and there are some pieces of concrete on the ground, the railing is unsteady and squeaky, but at least the doors of the apartments look new and durable. I wouldn't want to fear a surprise visit from the thieves, although I doubt they wouldn't dare approach this place.

We arrive at the door of my new home and we stop.

We've arrived, he says, looking at number five hanging behind me.

Thank you for everything, I owe you.

I will come and I will take it back as soon as possible, then. Ryan points to the top floor with one finger. If you need any help, or some sugar, there are two people to turn to. They're good, trustworthy.

Like you?

Now let's not exaggerate, he says with a laugh.

The door behind me opens suddenly, causing me to jump. The one, who looks like my new roommate, is watching me closely. Her gaze shifts and remains on my companion.

Ryan. Her voice is delicate but decisive, she seems surprised to see him here. With me.

Alyson.

Those two know each other, I don't know what kind of past they have, but they have it. Their eyes say it loud and clear. I feel like uncomfotable third person , a witness of a few problems.

Ehm..., I'm clearing my voice, I'm Kailey.

The blonde looks at me and smiles, she seems happy to see me. Come on, let's go in, I will help you fix your things.

I nod as she get back into the house. When she pulls the door to give me some privacy, I turn to Ryan. Thank you for everything.

He bows slightly and walks towards the stairs. It was a pleasure to meet you, Kailey. See you soon.

CHAPTER TWO

KAILEY

The apartment is modest – the owner had described it to me better, just enough to convince me and I granted that there was revealed only one half – but cosy. In the small living room there is a large sofa, a round table and a small bookcase already full of books. The pink curtains on the windows give a feminine touch to the place. I see three doors closed and I guess those are our rooms and the bathroom.

Alyson put down the suitcases next to one door - I think mine - and turns to me.

She is very beautiful,  an almost ethereous beauty. Blonde, with long hair and perfect body. She also seems to be snooty , but I don't want to judge her too soon.

I've never envied a girl in my life, but I could start with her. I’m her perfect opposite: dark long brown hair, an olive skin  and chocolate brown eyes. Actually anonymous.

Have I broken any rules of the women's code?

She looks at me confused. I would say no, why do you ask me?

For, I point to the front door, him.

Alyson bursts out laughing, bending over her legs. Absolutely not, but thank you for asking, she continues, returning earnestly. I've known Ryan since the first year, we've been dating a few times, we're friends, at least I think, and now...

Now?

Her face becomes sad. We are no longer as we used to.

How come? I ask curiously.

He's too good  guy, she replies, turning quietly, shrugging her shoulders.

Oh you like bad guys. She shakes her head and I have a doubt. "Are