The Great Romance Marriage

By Lee Eddy

There are many books and conferences about marriage. This one is different. This book is based on a fourteen-week marriage course written by the author and employed over many years bringing healing to nearly every marriage involved in it. Each principle is important and is built on the one before it. Most of these principles are ignored in marriage ministry. This is a comprehensive practical application of biblical principles that really work. Enjoy the journey toward marital freedom and function.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: May 16, 2019
• ISBN: 9781644927236

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The Great Romance Marriage

Lee Eddy

Copyright © 2019 by Lee E. Eddy

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Literal Translation of the Holy Bible, third Edition, Copyright 1995, Used by permission of the copyright holder, Jay P. Green, Sr.

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Introduction

If you wait another couple of months, we won’t have a marriage to work with. We are on the verge of divorce, and it doesn’t look like there is any hope. That is the statement I heard from a missionary in our ministry group when we started talking about ministering to marriage in Russia. We didn’t think we were able to minister immediately, but the need was much more imminent. It showed us the extent of the problem in marriages. There are many ministries that teach about marriage, but most of them are superficial and don’t address all the things that they should. I will show many areas of concern and how to make them work.

We were part of a marriage ministry at the time, Marriage Ministries International (now known as Two-Into-One) and we had seen many couples walk through healing Through their course Married for Life. It was brought to our understanding that we needed to help missionaries with their marriages. When missionary’s marriages fail, their ministry and lifestyles also fail along with their families. There is so much at stake. We felt the pressure of bringing hope to people. That course brought hope and life to many missionary marriages.

We had been in the pastoral ministry and had worked with marriages for many years, but we didn’t have things developed as well as we wanted. After our time in Russia, we knew that we had to bring help to couples that included the revelation we gained while ministering in other areas as well. That meant we had a lot of work to do. We took some of what we learned in Marriage Ministries International and what we learned in ministering to people through our Face to Face Healing Ministry and put together a comprehensive course.

This book is about what we have learned, what couples need to know, and what to deal with to get set free and walk in that freedom. Each of these areas is vastly important. They tend to build upon each other. We have now used these principles in groups and one-on-one (or really one-on-two) sessions and have seen miracles happen. Each of these areas is important and functional. As we have helped couples walk through the application of these principles, it has helped us refine them and understand them even more. Therein lies the adventure.

As you work through this book, you will see many principles that are not necessarily easy to do or apply. They might challenge you to a high degree, and it may seem difficult to do. Give it time and energy. The outcome will be well worth the work. In many areas, you may need to unlearn what you have been previously taught. Ask the Holy Spirit for insight and prayerfully search the Word for what is being discussed. We will try to give you the scriptures that are pertinent and apply. This is going to be a wild journey in using the Word of God.

This book will not be a fast read. Take time to digest what you are getting and let it sink in. Welcome to the adventure of the Great Romance Marriage!

Chapter 1

Covenant

Marriage is a covenant. The problem with saying that is that most people don’t understand what a covenant is. Our society is not deeply versed in covenant teachings even though the word is used quite a bit. There are neighborhoods that are under covenant rules. What they mean by that is that everyone has to agree to the same limits on what can be done to the houses in that neighborhood. There are churches and organizations that want you to sign a paper saying you are in covenant with them for membership. We still don’t know what a true covenant is and how it works biblically.

Our greatest idea of deep commitment is a contract. Contracts and covenants are severely different. A contract is based on the performance of the other party. If one party doesn’t keep the parameters of the contract, the other party doesn’t have to keep their part of it. Our society loves contracts, and people are always talking about suing someone who hasn’t completed their part of a certain contractual agreement.

Let’s say you and I entered into a contract to paint your house (even though that would be very foolish since I don’t paint houses). We wrote out a contract that stated that you would pay me three thousand dollars to do it. We agreed on color, type of paint, trim, and time frame. We signed it and agreed to its clauses. After three months, half of your house was painted the wrong color, and the rest wasn’t touched. I slopped paint from the trim over the other colors, dripping paint on everything. I trampled your flower beds, and there was scaffolding and plastic hanging off it, and I had over-sprayed your windows. Then I come to you and ask for my payment. Do you think I would be paid? You wouldn’t pay me! I haven’t fulfilled my part of our contract, and you aren’t going to fulfill yours.

On the other hand, if I had painted your house with full coverage using the proper paint and color, your trim was pristine, your flower beds were unscathed, there was excellent trim work, and nothing was left hanging around your property, then I came to you for payment, and you said, No, I think I’ll only pay you one thousand dollars—we would have a problem. I would be taking you to court to get the rest of my money because you didn’t fulfill your part of the contract.

We have seen so many marriages that look at things as a contract. If he doesn’t do what she thinks he is supposed to do, he is in trouble, and he isn’t fulfilling his part. Or she isn’t taking care of him the way he thinks she should and is mad at her and tries to get her to conform to his wishes. Usually, I see these couples, and they are angry and yelling at each other. Sorry to say, they see things incorrectly. As long as that is the thinking process, people think they have an out and will pursue divorce. If the other one isn’t performing correctly, they think they are free from the commitment. Contract only lasts as long as both parties do their part.

Covenant is much deeper than that. Covenant depends on our commitment and what we vowed to do no matter what the other person is doing. It is the death to selfish living. In covenant, you live totally for the other person, not for yourself. The focus is on the partner. We no longer live independently but are in a relationship where both serve the needs of the other without manipulation or pressure.

Let’s say I enter into a covenant with a man that is a life protection covenant. As I am driving past his house one day, I see him out in the front yard in a fight with his neighbor. I jump out of my car and run over getting between my friend and the neighbor. I am ready to fight for my friend. Let’s say my friend doesn’t like that, so he starts hitting me to get me out of the way. I can’t lift a finger against him or stop him. I cannot harm him in any way. I will fight for him against his neighbor. That is my commitment no matter what my friend has to say about it. What he wants is inconsequential. What is important is my commitment no matter what. It doesn’t matter what he does to me. It’s only what I vowed that is the issue.

Malachi 2:14

Yet you say, On what cause? Because Jehovah has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously; and she is your companion and your covenant wife. And has He not made you one? Yet the vestige of the Spirit is in him. And what of the one? He was seeking a seed of God. Then guard your spirit, and do not deal treacherously with the wife of your youth.

Proverbs 2:17

These will deliver you from the strange woman, from the foreigner who flatters with her words, who forsakes the guide of her youth and forgets the covenant of her God.

The Scripture clearly states that marriage is a covenant. Therefore, we need to understand how a covenant works.

Parts of a Covenant

In the Bible, we see many things that happen during the cutting of a covenant. Often, there was a meal involved. There was the exchange of bread that showed sustaining and giving life and provision to each other. During the meal, it was discussed what the parameters were of the covenant and what was to be entailed in it. The bread was something that took away animosity and challenge. They were just people eating together, and the symbolism is quite beautiful.

Jesus broke bread with the disciples and gave to them saying that it was His body that was broken for them. The symbolism in the Passover is so great, and much is to be learned from studying that. It was the start of the covenant process.

There is an exchange of blood. That is a symbol that one’s blood is forfeit if the covenant isn’t fulfilled. Many cultures use different methods to accomplish this. Some put blood in wine and exchange it drinking the other’s blood. Some cultures cut themselves and let their blood flow into the wound of the other person. In some, there is the ability to substitute something instead of actual blood. Wine is usually symbolic of the blood of the covenant, and sometimes, salt is used.

Jesus used the wine of Passover to symbolize the blood and even stated that it is His blood which was given on our behalf. He said it was the blood of the new covenant. Our ordinance of communion is the remembering of the covenant, and the bread and wine given are the tokens of that covenant.

There is also an exchange of promises. What is being promised to be done for the covenant partner? What are the things that you say you will do? This is what the other person can expect from your behavior. It isn’t up to them to make you do it; it is only for them to know what your commitment is. The promises of God to the people of Israel are really beautiful (Deut. 28:1–14).

Then came the exchange of terms. This is how long the covenant will be in effect. Most covenants are for as long as a person is alive. David sought Jonathan’s children to keep fulfilling the covenant. Therefore, some covenants are beyond the death of one of the partners.

Tokens are exchanged as physical items that can be seen and therefore remembered that there is a covenant between people. Throughout history, there have been some very interesting items given as tokens of the covenant: rings, spears, robes, goats, livestock, and even daughters. One of the most interesting is what was exchanged between Jonathan and David in 1 Samuel 18:1–4.

David had just killed Goliath, and Saul took him home with him to Hebron. He met Jonathan, and they became fast friends. David had nothing. He left his father’s home where he was a shepherd. There is evidence that he was possibly an illegitimate son. When he went with Saul, he brought nothing with him. When Jonathan met him and compassion was experienced, he determined to take care of David. The best way to do that was to cut a covenant with him.

Jonathan brought everything to the covenant; David brought nothing. It was stronger cutting a covenant with a weaker to take care of him. Jonathan gave David five tokens, which represented three areas of promise in the covenant. The first was his robe. What a difference between the outer garment of a shepherd, probably homespun wool, and the robe of the son of the king, probably silk and satin with embroidery. This changed David’s identity so that others saw him better than they ever had. The second was his regular garments. This was to signify that Jonathan would provide the necessities of life. Later, we even find that Jonathan had a place setting at every meal whether David was there or not. Jonathan was giving him provision through the covenant. The next things Jonathan gave David were his sword, bow, and belt—his own weaponry. This was not for David to use but for David to know that Jonathan would fight for him. Jonathan was promising protection through the covenant. All the tokens were extremely important as illustrations of the commitment of covenant.

Covenant promises the exchange of all possessions, they live for each other now, and nothing is held back. That is why it is so important in history. Covenants changed the face of cultures because there is the death of independent living.

There is usually the exchange of names so that even what they are called connotes the covenant. Abraham was called the friend of God. The stronger usually kept their name, but the weaker took the name of the person he was in covenant with to communicate with everyone that he was protected and under the care of the one who is greater than himself. What a beautiful picture and a great honor to be part of.

Modern and Traditional Understanding of Covenant

We see the vestiges of covenant language and action even in our marriage ceremonies today. There is the exchange of bread that has been morphed into cutting a piece of cake and feeding each other. The depth of it has been lost in most cases as it is an opportunity to smash cake in each other’s face, but it wasn’t that way originally. It has been set aside to be used at the reception instead of the main ceremony. Some have tried to bring it back into the service. If I am officiating at a wedding, I insist that there be communion during the ceremony led by the new husband as he takes on the responsibilities of the priest of the home and ministers communion to his new bride.

The exchange of blood is also still present usually as the couple has their first drink of wine together, very often with entangled arms and usually during the reception also. Communion also addresses this during the service as the couple brings their covenant under the covenant of Jesus Christ with everyone as a witness. The depth of value and understanding cannot be denied.

The promises are now in the form of the vows during the ceremony as the couple exchanges what they promise to do in their commitment of covenant. The traditional vows are extremely strong: I vow to be with you in sickness and health, richer or poorer, in good times and in bad. What a strong thing to say to someone. The vows are so greatly important that the couple understands what they are saying to each other.

The terms are also set. The traditional vows usually end with, Til death do us part. I question the couple about whether they understand what they have said or not. There is no ending the commitment of our entire life to be in covenant with this other person.

The tokens of our marriages are usually the ring. With this ring, I am wed. Even secular TV shows people are taking off their ring to go to a bar to pick up someone. People look to see if someone is wearing a ring to determine whether someone is married or not.

Possessions are now known more to be ours than mine in marriage. This shows up as the benefit in our taxes to file a joint return and have the benefits of care as one becomes unable to care for themselves in times of sickness or such.

We even see it in the exchange of names. Susie Smith marries Tom Johnson and becomes Susie Johnson. This used to be solid, but sometimes these days, couples opt to keep their name or sometimes hyphenate them. As women’s issues have come to the front, women are sometimes insulted that they should take his name and feel demeaned in the process. They are usually missing the point and beauty of what happens in the covenant.

True Covenant in Marriage

Understanding true covenant in marriage will change how we think and respond to our spouses. We can no longer pressure our partner to do what we expect them to do. It isn’t about us getting what we want anymore but giving what is needed to the commitment we made. We need to fulfill that commitment no matter what. We must die to living for ourselves and live for our spouse. Instead of self-serving, we have a focus on doing that is necessary for the benefit of our partner. We need to do what love demands, not what is convenient. We need to look for what blesses our partner, not what pumps us up.

Salvation Is Covenant with God

Understanding covenant is very important. God has always wanted relationship with man. That is why God created man so that He can have fellowship with him. He created man different than all other creations. He made him in His own image. He created man to have a spirit, the only thing in the six days of creation to have one. Man was given access to the spirit realm so that he could relate to God Himself. Then man fell to sin.

To prove the value of relationship, God didn’t abandon man to the death he chose in sin. Instead, God set forth a plan of salvation so that He might redeem man and give man a path back to God. After that, every relationship God enters into with man required commitment, and that is when covenant was established. Every time God has relationship with man, it includes covenant.

In Genesis 3, God cut a covenant with Adam by killing an animal and making skins for them to wear that covered their shame. That was when God established that redemption would be through blood.

Then God entered several times into covenant with Abraham (Genesis 15, 17, 22). Each time, there were promises made, terms set, and responsibility placed. Abraham was known as the friend of God. God even worked with him and wouldn’t do anything without consulting His covenant partner. He negotiated the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, a fascinating encounter that showed compassion and power. In John 8, Jesus and the religious leaders debated the relationship with Abraham and Jesus took it back to the Father.

Moses established the Law, which was a covenant between God and the people of Israel (Exodus 24:8, 34:10). God wanted them to commit to the relationship, but instead, they told Moses to talk to God, and they would do whatever he told them to do. Instead of a relationship with great value, they entered into religion. That would be a problem for them for the rest of history.

The main covenant that most know about is when Abraham set up the path of blood in Genesis 15. Abraham set it up, but God the Father and God the Son walked between the separated animals and cut a covenant on behalf of man. That was the established way of entering into covenant in those days. The message is that if either party breaks the covenant, they will be cut in two just like those animals. Abraham received it. Jesus was the full representative of mankind. He had to come and become a man to fulfill the covenant with the Father.

When Jesus came, He fulfilled everything needed for the covenant with the Father. Knowing He was going to the cross, Jesus used the Passover to give man entrance into that covenant and broke the bread and gave the cup and said it was the new covenant in His blood. We must come to Jesus to enter the new covenant.

Since it is a covenant, it means the death to independent living. We must die