Ageing Rewired: How to Flourish in Later Life

By Lynne Dorling

Lynne Dorling, MCIPD and positive psychology coach, has spent the last couple of years researching the topic of ‘positive ageing’. In Ageing Rewired, she shares findings from her own research, coaching case studies and highlights from selected secondary research on this topic. The demographic age shift has been well documented and for the first time ever in the UK, there are more people aged 60 and over than there are aged 19 and below. Whilst this obviously has huge implications for society, health systems and government, Lynne tackles the issue from an individual perspective encouraging people to take a more proactive approach to their own ageing process. Much of the existing advice for approaching later life focuses on the physical elements of ageing. Ageing Rewired tackles this subject from an emotional and psychological angle. There is some compelling evidence for the advantages of taking control of our own mind set to optimise our later years.

Lynne has identified 8 positive character traits which ‘super agers’ have in common and draws on her 20 years of coaching experience to illustrate these. The good news is that all of these traits can be developed. The book defines each characteristic, explains why it’s important and offers tips and techniques for enhancement. She challenges some of the negative stereotypes and assumptions around ageing, show casing real life pioneers who live and breathe the qualities we can all influence if we choose to do so. Lynne also sets the tone and engages the reader by sharing her own personal experiences of ageing.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Troubador Publishing Ltd
• Release date: Aug 28, 2022
• ISBN: 9781803139937

Lynne Dorling

Lynne Dorling is a positive psychology practitioner with 20 years’ experience of coaching. She is a passionate advocate for positive mental health and changing the narrative towards ageing. Lynne is married, with twin daughters and lives in Hertfordshire. When not writing, you can usually find her on her yoga mat.

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Copyright © 2022 Lynne Dorling

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ISBN 9781803139937

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To my daughters, Vicki and Joanna

– for adding a whole new dimension

to my ‘ikigai’. Love always.

Contents

Introduction

Why Now? Why Me? How this book works.

One   Sense of Purpose (ikigai)

What lights up your eyes and gets you out of bed in the morning? Powerful evidence to suggest that those who feel they have a meaningful contribution to make live longer.

Two   Optimism

Glass half full or half empty? Your choice – develop simple daily practices which will increase your positive mental attitude (PMA).

Three   Resilience

What is your ‘resilience quota?’ Develop a more resilient and positive mindset to counteract some of the physical symptoms of ageing.

Four   Proactivity

Whose life is it anyway? Take control to reduce stress levels and feel more in charge of your own destiny.

Five   Adaptability

Head in the sand or looking forward to your ‘third act’? Learn to let go of outdated thoughts and behaviours and manage the emotional roller coaster of change.

Six   Perspective

How do you feel about growing older? Challenge negative assumptions and retrain your brain to consider different ways of looking at later life.

Seven   Curiosity

Are you interested and interesting? Develop your curiosity muscle to maintain emotional well-being and protect against cognitive and physical decline.

Eight   

Who’s there for you? Assess your social support network and discover new ways to stay connected. People who volunteer live longer than those who don’t.

Personal Action Plan

How will you translate good intentions into action? This section includes a self-assessment and templates for action plans.

References and Resources

Introduction

This book has emerged from my ongoing studies in positive psychology. As part of my diploma in positive psychology and well-being, I was challenged to articulate my life purpose, which took some soul-searching. I also became increasingly interested in the topic of ‘positive ageing’ – a term which seems to contrast sharply with much of the writing on the experience of growing older.

I was fascinated by some of the research available and also began to notice that several of my role models in their seventies and eighties shared common characteristics. One of the main things they had in common was that they weren’t afraid to ‘be their own person’ and genuinely appeared to feel comfortable in their own skins. They also had a sense of joie de vivre and still saw their lives as meaningful. I dug a little deeper, ran some focus groups, interviewed people and read widely to support my findings.

Ageing Rewired: How to flourish in later life is the result of that work.

Despite a steady stream of negativity in the press and alarming health statistics, we are much better informed, and I believe there has never been a more exciting time to grow old. We are to a large extent more in control of our ageing process than we might imagine, and we need all the information we can find to support ageing more positively.

Many books have been written on the benefits of having a healthy diet and lifestyle and this of course is the foundation for living a long and active life.

There are also several books around that challenge the stereotypes of old age and cite inspirational ‘super agers’ who fly in the face of these stereotypes.

I have read and enjoyed many of these and some are listed at the end of this book.

So, I do not cover the physical aspects of positive ageing but instead highlight some of the common characteristics of those who age well, which I have noted both from my own research and that of others.

What has been both encouraging and enlightening for me is how many of these traits can be cultivated or learned, which means there are things we can actively influence about how we age. Ideally, this book should be used as a practical aid to mental and emotional well-being. So, just as you might go for a daily walk or down your vitamins, dip in and explore this book for ‘rewiring’ some of the negative beliefs about ageing.

How this book works

Each chapter outlines one of the character traits of super agers that I have identified from my research. It will offer a definition, why it is important and what happens when we don’t have that particular quality.

There will also be stories and examples of people who epitomise each character trait, which I hope will provide inspiration and encouragement.

Every chapter will end with a summary of key learnings and some activities that might help enhance each characteristic. The exciting thing is that any of us willing to invest time in building new habits can develop this secret armoury using the tips and techniques in this book. It is intended as a self-help guide so that you can take active steps to influence your own ageing process.

Whilst there are connections between some of the traits, each chapter stands alone and so if one or two spark your interest, start with those and come back to the others if they feel relevant.

The final section will pull together all the chapters in the form of a questionnaire and suggest ways you can create an ongoing personal action plan to embed new behaviours. There is a References and Resources section at the back of the book, which lists some further information about sources used in each chapter and a reading list for those who want to dig a little deeper.

Now in my late sixties, I had a very personal motive for researching this topic. It also gave extra meaning to my work – in my coaching practice I help people address challenges by accessing their ‘best self’ and playing to their strengths. So, let’s work together to approach the challenges and opportunities of our ‘third act’ and make the most of our extra years by taking advantage of all our resources.

This is your book and one which I hope will be a useful self-help guide on how you can flourish in later life. Enjoy!

One

Sense of Purpose (ikigai)

‘He/she who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.’

– Friedrich Nietzsche

What is ikigai?

My friend Joan, aged eighty-six, gets up each morning to unlock the church hall. She also still teaches Spanish. She walks with a stick and her eyesight is failing but she keeps an open house to provide support and a listening ear for those who need it. She is one of my personal role models and we enjoy occasional outings together for lunch and topping up our wardrobes.

Lynn, my yoga teacher, is eighty and still teaches six yoga classes a week. She is often in pain but her commitment to helping us to improve our practice is her raison d’être and her eagle eye misses nothing. She often looks after her grandchildren and a recent foot operation did not slow her down too much as she borrowed a mobility scooter and sat down to instruct her yoga class.

Dames Judi Dench and Maggie Smith continue to excel in their field and play starring roles in their eighties. Just watch how they deal with questions about ageing in the fascinating programme Nothing Like a Dame. I was amused to read that Dame Judi Dench had a small tattoo saying ‘carpe diem’ on her eightieth birthday.

John is in his mid-seventies. He is fitter than many people I know in their forties. He recently gained a qualification in sailing, is a flying instructor and still lectures on Education for Sustainability courses. He likes to set himself a new challenge every year and last summer undertook a fundraising canoe trip from Leeds to Liverpool. He has had at least four different careers, always looking for something where he can keep learning and also make a difference. I use him as an example when corporate coaching clients feel ‘too old to change at fifty’.

Harry is eighty-five, a cheerful and kind man who grows vegetables and visits his wife daily who is in a care home. He worked in a wash leather factory for fifty years retiring at sixty-five to pursue his passion for gardening. When this turned into paid work, he couldn’t believe his luck. He told me he had no regrets in life and feels his new ikigai is to lift the spirits of all he comes into contact with. As you can imagine he is a popular visitor in the care home.

Each of these people has a sense of purpose which gets them out of bed in the morning and keeps them alive.

The Japanese have a great word for