Watch YA Language: Shift your dialogue from self-judgement and comparison to acceptance and compassion

By Meg Linton

After almost three decades of disordered eating, poor mental health and low self-esteem, Meg Linton was at her wits' end. Something needed to change.

In Watch YA Language, Meg Linton shares the renowned BE HERE method that empowered her to deal with past hurts, rewire her internal dialogue and reclaim

• Language: English
• Publisher: the kind press
• Release date: Jun 21, 2022
• ISBN: 9780645262643

Meg Linton

Meg Linton is a woman determined to change the world. After struggling through nearly three decades of disorder eating, poor mental health and low self-esteem, Meg decided it was time to face her fears and start living the life she wanted and deserved. Meg now visits schools and businesses across Australia, teaching the BE HERE method that enabled her to reclaim her self-esteem, freedom and future. She is a firm believer that the way we speak to ourselves determines our experience of life. In her first book, Watch YA Language, Meg shares tips and tools for working through trauma, practising self-compassion, and passing on these vital life skills to the next generation.

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Copyright © 2022 Meg Linton

First published by the kind press, 2022

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from the author and publisher.

This publication contains the opinions and ideas of its author. It is intended to provide helpful and informative material on the subjects addressed in the publication. While the publisher and author have used their best efforts in preparing this book, the material in this book is of the nature of general comment only. It is sold with the understanding that the author and publisher are not engaged in rendering advice or any other kind of personal professional service in the book. In the event that you use any of the information in this book for yourself, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

This publication is meant as a source of valuable information for the reader, however it is not meant as a substitute for direct expert assistance. If such level of assistance is required, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

Cover design: Mila Book Covers

Editing: Georgia Jordan

Internal design: Nicola Matthews, Nikki Jane Design

Cataloguing-in-Publication entry is available from the National Library Australia.

ISBN: 978-0-6452626-3-6 paperback

ISBN: 978-0-6452626-4-3 ebook

Every time a white butterfly crosses my path, I am reminded of you. I feel your presence often and it ripples through me as a reminder to keep going.

This book not only is a dedication to you, Nan, but to every human who has not been able to feel, express or let go of the past. To every human who still lives in guilt, shame or blame: I see you and I devote this book to you.

I know we didn’t often see eye to eye, Nan, but we were never meant to. Your profound teachings of surrender will never be lost on me.

I promise to be a voice not only for myself, but for others who are struggling. I promise to bring to light the things that should be talked about, and never shut down. I share from my heart a voice that can speak for many on how we as humans, in the world we live in today, have the ability to make a choice.

A choice to follow our hearts. A choice to be unashamedly ourselves. Our dialogue, essentially, can be the change that the world needs.

Fly high, Nan. You are always with me.

With so much love.

CONTENTS

Introductory message

A special thank you

Vibrations in the heart

A personal note

A mother’s point of view

STORY ONE

YOU’RE NOT PRETTY ENOUGH TO BE ON OUR TEAM

STORY TWO

LOSING THE AUTHENTIC SPARK—DIMMING THE LIGHT

STORY THREE

LITTLE MISS PERFECTION

STORY FOUR

SHAME, GUILT, JUDGEMENT AND THE BLAME GAME

A STORY ON ITS OWN

THE SELFIE ADDICTION

STORY FIVE

THE INNER WORK

STORY SIX

A SOMATIC EXPERIENCE—IT STAYS IN THE BODY

STORY SEVEN

I CHOOSE TO CHANGE THE ENVIRONMENT

CURRENT STORY

YOU ARE NOW HERE

Resources

About the author

INTRODUCTORY MESSAGE

Writing this book is my healing. This is my promise to myself to do what I was intended to do. This is my voice, this is my heart, and this is my soul.

I am always open to being taught. I will always be the practitioner and student. I aim to be open, teachable and fluid throughout the rest of my life.

I am a passionate human whose intention and heartfelt desire is to change the world.

I am limitless. And so are you.

To land here, I have had twenty-eight years of lived experience with eating disorders, bulimia, anorexia, mental health struggles, body dysmorphia, self-harm and depression. I only speak from my own knowledge and share with honesty, the best I can, the tools from others I have picked up along the way.

I don’t know enough to be right. I don’t think any of us do, because we are constantly changing, growing and learning. However, I hope this book might fill some gaps, answer a few questions, and above all, give you permission to start to put yourself first. For the only thing we can do is be ourselves. If others around you need help and you are caught in a battle of trying to fix them, change them or direct them in a new way, from experience and with a gentle wish, I urge you to pause and put that energy back into yourself.

If there is one thing I have learnt along the way and hope to share in the guts of this book, it is to put yourself first. Your showing up, your journey to your best self, your love, compassion and kindness to yourself is your magnet and mirror to those who are around you … especially your kids. When you give back to you, they see YOU step up and that has a ripple effect.

My promise to you is honesty, vulnerability, and a complete messy and undeniably uncomfortable truth. My intention for you, the reader, is to experience this book with a sense of openness, acceptance that my values may not line up with your own, and a childlike curiosity of What would happen if I allowed myself to feel?

I have two incredible humans, Robbie and Ian, who are my chosen parents, and my ‘second mother’ Dorte Parker; I am so thankful and filled with love for you all. These guys showered me with love as any parents would.

We only know what we know. Please remember throughout this book that this is my experience through the eyes of someone who never thought they were enough.

I am going to lay it all out on the table—the awkward, the uncomfortable, the messy, the shitty, and the stuff we don’t want to talk about. I’m not kidding.

If I haven’t lost you, and already you feel discomfort—great! I encourage you to hold on, buckle up and get ready to do the work. I am constantly faced with ‘the work’, but I would rather be doing the work than staying comfortable. We all know we have to feel fear to grow.

I encourage you to do the same.

If you are in a rut with your dialogue, thoughts and behaviours, and decide you can’t keep going on the way you are, then this is the right book for you.

I ask you to lean in, surrender, and trust you are exactly where you need to be.

You are here for a reason.

And so am I.

It’s time to ‘watch ya language’ and shift your self-talk for good!

Megs x

A SPECIAL THANK YOU

I am likely to miss some of you, but know that every single person I have touched base with in my life has been a part of this incredible journey, and I am so grateful for you and what I have learnt from you, or with you.

To my mum and dad: you both know the reality of my ride from day one, and it is with utmost compassion that I hold so much respect, love and appreciation for your support, guidance and love. You both have endured so much and I hope you know that what you both offered to me was absolutely perfect; it was exactly the way it was meant to be. Thank you and I love you.

Meags Soley … my soul sister, my best mate, the sunflower in my life that just keeps on helping me step up and shine brighter. Your energy is contagious and addictive, and I have been so lucky to share this journey with you and see you embrace your heart space and give back to so many others. You are such a gift to the world.

Melinda Carbis-Reilly. You are one of the most vulnerable, open, loving and caring humans I have ever met. I am grateful for our friendship, our hugs and our boob and butt squeezes. Never ever a fan of those earrings though. I am so proud of the woman you are and the message you share with the world. It’s so very needed.

To every single one of my family, friends, clients, boyfriends, lovers and students, you all are still teaching me so much and I am beyond humbled from your support, love and trust.

And to the teachers, mentors and everyone else who supported me through the darkest days of my eating disorder: seeing someone you love move through this disease is heartbreaking, and you were there when I needed love the most. Thank you.

To my movement culture, Infuse Health, The Movement Collective, Soisci Porchetta and Redhead Wellness: you all helped me see movement from a place of love, allowing me to embrace and embody the idea of moving to feel good, not exercising to punish. I have never played so much in my life and it is not going to stop now.

To my fur baby, Lilly. If you are on my YouTube (Meg Linton) or Instagram (@watch.ya.language), you will see that she loves to take the centre of attention. For your ever-forgiving, unconditional love, I adore you.

Tim. You taught me that anything I desired was attainable. You showed me love that reflected where I was, and it blew my mind. I knew I had finally broken through the barriers of unworthiness, doubt and not being enough when I met you. We went there. The places we explored, clothed or not, the energy we felt, the conversations we had, and the moments that were shared were the most incredible, alive and real experiences I have ever allowed myself to feel. I have so much love and gratitude for the time we spent together. You will always hold such a space in my heart.

To Kirsty Seward and Cathy Feenan, my mates that have helped me show up in ways I never thought possible. I continually count my lucky stars that I am able to collaborate with you both in our retreats, and am blessed for our solid friendship. I stand by and honour your work in the world greatly and know you are both here to do amazing things for the world.

To Michael O’Sullivan for your support, love and friendship. You have a heart of gold and I am so grateful to you for helping me stick to my dreams and desires, and to never ever lose sight of them. I love our Monday catch-ups of goal setting, vision planning and acai bowls.

My biggest teacher, Nan. You taught me the biggest lesson that I will ever learn: to always follow my heart, to surrender, to forgive and to let go. You are always in my heart and I thank you for the consistent reminder of your presence each time white butterflies surround me when I am on the right track.

I devote this book to you.

VIBRATIONS IN THE HEART

My nan passed before I completed this book. So, thank you, Nan, for all you taught me, and most importantly, for letting go. You taught me the biggest lesson I will ever learn. Surrender.

This book is all about our heart. It is our teacher, our voice. It has so many different levels of singing, however we rarely let ourselves access the full range.

This is what this book is about. The teaching here is life changing.

When we can understand our heart, rather than run from or numb the ever-changing emotions (vibrations), we can start to learn to sit with them, experience them and move with them in the moment … rather than push them down. This is how we start to learn how to feel, to heal.

I’m not going to lie. This book has had many different attempts, so many forced starts and stagnations, and a long time waiting for me to be ready.

So, here I am. Undeniably, I have learnt much from writing these words and recounting these stories. The writing process presented many opportunities to dive deep into my experiences. It forced me to face the music, to be triggered by my own words, and of course, say thank you, show up, and do the work.

The world situation at the time of writing, 2022, is throwing us some moments that ask us to show up, speak our truth, and come back to humanity as one.

The Dalai Lama speaks of humans as being gentle and compassionate—that is our natural state. To judge another, to claim we are right over another, to blame another for their actions and to think that we are better than another is not the way forward. Whatever actions humans are taking in this world are coming from a place of fear and pain.

Unresolved trauma in the body will come out when we are triggered in our environment. Things such as lockdowns and stay-at-home orders can bring to the surface any childhood trauma or emotions that we have spent most of our lives numbing or running from. The times we are in are forcing society to face emotions some of us have been unwilling to feel and this is creating what some may describe as chaos on a large scale.

In the Western world, it seems common to push emotion down and ‘soldier on’—to keep a brave front and be strong, even if it doesn’t feel right.

Nothing suppressed will ever go away. In fact, the emotion ‘lifts weights and trains every day’, gaining momentum until it pops up in your mind when you least expect it. This is not fun. I have first-hand experience of witnessing emotions that had been suppressed for many, many years.

If I can share any advice for the times in which we live—do your best to see the person you are judging as a person who is suffering and in pain. The only reason people choose actions that we don’t understand is that there is something under layers that has not been healed. Humans have a common desire to be happy and to not suffer. Emotional pain and trauma not felt for some time manifests in the body and if we don’t have the tools to deal with it when we are triggered, it can come across as stupidity, aggression and resentment.

Love is the only way forward and compassion is our natural state. Be the light.

Be the light you wish to see in the world.

— Unknown

Your ability to watch ya language will give permission for those around you to do the same.

You may identify with one or some of the people listed below, or you may know people like them:

• Women and men enduring a constant battle with the noisy voice inside our head

• Teens trapped in the belief of I’ll be better when and I’m not enough

• Mums trying to do their best for their kids or trying to fix them, but remaining in a constant battle with their own bodies

• Everyone who knows there is another way, but stays in the safe zone because that is all they know, and continues to experience suffering

• The adult who has had enough of the shitty language they have been talking to themselves in for most of their lives, but is unsure how to change it

• The people pleaser who constantly puts others first and doesn’t know how to fill their own cup

• And … last but maybe not least, the perfectionist who is always searching for more

Nothing works if you don’t look after yourself first. It’s up to you which garden you choose to water.

A PERSONAL NOTE

As I neared completion of this book, so much became clear to me. I became a new human—completely different from who I was not so long ago. I used to pride myself on my status, attachments, achievements and what I had. I used to compare myself to those around me and put myself (or others) on a pedestal, constantly thinking one was better than another.

I would strive to be right. I would fight for the last word and I would blame everything and everyone around me for life not going the way I had planned. I was in a constant struggle with a label, a definition or another step up the ladder.

Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard said: ‘Once you label me, you negate me.’

I have learnt that we are not just a body. We are a soul living a human experience. As such, what we have, what we own, how we look and how we define ourselves is ultimately a whole load of BS. We will all grow old, we will all lose our physical form and get wrinkles, have problems pooping, and need assistance feeding ourselves at some point. The more we accept and lean into that, the easier the acceptance of our true selves becomes.

Having realised this, it has now become my practice to treat everyone around me as an equal—another human who ultimately is also looking for love, compassion and happiness, just like me or you. I also don’t get this right all the time, and fuck it up more often than not, but I do have much more awareness now. It is no longer my ‘learnt response’ to judge and compare myself or others; now I choose compassion and kindness instead.

This, of course, is still largely a practice. I still judge, I still compare and I still get caught up in my ego when I am out of alignment and let fear and doubt take over from the guidance of God. It is when we surrender control to something higher—be that God, Source, a divine spirit, our highest self or whatever else we choose it to be—that we let go of how we think things should be, and allow ourselves to flow and receive the signs of spiritual guidance, love and fluidity that guide us to our natural, effortless state.

We are about to uncover how you can watch ya language to start to step up, show up and move towards the highest, vibrant and energetic self that you are here to be.

Remember: you have a choice. That choice is right now. No ifs, no buts. No excuses for why things are the way they are, such as I was born this way or It’s in my family. This moment is a brand-new opportunity to make a choice.

The moment is going to be what it is ...

They are all moments. It’s up to you how you respond (or react) to them. If you’re ready … let’s dive in.

But before we get stuck in, there are a few things you need to know.

This is not just another self-help book to sit on your shelf. If you are all in, get ready for the ride.