Master of Single: A Single Girl's Journey to the Greatest Love of All

By Nicole Jones

MA S T E R OF S I NGL E is an exciting, much anticipated, modern take and fresh perspective, challenging the narrative of what it means to be single. A vulnerable, forward-thinking, witty and comical, candid page-turner and panty-dropper (hers, not yours). It allows you to live vicariously through the never-boring life of the author and conceivably pick up a tip or two or five along the way.

It's a front-row seat into a single woman's journey to discovering what she describes as the greatest love of all. Nicole Jones is a woman who has done her personal work and has successfully designed the life she wants to live, no apologies made and many lessons learned.

This book is meant to encourage, inspire, inform, and empower singles to own their status and to live their best life, and that goes for anyone looking for a deeper meaning to happiness and personal power.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tellwell Talent
• Release date: Mar 5, 2021
• ISBN: 9780228837534

Nicole Jones

NICOLE JONES is the self-proclaimed Master of Single, she values her life experiences and is inspired to help singles own their status.A first time author, seasoned television reporter, host, producer, actor, model, and still her proudest accomplishment is mastering her single life.She loves love but won't settle for less than she deserves. She cherishes her mom above all, prides herself on her long-standing friendships, sisterhoods, and is obsessed with her sweet doggie Dior.

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A Single Girl’s Journey to the Greatest Love of All

MASTER

OF SINGLE

NICOLE JONES

To all the singles who have loved (or not) before, I see you…

Master of Single

Copyright © 2021 by Nicole Jones

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

Tellwell Talent

www.tellwell.ca

ISBN

978-0-2288-3752-7 (Hardcover)

978-0-2288-3751-0 (Paperback)

978-0-2288-3753-4 (eBook)

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments

Preface

Introduction

Chapter One: Unmastered Me

Chapter Two: I Do But I Can’t

Chapter Three: Being Single

Chapter Four: Blind Faith

Chapter Five: Best Friend or Bust

Chapter Six: Coming in Hawt

Chapter Seven: Lover’s Lane

Chapter Eight: To Ring or not to Ring

Chapter Nine: Charming is Alarming

Chapter Ten: The Guy with no Name

Chapter Eleven: Single is the new Jam

Chapter Twelve: The Rebound Guy

Chapter Thirteen: Online Dating: Yea or Nay?

Chapter Fourteen: But He’s so into Me

Chapter Fifteen: The Things I do for the D

Chapter Sixteen: Hot Bitches and a Bachelorette

Chapter Seventeen: The Greatest Love of All

Book Cover Special Credits

To all the singles who have loved (or not) before, I see you…

Acknowledgments

I dedicate this book to my mom, Margaret Rose Jones, 1930–2015, forever my hero, angel, beloved Mama Bear, greatest teacher, and chosen one. I miss you everyday.

Thank you for adopting me, being my mom and saving me from a motherless life. As well for sending me Dior, a gift from above (a Chihuahua/Jack Russell mix) adopted from the SPCA, December 7, 2016. The blessing of us finding each other had you written all over it. Amen.

My beloved family, my sweet little sister, Dolisha, you are my favourite human, you make me so proud; my love and devotion for you are infinite.

Uncle Maurice, my aunties Raymond and Glenda, Sheldon, and respective families, you are each a loving beat of my heart.

I thank you and adore you, my core sister tribe—Ely, Judy, Betta, Stephanie, Patricia, Julie, Sophie, Marie Eve, and brother Perry—I couldn’t imagine the journey without any of you.

To my extended tribe and those I love dearly, who bring me all the joy and feels, the list is exclusive, and I trust the queens and kings on that list know who they are. Crowns on!

To my biological mother, thank you for having the courage to give me life. And to my family, you are my roots, and my blood, after a lifetime apart the blessing of meeting all of you is not lost on me. Neither is the blessing of having a grandmother for the first time in my life.

God bless you.

Dearest mentors, teachers, coaches, and critics along my journey, thank you for contributing to my growth. I’ve learned something from each of you that’s made me a better person.

To God, my angels, my ancestors, and spirit tribe: Thank you for always guiding me towards the light and for bestowing upon me the strength to keep moving forward, breaking the glass ceilings of my life. Amen.

And finally, to you, my dear readers, thank you for supporting my first book. I have no words to express my gratitude.

Disclaimer: If you aren’t offended by some profanity, hard truths, a little vulgarity, and/or sexually explicit content, then enjoy the ride and the read.

See you on the sunny side of the greatest love of all.

*Book cover, publishing, and proofreading credits appear last page.*

Preface

Please note much of this book was written prior to the Covid-19 pandemic, and parts have been edited accordingly. Meaning a lot of my thinking was framed during a time when we were much freer to live, love, and lust among each other. That said, proceed with caution, and please read discerningly given the world’s current circumstances. Thank you.

The first thing I wish to tell you is that I would never impose my thinking on you, nor would I negate your desire and path to finding lasting, meaningful love. My intention is to share what I know about going from being single and surviving to mastering my single life.

A mindset I adopted when I reached a certain age and, finding myself single realized that I wasn’t going to wait for someone to come along to make me happy.

That whoever my person is meant to be, he will arrive when the time is right. Period. No rush, no stress, no problem, and in the meanwhile, I got this. Instead of worrying about what I couldn’t control, I would control what I could, and that was me.

I would be responsible for my own happiness and not let my relationship status deter me from moving through the world, conquering and living my best, most glorious life.

I would become master of single. Crown on.

Let it be clear from the start that I love love, and I’m not trying to keep anyone single; in fact, I wish love for every single person who desires it. I value and recognize the power and momentum of true, relentless, core-shaking, worth-the-wait kind of love, and I think we can all agree that finding that special person to share it with is nothing short of a blessing and a small miracle. Especially given today’s oversaturated social media, superficial, emoji-driven, sex-crazed, often moral-less society we live in. Just saying.

I’ve spent most of my life dating, in relationships, or recovering from them, and guess what? I’m still single, and thank goodness for that. To choose to be happy and content with yourself, some might say, is an act of valour because it challenges so many ideals that we think we must meet to be happy, and most end with being in a relationship. But it’s not about being brave or having courage; it’s about taking your power and owning it.

This book of essays isn’t always for the faint of heart, but there is an endgame. They’re meant to invite you into my journey towards what I perceive to be the greatest love of all love. As well, to challenge the narrative of what it means to be single.

Much like society has moved forward and evolved in so many ways, so too have singles in that we’ve far surpassed the old stereotypes and labels society once put on us. Such as being single means something is wrong with you or that you’re not good enough or you can’t be happy if you’re single, blah, blah, blah, all so blasé, passé.

Singles today are a new breed of personalities: fearless, free, independent, happy, and loving it. We’re wearing our individuality and status as a symbol of strength, not weakness.

Mastering your single life is a new and exciting movement, so grab your closest single friend, buckle your seat belt, and hang on because our time has arrived… and not a moment too soon.

What does it look like to master your single life? Answer: complete freedom, independence, personal growth, doing your work, and honouring the relationship with yourself. It’s your opportunity to lay the foundation for the journey into who you are, who you want to become, and whom you may want to be with.

The bottom-line, hard-knock truth is that the relationship we have with ourselves is the most important relationship we will ever have the pleasure of experiencing.

If the definition of luck is preparation and timing coming together, wouldn’t you want to be the most prepared you can be for when the timing of your life presents you with your person?

Preparing yourself to become who you want to be is your work, and your single life provides the opportunity to do that work to become your best self for yourself, trusting that the rest will follow. I said this is a movement, but it’s also a spiritual thing.

By now you might be asking yourself, Who is this woman professing to have mastered her single life? And what qualifies her to write about this seemingly interesting subject?

These are justifiable questions. After all, who am I?

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Nicole Jones (not Nicki or Nic or any other version of my name unless authorized by me, thank you). I’ve always wanted to master something—an instrument, a third language, a relationship, or a sport, but as it turned out, I mastered my single life.

I’m a little bit of a rebel at heart with very traditional values and a lot of lover at my core. Proud of my Jamaican/Metis roots and being a child of adoption. I stand for justice and use my voice and my platforms for positive messaging to inspire, empower, and spread love.

I’ve endured many hardships throughout my life, and I’m proud to say that I’m a survivor of abuse, trauma, shame, and fear, coming out stronger on the other side. Amen.

Although my life has seen tough to terrible times, I’ve been resilient and able to find the positive. Even in my darkest days, I can recognize the many blessings in my life, as you will soon read about in the stories that make up this book.

I consider myself to be an ambassador of love and light and a peaceful warrior. I love freely, I shine my light on others naturally, and I choose my battles wisely.

My religion is love and intention. I believe I am the creator of my destiny, divinely supported and guided by God, the universe, and what I call my spirit tribe, including my many protective angels who art in heaven, lovingly watching over me. Amen.

I subscribe to the school of thought that the universe is full of abundance and is always conspiring with us to bring our dreams to fruition. But that doesn’t mean you don’t have to do the work. It’s our job to support our dreams with hard work and a clear vision, and you can never be too specific with the universe; the clearer you are, the clearer the guidance will be. Here’s a good place to point out that hope is not a plan, action is.

Aside from being passionate about writing my first book and excited to add author to my credentials, I’m also a proud daughter, sister, best friend, godmother, and fur mama.

I’m obsessed with my sweet doggie, (debatable) Princess Dior. She’s more of a D-I-O-R than a D-O-G. That’s what she tells me anyway.

Like Mama, like dogther, her attitude depends on your personality.

I’m a constant student of life, higher learning, and spiritual growth—a truth seeker and part of the light, on my journey to my divine purpose to be of service in this lifetime. I possess an artist’s heart with a passionate soul and have enough empathy for the world.

On a simpler note, I’m a faithful, unapologetic fan of the Real Housewives (especially Atlanta) and bingeing on reality television. Some call it a guilty pleasure, but I have no guilt about it.

Speaking of pleasure, I’m a big foodie, I love to cook and eat, some of my favourite dishes include poutine, lobster, salt-and-pepper shrimp, caviar, foie gras, oxtail, fried chicken, and a big salad is always a great palate cleanser.

I love a great party, listening to music, reading a good book, watching movies, travelling, and making memories with friends and family.

Basically, I do what makes me happy, and I balance my pleasures with living a healthy and, most importantly, happy life as defined by me.

To support myself and Dior (pre-Covid), I proudly worked as the first-ever appointed master of ceremonies for the uberexclusive Four Seasons Hotel/Marcus restaurant here in Montreal.

It was a position of leadership and being the creator of all things five-star and magical in terms of guests’ experiences. From setting the environment with music and entertainment to overseeing our guests’ every need. Most importantly, I gave a piece of my heart to everything I did, which comes naturally to me and was a pleasure to do; in fact, I wouldn’t have done it any other way.

Prior to that position, I was acting and working as a television reporter/host/producer, with my last assignment as a special correspondent for Canada’s number-one national entertainment show, etalk. (#nationalgoals)

Today, due to Covid circumstances beyond my control, like so many others, I find myself having to reinvent myself, but the silver lining is that I’m free to pursue me, further confirming my belief that there’s always a bright side if you look for it. Although I don’t know what the future holds, my faith in my life is strong; it has never failed me, and I don’t intend to lose faith now.

In full disclosure, I am not a trained psychologist, relationship expert, or therapist. My highest and most important training comes from the school of life, graduating with a degree in master of single. I’ve paid attention to my life, and my lived experiences have shaped the messages throughout this book. I bring a lifetime of observation and learning from some of the world’s best teachers, including my beloved mother, whose simple but powerful messages of love everyone, even when it’s difficult, that I am stronger than my circumstances, and be kind, but don’t let anyone mistake your kindness for weakness, are not lost on me.

I’ve also learned from my incredible tribe of family and framily (friends who become family) who have been some of my greatest allies, guiding and growing alongside me.

I have also benefited from years of personal work, seeking higher learning, and educating myself on how to become the best, most authentic version of me. I’ve learned lessons from countless spiritual leaders, teachers, and authorities who have influenced my way and from whom I’ve borrowed many a tool over the years.

These are world-shifters and mind-openers, like Dr. Maya Angelou, Martin Luther King Jr., Rosa Parks, Mother Teresa, Oprah Winfrey, Nelson Mandela, Iyanla Vanzant, Tony Robbins, Marisa Peer, Mel Robbins, Eckhart Tolle, don Miguel Ruiz, Gary Zukav, Brené Brown, Deepak Chopra, Simon Sinek, Dan Millman, Marianne Williamson, Barack and Michelle Obama, and so many more.

These eyes have seen a lot throughout my travels, I’ve been fortunate to have access to learn from some of the world’s most influential and powerful individuals. Being exposed to some of the richest as well most deprived people around the world has helped shape my views and has made me a more empathic, wise, compassionate, and aware individual.

My biggest worldly takeaway is that money, as nice as it is to have and the freedom that it affords us, doesn’t buy happiness, and that being poor is often a state of mind. I’ve known rich people who are miserable and disadvantaged people who are some of the happiest souls I’ve ever met. Concluding that true, authentic happiness lives inside us and isn’t determined by our affluence.

Which raises the point: men who try to impress me with their money never get far.

It’s nice if you have it, but I’m not that easily impressed.

Like most women, I’m looking for substance, depth, and realness; things that money can’t buy.

What would be attractive, however, is a man who approaches me with something to say and is interested in what I have to say.

To all single men I say this: the bar has been raised, and that’s where you’ll find us.

As a person who came from poor to humble beginnings and has worked hard for everything I’ve earned, I finally realized that I don’t need to keep up with the Joneses. I am the Joneses 2.0.

Today I stand proudly in my light—empowered, optimistic, and strong for all, to uplift, encourage, and impress upon you a new day and a new way of seeing your single life as a life worth loving. And that confidence has nothing to do with the car I drive, my zip code, or what I’m wearing. That’s all me, naked, standing in my truth. Priceless.

My allegiance to you is that no single be left behind, brooding in self-pity while waiting for the right person to come along. You might as well be watching paint dry. I’m here to invite you to join me in the now, to do all the things that please and excite you now—not tomorrow or maybe later.

Tomorrow is not guaranteed; today is our present, and that is a gift.

You will notice that aside from my people who have graciously given their consent for me to use their names, I don’t name any of my suitors in the stories. This was a creative decision. These are my stories to tell, and they’re strong enough to stand alone. I trust in my storytelling abilities to serve the truth of every story without having to put anyone on blast.

In the end, the men are not the lessons—the experiences are. In fact, I hope that it only adds to your experience and taps into even more parts of your imagination.

As you flip through these pages and stories, I’ll share what I’ve learned—the good, the bad, the embarrassing, and sometimes the cringeworthy truth, but I own it all. I’ve discovered that the best way to find peace, strength, and truth is to be still with myself and allow the light to fill the darkness, to be courageous enough to say, I love all of me, and whomever I’m to be with will love all of me too.

But until then, I have me, and now we have each other.

There’s also something to be said about having solid couples in your life; being around partnerships that you respect is a good reminder for your muscle memory of what a healthy relationship looks like, sounds like, and feels like.

One of my examples are my dear friends T and O and their beautiful union and wedded bliss—the epitome of black love and black excellence. And who doesn’t love a wedding? This one was special and magical, reminding me that pure, crystalized true intention and love is indeed possible and does exist. To bear witness to each of them present and available for the other was nothing short of inspiring, and as a single woman, it’s good to be reminded every now and then that love and partnership is only a unicorn away.

But wait… there’s another kind of love to consider in the meantime, a different yet equally important and powerful love that can fill you in the most unsuspecting and glorious ways. It’s what I call the greatest love of all—an idea we’ll explore, one chapter at a time, as we access this underrated world of mastering your single life.

Have you ever asked yourself if you’re happy in your life? Have you fully embraced the power that comes with being single? Or are you the type of person who’s sitting suffering in silent, single sorrow feeling low and lonely?

Are you lying to yourself and those around you because it’s the polite thing to do? Do you put on a happy face even though inside you’re scared, maybe even ashamed and feeling unloved? Have you ever felt that you’re less than because you’re not coupled?

I have, and that’s why I know that to reverse those feelings, mastering your single life is the best path moving forward.

Today, sitting pretty in my forties, a woman who has been in love, hurt by love, blinded by love, mad at love and still believes in the power of love.

I know now that there’s more than one way to achieve love or happiness. Mastering your single life is not reserved for a specific age, gender, or generation. It’s a state of mind, a lifestyle, and an attitude—if you dare—and I’m living proof that this theory works.

Throughout my life, I’ve been the girl who would jump off a metaphorical cliff without a parachute if I believed the reason, dream, or person justified the jump and enriched my journey. May no potential partner, life experience, or opportunity to live my best life go unturned.

When it comes to matters of the heart and love, I’m not law. But I am master of single.

I jokingly and fondly compare my sex/love life to Oprah’s weight-loss journey. We’re both determined to reach our goals but with one exception—she wants to lose the weight, and I wouldn’t mind a little extra weight on top of me at night. Ha ha! Love you, Oprah!

Joking aside, I consider myself qualified to write about this subject because I am the subject, my own niche market and, humbly, every single woman. I am master of single at your service.

You know what they say: write about what you know.

You’re welcome.

Introduction

Let’s talk about societal pressures that come with being single. I’m a tough chick with a thick skin and wide shoulders who can pivot through a lot of the noise and nonsense. The kind of nonsense that often comes from unsolicited, unfounded personal opinions of strangers.

First tip: beware of toxic, nosy people trying to project their insecurities onto you; they’re everywhere. Which is why doing your personal work is invaluable. The better you know yourself, the easier letting people’s opinions roll off your back becomes. Those people (they know who they are) with opinions about your life but don’t know anything about you can all humbly fuck off and take their opinions with them.

It’s a new day for singles, a time to change the old narrative and for society to meet us where we are. The new conversation should be one that celebrates and respects our status, congratulates us, doesn’t doubt, dig, or question us. Gives us the same consideration and support as we would give anyone else’s relationship.

And singles, if you find yourself being judged for your status particularly by someone in a relationship, forgive their ignorance; they clearly didn’t get the memo. Pivot left and keep it moving. Their opinion is not worth your time.

This is a tangible change that we can impress upon society. Let us stop judging or assuming. Instead, let’s raise each other up, no matter the relationship status, and encourage the individual.

And for those in relationships, remember that before you were cozied up and coupled, you were single too.

So, if you can’t say anything nice, save your opinions for yourself and talk about the weather.

Note: you’ll notice that I tend to swear when I feel passionate about driving a point home, but also sometimes just because it feels good. Sorry, Mom.

In the same breath, I’d also like to thank those people. Because society and their dumb-ass opinions about my status in part played a role in inspiring me to write this book. Someone had to do it, and someone had to say it.

Working in the service industry, often engaging with the public, I started to notice a pattern of behaviour that was quite alarming in its audacity. When asked if I was seeing anyone, I’d often get this perplexed poor you look from people (usually people in a relationship) when I’d answer that I’m single. It would be followed by either a consoling hand on my shoulder or a chin-up word of advice as if there was a problem I wasn’t aware of.

I called shady bullshit every time; it was insulting to my single intelligence.

As bewildering as it was, I also found it fascinating how people could be more concerned about my relationship status than I was. What was it about me or my situation that people felt the need to pity? Do I look pitiful? I don’t think so, and I wasn’t looking at them and envying a damn thing. So, WTF? Really. It was wack. I didn’t get it, and I certainly didn’t appreciate it.

But like I said previously, when you’re at peace with who you are, you don’t allow people’s opinions to get to you.

I arrived at giving zero fucks in my forties, and it’s been brilliant ever since. By now, I’m like T-Fal—shit just slides right off me. What’s even more hilarious is that those conversations usually ended with me making other people feel better about my status, as well as teaching them a lesson in minding their own damn business.

Never shy to confront their pity, I would ask them straight up if they were honestly sad or concerned for me because I was single. (#teachablemoment)

Sometimes people pushed me too far with probing and stupid questions, like Why are you single? or Are you really picky? Other times I heard ignorant comments such as Oh, you’re intimidating. That’s why guys are afraid to approach you. That always unnerved me. And the classic How is it possible a girl like you is single? Trust me, I’ve heard it all.

For some reason people can’t get past the idea that a beautiful, intelligent, successful woman can be single and thrive in that. The look of confusion in people’s eyes as they navigated their own misperceptions was priceless. I realized that their observation was a them problem and not mine to carry. The moral here is to beware; these types of people lurk among us dressed in sheep’s clothing and will try to get in our heads and cast doubt where there wasn’t any.

Shame on them!

Society, please stay in your lane. Just because you couldn’t do it, don’t for a second mistake a single’s completeness and happiness with their relationship status. One is not dependent on the other.

Now, what else you got going on? (Insert hair flip).

It’s time for singles to know just how powerful they are. Never operate from a place of fear or desperation; no good decisions come from that place.

One of the worst things you can do is to get into a bad or toxic relationship, turning a blind eye to the red flags or making excuses for poor behaviour just to avoid being alone with yourself. It may be a quick fix in the short term, but in the long term it will become clear that it’s not truly serving you. As much as I look forward to being in love again, I’m not willing to be in a relationship at any cost and neither should you.

Also remember that the way you treat yourself is a good indication of how you will let others treat you, which highlights the importance of practicing being good to yourself first.

One can also argue that it’s important to know what you like but equally important to know what you don’t like.

Some say finding love is like looking for that missing puzzle piece. If that’s true, do you know how much time I’ve spent looking for puzzle pieces? Damn, if I had a dollar for every piece that didn’t fit, I’d be nouveau riche!

On the flip side, my soul tells me that I’m not a puzzle. I am a complete, clear-to-see, fleshed-out, perfectly imperfect, vivacious woman. No missing pieces here! The whole idea of finding someone to complete me doesn’t sit well with me. It feels like such a big ask to put on anyone and suggests that you’re not enough on your own, when the truth is, you are.

What would be cool would be to meet that special person who complements me in my completeness—which is a totally different conversation—and that’s the person I want to be with.

Be patient with yourself and your process, beloveds. You are worth the wait, and so will they be. In the meantime, there’s so much living for you to do just by way of your status.

Another advantage of doing your personal work is that it prepares you to become a great partner as opposed to a project. A partner is a person who has done their work and is able and willing to contribute to another person’s life in a healthy, solid, loving, reliable way. Someone who’s open-minded and available, honest and present, caring and accepting. A person who pulls you forward and brings out the best in you; someone to lean on through the good and the bad and who makes you laugh even when there’s nothing funny. They can be vulnerable in being perfectly imperfect and won’t judge you for being the same. They see you and allow you to see them, and they’re a positive driving force and a complement to your life.

It’s a rare and special package, but I believe those souls exist, and only timing and preparation can manifest such a gift of a person in our lives.

But if you’ve ever been in love, then you know it’s worth the wait, and if you haven’t been in love, I promise you that it’s worth the wait.

A project, on the other hand, can be all kinds of a disaster waiting to happen. This person likely hasn’t done their personal work and typically takes more than they contribute. They may be caught in odd patterns or bad habits and not know how to get out of their own way.

They project their issues onto you and/or the relationship, making their issues your relationship’s problems.