Grace He Provides: Encouragement, Helps and Prayers for Dementia Caregivers

By Cathleen Barnes LPN BAS

My father came to live with me in 2003, shortly after he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Though eager to help him, I felt ill-equipped to know how to do that. I scoured book shelves for guidance on how to care for him, but there just wasn’t much practical information out there to help with the day to day realities or concerns the patient and caregiver faces. I needed answers, but ended up learning most of it on my own. I believe this is the book I was looking for…and hope it helps you.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: May 25, 2022
• ISBN: 9781664266636

Cathleen Barnes LPN BAS

Cathleen wanted to be a nurse since childhood. When nine, she promised God she would be a nurse if He helped her work in Missions. At fourteen, she cared for her Grandmother for three months teaching her to walk again after major brain surgery. Cathleen gained experience with the elderly while volunteering in a nursing home in her teens and received her practical nursing license when she was eighteen. Soon she began working at Scripts Clinic and Research Foundation in La Jolla, CA with highly gifted and distinguished doctors and several well-known celebrities. She spent much of her career working hard for her family, but later had the opportunity to return to school and obtained her bachelors. Over the past forty-seven years, she has worked at some of the best medical institutions in America, including Mercy Hospital, Kaiser Permanente and Duke Health. She presently works for UNC as a LPN Triage nurse. Cathleen has found that most people are open to the Lord and His ministering touch when they are hurting, thus has found nursing to be her mission field -each day working “unto the Lord,” as she serves others.

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Copyright © 2022 Cathleen Barnes, LPN, BAS.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means,

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except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher

make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book

and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

WestBow Press

A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan

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views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Scripture taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

ISBN: 978-1-6642-6664-3 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6642-6665-0 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-6642-6663-6 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2022908831

WestBow Press rev. date:  05/25/2022

CONTENTS

Note To Reader

Chapter 1     His Grace Is Sufficient

Chapter 2     God Is Able

Chapter 3     Who Is This Thief?

Chapter 4     He Is The Lily Of The Valley

Chapter 5     Christ Strengthens Me

Chapter 6     When I Am Overwhelmed

Chapter 7     Receive This Child

Chapter 8     Forsake Me Not

Chapter 9     I Have Not Forsaken You

Chapter 10   Trust In The Lord

Chapter 11   Alone With Grace And Mercy

Chapter 12   Practical Helps

References

About The Author

This book is lovingly dedicated to my father,

Stephen Lewis

1933–2009

and to all fathers, mothers, grandparents, and loved ones who suffer

from the debilitating effects of dementia, and to their loved ones who

suffer with them.

There is Hope and Peace in Jesus Christ

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep

your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7)

NOTE TO READER

This is in no way meant to be a complete discourse on dementia or the disease of Alzheimer’s. It is simply a memoir of my family’s experience with the disease of Alzheimer’s and how it affected my father and our family. When I felt called to take my father in and care for him, I was hungry for information about the disease, but found there was very little available at the time in book stores and libraries. I searched and found very little, and was even more dismayed at the lack of knowledge or practical caregiving information from the nursing profession. Alzheimer’s was still fairly new to the public, and if people had personal experience with it, they hadn’t published or shared much of it at the time.

The first week I brought my father to my home, I joined the Alzheimer’s Association, had a consultation with the doctor who founded that group, and took my father to a good neurologist for a complete work-up. Soon after, he had a CT of the brain. Much of what I then learned was from personal experience and gleaning information from those who had experienced it personally or professionally and were open and willing to share. The purpose of this book is to offer help and support to you, the caregiver who has taken on the responsibility of caring for one afflicted. I will add my email address below and extend a sincere invitation to you to contact me for support or prayer.

I’d like to thank the Alzheimer’s Aid Society of Northern California for their help and support to me as I strove to provide the best care possible for my father.

Also, heartfelt thanks to special friends and family who stood by me, supported me, and even interjected much needed laughter into an otherwise very sobering season of life.

The prayers in this short volume are prayers I prayed at the time. Yours will be different, but the Lord does hear them and His Grace is truly sufficient!

Kindest regards and blessings!

Cathleen Barnes

[e-mail]

CHAPTER 1

HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee:

for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most

gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities,

that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

—2 Corinthians 12:9

T he diagnosis of Alzheimer’s came as a shock. Though Dad’s memory and cognitive ability were slipping, we mostly attributed the decline to depression, the passing of years, and a living situation that for him was less than what he had striven for, lived for, and imagined for himself as a younger man, finally attained, and then lost through a series of poor choices. We knew of no history of dementia or Alzheimer’s in the family. For the previous few years, we as a family had noticed changes in Dad, but with all of us living so far away and unable to visit often, we didn’t realize how bad it was. He was seeing a doctor, but the Alzheimer’s was missed until a traumatic event happened later that made everyone realize there was more going on.

Dad was very social throughout his life and was a people lover. For years, he and my mother had a very active social life, and he kept busy with active social interactions through his work as well. He was a building contractor with his own business, and did all his own architecture plans. But lifestyle choices took him out of his usual circle of friends, and his social interactions drastically changed after a big move out of the area. This and a decline in his health were to eventually affect him profoundly in every way.

By the time he became sick, his friends had long since stopped calling, and he had become unable to work; the noise from his power tools was too loud for him to tolerate anymore because of nerve damage. This man who had always been so strong would now cry at the sound of his power saw. He had once designed and built homes, room additions, and a sundry of other things, including docks and a beautiful oak boat. He’d even completely rebuilt an Austin-Healy sports car, but that all became a part of his past.

Dad’s strengths had always been his mental ability and talents in so many areas. At San Diego State College in his youth, he was labeled a genius. He was a leader and in many ways a pathfinder; he just made things happen. It was not boring with Dad around, and if there was a problem, he would fix it. He was a hard worker and drew great satisfaction from his ability to provide for himself and his family. Dad began working at the age of twelve to support his mother and brother, who had been abandoned by their father. His mother never worked; Dad supported them, working every spare minute until he was through school and she eventually remarried. He went from having nothing monetarily to developing a very successful construction business in San Diego County. He bought and renovated a beautiful home for his own family, and owned, trained, and raced thoroughbred racehorses at every track on the West Coast, including Santa Anita, Del Mar, and Caliente in Mexico. Life was pretty exciting for all of us, and none of us would realize until later in life that there was a lot of glory in our lives—sometimes that’s a challenge to duplicate! Dad was actualizing the American dream. The hand of a gracious God