Dependence Day

By Heidi Paulson

Ladd Paulson is Marine and a decorated motor officer dedicated to serving and protecting along the thin blue line. One night on patrol, a pickup truck going more than fifty miles per hour slammed into him during a car stop. Ladd was thrown onto the hood, and within seconds, the pickup crashed into a light pole. He landed in a parking lot, suffering multiple fractures and internal injuries. Ladd survived, but the miracles do not stop there. Dependence Day is the true story of Ladds recovery, written by the woman who loves him most his wife Heidi.

Although each day he battles significant pain and limitations due to his injuries, Ladd misses wearing the uniform and is determined to continue to serve his community and his law enforcement family.

Ladd and Heidi share a dependence upon God that is evident throughout their lives. It is their hope that through sharing their story, others may be encouraged along their own journey.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Feb 4, 2016
• ISBN: 9781512700305

Heidi Paulson

HEIDI PAULSON is a wife, mother, and co-owner of a software company in Billings, Montana. She also volunteers with Hunting for Heroes and serves in various capacities at her local church. Heidi has been carried through several tragedies in her life, and God has placed a desire in her heart to reach out to others who are facing crises. Dependence Day is an extension of that outreach, and she hopes her family’s story will encourage others in their faith.

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In Loving Memory—Mom’s Last Great Sacrifice

I also want to dedicate this book to my mom, whom I miss very much. Just a couple of months before my husband was in a serious wreck, my mom had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. She could not tolerate any of the medications used to slow the progression of the disease, so, unfortunately, it progressed very rapidly.

My mom had always been one to send cards and letters of encouragement to people. She never missed an occasion. When the wreck happened, and my husband was fighting for his life in the ICU, she sent me a beautiful card telling me that she was praying for me. Unfortunately, the card was a sympathy card. Bless her heart. She didn’t realize the error, and we just had to love her for her good intentions.

By Christmas of that same year, 2002, we knew that she would no longer be able to stay at home. My dad, brother, sister, and I collectively decided to add her to a waiting list at a nursing home. We thought that there would be time to adjust to this idea, as this facility’s rooms didn’t become available terribly often. As it turned out, God opened a door right away, and we moved her in within a few short weeks.

Mom settled in right away. It was a blessing to know that she was safe and cared for. It was also a blessing, in a sad and special way, for me to have her close by to talk to. Because of her disease, I was able to tell her anything and talk to her about all my worries and fears. I did not have to worry about her trying to correct me or fix me; she just listened to every word. She didn’t mind just sitting in silence and letting me lay my head on her shoulder. She had all the time and patience I needed.

When I needed to get away to somewhere quiet and focus on what was really important—God, family, relationships—I could always go by Garden Court at Saint John’s Lutheran Home. I know Mom didn’t get Alzheimer’s for my sake, and I would do anything to not have had her go through that disease. Yet, I marvel at God’s timing. It is amazing how He manages to bring good things out of bad situations.

Only those who have been married to their best friends, who have shared everything and then had their relationships drastically changed, can begin to understand how very lonely it is. Those who experience a spouse with Alzheimer’s understand the kind of loneliness I felt after my husband’s accident, and I found comfort in being around the families of the other residents. I found inspiration in my dad as I watched him stand by my mom.

Mom lives in heaven now, but she was there for me when I really needed someone to just listen. I know that God is always there to talk to, too, but I believe that He worked through her to comfort me when I so desperately needed a friend. Thank you, Mom, for your last great sacrifice.

Why Worry When God’s Got it Covered?

I was twenty-one years old when I got married. My husband, Ladd, was in the United States Marine Corps, getting ready to go to the Philippines as part of a peacekeeping force. Just two days after our honeymoon ended, he was in a motorcycle accident that delayed his departure six months. When the doctor called me from the emergency room and asked Is this Mrs. Paulson? I almost replied no, she isn’t here because when he asked for Mrs. Paulson, I thought of Ladd’s mom. Because of this delay, God allowed us to spend almost three of those months together. This turned out to be the only three months we spent together during the first year of our marriage.

Since that time, God has seen me through life as a Marine’s wife, a police officer’s wife, and a mother. There have been dangers, trials, and tests of faith along the way. It has been my prayer that I would use these experiences to draw closer to Him and that I would seek His will throughout each twist and turn that life brought my way. I’m not sure how He will use me in the future, but I am certain, as I look back, that He has carefully orchestrated my family’s lives up until this point.

God has blessed our family over and over again. I find it amazing that He has allowed us to be the recipients of such truly awesome miracles. I know that God has not allowed me to be a witness to His miracles just to have me watch from the sidelines. He has immersed me in them, and I am in awe that He would allow me to be a part of His work. I look back at so much of my life and see how God has used it in spite of me; how He has accepted my imperfections; how He has woven people in and out of my life at the perfect times; how He has blessed me beyond my wildest dreams; and how He has allowed me to be in His presence while He worked miracles. My mind doesn’t fathom that kind of love and dedication, but my heart does. That, to me, is awe-inspiring and completely humbling.

God is so very faithful and wonderful. He has asked me to share the work He has done in my life with others through this book. I can’t understand how He could use me—plain, old, ordinary me—but I do know that His plan is greater than I am. Maybe there is just one person whom He wants me to write this for, or maybe this book is for many. I pray that some would decide that it is time for them to accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior and that all would feel His incredible capacity for love through these pages. What a privilege it would be to be a part of God’s plan in someone else’s life.

One of the many verses that I cling to each day comes from the book of Psalms:

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. The Lord almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. (Psalm 46:1–7)

My Testimony

I need to back up and begin by giving you a brief testimony about how I came to know Christ, as this forms the foundation for the rest of the story.

I came from a family that did everything together. I have an older brother, a younger sister, and parents who loved us very much. They were always there for us and encouraged us to work hard and do well, to respect others, to be thankful, and to share the gifts we were given.

We went to church every Sunday. We drove forty miles, from the ranch where my grandparents homesteaded, into Billings for services. Pastors and church members were often out at our ranch for dinner, branding, hunting, and various get-togethers.

I was an A student, class president, student council president, pep club president, Future Homemakers of America president, band member, track runner, basketball player, and school mascot. Throughout junior high and high school, something in me strove for perfection. I was devastated with anything but an A or a starting position. No matter how well I did or how many things I did, I still felt out of control and empty inside.

Then I started dating one of the most popular guys in school. According to this world’s standards, I should have been happy. Though in some ways I was, there was still a huge void in my life. How could this be? When my boyfriend and I broke up, my world caved in. I felt so unlovable, rejected, and completely imperfect. There had to be more to life than dependence on people and activities. I could not understand why I felt so empty. On the outside, I seemed to have everything together as I gave my valedictorian speech at graduation.

After graduation, I went out of state to college. I struggled socially and with my self-image as I continued to strive for my vision of perfection. My mind was telling me that it was my body that wasn’t perfect. Yet, inside I feared that everything about me was so far from perfection that I would never make it. I started on a real downward spiral. I became depressed and moved home to continue college in Montana. I had things all set up, including arrangements to move in with some of my friends from home that lived in an apartment off campus. My credits and scholarships were transferred. It seemed as though I was all ready to start classes right after Christmas break.

Then, over break, I bottomed out. I decided I couldn’t continue the charade anymore. I was nowhere near the person I thought I should be, and I felt that I wasn’t getting any closer to becoming her. I was disappointed in myself and felt like a failure for giving up on my original college plans. I felt so empty and lonely inside. One night, after spending time with friends who had no idea of the turmoil inside me, I took a bottle of pills and ended up in the hospital for two days. Doctors and staff treated my physical condition, but a war was going on inside my head.

Through all of this, friends and family surrounded me. People told me they loved me, but I still did not get how much God really loved me, that Jesus died for me, or that I was special to Him. We went to church. I knew all of the Sunday school stories. I believed in the Bible and in Jesus. I just didn’t know that there was such a thing as a personal relationship with Him. I didn’t know in my heart that He would never reject me or leave me, that He was there for me because I wasn’t perfect, or that He would fill me up beyond measure. I didn’t get it that nobody out there was perfect and nobody expected me to be perfect. I wasn’t failing anyone as much as I felt I was failing myself. I did not understand that the emptiness I was feeling was my soul searching for Him.

About a year later, God spoke to me. He opened my eyes and my heart. Alone in my apartment at college, I dropped to my knees. I cried and cried, asking for forgiveness and asking to know Him more.

That was many years and many prayers ago. I look at the challenges facing our kids today and wonder how they make it. I want to just hug every one of them and tell them how special they are.

I’m still far from perfect but I’m okay with that because God is perfect. Life is not perfect, but God uses those imperfections in miraculous ways, as only He can do. God has gifted me with the perfect life for me, the one He created for me before I was born. Although there are trials and heartache along the way, He knows how it will go because He wrote the story; and I know that it will end well, because it ends with Him. What is even more incredible is that even when I mess up in this life, He can use those mess ups to teach me just how amazing He is. As long as I just ask Him to use me and guide me, as long as I seek His path, He will guide me and take care of my every need. He has continued to love me and has never left me alone, not even for a second, and He fills my emptiness completely and totally. Although I don’t understand how He could love me this much, I am so very thankful that He does.

Living a Dream Come True

N ot long after finding Christ, I married the man who God wanted me to spend my life with. We were young, in love, and living our dreams out at the beach. Life was good.

Ladd had wanted to be a police officer for most of his life, so it came as no surprise when he finished his Marine Corp enlistment that he began talking about this career path. It seemed that everyone I talked to asked me, How could you even think about being married to a police officer? Won’t you worry about him constantly? My answer to that question from the very beginning was always, I leave that part up to God. I feel that God has given us all very specific gifts and convictions. I would worry more if my husband didn’t follow what he felt God calling him to do, as I believe that we are far more at risk when we resist God’s calling in our lives than when we follow it. If we follow Him, no matter what happens, God will always find ways to make good come out of it, even if we can’t see it at the time.

It was the late 1980s. We were living in southern California. Ladd was working as a cable TV repair technician, and I was working in the textile industry. Things were going pretty well for us, but Ladd really wanted to pursue his dream of becoming a police officer. He was fortunate enough to be hired by a southern California city police department, which put him through the police academy. Not only was he able to pursue his dream, but also he was going to get paid to do it! This opportunity was a dream come true. We were really feeling on top of the world.

The academy was hard work, both physically and mentally, but God carried both of us through and blessed our marriage by using the experience to draw us closer together. Everywhere we went, I quizzed Ladd on codes and laws throughout the car ride. We talked about our dreams and our goals as we wondered where God would lead us. Ladd worked hard throughout his courses, which included physical fitness, driving, shooting, code and legal instruction, report writing and various other subjects. His military training and discipline helped him to excel on the shooting range and in the obstacle course, as well as through weapon and uniform inspections. God truly does use trials to strengthen and prepare us for what is ahead. This has proven true repeatedly throughout our lives.

After graduating from the academy in the top ten of his class, Ladd hit the streets. He loved his work. We talked about each call, and he usually ended with, I can’t believe they pay me to do this!

Some stories were comical, while others were quite grim. One particularly humorous event took place within a couple of weeks after he was on his own. He was driving down a street in a pretty affluent neighborhood behind a Cadillac. The trunk was open, and there was a large table wedged into it. As Ladd got closer, he noticed what appeared to be feet sticking out of the trunk between the table legs. He flipped his lights on and pulled the car over. A frail older gentleman got out of the car at Ladd’s request, and they walked around the car. Ladd asked him about the table, and he explained that he and his wife were headed home from an antique show with it. There was no one in the passenger seat, so Ladd asked about his wife, and as he did so, she peeked out of the trunk. Her husband explained that of course this sweet little lady had to ride back there to hold the table in! Needless to say, Ladd explained that they simply could not do that and would have to find a different way to get the table home. They were not far from home, so he helped tie the table down, made sure both of them had their seat belts on properly, and followed them the couple of blocks to their house. They were so appreciative of his help and went on and on thanking him.

Other events were so tragic, and Ladd soon found that as a police officer, he would never really be completely off duty. Even after long days or nights, Ladd often stopped on his way home from work to help people. On one occasion, he witnessed a terrible wreck on the freeway. Two teenage boys were involved. They had been on their way home from a hockey game, and their car had rolled multiple times. One of the boys died instantly. The other boy was badly injured and wandering around on the side of the road in shock. He stayed with this boy and comforted him until emergency workers arrived on the scene.

Ladd knew without a doubt that this was what God had called him to do.

Not long