Soul Ties, Unchain My Heart

By Patricia Hardy Shaw

She longed for everlasting love, but temptation and fear refused to let love in.

Teresa wants what every red-blooded woman wants, but somewhere along her journey to find love, she took a wrong turn - one that she will wrestle with at the expense of everything, including an opportunity for love everlasting.

Unable to pull herself from the grip a past love has on her, Teresa struggles to move forward with the good man God brought into her life. Despite how badly her ex treated her, she can't help but be sucked into his alluring ways and playboy personality.

Can Teresa finally let go of her toxic past and embrace the man who has been so patiently waiting in the wings for her? Find out in this deluxe edition of (Soul Ties & When Death Comes)

• Language: English
• Publisher: Patricia Hardy Shaw
• Release date: Jan 31, 2017
• ISBN: 9781370918980

Patricia Hardy Shaw

Patricia Shaw is a highly sought-after conference speaker, author, and women’s advocate who is thankful God can use her past personal struggles with low self-esteem, people pleasing, and not making herself a priority for His glory and Your Inspiration.As a true conqueror, her heart’s desire is to lead women to the very heart of God so they can possess God’s promises and accomplish great things! Her willingness to be transparent in her testimony of conquering her own personal struggles has caused hundreds of thousands to connect with her ministry through social media.As a speaker, Patricia addresses business and social groups, churches, women’s groups, and schools. Her philosophy is that God has a specific purpose for each individual’s life and they too can live their best life now.Patricia is the wife of 27 years to her best friend, Pastor Michael Shaw, and they are the parents of two children. She holds a Bachelor’s degree in Human Management Services and is a Certified Professional Life Transformation Coach specializing in Vision Clarity, Confidence Boosting, and Relationship Empowerment.Patricia founded Women of Excellence Outreach Ministry, a nonprofit organization committed to the growth and empowerment of women of all ages providing training and teaching in transformation techniques shifting mindsets from doubting and defeating to conquering and accomplishing. Her mission is to equip women of all ages with tools to conquer their fears, accomplish their goals, and possess their land. C.A.P.TM Her transformation strategies stir the soul and equip the mind. She impacts the lives of women by empowering them to move from a place of pain into position to receive their promise.

Book preview

Introduction

No matter how many times Eric breaks her heart Teresa can’t seem to shake him. He was her first love and his love is all she knows. She doesn’t want to let it go, no matter how much it hurts. Until she meets a stranger, and he forever changes her world. Can she let go of the past that haunts her for the love that is waiting? After finally meeting Mr. Right, can she break loose of the chain with Eric that has held her love captive? Can she truthfully say no to the past and yes to the future? Only time will tell.

Have you ever been with a man that didn’t treat you right, but for some reason you kept going back to him regardless of what he did? As women we long for love from that special someone. We hunger for a man to caress us after a trying day at work and we anticipate the warmth of his big bold hands. But what happens when his I love you turns into it’s complicated? How do you break free from a man that has held your love captive for years? How do you let go of pain that has scarred the very depths of your soul?

Soul Ties, Unchain My Heart, is based on real-life decisions and consequences one woman faced on her journey to breaking free from the chain of an ex-lover’s soul and unexpectedly finding true love. Get ready for a journey full of disappointments, drama, heartbreak, laughter, and love.

The Encounter

How did I get here? Why can’t I shake this man? He treats me like less than a person, but I keep going back to him. Those are the words I repeated in my head for the course of our relationship. What started as a childlike love affair ended as a tumultuous tornado.

It was fall of 1989, my junior year of college; the boys’ basketball team was playing our rival school. It was a typical Friday night filled with fun and adventure, but I knew something was different about this Friday, I could just feel it in the atmosphere. I had on my favorite pair of Levi jeans, a red top, and my brown penny loafers. I always dressed to impress, but I was in rare form that Friday night, the Friday that would forever be embedded in my head. The Friday that made me wish I were dead.

With so much excitement in the air you wouldn’t think I’d have noticed this stranger staring at me, but I was hypnotized, nearly mesmerized by his golden brown eyes. Why was I so caught up in this stranger? Something happened to me when he caught my eye; a chill went up and down my spine. Was that supposed to happen? His eyes found mine in a crowded place, but only we occupied that space. As he walked across the floor I could no longer hear the noise in anticipation that he was headed my way. My heart was racing – What is this I’m feeling? He is cute, I kept saying. He moved in close to me, closer than I’ve ever allowed any man to be, but I didn’t mind. It was different, and he intrigued me.

As he approached me, his lips started moving, and I immediately became an expert at lip reading. He asked if he could come over and talk to me, and of course I said yes. Hello, he said,

I’m Eric. Your smile is so radiant I had to come introduce myself.

I was like putty in his hands, but I didn’t want him to know that, so I pretended to be in control of my senses and told him my name. I’m Teresa, and thank you for the compliment.

Oh, you’re welcome, he said. I could say so much more, but since we just met, I’ll keep my thoughts to myself.

I looked at him like a freshman on the first day of high school, lost; I didn’t know what to say. I was at a loss for words because I was all wrapped up in his looks and his pretty white teeth. My grandmother always said, A man that will take care of his teeth will take care of you.

He kept talking and the conversation was thrilling. Even though words were coming out of his mouth, my body was numb and my ears dumb; I was strictly reading his lips. So Teresa, do you go here? he asked.

Yes, I’m a junior, what about you? Even though the campus had over 25,000 students, he had a face that I would have remembered passing.

No, he said. I graduated from the rival school, and I’m here with some frat brothers. I thought this was going to be a wasted trip, but meeting you is the highlight of my night. Is it ok to say that? he asked.

Hey, it’s a free country, you can say what you wish, I said. Oh my, did I just say that? I can be so stupid at times.

Well, pretty lady, it’s getting late, and I need to get back with my frat brothers. Can I have your phone number?

Yeah, you can have my phone number and whatever else you want, I was thinking. Sure, let me write it down for you. I said, and I quickly pulled a pen out of my purse and jotted my number down.

Thank you. Is there something you can give me to commemorate our first date?

What, our first date, what are you talking about? I asked.

This is our first date. When I asked if I could come over, you said yes, so this makes our first date.

If you say so I replied. I was just as excited as he was, more excited than I’ve ever been, more excited than maybe I should have been, but I liked this feeling and him.

Is it ok if I call you tomorrow? he asked.

Yes, I replied without hesitation. Something was happening to me; I was drawn to him, and I didn’t know why. Maybe it was the atmosphere of the game in the air that had me caught up. I thought I’d better get myself to the dorm and relax. As I walked back to my dorm room I walked with a child’s anticipation on Christmas Eve. I replayed his words over and over again in my head. Instead of the honor student I was, I became a silly school girl waiting to be asked out to the sixth grade dance. As I entered my dorm room all I could think about was Eric –the perfectly creased jeans he had on, the black oxford shoes he was wearing, his blue tweed shirt, his sparkling white teeth, and his lips. Yes, those perfect oval-shaped lips. I needed to stop thinking about this man. I’d dated before but no one like him. Oh Teresa, snap out of it. He could be a playboy, have children scattered here and there… Who knows, I’ll just wait and see if he calls. I talked myself to sleep, still excited. I finally dozed off to sleep.

At 9:00 the next morning I woke up, took a shower and grabbed breakfast. I was a very independent person and didn’t have many friends on campus. At least none I want to share the details of last night’s events with. So I went about my Saturday as usual; I waited an hour after breakfast and went to work out in the gym. Still thinking about Eric, I replayed the night in my head. After working out I went back to the dorm to check my messages – nothing. I was starting to feel like Eric was a figment of my imagination, and last night was a dream, a fantasy. Oh well. I left the room again. After all, I was in college to study. I have plenty of time for a man, later… I suppose. After three hours of studying at the library I went back to my dorm room, but there were still no messages on the phone… darn.

Just as disappointment was setting in, the phone rang.

Hello, may I speak to Teresa?

Speaking.

What you doing?

Studying. Why did I just tell that bold face lie? I should have said I pretended to work out at the gym and go to the library, but I’ve actually been sitting here like a zombie, waiting on you to call.

Would you like some company? he asked.

"What do you mean?’

Are you driving back to town?

No, he said.

Then what do you mean? I asked.

I never left town – I rode with my frat brother, and we went to a party last night, so I’m still in town.

Oh, I see, I said. Why didn’t you call me last night?

It was too late, and judging by the way you were dressed last night, I didn’t picture you as the type of woman who would leave her quarters after midnight.

Quarters, why would you use that word? I asked.

Well, Teresa, I asked a few people about you, and I was told you’re very selective. Selective, I repeated.

Yes, selective – you’re cautious of who you allow in your circle, or is it a triangle? Stop, it I said. I have a few friends.

Well then, I’m not wrong, right?

I guess not I replied. My heart was pounding through the phone; I hoped he couldn’t hear it.

Well, would you like some company? he asked again.

Sure, where are you?

I’m downstairs in your lobby waiting for you to come down.

Is that so?

Yes, that’s so, he replied.

I politely hung up the phone, hurriedly brushed my teeth, checked myself in the mirror and ran downstairs. I couldn’t wait for the elevator; I had waited long enough. When I got to the bottom of the stairs, I collected myself, took a few deep breaths and slowly opened the door. And there he was, looking better than he had the night before, if that were possible.

Hello Eric.

Hello Teresa, your smile is just as radiant as it was last night.

Thank you I replied. You’re going to spoil me with all those compliments.

Well, if you call a compliment spoiling you, then that I shall.

To keep from blushing and laughing like a fifth grader, I quickly changed the subject without acknowledging his comment. What have you been doing all day I asked.

The frat party lasted til the wee hours of the morning; I stayed to help clean up, and I fell asleep. Honestly, after breakfast I went and shot some hoops with the fellas for most of the day, and here I am sitting here with you. He’s such the flirt, but I like it. How about you, what have you been up to?

Oh, a little of this and a little of that, nothing nearly as exciting as your day, I’m sure of that. I don’t know who I was trying to convince, me or him. So he asked me question after question and as he asked, I restated my answers to make sure he was getting the information, like a good reporter. I told him how many siblings I have, the name of the city I was from, my major, and even what my parents did for a living. And when he finished drilling me with questions I started on his family tree. He told me his birthdate, mother’s name, the high school he went to, his major, where he works and even the time he leaves for work. After nearly four hours of conversation we’d worked up an appetite, and we walked to the local pizza place. We shared a pizza; I had a 7up, and he had a beer. This was new, he drinks – drinking use to be a turn-off to me, like smoking, but he was so handsome.

Two more hours talking during dinner and we decided to go for a stroll on campus. WIU campus is so beautiful this time of year. As we strolled and talked, he pulled out a cigarette and started smoking. Well I’ll say, a drinker and a smoker – could I overlook these habits that I’d sworn I wouldn’t deal with in a man?

You smoke? I asked politely.

Yes, he replied, does it bother you?

Not as much as it should bother you, I replied.

I’ll put it out if you want me to.

Yes please, I replied. He melted my heart putting his cigarette out for me. You know second-hand smoke is worse than first hand smoke, I said.

I’ve heard that; I’ve been trying to quit, and you know what they say…

No, I don’t know what they say. What do they say?

Old habits die hard, he replied.

With my smart mouth I said, Is it old habits or old men?

When we made it back to my dorm he came in and sat for a brief moment. I’ve got to get going; I was glad you let me come see you again, he said. I hope you’ll let me see you again soon.

Of course I will, I replied, trying not to sound so excited.

I guess this is goodnight? he asked.

I guess it is, I answered.

As I prepared for him to kiss me, he placed one hand on each of my upper arms, leaned in like he was going to kiss me and whispered in my left ear, Goodnight, Teresa from Freeport. I enjoyed talking with you.

All the while my heart was racing a hundred miles an hour. It was a good thing his hands were firm on my arms as my legs nearly gave out under me. That was it. He left me feeling some type of way, but I liked it. I went up to my dorm room and replayed our entire conversation over in my head like a school girl writing in her diary. I thought about every piece of clothing he had on, the crisp crease of his pants legs, his deep melodic voice, our interesting conversation, and even how he put his cigarette out for me. I was drawn to him like bees to a flower in springtime. I went to bed smelling his cologne. As I drifted off to sleep I couldn’t help but wonder where this would go – might it be long term, or was he just trying to have fun?

Sundays are typically relaxing for me, the only day I don’t do any homework, just sit around and lounge all day. It was six in the evening when the phone rang, and guess who it was? Eric, to my surprise, calling to say hello. How sweet of you I said.

That’s the kind of guy I am, he replied.

You’ve done this so much, you have your lines rehearsed, I said.

No, I try to be convincing when I see something I want.

You’re too much for me, I said.

I hope not, he replied. I’d like to get to know you better, if you let me.

It depends on what your definition of better is.

He replied, Better, on a deeper level, eye-to-eye contact, that’s what I mean by better. Do you understand now?

I suppose, I said. Well, that was the beginning of our whirlwind romance. For six months we laughed, talked, went to dinner, movies, bowling, skating, and any other forms of entertainment we could find in a college town. I must admit after six months of being in close proximity with Eric, I had fallen in love. Now how did that happen, and when did that happen? I asked myself. Love was not supposed to happen. He smoked and drank, and I am a church girl; I said I’d never fall for someone like him, but he was quickly leading me into his world, a world I was not acquainted with. A world foreign to me. A world full of destruction. I was eagerly being pulled, no, drawn into a darkness I knew nothing about, but I was willing to go as long as Eric was leading the way. I was drawn to him like the dew after an early morning rain. I was so head over heels in love with him; even though I never told him with my lips, I told him in my actions, just like he told me in his, driving four hours every weekend since we’d met to spend time with me. I was living some women’s fantasy, but my reality. He was bringing out the best in me, or could it be that I couldn’t see what was happening to me? Anyhow, I was a willing vessel, ready to be used by him.

The Kiss of Death

For six months we were inseparable; like a wishbone, we were connected at the hip. Every weekend he would drive to Macomb, and we talked, laughed, and enjoyed one another’s company. How long did I think this would last? A relationship with no sex? Who was I fooling, myself? I continued allowing him to whisper in my left ear and hold my shoulders, as he knew I was a good girl, but at what point would he tempt me, or had the temptation already started? Was he leading me slowly and carefully to a planned death?

It was April, the weekend of my birthday, when Eric told me he’d planned a special dinner for me in Chicago at Alinea. He arrived on campus the day before my birthday to drive me to Chicago, because I didn’t have a car, and he didn’t want me to ride the bus or train. As I came down the stairs to meet him, he greeted me with a bouquet of flowers. How are you pretty lady? he asked.

I’m well, I replied.

Are you ready for your special birthday treat I have planned for you? he asked.

Yes, I responded hesitantly. What treat did he have planned for me? Was it going to be special for me or him? So many questions were running through my head. He opened the door so I could get in the car and closed it behind me.

He put my luggage in the trunk, got in, started the ignition, looked at me and said, May I kiss you?

I don’t know if I was stunned, shocked, or excited, but my body got numb, my hands and lips, too; drifting out of my mouth was the word yes. After six months, we kissed. It wasn’t like the kiss when I was 11, and I’d kissed my classmate after school as he handed me the paper that said, I like you, do you like me? Yes-No-Maybe. It wasn’t like the time I kissed Mike when he dropped me off after prom. This kiss was like riding on a roller coaster going down the hill at 70mph when your heart falls to your knees, and you want to do it again – that’s the type of kiss this was. I had never felt this before. A kiss that shocked my inner members to life, or were they slowly dying, and I didn’t know it?

Your lips taste good, he said. Maybe you won’t make me wait another six months to taste your tongue.

Who knows? I answered. Only time can tell.

I’m glad you agreed to come to Chicago with me for your birthday. I have a fun-filled weekend planned, he said with such excitement.

You do, do ya? I responded.

Yes, he said. I want this birthday to be like none other for you.

Really? I replied with attitude.

Yes, I took Friday off so we could have three whole days together, he said.

You did? I asked.

Yes, I’m all yours.

As we drove to Chicago we talked about his plans, and I agreed that whatever he had planned I was game, and I told him I was all his. As we made our arrival into the city he drove me downtown to the Hilton. Come in with me; I booked you a room here for the next three nights, because I know you aren’t going to stay at my apartment. I respect how you respect yourself.

Thank you. You know how I feel about sleeping with a man I’m not married to. I replied.

Yes, I do. he said. He took my bags out of the car and told me as we were walking in that he had already paid for my stay. He escorted me up to my room, he said, just to make sure I would be safe. As I walked into the room, to my surprise, sitting on the coffee table was a dozen yellow long-stemmed roses.

Oh, what a nice surprise, I said. You were listening.

Yes, I was listening, he said. I remember you told me you love yellow roses, and I told you this would be a birthday you would never forget.

Ummmm, yes, you did say that, I replied, but unforgettable for whom? Me or you?

You, of course, he said. It was late when we arrived at the hotel, and as he had done for the last six months, he placed his hands on each of my upper arms, leaned in and whispered in my left ear, Goodnight, lucky sheet covers.

It was Friday, my 21st birthday. I was so excited. I prepared to meet Eric for breakfast at ten a.m., and as always he