Be Still: How to Finally Have Success in Singleness and Dating

By Jay Shantal

LEARN HOW TO FINALLY WIN

 

In Be Still, Jay Shantal digs deep to teach readers that everything they desire is already theirs. They have to know how to access it and prepare to receive it at the appointed time.

 

Readers will learn how to:

●      Disma

• Language: English
• Publisher: JAY SHANTAL LLC
• Release date: Apr 17, 2021
• ISBN: 9781087866468

Book preview

BE STILL

How to Finally Have Success in Singleness and Dating

JAY SHANTAL

This publication is designed to provide competent and reliable information regarding the subject matter. However, it is sold with the understanding that the author and publisher are not engaged in rendering professional advice. The author and the publisher specifically disclaim any liability that is incurred from the use or application of the contents of this book. The names of characters in this book have been changed in order to protect their identities.

Copyright © 2021 Jay Shantal LLC.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

To request permissions, contact the author at [e-mail].

First paperback edition March 2021.

Edited by Rothesia Stokes

Cover art by Jose Pepito Jr.

Photographs by ThirtyThreeFifteenPhotography

Unless otherwise noted Scriptures are taken from the Holy Bible, New King James Version, NKJV, Copyright © 1982 By Thomas Nelson.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV, Copyright © 1982 Thomas Nelson

www.JayShantal.com

Be still and know that I am GOD…

Psalm 46:10 NKJV

Contents

Title Page

PART I - The Shift

Introduction: The Beginning

Chapter 1: Societal View of Singleness

Chapter 2: The Gift of Singleness

Chapter 3: Retrain Your Mind

PART II - Secrets to Singleness & Dating God’s Way

Chapter 4: Sex

Chapter 5: Dating with Purpose

Chapter 6: Setting Boundaries

Chapter 7: Pursuing Purpose

PART III - Building a Firm Foundation

Chapter 8: Identity and Wholeness

Chapter 9: Contentment

Chapter 10: Spending Time with God

Chapter 11: Fine-Tuning Your Hearing

Chapter 12: Make Room

Afterword

Message of Faith

Acknowledgements

About the Author

PART I

The Shift

Introduction

The Beginning

Have you ever thought about who taught you how to be single? It's a fascinating thought, right? When you think about your childhood, you probably remember your parents talking to you about liking little boys and not engaging in relationships too young. I can guarantee that you can’t recall a conversation about how incredibly valuable singleness is as a teen. You may begin to draw a blank if I ask you to name a peer that encouraged you to remain single in the midst of everyone starting to date.

The reality is, as a teenager and young adult, no one is pulling you to the side and telling you how to be single in a healthy manner. Our friends and family members may not have known how to articulate what to do when you desperately crave male attention, affection, or love. They may have encouraged you to wait for marriage to have sex or save yourself for someone special. Or possibly, sex and relationships weren’t a conversation at all. Regardless, no one has given us realistic guidance on how to navigate singleness. You sort of just found your way. No one is warning you of situationships and the dangers of those in the meantime, in-between time relationships that keep your hearts and minds occupied but your spirit broken. Our generation and the generation before us aren’t having enough transparent conversations about the deep feelings of loneliness that ache and torment us to the point of settling or crawling back to an ex. No one is validating that feeling lonely from time to time while you are single is entirely normal.

Choosing to stay single until a potential boo meets your standards is not unusual. We don't hear enough that regardless of how many years you may have invested in a relationship, it is okay to start over if it is no longer working. We need to normalize that 35+ is not too late for God to fulfill His promise of marriage. These types of conversations are not happening enough, which is why we are here.

In 2016, I found myself in a peculiar place. Fresh out of a toxic and abusive relationship, I felt awkward being single again. I didn't even know where to start or how to operate alone. I knew that everything that I had tried before that point relating to relationships did not work. My old tricks and patterns kept leading me to the same dead end. I knew there had to be more to life, but I didn't know how to acquire it. That is when I began to take the journey that you are starting today.

Sis, I have been exactly where you are right now. I have come out on the other side and have come back to bring you into a new season of prosperity. Whether the words that God has given me serve as confirmation that you are in alignment or help you get on the right track - know that you are in the right place at the right time. This text is going to be your manual to thriving in your singleness. From this moment forward, your world is about to change for the better. The gates of hell will not prevail against you. We have crushed the enemy's plan. God has taken His rightful place at the throne of your heart. As you read, you will find a new love and strength in singleness that you didn't even know existed within you.

Singleness is a unique and personal journey. All of our experiences have shaped our perspectives and ideas. Therefore, on a surface level, one would think there is no one size fits all solution. However, as you begin this journey with me, you will start to see that all roads eventually lead back to one place - Jesus. There will be new concepts and ideas presented to you - try them. At this point, you have attempted to do things your way, and you see that it is not working. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain, sis. I am living and breathing evidence that these fail-proof tips work. I stand alongside hundreds of other women who have tried these tips and have seen a massive turnaround in their singleness. If you plant this information that you are learning in your heart, you will not only see a vast difference in your life, but others around you will see it too.

Jesus has ordained this moment of stillness so that you can open your heart to something new. He's seen all of the disappointments you have faced. He has counted all of the tears you have cried. He wants to wrap His warm arms around you and love on you. It doesn't matter who you were before picking up this book. You now have a new identity in Christ. You have been forgiven and given a blank slate. All things have been made new. Now, all that matters is that you recognized it was time for a change, and you took that step. When you put this book down, you will feel good knowing that you have a purpose for being single.

That purpose is here to help you in this season. Godly love awaits you and will come to find you at the proper time. All you have to do is be still and trust that He will take care of you. You will learn that being still can be figurative or literal. Sometimes being still figuratively would look like trusting God over your heart's desires. It might look like not moving forward with a decision until you receive confirmation in a literal sense. I will speak about both concepts as you read.

I encourage you to share what you are learning with your friends and family. Many of them have likely been hitting the same wall just as we were before making this shift. Highlight text that speaks to you and share it on social media. Start a book club or host a small virtual group to teach other women these principles. You will not want to keep these revelations to yourself. You are about to embark on the journey of your lifetime, sis. Let's get into it!

CHAPTER ONE

Societal Views on Singleness

Over the last few years, I have noticed an uptick in the lack of appreciation for singleness. More and more women and men are viewing singleness as a bad thing. As if it were an ailment or a disability. As I researched the culprit, I found two significant causes for the unhappiness felt in singleness. Unhealthy perspectives on singleness is one major cause. Allowing external influences to shape how singleness is viewed is the second major cause. Over the next few pages, we will break down both of those points. Before you can truly appreciate what singleness is, let's discuss what it is not.

Singleness is not a consequence. Allow me to explain. A consequence is defined as the direct result of an action or event. For example, if you fail to do your job, the consequence will be that you are fired. I have found that the average person views their state of singleness as a consequence of no longer being in a relationship. Unconsciously, we make the mistake of thinking that our state of singleness is due to us no longer being connected to a person.

The issue with this mentality is that it presents singleness from a problem vs. a solution angle. Singleness is not something to be fixed. It is not something that needs a solution. Think about it, sis. What is one of the first things that a man asks you on your first date? Why are you still single? When he asks you this, he is subconsciously asking, what about you is so wrong that it has caused no one to want you? What have you done that has caused you to now be single as a result? Why are you no longer connected to someone? Let's take it a little deeper.

Think about what we have asked ourselves. Why am I still single? "What is wrong with