A Journey With Alzheimer's

By Brenda L Golden

A non-fiction, in-depth narrative, that chronicles the intertwined lives of father and daughter (the author) in twenty years of dealing with the effects of Alzheimer's disease.  Included is the gradual moving from parent/child relationship to a parent who needs increasing levels of caregiving.  Itl contains perceived

• Language: English
• Publisher: Brenda L Golden
• Release date: May 24, 2016
• ISBN: 9780692718025

Book preview

A non-fiction, in-depth narrative, that chronicles the intertwined lives of father and daughter in twenty years of dealing with the effects of Alzheimer’s disease. Included is the gradual moving from parent/child relationship to a parent who needs increasing levels of caregiving. It contains perceived and recognized emotions in the person having Alzheimer’s, as well as acknowledged shortcomings and emotions of the person providing caregiving and holding de facto guardianship. A lot of attention is given to the gradual but noticeable decline of the person who has Alzheimer’s. Also detailed are sorrow, grief, and other emotions experienced by the caregiver, and the mechanisms used to cope with these emotions while providing care for the parent.

Text © 2016 by Brenda L. Golden

ISBN 9780692718025 (e book)

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission of the publisher.

Cover Art: Amber Palmer, The Nevada News Commercial Printing.

P.O. Box 56118

Portland, OR 97238-6118

www. graphicartsbooks.com

A JOURNEY WITH ALZHEIMER’S

By Brenda L. Golden

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I owe my sanity and serenity of spirit to my Lord, and give adoration and all glory to my God and Savior, Jesus Christ. He strengthened me on this journey and gave me peace through daily commitment to trust Him. He provided the circumstances through which there were family members and other persons in place to assist along the way.

To my immediate family members and adopted family members, I offer heartfelt thanks and love, as without their help in caregiving, especially during Dad’s last year of life, keeping my promises and caring for him would have been impossible.

To my church family, regardless of the name of the church to which they belong, I give thanks, and praise God for them. Their willingness to listen, and to pray for strength and peace for us throughout, ensured that God was near even when we were too exhausted to pray for ourselves.

CONTENTS

FOREWORD

BACKGROUND

PUZZLERS AND HINTS 1995 - 2004

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?! 2005 – August 2009

KEEPING A PROMISE TO HONOR MY FATHER August 2009 – January 2014

BRIEF RESPITE: January to June 2014

JOURNEY’S END?

FOREWORD

This book is not intended to be a guide to living with and caring for a person who has Alzheimer’s, but an encouragement to others who may be starting, or in the middle of, a similar experience. I want them to know they are not alone in this extremely difficult journey.

Each person is unique and each will have a unique experience in such an endeavor. Though the details of our paths will differ, because of our humanity there must be similarities in types of events and certainly in emotions that will emerge.

Much of the understanding gained from the experiences described here occurred through trial and error, through reading THE 36-HOUR DAY by Nancy L. Mace, M.A. and Peter V. Rabins, M.D., M.P.H., Fourth Edition (published by Wellness Central, copyright 2008 by arrangement with The John Hopkins University Press), and a few by talking to the people at the Alzheimer’s Association. I also gained some knowledge and understanding by talking to the administrators and other staff at a nearby facility that only accepts residents having Alzheimer’s or related dementias. Often understanding was gained only after a great deal of frustration for all of us, occasionally taking a few hours, but more often than not, a few days or weeks. Some things I did not understand until after my father died, and there are others I still don’t understand.

In this narrative are events and statements that bring shame to me because of my lack of understanding at the time, or because I lost perspective. These are included to prove that no one is perfect, nor can any person expect to be. But love, patience and respect can overcome a lot of imperfections in us, praise God!

BACKGROUND

When Dad and Mom deeded three-fourths of an acre of their land to my husband and me in 1977 so we could build an affordable house, Mom said, in the presence of others, That way, if anything happens to me, you can take care of your dad and brother. I don’t remember responding in any way to that statement, but I certainly took it to heart, and thought about it more and more often, especially after Mom died and we all grew older.

About a month before Mom died in 1982 at age 57, she said to me I really hope your brother dies before I do because I’m afraid he and your dad will kill each other. Take care of your dad. I said that I would. For three nights after Mom died, I dreamed that she was standing at the foot of my bed, unsmiling and not speaking, but looking at me intently. Since then I have wondered if she were trying to warn me: I took charge of my sister’s care before she died, cared for my brother in my home before he died, and was caregiver and de facto guardian for my father until his death. My brother died in 2005. No, he and Dad didn’t kill each other.

The above allows the reader to realize that I had been living next door to my mom and dad for years. We were able to see each other every day, and help each other when needed. My brother moved back in with Dad after our mom’s death.

Dad was one of the most intelligent people I, and many other people, knew. He was well-read, and was a Christian devoted to his Lord, generous and kind [most of the time]. He was in the United States Armed Forces for nearly thirty-one years; after less than two years he had jumped at least two grades and been made an instructor in his field. He made friends in at least five different countries during his time in service to our country, and afterward. He learned to speak Japanese and a little Vietnamese. He had taught himself to read music and play the flute; he could type one hundred thirty words per minute. After retirement from the United States Air Force at age 51, he worked as a substitute legal secretary, temporary director of a day care center, board member of a non-profit agency, church secretary, and Sunday school teacher. Not all at the same time, of course. He was my go-to person for business and financial advice, but was always rather aloof in emotional and social matters. I remember seeing my dad cry only once when growing up, when I was about fifteen years old. I do not remember ever hearing the words I love you from him, and only heard I’m proud of you or similar words perhaps twice, after I was an adult, married, and had children of my own.