The Other Side of the Looking Glass

By Mary Ann Heather

This book is a raw journey walked beside a loving spouse through a cancer diagnosis, treatment, and symptoms. The transition into a caregiver position without even having the option of applying for it. The emotions that ran high and the weight of it all on a young family. A therapeutic outlet of daily journaling turned into a voice of validation.
This book was wrote in hopes that anyone else that finds themselves in a dark season in their journey of life that can not find the words to express their feelings and concerns can connect with the similarities of my journey and have validation of their feelings and thoughts.
I have expressed the bumps and hardships on our journey as well as the blessings. I dug deep and searched for a daily practice that would serve me and those around me to offer hope and strength to conquer the day ahead. No one is immune to having human experiences. I have offered quotes and lyrics that helped me get through the toughest of times. I hope it helps you too.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Apr 12, 2022
• ISBN: 9798765227084

Mary Ann Heather

She was the wife of a man who showed us all how to overcome adversity, and the mother of three amazing boys and a Grandmother to one beautiful little girl. She loves to show others how capable she is, how strong she can be all while falling apart inside. She loves herself a glass of red wine on her deck while enjoying the tranquility and the view out back of her home. She attributes her strength to self care with exercising, meditating, journalling ,connecting with nature, and grounding herself by getting her hands dirty in the garden. This journey she walked was not a dream, but rather a harsh reality.

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Copyright © 2022 Mary Ann Heather.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

ISBN: 979-8-7652-2707-7 (sc)

ISBN: 979-8-7652-2709-1 (hc)

ISBN: 979-8-7652-2708-4 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2022906309

Balboa Press rev. date: 03/31/2022

Contents

Introduction

1. A Little Bit about Myself

2. Breathe—You Were Made for This

3. Dimming

4. Raw and Real

5. The Greatest Thing I Have Learned

6. You Are Your Legacy

7. The Hiccup in Our World

8. Victim or Victorious

9. We Find Gratitude When We Recognize the Angels Who Walk among Us

10. Fight-Flight-Freeze Mode

11. Sunny Spells with Scattered Showers

12. All the Hats

13. The Sky Is Falling

14. Death

15. Journal Entries

This book is

dedicated to the strongest person I have ever known—my late husband, Mark, 1975–2020, who kept me grounded and showed us all how to fight the greatest battle with dignity and grace; to my boys (Scott, Everett, and Wesley), who have taught me life is most certainly what you make of it; and to those who have found themselves on a similar journey but couldn’t find the words to describe it.

Introduction

Oh, beautiful one, you have been given a purpose—a gift, if you will. It’s incredibly powerful, and it is a purpose that is going to change you. This purpose doesn’t come without a price, though. It will test you, challenge you, and stretch you in ways that will push you out of your comfort zone.

You will fall and make mistakes. People will judge your decisions and your actions. They will whisper.

Beautiful one, this will not be easy. But rest assured, you can do this. You know deep down that you weren’t built for easy; no, you were built for something better, greater—something incredible!

That is why you are here, reading this. Your journey has led you here. Know that you are not alone, and that what you are about to endure will mold you and shape you into something you could have never in your wildest dreams imagined.

I wrote this book as a coping method to help get me through our season of grief and turmoil during my husband’s battle with pancreatic cancer. I hope that all those going through a season of toughness and needing to know they are not alone can count on this book to help them with that. I wrote real and raw from my heart and utilized everything that helped get me through the next day or moment.

No one is immune to having human experiences. We all learn from our lessons and grow from them. This season has easily been one of the hardest I have walked through. I offer you support and validate your feelings, which you may not have words to describe just yet.

When life gets challenging, instead of hiding, you can confidently show up knowing you have the tools to handle anything that comes your way. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. I have offered you quotes, words of encouragement, and lyrics that I felt fitting, and I hope they help you through each chapter I have written.

1

A Little Bit about Myself

I AM A BIG BELIEVER THAT God only gives you what you can handle, or as I like to say, God puts you in positions that you didn’t even apply for because he knows that you will push forward through them, and because everything that happens in life is a lesson to be learned, either for you or for the company you keep. Although I believe this, that doesn’t mean that I understand it or that it makes sense to me all of the time.

I have crossed paths with many people who have described my life as hard. I tend to disagree; in fact, I feel that I have had a very blessed life. Yes, I have had some very impactful losses in my short life, as well as some hurdles, but these challenges have helped mold me and strengthen me so that I can overcome adversity. I am thankful for all of my struggles because without them, I wouldn’t have stumbled across my strengths.

Before I begin, I want to provide a little history of how I became the woman I am today. I was born into an English-speaking community in the Laurentians of Quebec, surrounded by so much family that the roads and stores were named after them. I was brought home to a small picturesque house on the bank of a lake, where I was greeted by my one and only sibling, who was already three years old. His name was Mark.

Although both of my parents were born and raised in the area and had an overwhelming family support system, they decided it was time to spread their wings and move, so we ventured west to Alberta. We didn’t stay there long. Off to Ontario we headed, and there we set our roots and haven’t left. All of the moving happened before I turned three.

I grew up in a province with no cousins to bond with and no uncles and aunts or grandparents to have sleepovers with. We traveled for most Christmases, Easters, and Thanksgivings. I learned at an early age that these holidays were magical, because Santa and the Easter Bunny could always find me no matter where I was, even when I was on the road or at my grandparents’ home. I was never without a Christmas stocking or a chocolate Easter Bunny.

My mom had felt suffocated by her family when she was growing up and thought it was best for her young family to find its own way. I thought it was a terrible decision. I felt terribly alone growing up, and I had to find my bond with my uncles and aunts as an adult. By the time I became an independent adult, I had lost most of my family.

I knew loss in my adolescence. I lost my great-grandparents, my great-uncle, and then my grandparents. My greatest loss was losing my only sibling in a single-vehicle collision when I was thirty-two. Following that, I lost my mom to Alzheimer’s when I was forty-three. I am well aware that most people have felt the loss of a loved one, but then there are some who are blessed and don’t feel this terrible void until they are late into adulthood.

My upbringing was very normal—and then my parents decided to divorce when I was twenty-two. Having raised their children into independence, they now had the opportunity to find their own way in the world and spread their wings as individuals. This made visiting each of them a little awkward. My father stayed in the home where I had grown up, but it was never the same for me because he was not there alone. He kept different company. Eventually he remarried, and together he and his new spouse decided to sell our family home and move away to a picturesque island to enjoy their lives with each other.

My mom started her new life in an apartment. Eventually, she bought her very own home, and then she, too, remarried—only to end up living with me and my family in the end stages of her life.

As a younger adult with a young family, I lacked a major support team when I set out to conquer the world. I relied heavily on my husband. I felt deeply jealous when I spent time with friends and their families. I am not certain I will ever be able to spend time with friends without having to remind myself that jealousy will not get me anywhere or change anything.

Sometimes I have to reground myself and remember that I was once truly loved by some of the greatest people, and I am who I am because they were a part of my life. Of course, I wouldn’t change it for the world—I just wish my people could have stayed a little longer to enjoy my little ones, and I regret that my children will have a similar story to my own and grow up without grandparents and an uncle. Thankfully, my husband’s family will make up for the absence that comes from mine.

When my brother was still here, he was blessed with four children: two girls and two boys. They were relatively mixed in with the ages of mine. We had family meals together most Sundays, and lots of weekends, his children had sleepovers at my place. He ended up moving a few hours away to a place with more nature and water that seemed to be more home to him than the place where we grew up. This place seemed to ground him, and he was brave enough to make that move with his wife and family.

My husband and I often found ourselves driving north to visit. We would bring our camping trailer in nicer seasons and our snowmobiles in the winter months so we could make memories together, and his kids would even come and stay with us during Christmas break, March break, and the summer months when I was on maternity leave. Unfortunately, this came to an abrupt stop when my brother died and his family, seeking support and familiarity with surrounding family, moved back to their old neighborhood.

My nephews and nieces eventually found their own way through life and spread their own wings, some in different provinces. Until then, we would gather for a meal four times a year, typically for Family Day, a summer BBQ, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Sometimes we would also sneak in a local ski