Adopted: My Fifty Year Search for Me

By David Jeffries

What if you were to wake up one morning and realize you were not the person you thought you were? At the age of fourteen my world was shaken to the core when I learned I had been adopted shortly after birth. It is only now, much later in life, that I truly comprehend how that fact influenced and shaped my life, the emotional highs and the very deep lows that followed, and the incredible journey to understanding, accepting and loving the person I am today. This is a story about human struggle, overcoming self-doubt, combating thoughts of unworthiness, and a life-long search for identity and love.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Mar 16, 2023
• ISBN: 9798765240090

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Copyright © 2023 David Jeffries.

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ISBN: 979-8-7652-4010-6 (sc)

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Balboa Press rev. date:  03/15/2023

CONTENTS

Dedication

Prologue

Chapter 1   A Child So Loved

Chapter 2   An Unknown World

Chapter 3   A Search for Direction

Chapter 5   Closer to Nowhere

Chapter 6   Beginnings and Endings

Chapter 6   Happiness Realized

Chapter 7   Pathway to Understanding

Chapter 8   Acceptance

About the Author

DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to my son Dylan who provided

me with unconditional love and acceptance from the

very beginning. From birth he unknowingly became

my rock, my anchor, my sole purpose for living.

He is, and will always be my very best friend.

PROLOGUE

At the age of fourteen my world was shaken to the core when I learned I had been adopted shortly after birth. It is only now, much later in life, that I truly comprehend how that fact influenced and shaped my life, the emotional highs and the very deep lows that followed, and the incredible journey to understanding, accepting and loving the person I am today. This is a story about human struggle, overcoming self-doubt, combating thoughts of unworthiness, and a life-long search for identity and love.

My story has been fifty years in the making. It is a story that I felt for years had to be written. In many respects the writing of this story has been a cathartic and therapeutic exercise for me, putting my life in perspective, and in so doing, helping me, and hopefully others, in their own personal journey of self-discovery and healing.

Writing about my journey exposed many wounds while putting some others to rest. The content is comprised of real experiences, emotions and epiphanies that have shaped my life and influenced my personal and professional journey from birth to adulthood. If you are an adoptee or even a parent who had chosen to adopt a child, I hope this book and the personal insights contained within will assist you in your own understanding, knowledge and acceptance of self and others.

The following chapters cover the various stages of my life, from childhood and adolescence through to becoming a senior citizen, all through the eyes of a child who learned of his adoption at the age of fourteen. It is only now, decades later, that I truly comprehend how the learning of my adoption at such an age, both weakened and strengthened my character.

The vast majority of books written within the past fifty years regarding the impacts of adoption have been written by psychologists, psychiatrists, early childhood specialists and researchers of this topic. Thousands of adoptees have been interviewed over the years for the purposes of producing more insight and information surrounding the emotional impact and long term psychological effects of adoption. The focus is most often on the child that had been adopted at birth or shortly after birth, with little to no information shared about their birth parents.

My story is somewhat unique but the emotions, struggles and search for identity is similar to most adoptees. I felt it time to share my story, my journey of self-discovery, as an adoptee, and which continues to this very day.

Throughout my life I have tried to have a positive outlook on situations and circumstances, but that perspective has been extremely challenging at times both on a personal and professional level. As an adult, I often felt broken and unworthy of love. I consistently attracted the wrong type of people into my life, people that would validate my feelings of unworthiness. It wasn’t until I came to terms with my adoption, that I accepted the fact I was worthy of love. It was one of the best things that had happened in my life. It was only then that I started to accept, love and celebrate the person I am today.

If there is anything I have learned as a result of my adoption and life experience, is that my greatest challenges have been the periods in my life in which I have grown the most. I truly love the person I am today. I still often feel different from others, and many questions surrounding my adoption will forever remain unanswered, and I am finally content knowing that.

The names in this book have been altered to protect the privacy of the individuals involved, however the story, my story, is sincere and accurate. Hopefully my journey of over fifty years, my experiences and revelations along the way, may assist you in your own personal understanding and search for identity, acceptance of self, and love.

CHAPTER ONE

A CHILD SO LOVED

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There is a garden in every childhood.

An enchanted place where colors are brighter,

the air is softer, and the morning

more fragrant than ever again.

Elizabeth Lawrence

I was born in the fall of 1959 to a middle class family that lived in St. John’s, Newfoundland, Canada. It was a city with a population of approximately 100,000 people at the time. Not too big, not to small, just right actually, a town where growing up, you knew just about everybody living on your street. It was post-war times and I was considered to be in the last cluster of baby boomers. The economy was thriving and the vast majority of families consisted of fathers who diligently went to work daily and mothers who typically were referred to as homemakers, working equally as hard maintaining the home, just not receiving compensation for their efforts.

My father was a local businessman, a salesman, working for a large food distribution company. The company was the wholesaler for all the grocery stores within a 250 mile radius. His job required him to be on the road often, as he met with the owners of these grocery store chains, introducing them to the latest products and taking orders so as to ensure the shelves were always stocked with fresh produce and goods.

There were no such things as contracts back in the day. Your word was as good as any contract and my father’s word was like gold. If he made a verbal commitment to a store owner, he consistently followed through. He lived by the golden rule, Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. He must have been one of the top salesman for his company for periodically he would bring home items that he received as gifts from his employer in the form of a new appliance, stereo or television. We were actually the first family on our street that owned a color television, presented to my father for his annual sales achievement.

My mother and father were married in 1940, and prior to their marriage, my mother worked as a housekeeper for a prominent family living in our community. She was capable of cooking and baking just about anything that your heart desired. She was a meticulous housekeeper for her employer and those traits and characteristics would become the hallmark for life at home. My mother unfortunately was not able to conceive