SNAPBACK: How to Build A resilient Lifestyle, Self-Esteem, Self-Confidence & Self-Care You Can Be Proud Of!

By Funmi Oni

This book is purposefully written to empower anyone who is struggling with low self-esteem, low-confidence and anyone desperately trying to rebound after a series of failed attempts.

You may be thinking, in this highly competitive world I really dont think I've got what it takes to succeed...

In this easy to

• Language: English
• Publisher: Innovating Chaos Publishers
• Release date: Dec 17, 2021
• ISBN: 9781739913915

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ISBN: 978-1-7399139-0-8 (Paperback)

ISBN: 978-1-7399139-1-5 (Kindle)

Publisher - Innovating Chaos Publishers

71-75 Shelton Street, London,

United Kingdom

WC2H 9JQ

www.boostmyselfesteem.com/

Table of Contents

Introduction

PART 1

(The Beast) UNDERSTANDING THE CONCEPT OF SELF-ESTEEM

Chapter 1:

Understanding Low Self-esteem, Limiting Beliefs & Locus Of Evaluation

Chapter 2

Root Causes & Impact Of Low Self-esteem On Lives

Chapter 3:

Imposter Syndrome

Chapter 4:

Impact Of Self-confidence And Self-esteem In Major Aspects Of Our Lives

PART 2

(The Bridge) THE BENEFITS OF BEING EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT

Chapter 5:

Emotional Intelligence

Chapter 6:

Benefits Of Healthy Self-esteem And Confidence

PART 3

(The Beauty) BUILDING A RESILIENT LIFESTYLE, BOOSTING YOUR SELF-ESTEEM & SELF-CONFIDENCE

Chapter 7:

Building Your Self-esteem And Confidence As A Skill

Chapter 8:

Pathways To Resilient Living

Chapter 9:

Adaptability: From Surviving To Thriving

Chapter 10:

Ways To Overcome Low Self-esteem

Chapter 11:

Positive Thinking

Chapter 12:

Self Image

Chapter 13:

Building Resilience Through Self-care & Self-efficacy

CONCLUSION

Acknowledgment

About me

FURTHER READINGS

ForewORd

Humpty - dumpty sat on the wall.... for all to see and admire his looks.

It has been my humble pleasure and honour to write the first words to this incredibly informative book.

Snapback provides an incredible insight to the different root cause of low self-esteem and confidence. Funmi has drawn on her integrative knowledge as a therapist and coach to provide evidence-based solutions that can be used by individuals, parents and organisations for personal or professional development.

The author’s experience was similar to many in her day, taken as a child from England where being a person of colour was like the proverbial albatross hanging round one’s neck and literally catapulted into Nigeria, where being black was rather inconsequential.

No matter how resilient you are as a child, living between those two worlds has its downsides; your self-esteem will suffer, I have lived it, survived it and wear my scars, albeit humbly.

We have plunged into a society where people strive to fit in, and putting people down is the order of the day. A society where breaking people up and not building them up is the norm.

This is why this book is an extremely valuable tool in the building of an individual Self-Esteem.

I call it a tool because the writer uses the building blocks of her experience and the staircase of her reciprocity to enable us build ours.

...Humpty - Dumpty had a great fall and all saw him fall.

...All the kings’ horses and all the Kings men could never put Humpty together again he lost his confidence, possibly one negative comment from one of the people looking at him from below brought him and his confidence crashing down!

He could never be his former bubbly self because he lost his self-confidence. Always remember that people who criticize are usually ones who have achieved less than you.

Please do not be like old Humpty Dumpty, read this book and use the guidance to put yourself together again!

Self-esteem is like an egg, once cracked, its contents can be made into a delicious Omelette

Mrs Sinmideleoluwa Adedeji JP – September 2021

Introduction

The deepest principle in human nature is the craving for appreciation.—William James

Childhood

I was a happy little girl loved by both parents and my younger sister, quite snug and secure in my own little world. Didn’t really like school that much. I can’t tell you why, I always looked forward to home time. Just before I turned 7, my parents decided it was time for me to visit Nigeria, well that was what I was told at the time. This was a major shift in the equilibrium of my world.

My younger sister and I was sent to live with relatives. The next two years of my life were spent living with my grand uncle and his family. The meaning of home changed for me. I associated it as a place of happiness and now it had become a place of fear and uncertainty, the truth was I felt out of place. From being the centre of attention as the first child to becoming a total stranger in a strange land. I remember waking up at night time without electricity, being scared to visit the bathroom; and also the times when hunger kept me up at night. These may not mean anything to some but when you once had nothing to worry about and suddenly life was flipped…

Identity

I suddenly began to crave attention and any was quite welcome. Then the sexual abuse started, but for me it meant I was getting the attention I longed for being a child. My self-confidence was next to nothing, I lost my identity. I quickly became a shadow of who I was. After a couple of years my mum moved back to the country too and my parents eventually found a place for us all to live in with my younger siblings. I was 9 years old. This development should be celebrated, right? Not quite, there was a mental shift. Changing schools didn’t help at all, I felt like I was the odd one out. I looked a bit different - I started wearing spectacles, and spoke differently too. Everything became different again in another way. As the years went by I found that I became more withdrawn, even though I wanted to blend in, it was as if there was an internal constraint preventing me from aspiring or even even dreaming of having a better life. In high school teachers would give me leadership roles but I couldn’t see what they saw in me. I realise now that I had what is now known as the imposter syndrome. I would always second guess myself, questioning my abilities and oftentimes wondered what the other students thought of me. Life in university was not any different at all, if anything it was worse. With no sense of direction, I poured my energy into religious activities desperate to find my why. The bagages of self-doubt, low self-esteem became bigger and heavier as the years went by.

The Shift

One faithful day shortly after completing my program in the university, I was introduced to a foundation (Real Woman Foundation) that rehabilitated and empowered young women and soon afterwards began working as a volunteer there. The months spent supporting other women was a key defining moment in my life. There was an awakening in my heart, when I saw young women who were homeless giving another opportunity at life. I volunteered at the foundation for about 10months and shortly after, travelled back to England. I decided to go back to school and harness the skills that I gained. Three years later, I qualified as a person centred counsellor. I realised through my training that I could still become the person I wanted to be, I could become more confident if I developed a positive mindset by actively working on my thoughts. My faith in God has taken a deeper turn, it’s no longer on a transactional basis or out of fear - I know I am loved and growth is a continuous process. It’s been over 15 years since I took the first step to face my fears and develop myself. I have since worked with hundreds of people - children, young adults and couples empowering them to become more self aware, to develop a healthy self-esteem and more importantly to discover their why.

My history inspires my future. I wouldn’t change a thing about it because it’s become instrumental in helping me connect with others who may be stuck in their past. This is why I have put together thoughts from great minds, the work of great psychologists, neuroscientists, fellow therapists and of course my personal experience and knowledge. My aim is to place nuggets in your hands that will improve your self-esteem, help you become more self-aware and develop a positive self-image.

Self-esteem and self-confidence are two of the most crucial factors in making the most out of one’s life. We often hear these words used interchangeably, but there is a slight difference between the two. Self-esteem is the value you place on yourself, the innate worthiness you feel. It is how you see and project yourself. This directly impacts your sense of happiness, worth, or love.

On the other hand, self-confidence is the belief or trust you have in the skills, talents, and ability to perform or accomplish your goals. When you have self-confidence, you use sentences like I can do this, I will do well on this test, and I will get this done. When you improve on a skill,