The Confident Bitch: Self Mastery for the Modern Woman, #1

By Wendy C Lewis

The Confident B*tch

Are you struggling with your self-confidence? Would you like to boost your self-esteem, learn to be more assertive, and live life on your own terms? Have you been looking for a fun, informative, and uplifting book to help you achieve your ultimate sense of self-worth? If you've answered yes to any of these questions, this is the book for you!

Not only is confidence an important part of inner beauty, but it's also an important element that can give you the life you've always dreamed of.

Research shows that individuals who possess higher levels of confidence earn more than their peers with lower self-esteem, have healthier relationships, and are more positive about life. Unsurprisingly, they believe other women can achieve this too, all it takes is a few empowering strategies that will help you learn to value yourself… And this book is going to show you how!

 

Inside The Confident B*tch, you'll discover

• an extensive introduction to self-esteem and how it relates to self-efficacy.
• how to conquer the dangers of perfectionism and imposter syndrome by looking at the causes and then formulating effective coping methods.
• how to be more assertive by communicating your boundaries firmly, using "no" more effectively, and ultimately stop being a "yes" girl that is always being taken advantage of!
• strategies you can start implementing in your life right now to practice self-care, develop positive self-talk, and live a more meaningful life by pursuing your passions.
• over ten compelling exercises that will allow you to build your levels of self-esteem, self-efficacy, and mindfulness!

Your days of comparing yourself to others are over! Living a fulfilling and joyful life is your birthright, and you're about to step into a phase where no boundaries will be crossed, no chances will be missed, and no self-hate will be practiced!

Are you ready to be the confident b*tch you were born to be? Then pick up this book now!

 

• Language: English
• Publisher: KINCH BOOKS LIMITED
• Release date: Oct 12, 2022
• ISBN: 9798215053027

Wendy C Lewis

“Wendy C Lewis is a Passionate researcher and writer specializing in self-help subjects and is the author of The Confident B*tch: Empowering women to greater self-esteem and unshakable confidence." 

Book preview

Chapter 1: What is Low Self-Esteem?

As a woman, self-esteem is something that I have struggled with from a very young age, the exposure to crazy beauty standards starts from a very young age. You understand, or are explicitly taught, that your worth is tied to your looks and outer beauty. You are constantly bombarded with advice on how to become a desirable or likable woman. It can be hard to listen to your inner voice and find yourself in all the noise.

It’s particularly hard as a member of a minority group because none of the media and messaging you see is targeted at you. It often feels negative, like reinforcement that the only standard of beauty is one beyond your reach. Growing up, all my dolls were white and all the books I read had white girls as main characters. It was confusing to try and relate to characters who looked absolutely nothing like me. I often struggled to feel beautiful because of this.

There’s one moment when I was about six that really stands out to me. I had a dream where my hair was exactly as I dreamed. Not very curly and difficult to manage. Just long, flowing, wavy black locks. I can still remember how happy I was and I can still easily recall the devastation when I woke up the next day and realized I was still stuck with my ugly hair. Why did I think my hair was ugly? None of the kids I associated with had hair like mine, I stood out and not in a way that I appreciated. I would spend hours fantasizing about having long, beautiful hair. Now, I have a much healthier relationship with my hair, which has been helped by learning how to properly care for it as well as being around, and seeing around, more people with hair like mine embracing it.

I know that my story is one that a lot of women can, sadly, relate to. Lots of women have felt insecure about their nose or lips or breasts. Pretty much anything you can feel insecure about, I think women have done it. This kind of system can have a very negative effect on one's self-esteem, especially when they are young and impressionable. It takes a lot of work to undo this programming. In fact, this is a story that many people can relate to these days which is one of the causes of the rampant body dysmorphia that we see around us now. Of course, beauty standards and feeling beautiful are only a facet of self-esteem rather than the whole thing. When I was younger, my concept of self-esteem was that it was just about my feelings towards how I look. I can’t say why, but maybe it’s because it felt like an easier issue to tackle if it was about things that seemed easily changed. While self-esteem is about the external, the other important part of that is the internal and that’s what I was missing. I thought if I felt more conventionally attractive, I would have better self-esteem but I didn’t know how I was supposed to do that. With this approach for most of my teenage years, I never really got anywhere with building up my self-esteem. No matter what I looked like in that moment in time, I couldn’t bring myself to have that feeling of what I perceived to be a healthy self-esteem. At some point, I started believing that a healthy self-esteem was just something certain people were born with, and I hadn’t been, because I couldn’t wrap my head around it. It seemed so far from reach and utterly unattainable.

The concept of self-esteem can be as hard to grasp as it can be to break down. In psychology, the term self-esteem is used to describe the beliefs that someone has about their own worth or value as a person. It is the overall sense of personal worth and value, objectively. It can be a little confusing when you look into it because the terms self-worth, self-esteem, self-value, and self-respect can (and generally are) used interchangeably depending on the source. Ideally, if we picture self-esteem as falling on a spectrum, one should find a balance between the two poles of low self-esteem and excessive self-esteem. Your goal should be to have a healthy self-esteem.

Self-esteem can vary at different stages in your life based on different events and experiences that you go through as you grow and age. Your self-esteem can even vary from day to day depending on what is going on in your life; physically, mentally, and emotionally.

In the 1950s, Abraham Maslow, a humanist psychologist, came up with his hierarchy of needs as a theory of human motivation. You’ve probably seen the basic five step pyramid of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs where the basic needs are the bottom (the base) of the pyramid, and the more complex human needs are at the top of the pyramid. Maslow believed that our actions are motivated by certain needs and that we need to meet these more basic needs before moving on to the more complex ones. So, before you can adequately give your self-esteem the work that it deserves, you need to meet your more basic needs first such as food and shelter as well as love, friendship and intimacy, just to name a few things on the pyramid.

Now, we are simply using Maslow’s hierarchy as a kind of framework to help you visualize your journey to working on your self-esteem a little better. Maslow believed that every person has the innate desire and motivation to become a self-actualized person which is being a person who has fully realized their potential. We’re going to work on that very same belief. If you’re reading this, you’re already showing motivation to work on your self-esteem and work towards personal growth and development. You’re already showing that you have a desire to become the very best version of yourself.

In the hierarchy, your esteem consists of your own feelings of self-worth and self-respect as well as a desire for prestige, recognition or validation from external sources. It’s important to note, however, that none of that external validation will mean a thing without having self-acceptance in place. It doesn’t matter what compliments someone might give you, you will NOT believe it and it will NOT sink in because deep down, you CANNOT believe something positive about yourself.

Facets of Self-Esteem

Self-efficacy is a part of one’s system of their abilities, skills and capabilities. It plays a big part in how one might perceive themselves and the situations that arise around them. It also affects how people respond to situations that arise, both negative and positive. Self-efficacy is one’s belief in their ability to succeed in particular situations, and while it might not seem like it, it affects your feelings about yourself and plays a role in the success you might have in achieving your goals. If you set out to do something with no confidence in your ability to do that thing, you’re already sabotaging yourself.

When you have strong self-efficacy:

●  You find it easier to develop a strong or deeper interest in the activities and hobbies that you might partake in.

●  You are strongly committed to participating in your interests and activities. You make them a priority rather than an afterthought and see them as an essential part of your life or routine just like anything else that you do for your own betterment.

●  You recover quickly from any disappointments and setbacks that you face. It might take some people weeks to recover from a disappointment that other people might consider minor.

●  You aren’t afraid to tackle any challenge that you face. For you, obstacles are not something to be feared but rather tasks that you just have to overcome or master.

When you have weak self-efficacy:

●  You find yourself avoiding challenges, hard tasks and difficult situations. These situations may make you feel anxious, nervous, and even scared. You’re not confident in your abilities to overcome and succeed in the end so you would rather not even try. Unfortunately, growth happens when you’re challenged and uncomfortable. This can also manifest as avoiding setting or chasing any goals in your life; you set the bar low to avoid disappointing yourself and others. Similarly, you may also find yourself feeling reluctant to commit to anything because you don’t feel confident in yourself.

●  You focus on your flaws and negative traits