My Celebration of Life

By Tomas Erban

What I have put together is a reflection of my realities viewed through my imperfect lenses. The views and opinions I share are mine, and therefore they do come with a level of subjectivity; but they are honest, and they try to reflect my truth, how I think, the way I see things, and how they have guided me through life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Sep 1, 2010
• ISBN: 9781453558683

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Copyright © 2010 by Tomas Erban.

Library of Congress Control Number:   2010912082

ISBN:   Hardcover   978-1-4535-5867-6

ISBN:   Softcover   978-1-4535-5866-9

ISBN:   Ebook   978-1-4535-5868-3

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

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Contents

Introduction

The Principles and Values That Guide Me

The Personality That Describes Me

The Importance of My Heritage

The Trepidations of Being an Immigrant

The Impact of Family Relationships

Marriage, the Labor of Love

The Ecstasy of Fatherhood

The Beauty of Friendships

The Inspiration of Religion

The Fatality of Death

The Lessons from Education

The Need to Work

The Revolution That Continues to Change Our Paradigms

The Politics I Can’t Get Away From

The Attraction of Leading and Managing People

The Wonders of Retirement

Ending Thoughts

To Elizabeth and Rebecca

Love you always, Dad

Special thanks to Sandra for the first forty years we have been together.

Introduction

I am now sixty-four years old, and the first thought that comes to mind is that, up to now, my life has been a wonderful and interesting journey. I have a loving family: Sandra, Elizabeth, Rebecca, and now VJ. My extended family and my friends also surround me. I am healthy and very happy with my life at this stage. I have learned a lot and have grown as a person. Obviously, it was not always a smooth ride, but it was and still is a good one. As I look forward to the years to come, I am very excited by the prospect of continual self-development, and as the saying goes, the sky is the limit when it comes to self-improvement.

It is interesting to note how our priorities keep on changing and things we thought were important before are not anymore. As objectives are achieved, new ones appear, and this in a way is what keeps us young in spirit and makes life worth living. On the other hand, I also have observed that some traits, behaviors, and thoughts never change.

Reflecting on my life’s learnings and experiences has allowed me to assess where I have been, where I am now, and where I still need to go. It also has provided me with a unique opportunity to share my self-assessment with those whom I love and those who may be interested. What I do know by now is this: I am a very lucky man!

As I thought about this project, I decided that I wanted to focus on the experiences that have shaped my life and capture why they were important and how they have impacted me. I also understand how the dynamics and the importance of those events were very much influenced by the relationships, principles, and values that define me. Throughout this narrative, I try to capture the essence of my beliefs and experiences. I have tried throughout my life to hold true to certain principles, but I confess there were times when personal weakness diverted me from them. I also find that retirement has given me the opportunity to reflect, adjust, and hold myself true to my convictions with more consistency. I guess the feeling of independence that retirement has provided me with has given me the confidence that I needed, and it feels really good.

Thinking back about my life, it is striking to realize the influence my parents, family, friends, teachers, associates, and the environment have had in shaping me. I do recognize how my business experience has also influenced my personal development. I worked full-time from when I was twenty-one years old until I turned fifty-three, and during that period, I got to spend most hours of the day working. My career taught me about having a vision, identifying core values, defining and achieving short-term and long-term objectives, evaluating results, setting priorities, developing leadership and management skills, dealing with people, listening and its importance, making decisions, having empathy, motivating myself and others, working in a participative environment, presenting my case, and being open to ideas and suggestions—all lessons that helped me advance in my business life. They also shaped the way I came to deal with my personal life, the way I view politics and the social environment, and the way I define what is important, and what is worth fighting for and what is not.

Our family is extremely fortunate to be living in the United States. In 1948, when I was twenty months old and my parents immigrated to Venezuela, their real dream was to go to the United States, but at that time it was not possible to get a visa because the Czech quota was filled. Once we were settled in Venezuela, their dream was put on the back burner. In my case, after I graduated from college in the United States and went back to Venezuela, I became aware of how much I liked the U.S. experience.

I have always admired the United States and have felt that in spite of all its imperfections, it is still the best place to live. As time passed, and I saw potential problems in Venezuela, I started dreaming of a possible move to the United States on the condition that I get a visa and a job that would allow me to sustain a family and give me the potential to grow. An offer did come in 1978 but to go to Bermuda, not the United States. I took it. Sixteen years later, in August 1993, we moved to the United States. I am thankful and constantly count our blessings for being able to bring our family up in this great country, where we have freedom, stability, and a great life as citizens of the United States. You can say that it took us some time to get there, but it ended up being the best thing that could have happened to us. The latest happenings in Venezuela make our move even more fortunate for us.

What I have put together are reflections of my realities viewed through my imperfect lenses. I have very much enjoyed doing this; it has enabled me to look into my life and explore not only what happened, but also how it did and why most of it is important to me.

The views and opinions I share are mine, and therefore they do come with a level of subjectivity; but they are honest, and they try to reflect my truth, how I think, the way I see things, and how they have guided me throughout life.Whenever I take a position on something, I am aware there are no absolutes in any one point of view. There is no such thing as being completely right or completely wrong. There are positives and negatives in every option, and there are many ways to skin a cat. It’s up to us to identify what works best. I also find that each situation is different, and we all need to have the flexibility to adjust and compromise when required. Many of my thoughts could be construed as simplistic, but I hope the reader finds them to be thoughtful, honest, and somehow interesting. I also believe that many times simplicity is not necessarily a bad thing. I have found that when I am evaluating something or am solving problems, it usually helps to go back to basics. It’s amazing how this approach tends to clarify the issues and usually helps us to get where we need to. This perspective has been very helpful in taking me to where I am today.

The Principles and Values That Guide Me

There have been many events that have had an impact in molding the person who I am today. But before I go there, I want to reflect on the principles and beliefs that have guided me through life. Some have been with me for a long time, and others I have picked up by observing and evaluating the experiences that life has exposed me to. As I matured, I have adjusted and, in some cases, changed my paradigms. My core principles have not changed, but I know some beliefs and assumptions have.

I usually communicate what I think and feel. I am also known to fight for what I believe in, and for not letting myself or others down. I may not always tell the whole story, but I don’t lie. It’s safe to say, I am passionate about principles and they have always provided me with the fire that has fueled my journey through life.When I was young, I believed life was simple: If you worked hard and did the right thing, you would be OK. As I got older, this utopia evaporated and was substituted by a more cynical outlook on life. I stopped taking things at face value and stopped believing everything I was told. Among other things, I came to the realization that sometimes greed, ignorance, personal agendas, incompetency, envy, alliances, fear, etc., are also part of the deal and often prevail. It’s amazing how many times I have seen people forfeiting their principles to make a gain, and the people who let them get away with it are, in my opinion, even worse.

I remember being in my early teens when I saw the President as a hero and would believe everything he would say, when much of what we now label as child abuse was perceived as normal discipline, when we assumed the black people were content with their place in society, and when homosexuals were considered to be mentally ill and, in some cases, sexual degenerates. It really was a different world that changed in front of my own eyes while I was growing up and redefining my own paradigms.

It did not take long for me to realize that things were not as simple and straightforward as they seemed. The more I came to this realization, the stronger I felt about being truthful to myself by sticking to my principles. Consequently, I might have lost some battles, but I sleep well at night. Keeping true to my principles meant feeling like a winner even if the outcome was different from the one expected.

Capturing these principles is important because they weave throughout my story and so define who I am today:

- Be Responsible

Already at a young age I felt it was important to do well in school and get good grades. I started working four weeks after I graduated from college. I got married when I had a job and a promising career in front of me. Having a wife and children came with the responsibility to be able to provide for them. I was able to deliver because I had set objectives and a plan to achieve them.

This behavior is ingrained in me, and it’s one that tells me so much about what I can expect from other people. I am convinced that we need to have a sense of responsibility to achieve whatever we commit to do. People that are irresponsible will find any excuse for not doing the thing they said they would do. When there is a valid excuse, usually responsible persons will not only let you know they won’t be able to finish on time, but they will give you a new projected timetable specifying when they will deliver. It’s a matter of attitude, pride, and a sense of obligation to others and to yourself.

We have to take ownership of our actions and never forget that those actions usually come with consequences. Don’t blame others for our wrongdoings. When we take responsibility for what we do, we put ourselves in a position to correct and learn from it.

When I have held other people accountable, I always made sure they were aware of the consequences of their actions and the outcome. This becomes even more important when you are educating your children.

Both of my kids took ownership of their education, took full responsibility for their actions, delivered their homework on time, and studied hard. Usually they got very good grades, and when they didn’t do as they expected, they would study harder, and as a result they were very accomplished students.

- Don’t Do to Others What You Don’t Want Them Do to You

Have empathy. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes because you also would like them to do the same for you. This has worked very well for me. It gives me a better understanding of the issues and the person I am dealing with, and in the end, the results are much better.

I try to treat people with respect irrespective of their financial, social, or educational background. When relevant, always say hello, thank you, job well done, I don’t know, I was wrong, etc. People do appreciate it, and it’s something you would also appreciate from them.

- Give Credit Where Credit Is Due

It is very important that you always give positive feedback and the recognition that comes with it to those that deserve it. We all need this, and many times it does give us the energy to go that extra mile.

I also feel very strongly that you should never take credit for what someone else does, and I mention this because I have seen it happen too many times.

For a large part of my professional career I had supervised people who many times came up with some excellent ideas and recommendations. I always made sure I recognized them not only with their peers but with my superiors. Not only was it the right thing to do, but it also motivated them and the others to continue doing their best.

- Pursue Your Dreams. Don’t Give Up on Them

I never forget when my stepfather had his second heart attack in Venezuela. At the time my mother’s thought process was that she would wait it out, and if my stepfather didn’t make it, she would then move to the United States. I knew they