Your First Step to Re-Create Your Life in Oneness: Awareness

By Kayla Wholey Ph. D.

Your First Step to Re-create your Life in Oneness aims to help you as a reader to finally solve an ongoing problem in one or more areas of your life and eventually help you to take a further step towards realizing your dreams.

With this book, you will:

• Finally realize why you are experiencing a problem that repeats itself albe

• Language: English
• Publisher: TOPLINK PUBLISHING, LLC
• Release date: Sep 14, 2017
• ISBN: 9781947938236

Kayla Wholey Ph. D.

Dr. Kayla Wholey is a clinical and industrial/organizational psychologist who has worked with different kinds of individuals, groups, and organizations for nearly twenty years. Between the years of 2004 and 2012, Kayla served as a leader in Humanity's Team, an organization dedicated to declare and re-create oneness on earth. Apart from her professional practice as a therapist, trainer, recruiter, and a coach, Kayla has been working on her own self and came up with very critical realizations. Along the way she found out how certain blocks in awareness can hinder finding solutions to problems while disabling a person's ability to realize his or her dreams in life. Throughout her professional practices with individuals and groups, Kayla has observed repeated patterns of problems and their common reasons. Beyond those, Kayla also realized that almost everyone had a vision, dream, wish, and desire to fulfill. This led her to start a series of personal development seminars she named as "psy-education" which targeted individuals who couldn't afford the money and/or time for therapy. As a result of these seminars many reported a transformational change at least in one part of their lives. These positive results motivated Kayla to write this book. As an academician, Kayla carries out psychological research related to concepts of oneness, awareness, insight, mindfulness, conflict resolution and many other topics in spiritual and positive psychology. 12 years ago, Kayla has developed a personal development platform called the Group of Change and created the website groupofchange.com, where she blogs.

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Your First Step to Re-create your Life in Oneness

Awareness

KAYLA WHOLEY, PHD.

Copyright © 2017 by Kayla Wholey, PhD.

HARDBACK: 978-1-947938-22-9

PAPERBACK: 978-1-947938-21-2

EBOOK: 978-1-947938-23-6

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

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Printed in the United States of America

Contents

Preface

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Part I

Awareness of Oneself

Chapter 1: Soul, Mind, and Body Functions and How They Work in You

Chapter 2: Awareness Problems of the Self: Soul

Chapter 3: Awareness Problems of the Self: Mind

Chapter 4: Awareness Problems of the Self: Body

Part II

Awareness of Oneself in Relationships

Chapter 5: How Relationships Can Work for Your Awareness

Chapter 6: Awareness Problems and What They Might Cause in Our Relationships

Chapter 7: Enabling Oneness in Relationships

Part III

Awareness of Daily Actions and Career

Chapter 8: Self-Expression, Life Mission, Purpose, Goals, and Careers

Chapter 9: Problems of Awareness in Our Daily Actions and Career Paths

Part IV

Awareness for Having What You Desire

Chapter 10: Realizing Our Dreams with the Help of Awareness in Soul, Mind, and Body

Chapter 11: Why It Doesn’t Happen—Is There Something Wrong with Me or My Dreams?

Conclusion: The Next Steps

Bibliography

About the Author

To my grandmother, for her unconditional love and the times we shared…

Preface

This book is a byproduct of both personal and professional efforts over the past twenty years. The journey started with my own individual therapy sessions and continued with several personal-development sessions and seminars that I later conducted. On a personal level, I have been experiencing many life issues in relationships, career and related things for years. I have to say, I found it lot harder to help myself as compared to helping others. It was somehow much easier to look at others’ lives from clearly an objective place.

Spiritual readings (especially readings that involve topics in parapsychology, books of spiritual teachers, spiritual guides…etc.) have been part of my life since I was about ten years old. It was my father who had introduced me to those readings. In the beginning, it was interesting to read about the afterlife, history of Atlantis, and many metaphysical and paranormal stories. When I was about eighteen, I was pretty much done with those readings, including the books written through mediums (channeling). During and after my undergraduate and graduate education in psychology, clinical psychology, and industrial/organizational psychology, I was concerned with humans from mostly a scientific and psychological perspective. It took me about ten years to get back to spiritual readings. In the time being, the world was becoming more and more interested in the field of spirituality, including the academia.

In that period of renewed interest, I turned away from reading about the paranormal and instead turned to spiritual-growth books. Among those, the Conversations with God series (by Neale Donald Walsch) as well as Kryon, Tobias, Abraham, Hay, Tolle, Osho, and Hawkins teachings became influential in my self-exploration. I also found the works of Sufi mystics such as Rumi and Yunus Emre to be very influential.

As I was experiencing problems in different spheres of life, I remember sometimes feeling stuck, depressed, and hopeless. While I was trying to solve my own problems, I also found myself puzzled about how I could fulfill my dreams and wishes. This seemed impossible given my life circumstances. I decided to use what was written in the books in combination with my professional knowledge in psychology.

The application part wasn’t as easy as I thought it was going to be. I had to change my lifestyle and then bear the unknown and uncomfortable. The change was sometimes too slow, and there were times when I felt down. At the same time, I was trying to help my clients/students through their life problems and wish fulfillments. The change wasn’t coming in an instant, but we started to achieve some fruitful results. This led to further motivation to continue with the applications, no matter how hard it was.

What step to take and how to take it required a lot of awareness at the soul, mind, and body levels. Because my private and professional work were going hand in hand, I was lucky enough to see my trials and errors. I was able to shift to a new change step or change the order of the steps if the situation called for it. In the meantime, I was recording many life stories not only from my own professional practice but also from my personal experience. As I had the opportunity to work and meet with people from all parts of the world, the richness of my data increased day by day.

For many years, I’ve been dreaming about finalizing this book, which was planned to cover only the life re-creation process. However, because of my growing interest in the idea of oneness, it took me more time to incorporate the concept to my existing methodology.

In general, what I was taught in school was theoretical. From the way our education system was designed, we have not been learning how but mostly what. Therefore, I have to admit that I’ve learned about transformational change mostly through practice instead of from books, which provided some content and guidance but no clues as to how. That is why I decided to present life stories instead of theories or concepts for the majority of this book.

As a consequence of this professional and personal journey, I have come to realize that personal awareness should be considered as the first step that is necessary to re-create one’s life, no matter what kinds of problems are experienced in the areas of relationships, careers and finances, and health.

Having said that, this book was not designed to lead you to do certain things that you did not experience. This book gives you examples related to real-life issues, taken from different individuals from different parts of the world, and prompts you to take the specific awareness action if you choose to do so. As you go through the book, you will find that nothing is strange or confusing. However, it might be very close to what you have gone through or what you are currently experiencing. Throughout, you might feel close to a hero in any particular story, you might benefit from related awareness tips being offered, and you may even decide not to read the rest. However, I recommend that you read all stories, as no two stories are exactly the same

The life stories are chosen specifically for the topics concerned, and some of the information related to identity and specific personal details were hidden to protect individuals’ privacy.

Before you start reading, let me conclude by sharing with you an old American Indian prayer that I’ve kept on my wall since my high school years in Wisconsin:

Oh, Great Spirit,

Let your voice whisper righteousness in our ear through the West Wind in the late of the day.

Let us be comforted with love for our brothers and sisters with no war.

Let us hold good health mentally and physically to solve our problems and accomplish something for future generations of life.

Let us be sincere to ourselves and our youth and make the world a better place to live.

(www.widholmens.com/wisdom_of_words.htm)

Acknowledgments

This book would not have been possible without the contribution of valuable individuals who helped me along the way. First of all, I’d like to thank all my previous and current clients, students and friends whose life stories inspired me to write this book. For the transposition of the handwritten notes and for going through several bits and pieces of writing, I first have to thank Miray Korucu then my undergraduate psychology students and my leading students, Semra Kurc and Guniz Zeybekoglu, from my personal-development seminars.

For the idea of oneness, I have to thank Humanity’s Team leaders and members who gave me the initial inspiration to further pursue it. For all the edits, layout, and design issues, and everything they have done to help me bring this to life, I give my huge thanks to Balboa Press members and staff.

For his lifelong support, I’d like to thank my father, whose leadership motivates me to this day. Finally, I’d like to thank my husband, whose initial encouragement led me to frame this book into its final form.

Introduction

Your life is a demonstration of who you were, even before you came here. Every single experience you have had and will have are because of who you were. I am saying you were because what you are can change in this very moment. Everybody who has been around you, is still around you, and will be around you are your reflections in various forms. Some come to show you something, some come to give you gifts, and some model you in certain ways so that you fully live your life in ways you could not imagine.

It is very common to blame those who have brought us to this world for the way we are today, for our current life circumstances. Many therapy sessions are spent in forgiving them. What kind of a universe is this? Why did this happen to me and not to the others? Why have I had so many relationship issues? Why did my mother behave like this when I was a child? Why was it a constant struggle with money? Why was my father an alcoholic? Why did we move from place to place rather than staying put? The questions can go on forever. We can spend so much time asking them instead of answering them.

I have had many discussions with people who say, I wish I were lucky enough to have a parent like that so I would not be this way, or I wish my husband were like that. No matter how much they read and became informed about spiritual and psychological facts, many still believed or assumed that life is just a coincidence and that we are born to a family because it had to be this way. God assigns a role to each of us, and we play them. Since there is nothing we can do about it, this circular thinking finds its reinforcement as recurring complaints of depression, anxiety, and all other sorts of pathologies.

This book will try to change your firm perspective by starting with questions such as, What if there were no one assigning you to a family? What if your birth situation was because of who you were, not because of faith? What if all your life—rich or poor, lovely or cruel, punishing or rewarding—is because of who, what, and how your being is?

And you will answer, So what? This is not big news to me. What’s the use if I were that way? Isn’t it impossible to change it now? Everything is all set before birth, the life I do not have any access to now.

You are absolutely right.

If you look at these questions from your time perspective, which is usually past, it is nonsense. If you look at them from a future perspective, it is still nonsense. But if you look at them from the present moment—if you can see that what you experience now is because of who you are; what you think, feel, and behave; and how you do it with others—it will make a lot of sense. I have seen many who have been to countless therapy sessions, but their lives remained exactly the same. Nothing changed, but there was more and more exploration of who they were. No action for change came, but forgiving after blaming makes you see how much forgiving you have done therefore how much progress you have made in therapy. Today, I have finally forgiven my mother’s punishing behavior when I was six, Today, I could finally understand why my dad said those words to me, and Now I am finally content that after my childhood trauma, I am still alive; I should be grateful for that. Basically, the result is some awareness and partially accepting the situation, but that’s it. People usually leave therapy sessions and coaching programs with many tools for digging in but not so many tools for building something new. I am not saying that exploring what is inside is harmful. In fact, it is the first step in understanding your life and why it is the way it is. But if you do not strategically use your inner knowledge and if you keep going within more and more, you might end up experiencing similar problems all your life. That is why you might learn how to meditate deeply and beautifully, but you might still have constant fights with your spouse.

Cultivating Awareness by Looking at Repeating Patterns in Your Life

Through my personal development journey, I have met with people who were coming across different sorts of problems in their lives. These problems were classified as follows:

relational

social

professional

financial

physical

self-related

As they were overcoming these problems, it was almost impossible for them to move beyond solutions to goals and dream realizations.

Whenever it was possible, with my students from my personal-development seminars, we looked at their desires in life and their personal visions or dreams. They fell under some common categories:

Finding a mate and having a happy relationship thereafter

Having a happy family

Having a good relationship with one’s parents

Being financially abundant

Being a successful person (no matter what the criteria for being successful)

Being promoted

Changing jobs and finding one’s dream job

Having desirable living conditions

Being physically healthy

Being socially popular

Being competent and skilled 

Of course, there were subcategories under these main ones, but these were mainly desired and usually not mutually exclusive.

However, it was impossible to fulfill those desires, as they were mostly in the needs level, meaning that the person longed for these results but didn’t carry out the necessary awareness work so solve their problems. Because they did not know or did not have the tools to do that work, they were stuck with the repeated patterns outlined above. In the short run, they were having constant complaints about them; in the long run, being without tools led them to having a depressive perspective toward life in general.

As an example, let’s say a woman has a relationship problem with her husband. The root of the problem might be in her usual presence in the relationship—not recognizing her self-value (regardless of who her husband is). However, since she does not realize the real cause of the problem, she might come for help with complaints such as He doesn’t listen to me, He doesn’t care about me, He and I have non-stop quarrels… Now, to go beyond this problem and be able to dream about a harmonious relationship (not necessarily with the current mate), this woman needs to be brave enough to answer the following questions:

Who does she think she is; what kind of a person does she think she is?

Is she living as who she thinks she is?

Is her problem coming completely from outside or herself? What is her opinion about it?

Did she ever ask one or more of her close friends how she presents herself in a relationship? How does the other feel, and is she aware of this?

Is her desire for a harmonious relationship a desperate need or a pure life-sharing goal? In other words, does she think she can live without that harmonious relationship? Does she also think a harmonious relationship is the only way toward her personal happiness?

I am not asking questions about her past or future. Rather, I am asking questions about her present evaluations of herself. The data that are to be gathered are required in the here and now, although we might use some past data to fill in some blanks. Of course, our questions for our friend are not limited to the above list. More and more questions are necessary, and I will give those examples later the book.

In general, whatever complaints you have and whatever you need to know about yourself, you need to know your problem. It might be the case that you may not find any evidence of a problem in your life and everything might seem to be okay, except your discomfort from time to time. Take a look at the following:

Look for any signs of a physical problem (any kind of physical discomfort, including panic attacks, and any kind of psychosomatic complaints—this one is the easiest to detect).

Look at your relationships, not the quantity but rather the quality of them. Do you feel hurt, less valued, loved/not loved/too much loved, dependent, inexpressive, or stuck in a certain way of presenting yourself?

Look at your daily mood. Is it changeable, very flat, or not durable?

Look at your feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. What kind of feelings do you experience during the day? Sadness, guilt, anger, joy, frustration, or fear? What kinds of thoughts do you experience daily? Recurrent unwanted thoughts, negative attributions, anxiety-provoking thoughts, or too much thinking? What are your behaviors toward yourself and others? Behaving positive, behaving selfish, behaving altruistic, showing love and affection, hurting yourself physically and/or others, or showing verbal aggression?

Examine your life quality. What are your living and working conditions? Do you have enough space at home and work? Do you have what you need to go to places; to eat good food; and have materials to work efficiently, socialize, and take a vacation? Do you have time to do what you want (in the case that you know what it is)? Do you have time for your family, your close ones or are you getting many complaints from them regarding how little they see you and/or feel you?

If you find any evidence, this is the place to start.

A problem is a block in the road of life creation. It must be removed, healed, or left behind before moving on.

It Takes Time to Create the Reality You Want

Usually, it is a serious concern when there is a reality you want to create, but you feel it might take longer than you imagine. Everyone has a different style of coming to awareness, as not everyone fully lives who they are. Most of the time, we are choosing to react not to create. If you look at the letters in R-E-A-C-T, you can see that the common letters can be rearranged—and an E added—to form C-R-E-A-T-E. Two Es might remind us to take care of our emotions, as they are the critical signals that warn us against living a life we do not want. If we feel less joyful than usual, sad, or angry, it is a clear sign that there is something wrong in the life that we are living, in the relationship we are having, or in a job that we are working.

For those who are on a spiritual path, it is a common practice to meditate and silence their minds. This way, it is possible to be peaceful and start having positive emotions. But did the problem go away? Did we look at what it is that we are shutting up in our minds? Does the content have any significance so far as solving it? Why is it the