Before the Vows Breaks: Tales of Triumph

By Denise Smith and Dortha Hise

Before the Vows Break: Tales of Triumph is a tell-tale book written by 14 God-fearing wives sharing their testimony of the growing pains, trials and tribulations they faced with their spouse. Under normal circumstances their situations could have destroyed their marriages; however, they decided to try varying approaches to reaching reso

• Language: English
• Publisher: Wives Who War
• Release date: Oct 2, 2018
• ISBN: 9780692199299

Denise Smith

Denise “Terri” Smith resides in Michigan with husband Minister Bernard. Married for 25 years, have grown Children’s and grandchildren. Denise ministers at women conferences, women jail and the juvenile home along with her husband. An active missionary at church with an outreach ministry which is called ATOR ministries for women.

Book preview

img1.jpg

DENISE M. SMITH AND DORTHA L. HISE

BEFORE THE VOWS BREAK

Copyright © 2018 Denise M. Smith and Dortha L. Hise

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, taping, or by any information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher, except in the case of reprints in the context of reviews, quotes, or references.

Dedication

img2.jpg

For wives and wives-to-be.

For the wives who have come before us and those who are yet to be.

For those who have gone through the fire, those who are in it, and those who may be preparing to be.

For the grace and mercy of God - we are all grateful for His forgiveness and strength in each of our marriages.

Through the pages of this book, you’ll read about hope, blended families, addiction/substance abuse, communication, surrender, infidelity, sickness, finances, generational curses/strongholds, spiritual warfare and miracles.

Here’s to the wives everywhere who are warring for their marriages - before their vows break.

Table of Contents

Introduction

THE VOWS BENT, BUT THEY DID NOT BREAK!

Reina Jackson

IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH

Denese Dillihant

THE 180

Shundell Langford

DIVORCE IS NOT THE ANSWER TO ADDICTION

Karen L. Fortson

PATIENCE, PRAYER AND WORK

Monique Bell

FOREVER, FOR ALWAYS, NO MATTER WHAT

Veleta Whitfield

COMMUNICATING WITHOUT A VOICE

Dortha L. Hise

IT'S A STORM BUT STILL A COVENANT

Imani Glover

BROKEN, NOT DESTROYED

Darlene Pitts

GOING BACK HOME ON THE ROAD TO RESTORATION

Valerie Thompson

LOVE THROUGH PAIN

Leonna McFallin

THROUGH HIS LOVE WE ARE MADE PERFECT

Precediha Cervantes-Dangerfield

THE WAR BETWEEN TWO WORLDS

Dawn Blair

FROM PHYSICAL TO SPIRITUAL – HOW THE WAR WAS WON

Denise Smith

Resources: Books

References: Scriptures

Sources

About the Authors

Introduction

img2.jpg

So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.

Genesis 2:21-23 NIV

Marriage is honorable in the eyesight of God, and it is a sacred promise made unto God.

The vows you said on that amazing day were not just mere words, they were words in which you vowed to keep before family, friends, and God.

I,                 , take you,                  , for my lawful husband/ wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part.

Those vows are important because God was there as a witness when you made them. God made marriage and because He made it, He’s concerned about how we handle it. So, guard your marriage. Speak well of it. Speak well of your husband. Speak life not death. You have the POWER to do so. Life and death is in the power of the tongue, so use it for positivity not negativity.

Before the Vow Breaks is a book for wives and wives-to-be. For those who have gone through the fire, those who are in it, and those who may be getting ready to enter it. The testimonies shared are testimonies of victory, triumph, strength and overcoming.

The testimonies you hold in your hands and are about to experience are based on real-life situations from women of God who have endured the fire within their marriages. Although at times they experienced extreme heat from the flames of the physical fights, alcohol and drug addictions, infidelity, financial woes, sickness and so many other combustible things, they didn’t allow the fury of the fire to overtake them. They did a Stop, Drop and Roll. They stopped their physical fighting. They dropped on their knees, and rolled (cast) all of their cares onto God.

It’s their tale of survival and how they did it.

We humbly come before you with a prayer that the truths within this book will serve as a source of strength and encouragement to you as you walk through the fire(s) within your marriage.

Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints."(Ephesians 6:10-18)

God Speed,

Wives Who War

THE VOWS BENT, BUT THEY DID NOT BREAK!

Reina Jackson

img2.jpg

The morning after I asked my husband to leave our home, I called my mom and told her everything. The moment I started spilling my heart to her was the moment that I knew I was ready to let my vows break because where I’m from, you don’t tell your mom everything unless you are truly done with the relationship. The following day, my broken heart led me to the courthouse. But in the span of three days, I was forced to return three times. Each time I went to the courthouse, something occurred which prevented me from completing the transaction. Either the line was too long, or I was too short on time and unable to wait, or I received incorrect counsel. And each time I went, I felt an uneasiness in my spirit and I knew that God was not releasing me to proceed with divorce.

I was eight months pregnant, my husband was no longer living in our home, and I was thousands of miles away from my family and friends. I had never felt so alone, and more of a failure, than I did at that courthouse. In my heart, I didn’t want my marriage of eight months to be over. It was obvious that I was still very much in love with my husband and committed to my marriage, as I wore my wedding rings to the courthouse each time I went. But I was a hurt woman; I felt unloved. I felt rejected. I demanded vengeance and my pride said it was time to break my vows. After leaving the courthouse on that third day, I made several phone calls before locating a process server who agreed to meet with me in a local shopping center that same afternoon to have my husband served immediately. I didn’t want him to come to my home to discuss the matter in front of my children. I wasn’t ready to make them aware that divorce was imminent.

I got to the parking lot of the shopping center before he did, and I comforted myself with the shock I knew my husband would feel when the process server showed up to serve him. I fantasized about it! I hoped he felt a modicum of the embarrassment that I felt. I hoped he would get the sensation of being stabbed in the heart like I felt. I hoped that he would feel the same dread of being alone, losing his family, and having to figure out how to start all over—the feelings that had held me captive for the past few weeks. Secretly, I feared that he wouldn’t care, and that he would be happy that he was getting his freedom back. I was the one who would have to struggle while he got to start his life fresh. All these thoughts were racing through my head once the process server arrived and I was eager to pay him the money, give him the papers, and be free of these crazy thoughts and this marriage that was holding me hostage.

The process server was a nice man. In fact and in retrospect, he was an angel sent from God. He took one look at my papers and said, I could take your money and serve him. However, these papers aren’t finalized. So if you serve him these papers, the court won’t even accept it. I was shocked and disappointed that I wasn’t going to get my revenge that day. I’m an educated woman; I hold a bachelor’s degree and I have decades of life and work experience in navigating my way through a courthouse and legal system. How could I have gone to that courthouse three times, and still managed to get the wrong paperwork? The process server then called his wife, who was an attorney, and she walked me through the steps I would need to take to obtain the correct divorce paperwork. I told him that I would return to the courthouse the following day and be in contact with him. But as I drove away, I finally, for the first time, allowed myself to listen to that still, small voice of my Father and He said, I blocked your divorce because your marriage will live.

The events that occurred in that parking lot were a culmination of eight months of a power struggle due to my inability to submit. He wanted to lead, and I thought submission was a bad word. I was reluctant to give up control and submit to his headship because I knew that my way was the best way. Furthermore, I refused to change my last name to his which was a major slap in his face and insult to his position as husband and leader of our home. Additionally, my husband was trying to assert his leadership in the family to my three sons who, while happy to finally have a father figure in their lives, were unwilling to give up the freedom they had as the quasimen of the house. Often, I sided with my children over my husband, which further deepened the divide in our marriage and caused additional issues to appear. We were trying to blend our lives, blend our family, adjust to our new lives in a foreign state, and we were failing miserably.

We struggled to communicate in our marriage. Actually, I struggled to communicate. He spoke, and I either refused to hear him or belittled his feelings and suggestions. There were many things that my husband asked me to change, but my pride wouldn’t allow me to even consider his requests. Eventually, he stopped asking me to do the things that made him happy. My pride prevented me from admitting to the times that he broke my heart and hurt my feelings; instead, I lashed out in anger when on the inside, I was full of hurt, rejection, and the fear that my marriage would fail and I would lose the best man I had ever had. I spoke mean and hateful words to my husband. I even left holes in the walls of our brand new home as I lashed out in anger in a bid to prove that I was the head of the household. I was a total bully. Even the night before he was scheduled to have surgery to remove cancer from his body, I acted like a lunatic to the point that he actually had his cousin take him to and bring him home from his surgery. It’s crazy to admit this, however, I expected all these things—the name-calling, the fits of rage, the silent treatment—to bring my husband closer to me and force him to see my pain. Instead, it did just the opposite and drove him further away from me.

I was eight months pregnant, and the life I had dreamed of having with my husband was quickly